“Look, the only one to blame here is Caleb. You didn’t know”—Emily pointed at Jared— “anything for sure. And you”—she turned to Amanda– “were misled. He pretended to be a Christian and a good person, but he was the one who assaulted you. It was his choice, and he is the only one responsible for it.”
“She’s right,” Sandra said. “You can’t control the actions of others, but you can choose how to react to them. If you disappear inside yourself, Caleb wins, and I know you are stronger than that.”
“You’d better come home with us,” JD said finally. “It sounds like we have a lot we need to talk about.”
Chapter 16
The sun filtering in the windows woke Amanda. Blinking, she covered her eyes and turned her head. The sun was brighter than it should be. The colors weren’t right either, and the bed was too soft. Where was she? Pushing herself up, she glanced around the room, taking in the soft rose walls and the landscape pictures. Emily was sleeping across the room on a pull-out couch. Reality crashed back in on Amanda, and she fell back down. She was home, back in Mesquite, with a giant secret she was keeping from her parents.
Sighing, Amanda pushed back the covers and plodded out of the bed. Being careful to close the door quietly, she shuffled down the hall and into the kitchen. Callie sat at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee and an open Bible in front of her.
“Good morning, Amanda,” she said, looking up as Amanda entered.
“Morning.” There was more tumbling around in her head, but she was unsure of what else to say.
“There’s coffee in the pot,” Callie pointed and then returned her eyes to the page.
Amanda grabbed a mug off the bar and filled it with the steaming black liquid. After adding some creamer, she returned to the table. Cupping her hands around the mug, she let the warmth flood her body.
“Do you think I should tell my folks?” The question tumbled out of Amanda’s mouth before she could stop it. She glanced at Callie through lowered lids.
Callie met her gaze and took a deep breath. “I think they deserve to know. I think they could help you and not hiding it might help you heal.”
Amanda’s eyes dropped to the murky liquid. The white lines of the creamer swirled back and forth. “Do you think they’ll hate me for being so stupid?”
Callie’s hand touched her arm. “They could never hate you, Amanda. You made a mistake in judgment that’s all. They won’t be mad at you because what happened was not your fault.”
“Do you think you could go with me? When I tell them, I mean?”
“Of course, I’d be happy to.”
JD entered then, and after pouring his own cup of coffee, sat down at the table, and the conversation moved in a different direction. Jared came in shortly after that. He smiled hesitantly at Amanda as he sat across the table.
Amanda looked away, unsure of how she felt about him. The part of her that had liked him initially wanted to reach out and grab his hands, but the hurt part of her was still stinging over his knowledge and not telling her. He could have spared her the pain of the attack if he had just been honest with her.
The anger boiled up and her jaw clenched. How could she even consider dating a man who didn’t care about her enough to warn her? But then the rational side of her mind spoke up. Would she have even listened to him? Her hands shook around the mug as the emotions battled in her head.
Emily entered the room as everyone else finished breakfast.
“Sorry I’m so late,” she said sitting at the table. “I never sleep in like this.”
“Then you must have needed it,” Callie said. “Help yourself to whatever you find. JD is with Hope, but holler at him if you need anything. I’m going to take Amanda to her parent’s house, but we’ll be back soon.”
“Thanks.” Emily flashed Amanda an encouraging smile before she turned to the cupboards in search of a mug.
“You ready?” Callie asked.
“Not really,” Amanda said with a sigh, “but we might as well get it over with.”
Callie wrapped an arm about her shoulders and led the way out the car. Amanda sank down in the passenger seat, trying to make herself as small as possible. She would rather be going to the dentist than to her parent’s house to tell them this.
Throughout the short drive, she tried to plan what she would say, but when her parent’s single level rambler came into view, she still had nothing concrete.
“Just tell them the truth,” Callie said as she parked the car. It was as if she knew what was on Amanda’s mind.
Amanda nodded and opened the passenger door. The invisible weight still sat snugly on her shoulders as she trudged up to the front door, but having Callie by her side gave her a small dose of courage.
The front door swung open, and her mother’s face appeared. “Amanda?” she asked in surprise. “Is everything alright?”
“Not really, Mom. Is Dad home?”
With concern etched on her face, she stepped back and opened the door. “He’s in his office. Shall we talk in there?”
Amanda nodded, trying to bite back the tears that were threatening to overflow already. How would she make it through her story this way?
Her father looked up from his large oak desk when they entered. In a matter of seconds, his face went from surprised to excited to concerned.
“Sit,” her mother said, pointing to one of the chairs. “Tell us what’s going on.”
Amanda sat in the grey office chair and stared down at her lap for a moment, trying to gather her courage. Callie and her parents remained quiet, waiting for her to begin. With a deep breath and a faltering voice, Amanda began at the beginning.
“I’m so sorry,” she said as she ended the story, “and I’ll understand if you hate me.”
“Hate you?” her father asked. “Why would we hate you?”
“Because I lost my way. I ignored the signs that he maybe wasn’t a Christian.” Amanda wiped her wet cheek with the back of her hand.
“Amanda Lynne Adams, you were a victim. This was not your fault; do you hear me?” Her mother stood and wrapped an arm around her. “Did he...” She covered her mouth, seemingly unable to say the words.
“No, mom, I got lucky. Jared and Emily saved me before he could.”
“Praise God for them.” A sob escaped her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she said sniffling, “this just isn’t what I wanted your college experience to be like.”
“We should all pray for God’s grace in giving you amazing friends, for healing, and for this young man,” her father said.
“And for the other victims,” Amanda added softly.
“There are more?”
“At least one, Jordan, she came up to me a few days ago, but she wasn’t so lucky. She’s pregnant.”
Her mother and father shared a silent stare. “We will have to find a way to help them too.”
Callie had been silent throughout the discussion, but she spoke up after Amanda’s father ended his prayer. “Please come back with us and meet Emily and Jared. They drove Amanda here, and they really are both amazing.”
Amanda’s parents agreed, grabbing their keys to follow in their own car.
"You’ll all be back for Thanksgiving, right?” Callie asked as she hugged Amanda goodbye the next day. After attending church with Callie, JD, and Amanda’s family, the trio was ready to head home and back to college life.
The three shared a look and nodded. Amanda couldn’t imagine any place she’d rather be for Thanksgiving. Jared shook JD’s hand, and Emily hugged Callie and little Hope before climbing in the car.
Jared took Amanda’s bag, and she smiled at him before opening the back door. Though she was still sorting through her feelings with him, she was trying not to jump to any rash decisions. Their conversation on the porch last night was still fresh in her mind.
After dinner, Amanda pulled Jared outside. Anger still swirled in her stomach, but the knowledge of all he had done battled it, and she owed him at least an expl
anation for her earlier behavior. Amanda motioned to the porch swing, and they sat in silence for a minute as she gathered her thoughts.
“I wanted to tell you that I liked you the first time I met you too. I had already met Caleb by then, but there was something about you that I was drawn to. It must have been your genuine love of God. I wanted to tell you”—she looked down at her hands— “so many times, but I’d never really dated. I didn’t know if seeing two men would be right. I didn’t know how I felt about Caleb, and then I got blinded.”
His voice was soft as he spoke, like a comfortable blanket. “It’s not important now. We both have regrets, but they don’t have to keep us from enjoying the future.”
“About that. I’m still processing, and I’m not sure how I feel about you not sharing your concerns with me.” Amanda bit the inside of her lip. “I’m going to work on forgiving you and myself, but I might need some space while I work through all of this.”
He nodded, and though she could tell the words hurt him, he didn’t respond in anger. “I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he said.
The image faded, and Amanda climbed in the jeep, buckling her seat belt. As the metal clicked, her phone rang. The number was not familiar, and a small thread of fear snaked down her throat, but she punched the button to answer the call anyway.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is Amanda Adams there?”
The voice was deep and unfamiliar. “This is Amanda.”
“Amanda, this is Captain Griffith. I’m working your assault case. I wanted to let you know that we haven’t found Caleb, but we did pick up Trevor, and we found a book.”
“A book?” Amanda asked, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. What did a book have to do with her case?
“Yes, a large black book filled with names. Did you know anything about this?”
“No, I’m sorry. Is... is my name in it?” She didn’t know why, but the thought of her name being written down like it was all planned out filled her with fear. Had Caleb sought her out for a reason then?
“No, but the last entry was the end of last year.”
Relief flooded Amanda’s veins, but only momentarily. If the last entry had been last year that meant... she didn’t want to, but she had to know. “Was there a Jordan?”
“There was,” he paused, “how did you know that.”
A vice squeezed on Amanda’s heart. “I met her. She was assaulted by Trevor at the end of last year. I think you may have a list of assaulted women.”
There was an intake of breath and then the pause on the other end stretched on. The man let out a low whistle. “I hope you’re wrong. There are a lot of names here, but I fear you might be right.”
“Are you going to contact them all?”
“We’re going to try.” His voice came out in a sigh, and Amanda didn’t envy his position.
“Let me know if I can help in any way.”
As she ended the call, a feeling of dread mixed with relief crept in. How many times had they gotten away with this? How many women were now out there and hurting?
Emily and Jared were watching Amanda from the front seat. It was obvious they had been listening and were waiting to hear the rest of the story. “Drive,” she said, “I’ll fill you in.”
Chapter 17
Amanda’s heart raced as she faced the audience that was quickly gathering. A brown podium that held a microphone stood in front of her, and the media was setting up their own cameras and microphones in front of the stage.
After the police had picked up Trevor and the few other boys who had made entries in the book, they had called Amanda, along with all the other women involved. The women had all met at the station. Amanda had been the luckiest. Some had no memory of the night. Some had gotten pregnant like Jordan. A few of those had had babies and put them up for adoption. Many others had had abortions. At the sight of so many haunted faces, Amanda had decided to speak up about the incident, to tell men that what had happened to them was not okay and to tell women that there was help.
“Are you ready?” Captain Griffith asked.
Amanda glanced over at Jared and the rest of her friends from Students for Life, who had come to support her, and took a deep breath before nodding.
“Okay, let’s get started.” He stood next to Amanda at the podium and addressed the crowd. He began by informing the crowd about the incident, then finding the black book and picking up the boys from the fraternity who had been involved. “I’d like to introduce Amanda Adams. She was one of the latest victims, and she wanted to tell her story.” He stepped back, letting her have the mic.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she stepped forward. “Um, hello. This isn’t easy for me to say, but I felt the need to step forward for all the other women I met. I was lucky that my friends”—she smiled at Emily and Jared— “saved me before the worst could happen. I know not all the other women were so lucky, and I wish I could go back in time to save them all. I want to warn other women to follow their gut. I had misgivings about the man who ended up attacking me, but I shrugged them off because I felt like I was finally getting noticed. Your instinct is your best defense, ladies; trust it.
“Also, you should avoid drinking anything if you go to parties. I was drugged by a punch they were serving. The drug compromised my ability to move, but I was awake, watching everything that was happening. To the men watching, this is not okay to do to women. Many of these women conceived children due to their incidents. All of us feel violated. This must stop. Intimacy should never be forced and should certainly not be performed while women can’t fight back. If you have been a victim of an incident like this, I urge you to report it. We must unite and fight back against these attacks and the police need to take them seriously, so we can change the culture surrounding this. Thank you.”
Amanda stepped back as Captain Griffith took over again. He reiterated the police department’s desire to help women and to investigate these cases. Then he took a few questions from the crowd. When it was all over and the bright lights had been turned off, he turned and shook Amanda’s hand.
“That took a lot of guts, and I thank you,” he said, pumping her hand up and down. Captain Griffiths was the quintessential Texas stereotype. He had a deep southern drawl and always seemed to be sporting a cowboy hat on top of his salt and pepper hair. Amanda smiled at him before stepping down and walking over to Emily and Jared.
“You did great,” Jared said and Emily nodded her agreement before reaching in her pocket and pulling out her phone. It must have been on silent as it hadn’t even rung. Her eyebrows knitted together as she read the message and a frown stretched across her mouth.
“What is it?” Amanda asked.
“Nothing,” she said and placed the phone back in her pocket. “I’m going to go... do something.”
As she hurried off, Amanda turned to Jared. “What was that about?”
He shook his head as he watched her hurry away. “I think it’s about her roommate. She filled me in a little on the situation when we were in Mesquite, but I think she could definitely use prayer.”
“Whatever I can do,” Amanda agreed. “You guys have been so great to me.”
“We’re glad we met you,” he said with a small smile, and Amanda knew he mainly meant he was glad to have met her. She knew he still wanted to date her and she was pretty sure she wanted that to, but fear was holding her back.
“Can I walk you home?” he asked, breaking up her internal dialogue. Amanda nodded and fell into step beside him. When they reached the dorm, he bowed and waved a farewell gesture before turning back toward his own dorm. Amanda appreciated the space and she planned to use it to think on the situation and decide what she wanted to do.
“Oh, I’m glad I caught you,” a voice said on her right as Amanda stepped up to the counter to grab her mail. Sarah rose from one of the foyer chairs and walked toward her. “Can we talk for a minute?”
Surprised, Amanda nodded and led her upstairs to
her room. Once inside, Sarah sat on the bed, folding her long legs beneath her.
“You are probably wondering why I’m here,” she said.
“I’m happy to see you, but the thought had crossed my mind,” Amanda smiled. Sarah had been the hardest to get to know of the Students for Life group, so Amanda was very curious as to the reason for the visit.
She took a deep breath and bit her lip. Whatever was on her mind must be important. “It’s about Jared.”
Amanda’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. She had just left Jared. “Jared? What about Jared?”
“I know he told you he knew about Caleb, and I know you’re probably wondering why he didn’t tell you. Well, that was my fault.”
“What do you mean?” Amanda asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Do you remember the first day Caleb came to the office?” Sarah asked. Amanda nodded and she continued, “Well, Jared came to me afterwards. He was shaking, angry, and afraid. I don’t know if he ever told you, but we dated for a time, and while it didn’t work out between us, we remained great friends. Last year, he met this girl Nikki and he really liked her, but one day he saw Caleb and Nikki together. She told him they were just studying, but the next day she broke up with him over a text.”
“That’s awful,” Amanda said, “but Jared already told me this...”
“Just wait,” she interrupted, “Anyway, he never spoke with Nikki again, but a few months later, we heard rumors that she had been attacked at a party. Of course, we also heard rumors that she was pregnant, that she ran away, and that some family member died and that’s why she left. My point is that Jared didn’t know for sure what had happened to Nikki until they found her name in that book.
“He wanted to tell you that day, but I told him not to because we didn’t know for sure. I didn’t know you well enough to know if you would believe him or just think he was trying to break you guys up, so I told him just to be there for you and to pray.” She sucked in her breath and her voice trembled, “So, it’s not Jared’s fault for not telling you; it’s mine.” She covered her face with her hands and her shoulders shook.
When Hearts Collide Page 11
