For a moment, Amanda just watched her, unsure of what to say or do. She and Sarah weren’t close friends, but Amanda liked her. Her counseling instincts kicked in, and she moved to sit beside her. “Sarah, it’s okay. You didn’t know either. How could you? He fooled us all.” As the words left Amanda’s mouth, she finally believed them, and a weight lifted from her shoulders.
“But I’ve ruined it for you and Jared now. He cares for you so much.” Her words came out in a muffled stream amid hitching sobs.
“I don’t hate Jared,” Amanda said. “I was confused about how to feel, and I’ve been working on it, but you just sped up the process. It may still take me a while to recover fully, but I don’t have any reason to be mad at him, or at you,” Amanda added quickly.
“Really?” she asked and lifted her head. Her hawkish nose was wet with tears, and her grey eyes glistened, ready to release another flood.
“Really,” Amanda said. “I was already healing after the press conference today. What you told me clears up my remaining questions.”
“Will you give him a chance?” she asked. The intensity that radiated from her eyes only convinced Amanda more that Jared was one of the good ones.
“I’d be crazy not to.”
Amanda woke, covered in sweat and shaking. Her eyes tore about the room, but she hadn’t woken Jade. She still slumbered in her bed, back to Amanda.
Her heart slowly returned to its normal pace. The nightmare of Caleb’s attack receded from her mind, but that didn’t ease the fear. This was the third nightmare she’d had this week. She needed closure.
Amanda had hoped after the press conference that she would have it, but it hadn’t stopped the nightmares. As if on cue, her phone began to ring. The number was unfamiliar, and she wondered if it was Caleb calling from somewhere. That had become a common fear with every unknown number, but then reality would kick in and she would ask herself why he would do that?
She tapped the button and whispered a soft “hello?” Her surroundings froze as the words from the other end filled her ear, and her knuckles whitened from the grip on the phone. “I understand. Thank you for calling me.”
After ending the call, Amanda stared at the phone for a minute. Should she go? The idea filled her with fear, but the thought of closure held an appeal as well. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and prayed for guidance. Then she tapped out a quick message to Jared. She not only valued his opinion but had other things to discuss with him as well.
Half an hour later, a knock rapped at the door. Amanda opened it and stepped outside as Jade was still sleeping inside. Concern clouded Jared’s green eyes. “Is everything okay?”
She nodded, trying to decide which subject she wanted to broach first. “Let’s go downstairs.”
Amanda led the way to one of the study carrels downstairs and grabbed two chairs. “Sarah came to visit me yesterday.”
He looked up in surprise, but waited for her to continue.
“She told me how you wanted to tell me about Caleb, but she convinced you not to.”
“I know I should have...” he began, but Amanda held up her hand to stop him.
“When you first told me you knew he was dangerous, I couldn’t understand how you wouldn’t have told me your suspicions, but Sarah told me the whole story. I understand why she asked you to wait. It makes sense.”
Amanda’s cheeks heated, and she glanced down at her hands before continuing. “I wish I had met you before I met Caleb, and I think in my heart I knew he wasn’t the one I was supposed to be with, but... anyway, I’m sure I’ll still need some time to heal, but I was wondering if you still were interested in me?” The last part came out as barely more than a whisper, and Amanda forced her eyes to his face.
A small grin played across his lips. “Of course I am,” he said, grabbing her hands. “Watching you be so strong through all of this has just made me realize how much I admire you even more.”
Elation filled Amanda’s heart. “Good, then I need your help.” She filled him on both the nightmare and the phone call.
When she had finished, he leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. “Wow, well I’m glad they caught him. I’m sure that will help with your healing and your nightmares, but seeing him? Do you think it will be a good idea?”
“I have no idea,” Amanda said with a shake of her head, “that’s why I wanted your perspective.”
“Let’s pray about it. God will tell us the right thing to do.”
As he held her hands and began speaking, a feeling of peace and the knowledge of what to do flowed throughout her. When he finished, he squeezed her hands.
“Did that help?”
Amanda nodded; she knew what to do now.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jared asked as they stood outside the jail. From the outside, it looked just like all the other brick buildings in this part of town—brown and nondescript, but he knew inside it would be very different, and he wasn’t sure if Amanda was truly prepared for it.
“I’m not,” she said with a slight chuckle, “but we are here; turning away now makes no sense.” She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, and Jared smiled at her strength.
He opened the door and led the way inside, hoping this would indeed give her the relief she was seeking. The initial room was a small, white area with a few chairs and a manned counter area shielded behind heavy glass.
“Can I help you?” The woman, a hardened tough looking blond with linebacker shoulders asked.
“We’re here to see Caleb West,” Amanda said softly.
“IDs please,” the woman said “and sign here.” She pushed a log book under the glass and waited for their IDS.
As Amanda signed the log book, the woman perused their IDs, looking from them to her computer screen and then back to Amanda and Jared. Her narrowed eyes stared intently as if she were trying to decipher if they were hiding anything. After inputting the information into her system, she pressed a buzzer that opened the door to another room.
Jared’s unease grew as they entered this second room. It was another small colorless room where a male and female guard stood waiting to search visitors. After a quick pat down, they were led into yet another room with several tables.
“You can sit here,” the male guard said, pointing to some tables. “I’ll bring Caleb in.”
“I’ll stand back there,” Jared pointed to the wall, “so you can say whatever you need to.” He wanted to give her enough space to feel comfortable but not so much that she felt he had abandoned her.
Amanda smiled gratefully up at him before sitting down at one of the cold, metal tables. Her hands splayed then folded then splayed again across the top of the table in an obvious nervous gesture.
A few minutes later, Caleb appeared, clad in an orange jumpsuit. A sneer graced his face as he sat down across from her. “Did you finally decide you wanted it?” Jared bit his tongue and his desire to close the gap between them and strangle the man himself.
Amanda shook her head, and though she might have been scared, her gaze remained fixed on his face. “No, I wanted to ask you why. Why did you attack me? I was falling for you. I thought you were a good man.”
“But you weren’t giving me what I wanted,” he said with a sneer and a shrug. “Besides, it’s all about the conquest for me. I chose you because you were so innocent. I like them innocent; it’s more satisfying when you get what they refuse to give you.” His cold eyes gleamed with malice, and Jared saw Amanda’s body tense. Even Jared hadn’t known how awful Caleb really was. How had he hidden this evil running rampant through him now?
“But you could probably have any girl you wanted, why do you feel the need to take it?”
“Because I can. It’s about power. I had it, and you didn’t.”
At his words, a smile broke out on Amanda’s face. For a moment she said nothing, and Jared watched Caleb shift in his seat. “Well, now I have it and you don’t. I feel sorry for you Caleb, but I’m not
going to let you destroy my life. I’m going to pray for you and hope that one day you see how wrong you have been.”
Caleb’s mouth dropped open, but Amanda didn’t give him the chance to say anymore. She stood, motioned for Jared to follow, and walked out of the room, never looking back.
“Do you feel better?” Jared asked as they left the jail. He knew the fresh air definitely felt better on his skin.
“I do,” Amanda smiled up at him. “I was afraid it would bring back the fear, but I just felt sorry for him. He’s obviously troubled. I am glad that he’s going to go away for a while, but I’m not looking forward to the trial.” She shuddered. “I know it’s necessary, but I just want to be done with it, you know?”
Jared squeezed her hand in agreement. “How about some lunch to take your mind off it?”
“Sounds wonderful.” Amanda flashed a smile and reached for his hand.
Chapter 18
By the time Thanksgiving break arrived, Amanda and Jared were officially a couple. As Jared’s family lived much further away, he decided to go with Amanda to Mesquite for the break.
Amanda’s family had agreed to host Thanksgiving at their house as they had more room and a larger family to move. Jared and Amanda arrived just an hour before lunch was to be served. Amanda made a beeline for the kitchen, offering to help, but her mother, claiming she had it all under control, ushered her to the living room.
Amanda sat on the couch next to Callie, who reached out and squeezed her arm while offering a smile. Returning it, Amanda glanced over at Jared who was conversing with JD. She still fervently wished that she had chosen Jared first, but God was healing her wounds and deepening their relationship. A part of her wondered if they would be as close if she hadn’t gone through the harrowing experience.
An hour later, everyone gathered around the large wooden table. The table was fuller this year than it had been in previous years, and the faces surrounding it, though not all blood relation, were now all a part of Amanda’s family. “I know there are more of us this year and it might take more time, but can we share what we are thankful for?” she asked, referring to a family tradition they had practiced for years.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” her mother agreed. She looked at her husband before saying, “I’m thankful that we’ve all met such wonderful friends.”
“Agreed,” he said. “I’m thankful that my family can all be here together.” He turned to JD, who spoke next, followed by Callie, and then Amanda’s brother and sister. Sandra’s eyes misted as she declared her thankfulness for God’s blessings.
Jared smiled at Amanda when his turn came up. “I’m thankful for meeting Amanda and for having a place to go this Thanksgiving.”
“I’m thankful that God is allowing me to heal,” Amanda said finishing the circle.
The silence hung suspended in the air for a moment as the words lingered on everyone’s hearts. Then Hope banged her plate and shouted “eat.” Smiles and laughter issued forth and the food began its rotation around the table.
After dinner, Jared pulled Amanda aside. “Would you like to go for a walk?”
“I’d love that,” Amanda said. She was still full from the turkey and hoped it would relieve the pressure against her jeans. They threw on coats and headed out into the chilly air.
The sun was just setting, sending out rays of brilliant oranges, reds, and pinks as they walked. Jared grasped her hand, lacing his fingers in hers, and Amanda’s lips pulled into a warm smile.
A little park sat a block away, and Amanda led them in that direction. No one was there when they arrived. The swings swayed slightly in the wind, but otherwise the park was still.
They stopped by a green park bench, but before sitting, Jared took her hands, staring into Amanda’s eyes. “I’m so glad that you gave me a chance,” he said.
“I’m so glad you have been so amazing through all of this.”
Jared brushed a chunk of hair back from her face and cupped her chin in his hands. The electricity crackled between their eyes. Amanda’s breath caught in her throat as she realized he was about to kiss her for the first time.
She closed her eyes, wanting to savor the feeling of his lips as they touched hers. A spark ignited from the very first touch, ricocheting down her body. Though she had felt passion with Caleb, it couldn’t match this feeling with Jared. This was passion combined with love and a feeling of safety.
After Thanksgiving, Amanda and Jared fell back into the routine of college until just before winter break. Caleb’s trial was planned for the week after finals, and as it neared, Amanda grew more nervous.
Though she felt she was healing well, and the flashbacks had lessened to occasional night stirrings, she knew she wasn’t completely healed. There were still times when she shied away from Jared’s touch even though she knew he would never hurt her as Caleb had. Testifying at the trial was the right move, but Amanda wondered if reliving the moment would set her healing back.
“Are you ready?” Jade asked from across the room.
Amanda flashed a small smile as she smoothed her skirt. She and Jade had gotten closer after the attack, and Jade had even gone to church a few times.
“I think so,” Amanda said with a smile.
Jared and Emily were waiting downstairs, dressed in their Sunday best as well. Though Amanda was the only one testifying today, the group wanted to put on a unified front. Jared stood as Amanda approached and without a word, he squeezed her hand, sending a shock wave of security down her arm.
Amanda used the quiet drive to the courthouse to collect her thoughts, going over the statement again and again in her head. Each time she repeated it, her heart pounded a little faster in her chest. When it got so bad, she thought her heart was going to bust out of her body, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down.
The courthouse appeared—a large two-story building that stood out with its alabaster color in comparison to the surrounding brown. The vice grip Amanda had just managed to loosen re-tightened on her heart. Jared touched her arm and shot a comforting glance.
When the car parked, Amanda opened the door and stood, but had trouble making her feet move. They felt like they were made of lead and too heavy to lift. Emily, sensing trouble, came to one side and Jared to the other. Together they helped Amanda stumble in the direction of the front door.
Once inside, the group had to stand in line to pass through a metal detector before they could traverse to the correct courtroom. With each echoing step down the marble-floored hallway, Amanda’s nerves wound tighter and tighter, coiling like a tight spring ready to burst.
The attorney, Paul Brooks, met them outside the room. His dark hair was perfectly combed, and he had trimmed his beard. His black suit coat and blue tie matched Amanda’s dress. With a wave of his hand, he sent Jared, Emily, and Jade in to have a seat while he ran through some final items with Amanda. Although she nodded at all his statements, she barely registered them. When he was finished, he pointed to the bench she would have to wait at until it was time to testify.
Amanda sat down and smiled nervously at the security guard standing nearby. Was he to keep her from running or from talking to someone else? He needn’t have bothered; the only thing she could even think to do right now was to pray.
Dropping her head, she opened her heart and began praying for a sense of peace, for the words to say, for the love of Jesus to be seen. She stayed that way—head bowed, lips moving silently—until a tap on her shoulder broke the connection and grabbed her attention.
“We’re ready for you.”
Amanda nodded, feeling a peaceful presence descend. As she entered the crowded courtroom, she barely noticed the people. Just like at the fair with Jordan, she felt more as if she were watching herself than that she was involved.
At the stand, she raised her right hand, placed her left on the Bible and solemnly swore to tell only the truth. The jury sat to her left, a mixture of old and young, men and women
, professional and blue collar workers. The thirteen faces staring back at her stirred no fear, however.
Caleb sat to her right. Though physically still handsome, now that she knew his heart, she wondered how she had ever been attracted to him. He looked the part of the typical boy next door today in a nice pair of dress slacks and a blue button down shirt that brought out his eyes. No sense of remorse showed on his face. A female attorney with flowing blond hair in a smart black suit sat next to him. The irony of the choice of a female attorney was not lost on Amanda.
Paul began asking questions, setting up the night in question and walking Amanda through the attack. She answered each one calmly though her heart was pounding a double rhythm in her chest.
When he finished, the female attorney stepped up.
“Hello, Ms. Adams, how are you today?”
“I’m doing alright, thank you,” Amanda replied, but her hands began to twist in her lap.
She also began firing off questions about Amanda’s relationship with Caleb. At first, they were innocuous, about where they met, etc., but then she began asking very personal questions. Paul had warned Amanda this would happen, but the subject matter still colored a blush across her cheeks.
“If you didn’t want to have sex with him, why did you go with him into a bedroom?”
“He drugged me,” Amanda responded, struggling to keep her voice calm. “There was ketamine in my blood.”
“I see,” the attorney said, pursing her lips and walking from the stand to the juror box. “And how did he drug you?”
“He put something in my drink,” Amanda responded.
The woman stopped her pacing and looked up at Amanda. “Did you see him put anything in your drink?”
“No,” Amanda said, “but I turned my back when he was filling my drink, so he must have done it then.”
When Hearts Collide Page 12
