#GoodGirlBadBoy

by Yesenia Vargas

  “I don’t need any more time to think about it, Harper. I just—” His voice cracked, and pain flashed across his face. His hands came up to his temples and his legs to his chest.

  I scooted closer. Holding my breath, I slowly put my hand on his shoulder. He felt tense under my touch, but after a second, he relaxed. “It’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s okay to feel like this.”

  Only the sound of our breathing reached my ears for the next several seconds. That and the sound of traffic and honking in the distance.

  Maybe he was letting me back in.

  Please, just let me back in, I wanted to say.

  Emerson looked up slowly, letting his hands go to his lap. He turned to me and met my gaze, all the pain still there. He reached his hand over and caressed my cheek, his eyes going to my mouth.

  For the first time in what seemed like forever, we were close again, and it felt like coming home.

  He got even closer, his face right in front of mine and his hand still on my cheek.

  “Harper,” he said, his voice low.

  Then his lips pressed against mine, moved against mine.

  My whole body relaxed, and I held on to him, terrified of stumbling again.

  I didn’t know long we kissed like that, but it ended way too soon.

  Emerson pulled back, both of us breathless.

  The sun was no longer visible in the summer sky, and in the back of my mind, there was this tiny unimportant worry of letting my mom know where I was.

  I tried to read Emerson, but he pulled all the way back, his hands on his knees again.

  Opening my mouth to ask him if he was okay, I stopped when he spoke first.

  “I can’t do this, Harper,” he said.

  “What do you mean?” I croaked.

  He glanced at me before looking down again. “I’m sorry if I’ve led you on. That’s my fault, and I take full responsibility for it. But I told you. I can’t do this.”

  My mouth fell, and my heart felt like it’d just been run over by an eighteen-wheeler. “What?” I asked.

  “I don’t do relationships,” he said, his voice hard now.

  “But—” I started.

  “But I can’t,” he finished for me. “I’m better off alone, and…” His voice died away.

  “And what?” I said, fighting the lump in my throat. “And not taking the risk of falling in love?”

  His lips pressed into a thin line. “I’m just not interested in doing this.”

  He stood up, and I did the same.

  “Don’t do this,” I said, tears cascading down my cheeks.

  He shrugged. “It’s done.”

  “Let’s just talk about this,” I said, closing my eyes and trying to understand how this was even happening.

  He turned to me. “There’s nothing to talk about. This is done. It’s over—”

  “You can’t tell me all of this has meant nothing to you, Emerson,” I cried.

  He looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  I wiped away the tears and tried to calm down. “You can’t do this. You can’t just cut everyone off because you can’t deal with what happened.”

  He stared at me, anger clear on his face.

  “What happened with Mr. Roberts is so sad, Emerson. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you, especially after losing your own grandparents.”

  His chest rose up and down, his gaze on me.

  “But Mr. Roberts—and your grandparents—surely they wouldn’t want you to be like this forever. They would want you to move on and be happy and live your life to your fullest potential. Not close yourself off. That’s not what life is about.”

  He didn’t say anything, just stared at the ground.

  “You have to give life and love a chance, no matter what the risk,” I said. “Give us a chance. Please.”

  “I can’t,” he uttered. “It’s not worth it.”

  He kicked at the ground, not saying anything else.

  Meanwhile, my world shattered all around me.

  I tried to step closer to him, but he moved back.

  “Emerson,” I said. The tears were back.

  He looked at me, his eyes sad but determined. “You deserve better than me.”

  I shook my head, but he was relentless.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  Then he walked around me, picked up his skateboard, and disappeared into the night, taking my heart with him.

  Twenty-Three

  I was thankful for the dark empty house that night when I finally got home.

  Somehow, I caught the bus home, the last route of the night, trudged up the stairs, and ended up in my bed, under the covers.

  After a while, my pillow soaked with tears, I realized I still had my shoes on.

  I pulled the sheets tight around me, holding on to whatever I had left.

  At some point, I must have fallen asleep, because the rain pattering on my window woke me up the next morning.

  I grabbed my phone from my nightstand—dead—and plugged it in. Still numb inside, I walked into the hall bathroom and found my reflection in the mirror.

  My blonde hair was a mess, part of it pressed down on one side and the rest looking like it’d gotten into a scuffle with a cat or something.

  Plus, I hadn’t bothered to wash my makeup off last night, and now I looked like a raccoon in mourning.

  Climbing into the shower, I let the warm water attempt to wash away everything that had happened last night.

  Emerson’s last words to me rang in my head over and over again, and I shut my eyes, the tears re-surfacing. It’s not worth it.

  I made it back to bed, pajamas on, and grabbed my phone.

  There were several messages from my friends, from last night and this morning.

  Rey: We haven’t heard from you in a while, Harp. Everything okay?

  That was the last message from my friends.

  I sighed, not even knowing where to start.

  Harper: Emerson broke up with me…

  Right away, little text bubbles showed up on my screen.

  Ella: I AM SO SORRY.

  Tori: What happened? :( So sorry.

  Rey: :((( sorry, friend

  Lena: UGHHH. Not cool.

  I told them everything, but really, I just wished they were home with me so I wouldn’t be alone.

  Harper: Tell me you guys are almost home…

  Tori: Definitely. Cheer camp ends tomorrow.

  Rey: Girls night as soon as we’re home! If we can ever finish driving through Texas, then I’ll be back before you know it!

  Lena: What she said ^ I should be home soon too.

  Ella: Count on it. Wish we were there now. My flight leaves tonight. I’ll be there before you know it.

  Tori: Hang in there, Harp. <3

  Harper: Guys, my heart is completely broken :( I guess that’s what happens when you fall for the bad boy.

  Ella: :( maybe he’ll come around.

  Lena: He better… I still don’t get it.

  Tori: Yeah, maybe give it some time. But even if it doesn’t work out, everything will be okay <3

  Rey: <3 <3 <3

  Rey: I think that if it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out. And if it’s not to meant to be, then there’s someone else out there for you, girl.

  Harper: I miss you guys <3 :(

  They got back to what they were doing, and I went back to moping in bed. But it wasn’t long before my mom knocked at my bedroom door.

  “Yeah?” I called.

  She popped her head in. “Can I come in?”

  I nodded, hugging my pillow.

  She sat down beside me. “I was wondering why you hadn’t come down for breakfast yet. You’re usually an early riser no matter how late you go to bed.”

  I bit my lip, tears welling in my eyes just from her hand on my hair.

  “Is this about Emerson?” she asked quietly. “Did you finally get to talk to him?”

  All I could do was nod, and
then the tears started up again. Sobs wracked my chest, and I buried my head into my pillow.

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry,” she said, hugging me as best she could. She sighed. “Your very first heartbreak is the worst. I remember mine well.”

  That only made me think of Dad and Mom around my age. Dad breaking her heart for the first time and again and again over the years until she finally walked away, but not before she was pregnant with me.

  It almost felt like the past had repeated itself, and then I cried because I should have known better. Should have learned from what my mom and I had already gone through as a result of a bad boy breaking her heart so many years ago.

  But it wasn’t that easy.

  Did we really have a say in who we fell in love with? Or did it just happen?

  My head hurt trying to make sense of it all.

  I just knew that I should have been angry at Emerson for breaking my heart. But even so, I missed him more than ever.

  Mom consoled me through the next twenty-four hours. After the boyfriends she’d had throughout the years, she was a pro at it.

  There was ice cream, caramel popcorn, specialty dark chocolate, iced coffee, and all the Netflix we could stand.

  With her around to pull me back up, the pain of losing Emerson was almost bearable.

  At least until she had to go into work the next evening.

  Before she left, she kissed me on the forehead. She wore her favorite purple scrubs with the unicorns on them. They were a hit with the kids she took care of the in ER. “I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can. Don’t wait up, though, because it’ll be late. But tomorrow morning. You, me, and a giant plate of French toast, okay?”

  I nodded and worked up a feeble smile. “Drive safe,” I said.

  Then I settled into the couch again, lonely within minutes. I focused on breathing, in and out. The TV was on, but I could hardly focus on it.

  How could I watch someone else end up with their Prince Charming or tall, dark, and handsome when I hadn’t? It just reminded me of what I didn’t have.

  My heart still beat inside my chest, but I felt like it had gone missing ever since that night.

  Sniffling, I reached for another tissue and let the tears fall once again.

  The doorbell rang, and I wondered if it was my mom. Maybe she’d forgotten her phone. She’d only left about fifteen minutes ago.

  I got up and made my way to the door, stepping up to the peephole. It definitely wasn’t my mom, but already I felt ten times better.

  I flung open the door with my first genuine smile in a while.

  Before me stood Ella, Tori, Lena, and Rey. They immediately enveloped me in a hug, and I didn’t know if I should cry or laugh, so I did both while jumping up and down. “You’re here!” I said. “I can’t believe it.”

  They squeezed me back, and I closed my eyes.

  Finally, they pulled away, and we stepped inside. I closed the front door behind me. “When did you guys get in?”

  Ella took my hand. “We all got here like twenty minutes to an hour ago, but we wanted to come over together.”

  I took each of them in. They looked so different even though it had only been six weeks. “You guys are so tan,” I said. I turned to Lena. “I didn’t even think it was possible for you to be more bronzed and toned than you already were.”

  She struck a pose and gave us a smile worthy of the front cover of Elle. “What can I say?”

  We all burst out laughing.

  Lena eyed my bare shoulders. “Hey, you’re looking pretty sun-kissed yourself.”

  “Thanks,” I said, leading them to the couch. “It’s so good to see you guys. You don’t even know.” I wiped at my eyes.

  Tori gave me another hug. “I brought you something,” she said. She pulled something from her bag and held it up. It was a bracelet, and it looked hand-made with bright pink and navy blue threads interwoven together. “I made it. This one’s for you, and I have the rest. One for each of us.”

  She put mine on, a huge smile on all of our faces, and then handed the rest out. They were all different colors and each had a different little metal charm.

  Mine was a heart. Ella’s was a little pair of glasses. Rey’s was a book, Tori’s was a megaphone, and Lena’s was a tiny soccer ball. Of course.

  Lena shrieked. “These are awesome!”

  The waterworks started up for me again, and they hugged me close.

  Rey held up a bag. “I brought you guys something too!”

  Apparently, all of them had, and we spent a good hour just going through everything and screaming like hyenas over how cool the souvenirs were.

  Rey had brought us t-shirts with funny things on them. Ella brought us candy from Puerto Rico, and Lena had brought us each a really pretty and brightly painted ceramic cowgirl boot from Mexico.

  I stared at the bracelet on my wrist, and the array of items in my lap. “It’s like Christmas came early. I feel so bad, though. I don’t have anything for you guys,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. “And why can’t I stop crying?”

  I laughed out loud, still super glad that they were back. “Wait,” I said, jumping up from the couch. “I do have something.”

  I ran to my room, found what I was looking for, and ran right back to the living room. Sitting down in front the coffee table, I poured out the gemstones inside the tiny cloth bag. “From my trip to the beach. I know it’s not much, but you guys can each have one.”

  “Ooh,” Lena said, kneeling down beside me. “These are pretty.”

  Ella picked up a clear one. “I like this one.”

  Lena grabbed a bright orange one. “Can I take this one?” she asked with a smile. She turned it in her hands.

  “Of course,” I said. I turned to Tori and Rey.

  Tori went for the red jasper stone while Rey picked out a teal gemstone. “What’s this one called?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “I have no idea,” I replied. “I just picked out the ones I liked, but I only know the names of a couple of them. “ The rose quartz was my favorite, but I picked up a gray metallic looking stone instead. This one felt right for Emerson.

  I put the remaining stones back in the little bag, hoping I’d be able to give him his gemstone too.

  Rey rested her head on my shoulder. “Thank you,” she said. “I love it.”

  I hugged her.

  Rey carefully placed the stone in a small pocket of her jeans. “We’ve got to hang out these last couple of weeks of summer as much as possible.”

  Tori smiled. “Done,” she said.

  “Definitely,” Lena said. She held an extra cowboy boot in her hand. It was blue and green and black.

  “Who’s that one for?” I asked out of curiosity.

  She looked down at it. “Ian. Boys’ soccer team? He made me promise him that I’d bring him back something.”

  Ella and Tori eyed each other, and I wondered if they were thinking the same thing. “Is he one of the boys you’ve kissed for funsies?” I asked with a wink. Rey sat up.

  Lena scoffed. “No way. He’s just a friend. Definitely not someone I’d kiss for funsies. Besides, he has a girlfriend now, who’s like…” She pretended to stick a finger down her throat. “But anyway!”

  Ella lay back on the couch. “What should we do? Movie? Pizza?”

  I nodded, hungry all of a sudden. “I could totally go for some pizza.”

  Ella pulled out her phone. “Just tell me what toppings you guys want.”

  Lena’s eyes lit up. “Oooh, I forgot to tell you guys. My coach says I have a good chance of getting a college scholarship this year. Man, I’d love to play soccer in college.”

  Then Rey told us about the secret project she was working on. She couldn’t give us details yet, but she had big hopes for it and finally sharing some of her writing online.

  Meanwhile, I rested my head on Ella’s shoulder as we sat on the couch, happy that my friends were back from their summer adventures to spend the last couple weeks
before school together.

  Summer hadn’t gone as planned for me, but I’d be okay. Friends like Ella, Tori, Lena, and Rey were all I needed.

  Twenty-Four

  Emerson was gone from school, the nursing home, and my life, but the show had to go on.

  Organizing the dollar dance fundraiser kept me busy during the day, and in the evening, the #BFFs and I made up for lost time.

  We went to the pool, to the mall, and hung out at each other’s houses.

  Little by little, I felt like my heart was recovering, even if I still missed Emerson. I just wanted to get over him, but it was taking time.

  The day of the dollar dance, I made sure I had everything I needed in my overnight bag. My outfit, accessories, curling iron, and makeup.

  The #BFFs would be there later, but for now, I had to get ready, help decorate the place, and get the music going.

  I wasn’t very techie, though, so I had a hard time hooking up my phone to the computer and speakers and getting the music to play. After a half hour, I still couldn’t get it to work, and I sighed in frustration.

  Emerson would have figured this out in two minutes, but I couldn’t ask him for help. I knew it was time to call for backup.

  Harper: Ella, SOS. I can’t figure out how to set the music up!

  I sent her a picture, and she replied that she’d be there as soon as she could.

  Stepping away from the computer, I glanced around at the nursing home.

  We had cleared most of the main room and pushed the chairs toward the walls. The craft room was ready to go with snacks and beverages, and the senior citizens looked adorable in their best outfits, including Ms. Ellie.

  All I had left to do was their makeup and then I could get ready myself.

  Ms. Ellie had done her hair today, and she looked fabulous with the curls in her blonde hair. After I was done, looked like a fifties movie star with her winged eyeliner and dark red lipstick.

  She gave me a huge smile. “Will you look at that? I could pass for Marilyn Monroe herself,” she said, patting her hair delicately.

  I laughed. “You sure could.”

  By the time I finished doing all the ladies’ makeup, the dollar dance was due to start in a matter of minutes.