Hold Me Now

by Addison Moore

  “Come here. Lesson number two—skin on skin.” I pull her heated body over mine, and we both grunt a little once our flesh connects. It’s a magical feeling that every last inch of my bare chest demands to soak in. My muscles quiver as if they’re drinking her in, drinking her deep, as if what my body needed all along was one long drag from Jennifer Barkly’s body.

  She reaches back and unhooks her bra, flinging it to the floor. A soft smile comes and goes as she lays her bare chest over mine, and the back of my head digs deeper into the pillow. My eyes close on contact, and all of the air knocks right out of my lungs.

  “Jennifer.” It’s all I can do, all I can say to keep my sanity. We roll over that bed like tigers. My mouth over her neck, her bare shoulders. I love her body with my mouth, not leaving either girl unattended. Before long, her breathing picks up, urgent and derailed like a freight train, as she barrels toward that magical place I desperately want to take her.

  After about an hour, Jilly makes a racket, and we part ways. Jennifer takes off, and I hit the shower for some much needed relief.

  All week Jilly gets the mail, then gets lost in her bedroom, affording Jennifer and me a repeat performance—her lips on my chest, my face buried in her tits.

  Needless to say, I’m loving monogamy far more than I could have ever expected.

  I don’t think it would have been the same without Jen.

  Hell, I know it wouldn’t.

  * * *

  All week I’ve spent fielding phone calls from Tess and Rachel. My answering machine is filled with half-hearted pleas—outright threats, enough detailed sexual propositions to qualify my line for an X rating, and an entire slew of angry, drunken, one-sided screaming matches. They’ve been clingy at school, but lunch has been spent with my singular girlfriend making out in the corner in the dark. I feel like a bit of an ass over that. If this were real, and it feels every bit so, why aren’t I parading her around in the middle of campus? I should be. I will be next chance I get. It’s just new to the two of us, and I needed to give Tess and Rachel—especially Raging Rachel some time to cool off. I don’t think they’d hurt Jen, but just to be safe, I’ve been lying low. Tonight, however, all of that is about to change. I don’t run from anybody, especially not two of my exes.

  On Saturday night, the gym fills up for the final game of the season—the final organized sports game of my scholastic career. Jennifer is here with Jilly by her side, and I give a wave at the two of them before the whistle blows. Everyone showed up tonight. The stands are brimming, the decks are flooded, and the cheerleaders are pumped. There’s an energy here that I haven’t seen all season. There’s an energy in me that I haven’t felt in eighteen years. And every time I catch a glimpse of Jennifer Barkly’s smile, it fuels me ten times stronger than before.

  The game is actually viable—a tie no less at seventy-two. Fourth quarter, the ball lands in my hands, four seconds until the buzzer goes off, and I can hear Jennifer screaming my name, cheering for me like no one has ever before, and I shoot. It feels like ten silent years before that ball gets to where it needs to be. It circles the rim as if showing off before dropping down inside.

  “Yes!” The team, the crowd loses its ever-loving shit as the gym fills with a spontaneous roar. The coach, the players thrash me around as we bask in our glorious triumph. The floor fills with throngs of people, but I keep my eye on that one girl that made this possible, the girl that’s stolen my heart.

  My feet stall a moment. Jennifer stole my heart? My eyes stay trained on hers as the epiphany sinks in.

  Jennifer stole my freaking heart. A laugh strums through me as I let out a howl. I thread my way through a sea of limbs just to get to her, and I pull her in hard.

  “You did it!” she shrills as I spin her through the air. She bounces back to the floor with elation still rife on her face.

  “Can I kiss you?” It feels strange to ask. Our lips certainly haven’t been strangers lately, but then, up until now we’ve been refugees on the run with our affection.

  Her mouth opens a moment. “Hot and sweaty kisses are best.”

  A laugh growls from deep in my gut. “So I’ve heard you say.” I remember those exact words from that fated New Year’s Eve when she was still seeking out Danny’s attention. The moment grows all too serious as her features smooth out. There’s a look of apprehension in her wide eyes before she offers an enthusiastic nod.

  Jennifer hikes up on her toes and wraps her arms around my neck, and I go for it—right here in the gym among the melee, the outright chaos that a victory like this brings, I land my lips over hers and indulge in a deep-throated kiss that goes on forever.

  Something is shifting. Something inside me is trading all the false pretenses of this fabricated relationship for the truth. The safety net has been cut down. Jennifer and I are walking on a tightrope built for two. Jennifer and I hold on for dear life while the catcalls, the snickers go off around us like a choir.

  We might have won the game, but Jennifer Barkly won my heart.

  * * *

  Russell James is hosting the rager tonight. He threatened my “giant hairy balls” if we lost—his words not mine—so I’m pretty damn glad to be here ringing in a victory. As soon as I showered and changed, I drove Jilly to her friend’s house where she’s spending the night. Jennifer hitched a ride here with Amy so I scan the hell out of the place hoping to spot her.

  The Scorpions “Rock You Like a Hurricane” blares overhead as I spot Russ and Joel by the pool.

  “Dude, you are the man!” Joel punches me hard in the arm, and I refrain from knocking him into the water.

  “You did it.” Russell nods. “You proved you’re not a pussy. I’m proud of you, man.” He gives a bleak smile. “Now, straighten out the rest of your shit, and we’ll be good again.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I glance behind me in the event there’s someone else he’s spouting off to.

  “I’m talking about Barkly. Heather and Melissa haven’t spoken to her in a week.”

  “What for? What do they have against Jen?”

  “It’s your chick not speaking to them. Maybe you should ask her.”

  My stomach boils in its own acids. Jennifer hasn’t mentioned anything. I did think she was a bit reserved at school, but I could have sworn that had to do with the fact we’re going around now. Going around. A goofy grin plays on my lips.

  “Pull it together, would you?” Russell kicks my foot out from under me. “Heather’s stressed. She thinks you’re using Jennifer.”

  Joel leans in. “You’re not using Jennifer, are you?”

  “Hell no.” I’m not, am I?

  Russell’s breath plumes out like smoke. “Then let’s hope they work this out. The longer this drags out, it’s gonna suck for all of us.”

  “So, what’s going on between the two of you?” Joel squints into me like a protective older brother. I get it. Melissa is Jennifer’s buddy, and Joel has definitely gotten a stake in Melissa’s state of mind.

  “We’re together.” There, I said it. It was one thing to show the world tonight in the gym, but declaring it, to my friends no less, seems a bit more dramatic—not sure why, since I openly chose her that night at the dance. But things have happened, time has drifted, and we’ve become closer. That night at the gym, we felt like friends starting out on an exciting adventure. Tonight? It feels like a new ballgame entirely.

  “Together, huh?” Russell glares at me a moment as if calling my bluff. “Let’s hope it sticks. I don’t want to hear any more bullshit about some experiment you’ve lured her into.”

  It doesn’t bother me that they’re pissed. Jennifer and I know the truth. Things are progressing. We’re rounding out the bases at our own pace. It’s nobody’s business what we do together and why.

  Russell waves over at a bunch of guys from the football team.

  “I’ll be right back.” He slaps me over the shoulder. “Do all three of us a favor, and don’t do anything s
tupid.”

  “You bet,” I groan as he hightails it out of there. All of this negative energy is starting to bring me down. Maybe I should just find Jen and take off.

  Joel leans in. “I know this relationship stuff, this going around shit—it’s not easy for you.” There’s something sincere in his voice, so I soften a notch.

  “It’s not what I’m used to.” I can feel my walls crumbling. Joel has always had that big brother effect on me. “I don’t want to end up like my dad. I don’t want my kids to end up like my sister and me one day.”

  “Whoa, slow down.” He lands his mitts on my shoulders and steers me toward the trunk of an oak in the corner of the yard. “Don’t go populating the planet just yet. I get it. I used to get my fair share, too, remember? Then, I got caught up with Kelly, and that was a fucking nightmare.” He squeezes his eyes shut a moment. “But then, Melissa came into my life.”

  “You backed her into your life with your truck.” I never felt so bad for anyone like I did Joel and the girl he ran over, who would later become his girlfriend. “I’m glad it worked out for the two of you.”

  “I’m glad it did, too. That’s my point. It almost didn’t.”

  “What are you talking about? I saw the two of you connected at the hip as soon as school started last year. Kelly was out. Melissa was in.”

  “That might be what it looked like to the untrained eye, but the truth is, Kelly didn’t go down without a fight. She played dirty. So dirty she almost succeeded in breaking the two of us up.” He gives a slow blink. “My mother might have played a central role, too, but that’s old news. Mel and I are together. We fought hard. Heck, we fought through a ton of bullshit just like the kind you’re going through now, but the important part is, we survived. Jennifer never trusted me until the bitter end. She had her doubts, just like Mel and Heather have their doubts about you. But I’m rooting for you, man. I know you have it in you to treat a girl with the respect and affection she deserves. I know—I know you are nothing like your dad. When you do find that right girl—and I’m hoping it’s Jennifer—when you do settle down in a million years from now and have kids, I know they’ll have that family you’ve been craving all along.”

  Tears blur my vision, and I pinch my eyes shut. “Aw, fuck, dude. Look what you did.” We laugh it off. “I need to find me a beer and Jen, not in that order. I’ll catch you later.” I pull him in by the shoulder. “Thanks, man. That meant a lot to me.”

  “Don’t worry. Just don’t go breaking anyone’s heart.”

  I take off into the crowd as Starships “We Built This City” finishes off.

  Jennifer and I are building something.

  Joel is right. I’ve been craving something all along.

  I’ve been craving Jennifer.

  Chapter Seven

  What’s Love Got to Do with It

  Jennifer

  Dear Katie,

  Only have a second! I came home to do a quick change for the party. Glen won their first basketball game of the season! It just happened to be the last game, but hey, better late than never. Right? And it was Jessie who took it home. I can’t tell you how happy I am for him, for all of Glen, for us.

  Melissa and Heather are still freezing me out. They told me to my face they don’t think what Jessie and I have is genuine. Who the hell do they think they are to judge me? I don’t really care about their opinions anymore. In a way, I can’t wait until high school is over so I can get out into the real world and stop dealing with all of this drama, but, on the other hand, I’m terrified that once June gets here, I might discover that Melissa and Heather have been right all along.

  Oh, and the best part of this crap-fest? Someone carved the words DIE BITCH into the side of my car. I did my best to cover it with a bunch of bumper stickers. It’s a mad jumble of STYX, KMET Rocks, Just Say No to Drugs! MTV, GO BRAVES, and Judas Priest—in that exact horrifying order. Can you tell I raided Mark’s desk for those? Thankfully, my parents haven’t said anything, yet. Melissa and Heather would never do something so destructive, no matter how they felt about me. My money is on one of Jessie’s old harem hos. I wouldn’t mind making a bitch die for that. Ha! I love how unafraid of the death penalty I am with you. Totally kidding! With my luck, someone will go missing, and my diary will be confiscated as evidence against me.

  Anyway, Jessie’s little sister, Jilly, was at the game tonight. At one point, she wrapped her arms around me and said that even though I was stealing her brother, she was really glad to have me in her life. Then, she proceeded to spill her soda on my jeans, thus the quick change. I really do care about her. I don’t think I could love her any more if she were my real sister. As much as I don’t want to lose Jessie, I don’t want to lose her either.

  Catch you later. I’m hoping tonight my personal sensei will take me further onto the wild side. Who knows? We might actually go all the way one day soon. Now that is wild. But honestly? Is it too wild? As much as I love my best friends, I’d hate for them to be right.

  XOXO ~ Jen

  Book I’m currently rereading: (my personal fave) Judy Blume’s Forever (Let’s hope things work out way better for Jessie and me.)

  Favorite song: OMD’s, “So in Love” (Yeah, I’m switching it up.)

  Time to get WILD!

  * * *

  Last year, after Melissa, Heather, and I saw The Breakfast Club, I thought about what it might be like to go around with Jessie Fox. The jock-slash-player and the self-proclaimed class nerd-slash-virgin. He and I were—are—as about as different as we can get. Only now that I’ve had a chance to get to know him, now that my heart has finally met up with where my hormones have been all these years, I think it’s safe to say we’re pretty much the same under all of these self-imposed social layers. Our desire to feel wanted, our need to reexamine who we are and what direction life is leading us has ironically led us to the same place—to each other.

  Amy and I drive to Russell’s house, and I pause before following the crowd through the side gate. David Bowie’s “Modern Love” vibrates through the air, and judging by the energy from the crowd, everyone is still amped up from the win.

  “Come on! We’re missing it.” Amy tugs at my arm as the branches of a weeping willow sweep down to greet us. “Why are you hesitating?”

  “This is Heather’s territory as far as I’m concerned. If it weren’t for Jessie, I wouldn’t have even thought of showing up tonight.” Not that I’m running from Heather, but she hurt me, and I’m not looking to get another dose of that misery anytime soon.

  Amy pulls me out of the stampede. “If it weren’t for Jessie, you wouldn’t be in this mess.” There’s something solemn in her expression that lends me to believe she’s siding with Melissa and Heather on this one.

  “Don’t say that. It sounds wrong even if it’s true.”

  “Never mind that. I love this song. And I want to find Danny.” She whines a little when she says that last part. Turns out, Amy is just a teeny bit interested in the gentle (although sometimes prone to physical violence), blonde giant. But you wouldn’t know it from the way she’s talked about her ex-boyfriend, Peter, for the last twenty minutes straight. I guess he dumped the model, although I suspect it might be the other way around. He’s been calling Amy again, but her heart is still pretty bruised.

  A tall, dark-haired, bad boy with a Glen practice jersey is headed this way, and that smile—that killer smile has the insides of my thighs quivering.

  “Go ahead and find Danny,” I whisper. “I found who I’m looking for.”

  Amy takes off like a bullet once she spots Jessie.

  “Good game,” I say as he swoops in quick and wraps his arms around me. He smells fresh from the shower clean, the minty scent of mouthwash mingles with his cologne.

  “I owe that last shot to you.” He places my feet back onto the ground, staring intensely into my eyes as if something serious were about to transpire. “It was your smile that kept me going.” His lips press tight. “I didn
’t win that game for Glen or for me. I won it for you, Jen.”

  A thermal heat radiates through my chest as he says those words. Tears come, and I blink them away. It couldn’t have meant more if he said I love you. Or at least it feels honest to say that at the moment. I’m not sure Jessie and I will ever get to the I-love-you phase of our non-relationship.

  “Then, I think we have a lot to celebrate.” A part of me wishes my friends were around to witness the sweet exchange, hear the words he just whispered that have made my heart flutter like a butterfly’s wings.

  Jessie meets me right there with that earnest stare of his, those stoned with lust eyes, those heavy hooded lids, and I can hardly stand to breathe. I think if we were honest about what’s going on between us, we would simply get down to the nexus of who we really are. Heather and Melissa think I need to hear I love you first, but I don’t. With Jessie, I can feel it.

  “How do you think we should do this?” That deliberate tone in his voice lets me know we’re headed down that same trajectory. I’m sure his words can be interpreted in any number of ways, but a part of me wants to believe it very much pertains to the categorizing of us.

  But I’m too chicken to go there. In fact, I think I’ll head in the opposite direction just to be safe.