Moonlight Over Muddleford Cove: An absolutely unputdownable feel good romantic comedy

by Kim Nash

  I had adored spending time with Aunty Lil, who had loved me so much. She’d made me feel safe, secure, loved and wanted and that helped me shut out all my troubles. Sharing my worries with Jack back in those days, had also made me feel those things and had been incredibly helpful. He had really listened to me and when I’d needed to escape from all the anger and bitterness between my parents, he’d been there for me. When I’d sobbed, unsure of what life ahead was going to look like, he’d held me in his arms and comforted me, stroked my hair and told me that whatever happened I’d be OK, that he would make sure of it. He had been my rock. The best friend I had ever had. So when Mum moved us away from that wonderful environment which had been my escape from all the crap, I was totally devastated.

  It was so hard but I really had tried to make an effort, throwing myself into my new school, joining every club I could in an attempt to make new friends. I’d spent so long lying to Mum about how I loved it there, to make her feel better, that when she got a call from the school to say that I’d hit someone, she was totally astounded.

  ‘We do not accept violence in our school under any circumstances, Mrs Wagstaff, and Ellen will be suspended for two weeks.’ I’ll never forget those words or the shame on Mum’s face. The headteacher, Mrs Wharton (or Mrs Wharthog as she was known), was a harsh woman, and I remembered wondering why she had ever become a teacher, because she belittled her pupils and criticised them at every opportunity. I also remembered, all those years later, how I couldn’t help but stare at the massive mole above her eyebrow and wonder why she hadn’t plucked out the huge dark hair that was sprouting from it.

  I had tried to fight my corner back then. To tell her that the girl I’d hit and her friends had been constantly following me around, jeering at me and goading me with their vile, hurtful words. It wasn’t just me they did it with either. And that particular day, I’d had enough. I had done my best to be a model pupil, my grades were reasonable, but those girls just didn’t stop having a pop at me at every opportunity. And on that day, I took it no more. I lashed out. It had looked worse than it had been because when I smacked her in the mouth, the ring I wore on my little finger cut her lip. The ring Jack had given me the night before I left. Our friendship ring.

  I’d tried to tell Mrs Wharton that the girl I’d hit, Denise Watson (I’d never forgotten her name), bullied not only me but others too, but she was having none of it. Mum discovered later that Denise’s mum was the chairman of the parents and teachers association and Denise couldn’t put a step wrong. It was totally unfair.

  All the way home, Mum couldn’t bring herself to speak to me. She’d slammed the front door behind her, and I could see the veins in the side of her head, pulsating.

  ‘How dare you embarrass me in this way when I’m slaving every day to make a new life for us,’ she’d yelled. ‘Every day I have to go into that hairdresser’s and listen to all those school mothers tell me how wonderful their daughters are and how many A+ grades they get and what model pupils they are. And then you do this. How could you do this to me, Ellen?’ I always knew I was in serious trouble when she used my real name.

  All the rage had seemed to bubble up and then deflate from her body as she’d flopped onto the bottom stair and held her head in her hands. I was aware that she was making it all about her and that she didn’t really want to listen to what had been happening. I knew that there was a lot of pressure on her since we’d moved, but I felt like no-one was listening to me and how I felt.

  ‘I’m sorry, Mum. I’ll try to be a better daughter, I really will.’

  I’d tried to comfort her, but she’d pulled away from me and stormed upstairs slamming her bedroom door behind her. I had missed Jack so much at that particular time that it physically hurt my heart. This was a time that, if we’d been in Muddleford, I would have run off to our hiding place in the rocks down on the beach. He always knew to find me there and would always wipe away my tears and somehow make me smile. That’s why I had loved him so. He had known that Mum was capable of flying into a rage and he made everything feel better. And that’s why he would always hold a special place in my heart.

  I don’t know why those memories had come flooding back that day of all days. Maybe spending time in his company had reminded me that he had been my fixer and my best friend in the whole world. My life-support system. And Mum had taken me away from him.

  I hadn’t even had time to tell him we were leaving. These days, keeping in touch is so much easier. We could have communicated with each other by text, and never lost touch. It was all so different twenty years ago.

  I’d been reading in bed that last night when Mum burst into the room.

  ‘Get up and get dressed, Nell, we’re leaving.’

  ‘What? What do you mean leaving?’

  ‘I said get up now. Pack your stuff. We’re going home.’

  ‘But, Mum, we’ve only been here a few days and I’m going out for the day with Jack tomorrow.’

  ‘Not any more you’re not, lady. Now do as you are told. Come on.’

  There was no reasoning with Mum when she was in one of these moods. She grabbed my wrist and practically dragged me from the bed.

  ‘Mum you’re hurting me.’

  ‘Well get a move on then. Now!’

  ‘I need to go and tell Jack that we’re leaving.’

  ‘You are not going anywhere. You’re packing and we’re leaving right now. Move it.’

  Aunty Lil stood in the doorway to my room. ‘Don’t leave like this. Let’s talk in the morning. We can deal with this. Please, Maria. You’re not being fair to Nell.’ Her voice wobbled.

  ‘I’m her mother, Lilian. It’s about time you realised that Nell is my daughter not yours.’

  A loud gasp escaped from Aunty Lil’s lips and she clutched her hand to her chest.

  ‘We’re leaving, Lilian. And we won’t be back ever. We’re done here. We don’t need you in our lives. You’ve hurt me more than you’ll ever know. Come on, Nell. Move it.’

  I was as confused as hell, looking from one to the other for answers I wasn’t getting. I knew that Mum was in one of her rages and, when she was in them, there was no point in arguing. I stumbled around the room, throwing stuff into my case, not knowing what had gone on between Mum and Aunty Lil. I was so upset that it appeared that my summer holiday had come to an abrupt end. Jack and I had had so many plans. I’d only been here a week and the rest of the school holidays were ahead of us.

  Aunty Lil had moved down to the kitchen, and I tried to go in there to talk to her before we left, but Mum wouldn’t let me go near her. Not even to say goodbye. I was so torn between these two extremely important women in my life, both of who I had huge love for, and both so influential in their own way.

  As Mum’s car screeched off the drive, I raised my hand to wave to Aunty Lil. She pressed her hand to the glass, and her forlorn face was forever etched in my mind. That was the last time I saw her.

  * * *

  Reliving these memories had totally wiped me out. So many feelings that I’d buried deep inside me had risen to the surface. They still hurt as much as they had back then; Mum’s drinking, and how she’d said she’d stop after Dad had left us, but that she did it again even when we were trying to make a new life on our own. At the time it had felt as if I wasn’t enough for her and that she drank because our life wasn’t good enough, that she didn’t feel I was worth fighting for and wouldn’t stop her drinking. It wasn’t until much later that I realised she’d had an illness and as much as she’d tried to stop, and had perhaps wanted to stop, some times more than others, she just couldn’t and she’d needed much more help than a sixteen-year-old girl could give her. All I could do was try to make sure she got up for work every morning, was showered, had clean and ironed clothes to wear, and that we had food on the table each night. It wasn’t until I met Shivani, that she helped me realise it wasn’t my job to do that. That I had been a child, and looking after Mum was too much of a responsibility for me.
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  Once I went to college, I tried my hardest to keep up with my work as well as keeping on top of everything at home too. I knew of a girl at school who had been taken away from her parents by social services, who had said they weren’t capable of looking after her. I wasn’t going to let that happen to me and Mum and there was only one of us who was capable of those life skills. Mum needed me to make things right so that she could get through each day.

  I wiped a tear from my cheek as these memories churned around inside my head and my grief once again felt unbearable.

  I couldn’t be bothered to make anything for tea, so after I fed Norman, I curled up on the sofa and mindlessly flicked between TV programmes. Again, I couldn’t settle on anything so I grabbed my latest read and disappeared between the pages. Reading had always been one of my escapes from what had been going on in my life. Dorset had been my other.

  Aunty Lil had been my safety net. If only she were still here, I could have talked to her. Asked her what happened that night that Mum refused to ever talk about. I should have made more of an effort to keep in touch. Instead of just trying to keep Mum and I afloat and with a roof over our heads. I should have reached out to Aunty Lil. Asked her for her help. Now with both Mum and Aunty Lil gone, I’d never get to the bottom of it all.

  Norman, who had taken to sleeping on Aunty Lil’s chair, crept over and perched himself at the edge of the sofa. I smiled at him. I felt like we were making progress. He was getting used to me and I was enjoying having some company. This was a huge house to be alone in and having him to chat to made it much more comforting. Him making this small step to be closer to me, meant the world.

  ‘Baby steps, Norman. Baby steps.’

  I leaned over to his end of the sofa and stroked his head, looking deep into his gorgeous big brown eyes. Perhaps baby steps were all we were both capable of right now.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The rattle of the letterbox and the thud of the local paper landing on the doormat startled me as I was walked through the hallway. I was still in a bit of a sleep daze and hadn’t woken up fully. I was sleeping like a log here. A big comfy bed, mixed with sea air and long walks on the beach seemed to be doing me the world of good and within minutes each night I was out for the count.

  Flicking on the coffee machine was my new favourite start to the day. I always made sure I got it all ready before I went to bed, so that the aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the whole of the downstairs as one of the first smells of the day. I loved the fact that coffee was ready within seconds, and I could just keep refilling my cup without having to go through the rigmarole of boiling the kettle all the time.

  I picked up the paper and went through it page by page, reading every single article. This was as good a place as any to look at what was going on locally and also what sort of work was available should I decide to stay for a short time, or even permanently. I knew, thanks to Aunty Lil, that I didn’t need to worry about money for a while, but I wasn’t sure whether the life of a lady of leisure would suit me. I thought it might be nice at first but after a few days, I reckoned I’d be bored stiff. I was only thirty-four and I’d never not had a job since I left college. I could hardly retire. People would think I was a right lazy cow! Maybe part-time was an option. Then I could enjoy the local area and take Norman for lots of lovely long walks without trying to cram them in around a full day of work, which would probably feel like more of a chore. The more I thought about that, the more I liked the idea. Then I could spend time at the beach hut too. Even take up running, which was something I’d wanted to do for a while but didn’t seem to have the time or the energy, or both, for.

  I stood and stretched. The view from the lounge window was so stunning, I’d moved the furniture around slightly – moving Aunty Lil’s chair to the other side of the window and another armchair in the best spot to admire the view. The sea had always soothed me when I was a child and it still did. It was simply captivating to gaze at and I’m sure I’d already lost so much time doing so since I’d been here.

  But sitting and staring at the sea, wasn’t helping to find me a job.

  ‘Come on Nellie. Crack on.’ I needed to give myself a kick up the backside.

  Returning to the paper, I smiled as I skimmed the local interest stories, particularly those that were charity- or animal-related. I didn’t pay much attention to the local paper at home. Most weeks it came straight through the front door and back out in the wheelie bin because I never seemed to find the time to read it, although I now perhaps thought I didn’t make the time. We can all say we don’t have time, but we can make the time to do the things that we really want to do. It never ceased to amaze me when people would say they didn’t have time to do things they really wanted to, but would religiously sit down to watch endless hours of TV each day. Perhaps that was their relaxation but you can’t have it all ways. You have to change something, if you want something to change.

  It seemed there was quite a local community here, with stories about fun days and school projects. I noticed an ad for the dog socialising event that Jack had mentioned and ripped it out, placing it on the windowsill. It was something I’d like to go to. Meet some new people. Maybe make some new friends. It would be good for me and Norman.

  Glancing across at Norman, I wondered what he was thinking. He still seemed to mope around a lot. He must have missed Aunty Lil. I hoped that he’d be happy with me. If we did move back up to the Midlands I would definitely have to find some nice places to walk him; he was used to walking on a lovely sandy beach. There was Cannock Chase Forest, which I’d been to a few times in the past, and where I knew a lot of people took their dogs and it’s always looked really lovely. It was definitely something for the ‘going home’ side of the list.

  A huge advertisement for the local regatta which was happening in a few weeks jumped out of the centre pages. Oh how I had loved that event as a child. Aunty Lil used to take us every summer and it was such fun. I remembered a local, all-male brass band, dressed in smart white trousers, with starched white shirts, red-and-white stripy blazers and straw hats, always played music from the bandstand in the middle of the park. The park was full of fairground stalls of all sorts, games to play, trampolines to bounce on. Food stalls galore lined the streets too. My favourite was always the van that sold hot sugary doughnuts. Divine. As we got older, Jack and I were allowed to wander around on our own and then meet Aunty Lil later where we would sit on picnic blankets and enjoy the extravagant firework display, which was always such an amazing end to the day.

  That was definitely something I’d love to relive. I took my diary from my handbag and scribbled in the date of the event. It would be great to do that with Jack for old time’s sake, I thought, but I assumed he would be going with Natalia. Anyway, it was about time I started to make new memories. I had to stop living in the past if I was going to make it work out here, even if it was only short term, so perhaps I would be brave and go alone. Or Norman could be my date for the night instead.

  I wondered what was happening at home. I didn’t have that many friends, mainly the people I worked with. Shivani was my bestie and had been for the last eighteen years after we’d met at college. I took business studies and she was taking hairdressing and beauty. I first saw her on one of the first few days after I’d got my lunch and was wondering where to sit. Everyone seemed to be in groups and I was so self-conscious, not knowing a soul and with my confidence and self-esteem still taking a knocking from the bullying in high school.

  I glanced over and thought how gorgeous her jet-black, lustrous hair was. Poker straight and glossier than I’d ever seen. It was a total contrast to my fine, mousy-brown lifeless mop which had no shape at all and never shone. It made me so envious.

  There was one empty table, and the table that this girl was sat at. I could sit on the empty table alone or I could make an effort to get to know new people, so I took a deep breath and wandered over to hers.

  ‘Err… Excuse me. Do
you mind if I sit here?’ I almost whispered.

  As she looked up, I saw that her eyes were red and she’d been crying.

  ‘Oh gosh, I’m sorry. Are you OK?’

  ‘Please sit, but only if you are not going to poke fun at me. I’ve just about had enough of everyone today.’

  I noticed that she had the most beautiful voice that changed tone with every word, almost sing-songy.

  ‘I really won’t. I’m Nell by the way.’ I reached across and held out my hand to shake hers.

  She smiled. She had the most beautiful huge dark-brown eyes and lustrous long lashes to die for.

  ‘Thank you! I’m Shivani. Do you mind me asking, why you wanted to sit by me?’

  ‘Oh I’m so sorry. Am I interrupting you and all your invisible friends having a great time?’ I asked defensively.

  ‘Ha! Hardly. I’m the girl with the dark-coloured skin who no-one wants to sit with.’

  ‘Oh you have darker skin? I hadn’t noticed.’

  I smiled and the corners of her mouth twitched and those stunning eyes started to sparkle.

  Shivani told me she was on a hairdressing and beauty course but all the other girls in the course were white and seemed to treat her differently. They’d all paired up quickly, seemingly not wanting to partner her, and she’d been left the last one standing and had to work with the tutor, which they’d all sniggered at.

  I smiled.

  ‘Don’t laugh at me.’ She raised her voice.

  ‘Oh I’m not laughing, I promise. I was smiling at your voice, it’s so colourful and interesting. I love it. I’m really not laughing. Trust me, I know what it’s like to be treated differently. I spent the last few weeks at high school being bullied and I wouldn’t do that to another soul. I’d have been the first one to pair up with you.’

  ‘Really? You don’t mind what colour my skin is?’

  ‘Couldn’t care less. Tell those spiteful girls that if they’re nasty to you, they’ll have us both to deal with. Bitches! But what you can do, is tell me how I can get my hair to look as lush as yours. If you need someone to practice your hairdressing and beauty on, then… tadah!’ I stretched out my arms. ‘I’m your girl.’