My Last Love Affair: A Bancroft Billionaire Brothers Novel

by Parker, Ali

  “It’s not like that.” I tried to defend myself.

  “Not like what? Did you spend the whole weekend with him?” She accused me.

  “No. I went by his place on Friday. I wanted to show him the baby’s first pictures,” I explained.

  She let out a long sigh. “And?”

  “And he knows the baby is his.”

  “Oh, gee, that’s rather magnanimous of him.”

  “He isn’t the kind of guy who trusts easily. He doesn’t trust at all, but I do think he is trying to change,” I told her, hoping she could understand why I was struggling with the idea of cutting him out of my life completely.

  “How are you feeling about it today? Did you spend the day crying yesterday?” she asked gently.

  I smiled. “No, I didn’t actually. I enjoyed talking to him and being with him, but I won’t give him that kind of control. Not anymore.”

  “But you don’t want to completely cut him off?”

  “No. I am carrying his child, and if he wants to be a part of the baby’s life, I want him to be. I know he’s trying to change. I felt it and he said as much.”

  She let out a long sigh. “I’m only trying to protect you. Please don’t think I want you to be alone or that I don’t like him. I do, but I hate that he has hurt you so many times.”

  “Thank you. I know it isn’t easy for you to sit by and watch. I do so appreciate you being there for me. I am not jumping into anything with him. I’m waiting to see how things go, but I am being cautious.”

  “Good. That’s all I can ask. It would be great if he changed. I would love to see you happy.”

  I nodded. “And I will be either way. My life. My happiness,” I said firmly.

  She grinned. “Good. Now, let’s eat so we can do some more shopping.”

  “My poor doorman is going to wonder if I bought an entire store with all the deliveries I have arranged over the next couple of weeks.”

  Amber giggled. “And we’re not even finished yet.”

  “Nope. Not even close, especially now that I have that list. I might have to move into a bigger place. How can one tiny human need so much stuff?” I wondered aloud.

  “It seems excessive, but I have a feeling someone knew what they were talking about when they put that list together.”

  “Yep, me too. I’m not going to question it and risk wishing I would have had this or that.”

  We enjoyed our lunch, my stomach not protesting the Cobb salad I ordered. I had been worried I would need to call it a day if the meal didn’t agree with the little one. We spent the rest of the day shopping without buying much of anything. It was fun to look, as well as to dream and imagine what my life would be like this time next year. I refused to let myself picture Grayson beside me as our child took his or her first steps or blessed me with that first smile.

  I couldn’t let myself get hung up on any of that. I needed to protect my heart. I knew it was better for my child if I wasn’t a complete wreck all the time. I couldn’t worry about whether Grayson loved me or wanted to be with me one hundred percent. It was about my baby. That’s what I would focus on.

  “You want me to pick up something for dinner?” Amber asked as she climbed in behind the wheel of her car.

  I shook my head. “No, I’m good. I am absolutely exhausted. I feel like I ran a marathon.”

  She laughed. “You are one hell of a shopper. I think it’s because you’ve been doing so much online shopping, you forget how tiring it can be when you actually have to be in the store.”

  I nodded, completely agreeing with her. “I’ll have to learn to pace myself.”

  “It was a good day. We got a lot accomplished. I would say you are at least halfway to getting everything you need.”

  I groaned. “All day and only halfway there?”

  “We’ll take another day to shop, plus whatever you buy online,” she assured me.

  “If I am as big as a house, the last thing I’m going to want to do is shop for hours. We’ll have to make it a trip within the next month or two; otherwise, I’m going to need a wheelchair or one of those motorized carts. What if I can’t wear my heels?” I asked in horror.

  She laughed as she glanced over at my stomach. “You’re not big at all. I don’t think you will ever be compared to a house and you can wear whatever shoes you are comfortable in. Relax, you are freaking out over nothing.”

  “I read one blog written by a woman who has had four children. She said she was super small with the first until the last two months and she practically exploded overnight. Others were commenting and saying the same thing. I’m going to blow up. I’m not going to be able to leave the house because I won’t be able to fit through the door,” I grumbled.

  That made her laugh in earnest. “You’re going to be fine. Many pregnant women have managed. You will too. You are young and in excellent shape. You’ve got this,” she insisted.

  “I hope so. I need to buy maternity clothes soon. I’m not looking forward to that.”

  She giggled. “I don’t see you wearing maternity clothes, but I know there are some designers who’ve made some really cute stuff. We should go next week if you’ve recovered enough,” she suggested.

  I sighed. “I guess. I’m going to have to do it eventually.”

  “We’ll pick stuff that is cute.”

  “I don’t want to look cute.” I pouted.

  “Too bad, you will. Now put your chin up and embrace this time,” she demanded.

  I let out a long dramatic sigh. “Fine.”

  By the time she pulled in front of my building, I was ready for a nap. I grabbed the few purchases I was able to carry out of the store, then headed inside. I would pop in a TV dinner and go to bed early. I couldn’t believe how exhausted I felt. The shopping had zapped my energy. I had a feeling it was the excitement and then the adrenaline crash after it was over.

  I flopped down on my couch and thought about the day. It had been fun, but I couldn’t help but wish I could have done some of the picking and choosing with Grayson by my side. We had never actually been shopping together. I wondered what it would be like. Would he simply order the best of the best or spend some time picking and choosing?

  I had a feeling it would be the first. He wasn’t a man to dally. He knew he wanted the best and that was what he demanded, even if it wasn’t necessarily the best for the situation. I had looked at so many cribs and bedding designs my head was swimming. I had finally managed to settle on a pastel color theme with greens, blues, and beiges. It was all very earthy and gender neutral. I decided I wanted to wait to find out the baby’s sex. Well, I told myself that, but I had a feeling I was going to get impatient. I would be begging the doctor to tell me what I was having.

  I couldn’t. I needed that excitement to keep me going, especially through labor. I needed a real incentive to push through what I expected was going to be some long miserable months ahead of me. The not knowing would give me something to look forward to. For now, I would stick with my plan. I had painters coming next week to paint the spare bedroom. I still had to pick a color. I had flip-flopped so many times I was afraid to make a decision, knowing I would change my mind within a few days.

  I knew I needed to pick one and stick with it. I reached into the bag and pulled out the catalog I had picked up from the store, then opened it to the nursery set I had chosen. Maybe I could hand that to the painters and tell them to make it look like that. If only I had a partner to help me make these kinds of decisions.

  Chapter 69

  Grayson

  I left work, driving my own car once again. I was really getting into the hang of driving and found I really liked the independence it gave me. I realized I had been a pampered man most of my adult life and it had spoiled me. I was too used to others doing for me. I had to reshape my entire life if I expected Hannah to believe I was a changed man. I knew she didn’t hold my dependence on others to take care of little things for me against me, but I felt like I needed to prov
e to her I was all man.

  Yes, I needed to rip off my shirt and beat on my bare chest, declaring I was a man. I was a man capable of taking care of my wife and child. It was some inner instinct I could not ignore. It was a challenge I wanted to be great at. Every time there was a challenge in my life, I liked to tackle it and make it my own. I didn’t half-ass anything. I was ready to make a go at the Hannah thing, but first, I had to do something.

  I knew exactly who to talk to next. The one person in the world who would always love me, no matter how badly I screwed up—my mom. She’d been hounding me to stop by for a couple weeks. I had some free time and had called her that morning, letting her know I would be over for dinner. I was hoping it would be just the two of us, but one never knew when one of my brothers would show up. Even now, it felt like we were all fighting for her attention.

  I pulled into the driveway and parked before heading inside, not bothering to knock. I headed straight for the sitting room, knowing my mom would be in there, enjoying a cup of tea before dinner.

  “Hey,” I said when I saw her sitting in one of the chairs, her iPad in her lap as she played her favorite game, Candy Crush.

  She didn’t look up. “I can’t talk. This is a timed level,” she mumbled, focusing on the screen.

  I chuckled and poured myself a small drink. Now that I was a driving man, drinking wasn’t quite so easy. I sat down in one of the comfortable chairs and quietly waited. When she broke her hip, she had been introduced to the game. She was an official Candy Crush addict.

  “Darn it!” she muttered before turning off the iPad.

  “You’ll get it,” I encouraged.

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m not a child. It’s a stupid game.”

  I laughed. “I know that, and you say you know that, but do you really? That is your third iPad in a month, Mom.”

  She shrugged a shoulder, not apologizing for the two prior temper tantrums that resulted in cracked screens. She now had a case that people typically bought for destructive children. I had insisted after her nurse called me at work to inform me of the second cracked screen that could not be blamed on an accident.

  “Enough about me.” She waved a hand.

  I grinned at her sudden willingness to change the subject. “How have you been, Mom?”

  “You would know if you came by to see me,” she shot back.

  “I’ve been busy. You know that.”

  She nodded, looking me over. “You appear good, healthy again. I take it you finally laid off the alcohol?”

  I smiled. My mother knew me well. “I did.”

  “Good. Did you talk with your wife?” she asked pointedly.

  I sighed. “Yes.”

  She shook her head. “I said did you talk to your wife. I didn’t ask about other things.”

  “We talked. Kind of,” I said, feeling like a boy getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

  “Son, what are you doing?” she said, exasperation in her voice.

  I shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not sure.”

  “You have a child on the way. This is not the kind of behavior I expect from a man awaiting a baby. You have a responsibility,” she started lecturing, taking me off-guard.

  “How? Never mind,” I mumbled, not wanting to know how she knew about the baby. I didn’t really think anyone knew, but maybe it was more obvious than I realized. Did Jack tell her? I quickly dismissed the idea. I didn’t want to start blaming Jack for my problems again.

  “Grayson, this woman makes you happy. Can’t you see that? Why are you making your life so miserable?”

  “I’m not trying to make it miserable,” I defended.

  “Are you trying to make her life miserable?”

  “No. I wouldn’t do that.”

  “Then what are you doing? I don’t understand how you can cut that woman from your life.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t cut her from my life. She cut me out of hers.”

  She scoffed. “I can only imagine what happened to lead her to do that.”

  I wasn’t going to get into that mess again. “I made a mistake. I can admit that. I’ve talked with Justin. I need your advice, Mom,” I said, admitting defeat.

  She smiled. “It’s about time. You know what I’m going to tell you.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Probably, but I need to hear it.”

  “You need to try and fix things with her. I know you’ve never been the kind of man who gets yourself in relationships, but this is different. She’s important to you. She promises to keep you jumping for sure, but that’s a good thing. You need excitement in a relationship. It isn’t going to be easy. It is going to be a struggle. She is going to try you and I know you are going to try her patience,” she said with a warm smile.

  “We do that already.”

  “Do you want to be with her?” she asked point-blank.

  I nodded. “I do, but I don’t know if that life is for me. Every time I think I’m ready, I panic and back away. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. You and Dad had a good marriage. You set a good example.”

  “You didn’t back away soon enough if she’s carrying your child,” she quipped.

  I laughed. That was my mom. With seven men in the house, she had long lost the need for tact and decorum. She called it like she saw it.

  “I do want to try, but I don’t think she wants me like that anymore. I think I’ve pushed her away one too many times,” I confessed.

  “Well, do you blame her? You’ve played that girl for a yo-yo. I don’t blame her one bit for making you jump through some hoops and I’m sure that’s what she is doing. I saw the two of you together. There is something between you. I know you can’t see it, but the rest of us did.”

  I nodded. “Justin and Jack said the same thing.”

  “Because they know you and it was obvious to all of us. You were too busy hating your brother and looking for nefarious plots to take you down. You missed out on what should have been one of the happiest days of your life. You have a chance to recapture that life that was so promising.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “The question is, will you do it? Will you let go of some of that pride and admit you were wrong and do whatever you can to get her back?”

  “I don’t know. I want to, but what if she’s through with me?”

  She slowly shook her head. “The woman of your dreams will only come along once, and if you let her go, you will spend the rest of your life wondering what you could have done differently. You don’t want to live with regret. It will be like living under a cloud for the rest of your life. I don’t want that life for you. I want you to be happy. I want you to have a family and know what it is like to be loved by your child and to love a child.”

  I let her words sink in. I knew she was right. Of course, she was right, but I didn’t know what to do to prove to Hannah I was worth her time. I had thought I did, but now hearing my mother confirm what Jack and Justin had said, I wasn’t sure I knew how to prove to her I was worthy of her.

  “What if she shoots me down?”

  “Then you fight for her and your child. I know I did not raise you to make babies and walk away like you had no part in the process. I will not allow you to abandon my grandchild,” she said sternly.

  “Mom, I can fight, but I can’t force her to take me back.”

  She smirked. “Grayson, I have never known you to ever back down from a challenge. Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me this girl has you so twisted in knots you can’t stand up and fight for what you want?”

  I shook my head. “No, but she isn’t the average woman. She’s kind of stubborn.”

  That made her laugh. “I know, which is why I like her. I do wish you would have been honest with me from the get-go, but I know the only reason you married her was to get that inheritance. I’m your mother, you cannot fool me.”

  I didn’t deny it. There was no point in trying. “I didn’t want Jack to get it.”

  She ro
lled her eyes. “You two would fight over everything if I allowed it. Now, you’re fighting yourself. Your brother doesn’t want the company. He never has.”

  I nodded. “I know. I believe him.”

  “Good.”

  “We talked, and I think we’ve resolved our differences. I may have held on to the grudge a little longer than I should have,” I admitted.

  She chuckled and slowly stood up, using the arms of the chair to support her until she was steady on her feet. I didn’t bother asking to help her. This was something she wanted to do on her own.

  “I’m happy to hear that. Jack is a good brother. He has always looked up to you, admired you, even when you were being very unkind to him,” she lectured.

  I took her arm in mine and walked to the dining room with her. She would allow me to escort her to dinner, but I wasn’t helping her walk. That was a no-no. We took our seats and were quickly served dinner.

  “I’m sorry I made things rough on you with all the fighting between me and Jack,” I said, wanting to apologize.

  She nodded. “I think it was you doing most of the fighting.”

  I agreed. “I know and I’m sorry. I think things will be better.”

  My mom smiled. “Maybe you’ll be close one day. I’d like that.”

  I wasn’t quite ready to commit to being best buddies with the guy, but I was ready to bury the hatchet. I wasn’t about to upset my mom. She was doing well, and I didn’t want to stress her in any way.

  “We’ll see, Mom, we’ll see.”

  She winked. “You’re a good son, Grayson. I know you’ll do the right thing. Your wife and child deserve a loving husband and father. You wouldn’t let your mother down.”

  That was her way of telling me I had better not let her down or she was going to make me sorry.

  “I won’t. I’ll do what I can, but you have to know if it doesn’t work out, I did try. Sometimes, things just aren’t meant to be,” I warned.

  She chuckled. “Nope.”

  I burst into laughter. I wasn’t about to argue.

  Chapter 70