Beast of Mine

by Marian Tee

  Interesting, Lysander thought, and he called out to her on impulse. "Do you need any help, milady?"

  The girl, startled by his words, lost her footing, and let out a cry as she started to fall.

  But Lysander, of course, was more than ready to catch her, and he only grunted as she landed in his arms with a gasp. Green eyes gazed up at him, her gaze admonishing and shy, and it was quite the enchanting combination. "You s-startled me!"

  "My deepest apologies for that." Lysander's voice was a velvety murmur as he gently lowered the girl to her feet.

  The girl nodded stiffly. "Who are you?" She was making a show of dusting the skirts of her gown, but her green eyes completely gave her away. She was visibly struggling not to stare, but her gaze kept coming back to him and lingered especially on the locks of his hair, which gleamed violet under the moonlight.

  "Sir?"

  Lysander found himself smiling at the way she crossed her arms protectively over her chest. The look on her face told him she was choosing to play it safe, even if she found him fascinating, which she obviously did.

  "I was told this place had been reserved for the party."

  And so it was. Willow Lane - or this place, as she so unceremoniously put it - was an exclusive vacation club for his kind. But with the High Circle intent on reclaiming its place in society, the elders had decided to open its doors for a weeklong matchmaking party, in hopes of forging stronger alliances between Faes and other races.

  "You were told correctly, milady. And judging your earlier actions, it appears we share the same sentiments towards it."

  "Oh."

  "The only difference is that I don't think escaping a matchmaking marty is worth risking my neck for." He slanted a meaningful glance towards the terrace she had fallen from, and it had the girl wincing.

  "I'm kind of...clumsy."

  "Extremely so, I'd say." She winced again, and it was cute enough to make his lips twitch.

  "It's not that I haven't tried to be more...coordinated? But it's just not me, so in the end..." Her voice trailed off.

  "In the end, what?"

  She shook her head. "It's nothing."

  "That's not fair, milady. Now, you'll have me so curious I'll be unable to sleep, wondering what it is you could have said." His teasing words had her giggling, and this in turn had him smiling. There was something about this girl, Lysander thought absently, that made him forget his worries, the way not even hours of sex with the most skilled courtesans could do.

  She was smiling up at him now, and an elusive, almost coy hint of beauty flirted with his thoughts. She was going to be a hell of a knockout once she grew up and learned to conquer the world. The only question was if he'd be there to enjoy it---

  "I'm Star."

  Her awkward but tentatively inviting tone cut through his thoughts, and his lips curved. He wouldn't be surprised if this was the girl's very first time to try making friends with a member of the opposite sex.

  "Hello, Star." Frustration flashed in her eyes, and his smile widened.

  "Oh!" Understanding dawned, and her own lips curved in a smile of exasperation. "You're playing with me."

  "Am I?"

  "You know you're supposed to give me your name, too."

  "Is that so?"

  A laugh escaped her. "Yes. That is so."

  "Even if I'm no one?"

  She shook her head without hesitation. "You can be anything except that."

  "What if I like being mysterious?"

  "But---"

  "It would be more exciting if I remain anonymous, don't you think?" He took a sudden step forward, but before she could back away in surprise, he was already running his knuckles against one pale cheek and felt her tremble under his touch.

  When he drew his hand away, he saw that her cheek had turned pink, and the color only deepened into a dusky shade of rose when she saw him start to smirk. "Did I just make your heart race, milady?"

  "Of c-course not!"

  But she was blushing even harder now, and both of them knew he was aware that her words were a lie.

  The next time they met, it was he who accidentally stumbled into her once more, with Star on the floor in one of the hidden corners of the library, an old thick book lying open on her lap.

  "Ma belle étoile." The words were out before he had even realized what he was saying. French was the native tongue of his kind, but to use it was nowadays considered old-fashioned.

  And truthfully, that was what he was: a throwback to the times, but it was also the part of him that he normally kept hidden.

  And yet...

  His lovely Star was proving to be an exception, and it was just more proof of how soothing he found her presence.

  "Milord." She was blushing as she stared up at him, and he noticed the way her sweet bosom started heaving rapidly as she took the hand he offered. Unable to resist the temptation of teasing her even more, he made sure to have her body slide against him as he pulled her up.

  She choked, and he laughed.

  "Milord!" This time, her voice came out chiding and begging at the same time.

  "I'm sorry, milady." But the wickedness in his gaze belied his repentant tone.

  "What are you doing here?" she asked as he led her to the closest table and pulled out a seat for her.

  "Escaping," he answered truthfully, "just like you."

  "Mm."

  "What is it?"

  "I avoid parties because I'm shy, but I don't think you have the same problem."

  "I don't. I avoid parties because I'm a grumpy old man at heart."

  She laughed. "No, you're not."

  "Only with you."

  "Milord."

  "Apologies." His voice was grave. "Did I make your heart race again?"

  "Oh my God. Will you please stop?" She made a show of ignoring him and concentrating on her book, and it would probably have been convincing - if not for the sight of her still-pink cheeks and the way her bosom was still heaving entrancingly against the fabric of her dress.

  She still had a crush on him, Lysander mused, and the thought filled him with satisfaction for some reason.

  "So..."

  The studied casualness in her voice made Lysander's lips twitch. This should be interesting.

  "The French words you spoke earlier...what did they mean?"

  "That's another secret for me to keep," he said lazily, and when Star made an adorably cute face at this, Lysander drawled, "I could be persuaded to change my mind though."

  "Like how?"

  "You could beg for it," he suggested wickedly, and just as he predicted, the innuendo was more than enough to have Star jerking and sputtering in her seat.

  "Y-you...I-I...a-ah..."

  "Oui?"

  "Never mind." She tore her gaze away from him and went back to pretending to read. He glanced at the book she had brought with him, intending to tease her about it, but instead he felt his face harden when he realized it was about the Great War.

  He had lost his entire family because of it, and his fists clenched involuntarily as memories tried to invade his mind. The details had faded over time, but the pain had not. And it was why---

  "I'm sorry."

  When he glanced back at her, he realized that she had been looking at him for some time, and his jaw hardened even more.

  "The Faes...your race...I'm sorry about what you all had to endure."

  His lips tightened. "It was a long time ago." He waited for more words of useless platitude to follow, but instead she simply nodded, almost as if she was attuned to what his soul did not need.

  A moment later, she started talking, her voice awkwardly determined. It was as if she was consciously battling her introverted tendencies in her need to distract and comfort him.

  And it worked.

  He could feel the tension gradually leaving his body as he listened to Star speak of her sisters, of how much she loved them but how much she also hated the way people constantly compared the three of them.


  I'm not as smart or as brave as they are. I don't think I'll ever be.

  It seemed like the usual coming-of-age story until Lysander realized what Star was leading to.

  My personal shortcomings made me realize what I could be really good at...

  "A military tactician?" He definitely hadn't seen that coming. "That's what you want to become?"

  "And you're the only one who knows it," Star confided, "along with my brother."

  "The one you're taking lessons from?"

  She nodded. "Do you think it's stupid?"

  He didn't answer right away, not wanting to make light of her dream. "The book you're reading," he said after a while. "You're close to finishing it, aren't you?"

  Star nodded even as her gaze turned questioning.

  "Then you should know enough about the Great War to have formed an opinion."

  Star began fidgeting in her seat. "I do have one, but..."

  "But?"

  "It might make me seem heartless."

  Now this I have to hear, Lysander thought. "Go on."

  "When people write about the Great War, they often say that your race lost because your allies didn't come to your aid."

  "And you don't agree?"

  Star slowly shook her head. "It's not that I'm excusing your allies - it was horrible and unforgivable, the way they hadn't been able to come to the Faes' aid. But at the same time, I also didn't think it was right for the Faes at that time to have pinned all of their hopes on other people. They had so much to defend themselves with, if they had only believed in themselves more."

  "You're speaking of our ability to turn invisible?"

  "Actually..."

  He saw her bite her lip and knew she was hesitating in fear of offending him. "I am not easily wounded by words," he said gently. "So speak."

  "It's nothing mind-blowing, really..." She started gnawing at her lip. "I just thought that over-reliance played a huge factor, adversely, during the battle. Like your ability to turned invisible. Many overly relied on it, even knowing how much it drains you of power. It should've been used strategically or more like a last resort or a final blow. And there were all other things the Faes could've done, too, than just wait. They could've made the fortress more impregnable---"

  "Those things are easier than done," Lysander cut in flatly.

  "I know that," Star acknowledged quietly, "but I'm also saying that if you truly look at it, you know they could've done so much more."

  The words were difficult for Lysander to hear because a part of him remembered how he had used to say the same things to his own father. But because he had been the youngest son, no one had bothered to listen to him.

  It's always folly to rely on an enemy not to attack...

  He only realized he had murmured the words out loud when he saw Star turn towards him, startled.

  "Sun Tzu," she exclaimed. "You read him, too?"

  They talked endlessly after that, and it was only when he saw Star trying to hide her yawn that he realized he had kept her with him for hours.

  He insisted on walking her back to her room in the main house and as soon as she closed the door, Lysander turned towards the end of the hallway, saying dryly, "You can come out now."

  His friends emerged, identical-looking twins whose only difference was their eye color.

  "Is that your newest conquest?" Aluin asked with a grin.

  "She's just a kid," Lysander said firmly, "and I'd appreciate if both of you were to think along the same lines." He turned to Alain, asking quietly, "You've found it then?"

  In answer, the other man unrolled the papyrus scroll he held in his hands, and Lysander sucked his breath.

  "We had a Viver confirm its authenticity," Alain murmured, "and with your permission we'd like to proceed with the mission."

  Lysander didn't answer right away. The mission the twins were about to embark was fraught with peril, and it would take them several months at the very least before they could return, with the beast's name in their possession.

  But if they were to succeed---

  They had so much to defend themselves with, if they had only believed in themselves more.

  Plagued with worries for the twins' safety, Lysander found himself seeking Star's company of his own accord. She was the only one who could make him forget, and he wanted her with him at all times, to the point that he had used his authority as a High Circle member to have the matchmakers overlook Star's lack of participation in any of the scheduled activities.

  He knew this could one day bite him in the ass, but he didn't give a damn.

  He needed her - Star - to keep him sane.

  In the days they spent together, they spoke of nothing but tactics and strategies, and not once did Lysander find himself feeling bored. It almost made him wish Star was just a little older and more experienced because if she were...

  Things would be much different, Lysander thought, and he would never have gone to bed alone in the past few nights.

  On Star's last night at Willow Lane, Lysander surprised her with a gift: a hand-penned strategy book, owned by a Fae general who had fought in one of the first battles against vampires. It had Star crying out in delight and impulsively throwing her arms around him---

  Soft, Lysander thought instantly. Soft all over, and full and curvy where she had to be. A flower that was so damn close to blooming, but until then...she was forbidden.

  A moment later, Star was quickly pulling away, her face once again on fire. "S-Sorry."

  "It was just a hug," he said lightly, and he didn't take the words back even though he saw the way it had made her flinch. It was better this way, he told himself, and he sought to distract both of them right after by challenging Star to recreate one of the battle scenes from the general's strategy book.

  After setting up a war board on the table, he asked Star to put herself in the general's shoes, saying, "If you were in his position, how would you have responded?"

  He watched Star's brows furrow as she studied the board, and the sight almost had him smiling.

  "I think I'm going to wait for the water to subside before making an attack."

  He waited until she finished moving her markers before asking, "And what if neither waiting nor retreating is possible?"

  Star pointed to the new location of her markers. "That's why I placed my camp here. If we were ever forced to engage, it would be easier for us and harder for the enemies since they'd have to fight upstream and go against the current at the same time."

  Lysander flashed a grin. "Congratulations, general. You've just won your first battle."

  Star beamed. "Thank you, Your Highness."

  "I'm almost envious of your brother. He's extremely lucky to have you in his corner."

  "He told me there'd always be room for me to join his council if it's what I wanted, but I'm not sure if I'll ever have the courage..." Her voice trailed off, but this time Lysander knew her well enough to understand what she wasn't saying.

  "You're worried about the lives you might lose because of the decisions you make?"

  A small nod.

  "It's a risk that you'll always have to take, and if you do end up making the wrong decision, I'm afraid the guilt will never leave you."

  "So I'll always have their blood on my hands then?"

  "Yes. But you can also make it hurt less by ensuring that they did not and do not die in vain. Remind yourself of how many more lives would be lost, if you hadn't taken up arms at all and simply let the enemy win."

  Lysander had promised to meet with Star one last time before she returned home, but a summons from the High Circle forced him to break his promise and leave without saying goodbye. Time passed, months turning into years, and thoughts of her faded. New people came into his life, and he found himself almost falling in love, and having to accept that the girl he wanted did not want him back...it was a bittersweet pain, but it was nothing compared to the devastation he felt, when vampires once again succeeded in razing thei
r realm to ashes.

  Their home was gone. The High Circle was no more. He was the only one left, and the burden was so damn heavy Lysander had to constantly fight against the urge to break under its weight. Once a sought-after prince, Lysander was now reduced to a social pariah. It made him cold and empty inside, and it was in this mood that Star walked back into his life.

  “Lysander?”

  He turned around at the hesitant-sounding voice, his eyes narrowing when he saw her face. She was pretty and innocent-looking, with dark hair and emerald eyes. She was also strangely familiar, which didn't make sense at all. He remembered every woman he had fucked, and someone this young would have been automatically off limits.

  But still, her face nagged at him.

  A tentative smile curved over her face, and recognition struck.

  “Star." Real pleasure underlined Lysander's voice as the memories of one particularly idyllic summer returned. Those days were the last time he had known peace, and this young girl was a large reason for it. She had been a sweet kid, quiet and shy but without artifice, and he remembered with much affection the many interesting talks they had of history and politics, subjects that he had never discussed with any other member of the opposite sex until her.

  The first time they met, he had to conceal his identity in fear of having women throw themselves at him.

  Now, however...

  The girl was being true to her name, with Star gazing up at him with her namesake shining in her eyes. She was the only one in the entire ball to look at him like this, and even though he knew he was being stupid, her open adoration of him was a balm to his pride.

  "You remember me."

  Her shy voice had him wincing at her naïveté, and he said gently, "It's nothing to be flattered about these days, trust me."

  The way her smile faded told Lysander she knew exactly what he was talking about, and the pang of bitterness this induced disturbed him.

  He had always been a realist, and so for the most part he had been able to deal with the changes in his life with philosophical objectivity. Most people preferred to leech off those who were wealthier and more powerful, and having become a prince without a kingdom, it had not come as a surprise to Lysander when his so-called friends had nearly dwindled to nothing.