Heartless (Heartache)

by Danielle Allen

I swallowed hard, trying to get myself together as I stared at the sonogram. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe her because I did. But staring at the blurry image, it became real.

  I’m having a kid.

  “Wow,” I breathed, unable to take my eyes off it. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

  “I have an appointment in three weeks, and I’ll know then,” she said, sitting beside me.

  I looked over at her. “Can I come?”

  She took a shaky breath before she nodded.

  “I had an idea,” I started slowly, touching her cheek. I let my fingertips coast down her cheek and neck before I lingered on her collarbone. “Instead of us both not seeing anyone for the next six months, why don’t we just see each other.”

  “What?”

  I leaned forward. “Why don’t we”— I kissed her collarbone— “just see each other?”

  I felt her shiver and her breathing changed. “Bradley…”

  Kissing up her neck, I put my lips against her ear and my hand on her belly. “What better way for us to get to know each other than for us to spend more time together?”

  “This doesn’t sound like the Bradley I know.”

  I shifted so that we were eye-to-eye, and I held her gaze. “That’s why it’s time for you to get to know the real me,” I said before crashing my lips into hers.

  The rest of the night was a whirlwind.

  We ate dinner and it was delicious—even better than how I remembered Mrs. Lee making it. Then we watched a movie and ended up having sex on the couch. When we came up to bed, we talked and then had sex and then talked some more. The sun was starting to rise when we finally fell asleep. So, waking up close to noon on Sunday morning was not a surprise. But finding myself in Jamila’s bed alone was.

  I pulled on my sweatpants and went looking for her. Just when I was about to call out to her, I heard a voice that wasn’t hers.

  “…and I can’t believe you’re pregnant from a one-night stand,” the voice squealed in delight.

  Is that Bianca?

  I stopped in my tracks. I knew I shouldn’t listen to Jamila’s conversation with her cousin, but curiosity held me in place.

  “It was supposed to be just a one-night stand at your wedding and then I saw him in Richmond, and I’d planned on it being a two-night stand. That was it. And now… I’m pregnant with his baby,” Jamila confessed.

  I basically asked her to be with me for the next six months and she’s referring to me as a two-night stand?

  Was she wrong? No.

  Was she killing my ego? Yes.

  And after Friday and Saturday, I wanted more days like that.

  Bianca shrieked and reacted to the baby news again. She was talking so fast and so excitedly, I could barely make out what she was saying.

  Jamila laughed. “Is it out of your system yet? That was the third time you screamed in my ear.”

  “I know! But I’m so excited! I can’t believe you’re having a baby! And with Easy! And you’re due on Christmas! Oh. My. God!” She gasped dramatically. “What is Mark going to say once he sees that you’re pregnant after turning down his proposal?”

  “His opinion stopped mattering when we broke up,” Jamila replied. “And the difference is that I’m ready for this.”

  “Wow. You and Easy are having a baby.”

  “I know. Life comes at you fast.”

  “Have you talked to him about custody or how you’re going to raise it? Have you talked about how you’re going to co-parent?”

  “No, not yet. I mean, he said he’s going to be here for his child. We haven’t gotten into any specifics.”

  “No plan? You always have a plan. He’s been there since Friday, so what have you two been up to?”

  “We’ve been getting to know each other better…” Jamila’s voice trailed off.

  “Easy’s a good guy. I’ve never known him to be the commitment type, but he’s a good man,” Bianca told her. “I have no doubt he’ll be there for you and your baby. He goes hard for his friends and family. So, if you’re worried about if he’ll be a good dad, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.”

  I folded my arms across my chest as I stood in the hallway.

  “Yeah,” Jamila sighed. “I don’t think I’m worried about that anymore. Whenever we get around each other and he stops being Easy and he starts being Bradley, I just… I don’t know.”

  “Wait a minute! Do you like Easy? Oh my God, Jamila! After the wedding I know you said the dick was good, but do you have feelings for him now?” Bianca asked.

  “Hold on, I think I hear something,” Jamila whispered, taking the phone off speaker.

  Rushing backward down the hall, I called out, “Jamila?”

  “I’m in here,” she called back, opening the office door. The phone was still to her ear. “Bianca, I’ll call you back later.” When she ended the call, she slipped the phone into the pocket of her sweatpants. “You want breakfast?” she asked.

  I reached out for her, pulling her close. “I want you.”

  “Stop running your game on me, Bradley,” she replied, wrapping her arms around me.

  I kissed the top of her head, but I didn’t say anything.

  *****

  Chapter 7

  We started off with text messages exchanged every day. But after a few days, those turned into phone calls. We talked every single day. I was at the appointment when Jamila found out we were having a girl and every appointment that followed. I drove to Jamila’s house after work every Friday and spent every weekend with her. And as August was coming to an end, I was gearing up for another weekend in Maryland.

  “I’m coming to Richmond,” Jamila announced on Thursday evening.

  My eyebrows flew up. “Really?”

  “Yeah. You’ve been coming here all summer and I need a change of scenery.” She paused. “Is that cool with you?”

  “Yes, of course it is.” I glanced over at the overnight bag I’d already packed. “It’s about time you made it down here.”

  “I was trying to come a couple of weeks ago, but you bought tickets to that concert in the park in D.C.”

  “And I stand by that decision,” I told her with a grin. “We had a good time.”

  “Yeah. Besides the fact that I sweat my hair out on the hottest day of the year, it was a good time.”

  I laughed, thinking about the before and after pictures we’d taken. “You still looked beautiful.”

  “Oh, I know,” she said cheekily. “But I spent an hour and a half flat ironing my hair for it to end up looking like it did when we woke up. It was a waste of time.”

  “Okay, you’re right,” I agreed with a smile. “But this time, I don’t have any surprises planned in the D.C. area so if you want to be here, we will be here.”

  “I want to be there.”

  “And I want you to be here.”

  “Bradley, Bradley, Bradley…” Her tone made it clear she was smiling.

  “God, I love the way you say my name,” I admitted.

  “I’ve been horny all week and you’re being very sweet. That’s going to make me even hornier. And then that’s going to make it hard for me to go to sleep.”

  I chuckled. “Oh, really now… maybe we can help each other out.”

  “And how do you suggest we do that?”

  “You could video call me, and I could tell you all the things I want to do to you.”

  “Bradley!”

  It was the giggle in her voice that egged me on.

  “You could just play with that pretty pussy while I beat my dick,” I suggested, dropping my voice lower.

  “You know how I feel about being naked on camera now,” she admonished me softly.

  “You are so fucking sexy. Doesn’t matter if you’re on camera or in person, with or without clothes, my dick gets hard thinking about you. If you’re not comfortable, we’ll just wait until tomorrow. But as soon as you get here, I’m stripping you naked and licking every inch of you.”
<
br />   She moaned and my dick got hard.

  “You aren’t doing this to me right now,” she whined. “I have an eight o’clock meeting so I’m getting off the phone!”

  “Okay, okay, okay,” I relented, running my hand down the length of my dick. “But don’t play with yourself. I want you to stay just as horny as you are now so when I eat your pussy tomorrow, I can taste how your week’s been.”

  The mewling sound she made forced my eyes closed and a visual image of her appeared. I groaned, stroking myself.

  “If I can’t play with myself, you can’t play with yourself,” she argued. “I want you to fill me up.”

  It took an act of God to stop my hand. “Okay,” I promised. “I won’t.”

  “I have back-to-back meetings tomorrow, but I’m going to get on the road around three o’clock. I’ll be there around five.”

  “And I’ll have you naked fifteen minutes later.”

  “Are you going to let me take a shower first?” The amusement in her voice made me grin. “You’re so nasty.”

  “You like it,” I teased.

  “I love it.” Her voice was soft, sexy, and it caused my heart to pound. “Have a good night, Bradley,” she whispered.

  I licked my lips. “Goodnight, Jamila.”

  We got off the phone and I thought about that conversation for the rest of the night. I woke up and it was still on my mind. It wasn’t unusual for me to anticipate my weekends with Jamila. But it felt different to have her coming to me. I was high off the anticipation and everyone at work could tell a difference.

  “Yo,” Malik greeted me as he entered the elevator car, dapping me up. “I thought you left early.”

  “Not today,” I replied.

  He moved to the other side of the elevator and grinned. “What’s going on? And why do you have that big goofy ass smile on your face?”

  I ran my hand through my hair. “I’m just glad it’s Friday.”

  He gave me a skeptical look. “Nah, I don’t think it has anything to do with it being Friday.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and tried not to smile. “Come on, man.”

  “At first, I thought impending fatherhood was what was changing you. But now…” He nodded his head knowingly.

  My brows furrowed, looking at him with mock confusion. “Now what?”

  “I think it’s Jamila.”

  “Well, she is carrying my baby so…” I shrugged as we left the elevator.

  “Nah. I think it’s more than that.” He smirked. “I told Courtney how you couldn’t come out a few weeks ago because you were in Maryland again and she made some pretty interesting points.”

  “What were her points?”

  “I don’t remember all of them, but the main point was that you were in love with Jamila.”

  I stopped in my tracks. “What?”

  Malik looked back and then laughed. “Why are you looking all shocked?”

  “Why did she say that?”

  Did Courtney tell B that? Did B tell Jamila that?

  He frowned. “Because this is the first time any of us have seen you stick to one woman for more than a month. Even when you dated Sophia, you really liked her and that didn’t last a whole month. But what’s going on with you and Jamila looks different. It looks good on you.”

  I moved my feet and fell into step with him. “Like I told you before, she was saying that she wasn’t going to be able to date because she was pregnant so I told her that I wouldn’t date either. And then I suggested we just hold each other down in the meantime.”

  “And you don’t miss dating around?”

  “Nah, I’m good,” I told him. “Jamila is…” I realized how I sounded, and I changed directions. “It’s cool.”

  “Yeah, I know. I can tell. And you do realize that you and Jamila are in a relationship, right?”

  I shook my head. “Come on, man.”

  “Whether you want to admit it or not, you two are a couple according to my lady,” Malik said with a laugh. “So when she said you were in love with Jamila, I couldn’t deny that she had a good point.”

  I glanced over at him. “Did Courtney run that theory by anyone other than you?”

  “You mean did she tell B? I don’t know. Probably.”

  I winced. “Great.”

  “What’s the problem?” His eyes bulged. “Unless it’s true.”

  “I didn’t say that.” My heart was racing and I was sure there was sweat on my temple.

  “Then what is it?”

  “I don’t know.” I looked around to avoid eye contact. “I wanted to be there for my child and show Jamila that she wasn’t in this alone. But I don’t know… Being with her, being just with her, it’s not bad.”

  “It’s not bad?” Malik repeated with a skeptical tone.

  “Yeah, it’s cool,” I answered nonchalantly.

  I was underselling it.

  It was damn near perfect.

  I’d never had as much fun with anyone as I did with Jamila. The more I got to know her, the more I liked about her. She was funny, smart as hell, and easy to talk to. I had the most fun with her. Not to mention that the sex was incredible. For the first time, I was completely content with one woman. I didn’t have to impress her. I didn’t have to go out of my way. I didn’t have to be anything other than me. And that made me want to impress her and go out of my way for her.

  “Okay,” Malik scoffed.

  I knew Malik could see through my bullshit, but I couldn’t have him reporting back to his wife and it getting back to Jamila.

  “I have to make a store run before Jamila gets here, so I—”

  “Ohhhhh!” His eyes lit up. “Jamila’s coming here this weekend?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know why I tell you shit,” I joked as we walked to the parking deck.

  “Nah, I’m just messing with you.” He patted my shoulder. “Commitment looks good on you.”

  “Anyway, did you know that Brooks got a promotion?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “Yeah, I did.” He pointed at me. “Did you know that you had a girlfriend?”

  “Shut the fuck up,” I laughed.

  Is she my girlfriend?

  We said goodbye and I ran to the store. I hadn’t been grocery shopping in a while, so I ran out and grabbed a few of Jamila’s favorite things, some things I’d been out of, and a bouquet of flowers. On my lunch break, I’d ordered food to be delivered from an Italian restaurant up the street. I lit candles around my bedroom. I had the playlist I’d made for Jamila playing to set the mood. It wasn’t until I got out of the shower that I realized I was acting like I had a girlfriend.

  “Is she my girlfriend?” I asked myself for the second time in two hours. I slipped on a pair of sweatpants with nothing on underneath. I tossed some rose petals on the bed and then I immediately picked them up. “I’m doing too much.”

  The knock on the door cranked my heartrate up. I was more excited than I realized.

  Calm down.

  I took a deep breath and strolled to the door.

  “I’ve been waiting for you,” I started talking before I had the door opened all the way.

  “And I’ve been waiting for you,” Hannah returned, sauntering in wearing the smallest dress I’d ever seen outside of a club.

  My eyes bulged. “Oh no, no no no no. You have to go,” I told her. “Now.”

  “Why?” She looked around. “You haven’t seen me all summer so now that I’m back in town from my trip, I thought you deserved another chance to apologize. So here I am.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t have anything to apologize for. You need to leave my place. Now.”

  “But you were waiting for me.”

  “No, I wasn’t.” I pointed out the door that I was still holding open. “You need to go.”

  “I hate you,” she hissed angrily as she stormed out.

  I slammed the door behind her. “I need a drink,” I grumbled.

  Grabbing the good wh
iskey from my stash, I took a swig from the bottle. Closing my eyes, I exhaled loudly. My eyes flew open as another knock at the door broke through the music.

  I was less excited as I made my way to the door. If it wasn’t Jamila or the food being delivered, I wasn’t even going to bother answering it. Learning my lesson, I looked through the peephole. When I saw her face, my stomach actually flipped.

  Ignoring it, I swung the door open. “Jamila Lynn Lee,” I greeted her. I took her bag and then swept my eyes from the coiled curls of her hair to her sexy, sandaled feet. Her stomach poked out a little and I placed my hand on top of it. “Damn, you look good.”

  Her full lips curled up as she checked me out. “Damn, you look good,” she replied, reaching out to touch my bare chest. Her hand slid down my abs and stopped at the waistband of my sweats. Licking her lips, she slipped her fingers inside and brushed the base of my dick. “Really, really good.”

  The blood rushed from my brain. “Get in here and let me have my way with you.”

  She walked in. “You ain’t gotta tell me twice.”

  As soon as the door was closed behind her, I pushed her up against it. Grabbing her face, I kissed her and then pulled away slightly. My mouth hovered over hers until she blinked her eyes open. She moved her head, trying to get our mouths to connect, but I stayed just out of reach. I wanted to tease her like her presence teased me.

  Her hands moved over my body with a purpose. Her touch made it even harder to resist her. Her hand moved from my arms to my shoulders, down my chest and then around to my back. The second I felt her fingernails dragging across my skin, I knew I wasn’t in control.

  I tipped her chin upward and kissed her again, softly. The kiss quickly started to intensify. With each pass of my tongue, I felt myself giving in to what I felt for her. At the exact same time, I felt her giving in to the passion that silently burned between us. I pressed my body against hers, trapping her between me and the door. I wanted her to feel my dick pressing into her.

  “Do you understand what you do to me?” I asked her, breaking the kiss.

  “Tell me,” she whispered.

  I moved the strap to her dress off her shoulder. “I’d rather show you.” My mouth found hers before I trailed kisses to her collarbone.