A Touch Bittersweet

by Carter Ashby

  After a long, lazy few moments, Logan pulled back and smiled down at her like she was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. He licked his lips and let his eyes roam.

  “Surveying the damage?” she asked.

  “Enjoying the view.”

  He kissed her neck, her shoulder, her breast. And then the other breast. His attention took her breath away. “Don’t get me started again,” she said on a breath.

  He stood tall and smiled at her again. “I want a night alone with you.”

  Yes, yes, so much yes. “I’ll get someone to watch the kids… Shit, it’s a school night.”

  “Charlie can take them,” Logan said.

  “I can’t ask that of her. There are four of them, and they’re insane in the mornings.”

  “I can’t wait until Friday night, so please don’t ask that of me.”

  She found her bra and tried to put it on, but he kept pulling it away. “I have to get dressed.” She giggled.

  “You should be getting more naked, not less.” He pulled her back into an embrace. He brought her arms around his neck. Kissed her everywhere for so long she lost track of time.

  The light outside was losing its intensity. Turning into the orange light of late evening. How had they spent the whole day already? Amazing that they could simply commune, like this, for…what? Minutes? Hours? Just holding and touching and kissing for hours. Just two animals with no thoughts.

  But slowly thoughts were coming to her. She’d promised to be home by five. It was well past that time. She had children to feed and get ready for bed.

  At the moment, Logan’s face was buried in her neck, one hand between her legs, massaging her.

  “I need to come back down to earth, Logan,” she whispered, half hoping he wouldn’t hear.

  He stopped and slowly lifted his lips from her neck. He stared down into her eyes. Smiled. “Hey.”

  She giggled. “Hey.”

  “What were you saying?”

  “That I need to get back to real life. I promised to be home by five.”

  “Oh, it’s way past five.”

  “Yeah. So I need to get home.”

  He stepped back knelt to retrieve her bra. “When can we have a sleepover, Maggie?”

  She pulled on her bra and shirt. “Friday night?”

  He looked at her like she was crazy. “Are you serious?”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. We can steal a couple of hours tomorrow?”

  He just gawped at her.

  “I want to spend the night with you, too. Don’t look at me like that. There’s nothing I can do. I can’t go somewhere with you on a school night.”

  He hung his head and fidgeted with the hem of her t-shirt.

  He looked like a sad and disappointed puppy.

  “I guess you could come over, now. Play house with me. See what it’s like managing a passel of kids.”

  He lifted his eyes to hers, then.

  “After they go to bed, we could shower together.”

  He nodded. “That sounds good. Then what?”

  “Then we could go to bed.”

  He bit his lip and nodded. “Sure. That sounds good, too. What would we tell the kids in the morning?”

  “You would leave before they get up.”

  “Ah. Okay. And in the night, would we have to be, you know, quiet?”

  “Fairly quiet.”

  He winced. “That’s going to be difficult. For you.”

  She let out a laugh. “I can be quiet.”

  “Can you?”

  “Yes!”

  He gave her a skeptical eyebrow arch.

  She smacked him on the chest. “Do you want to come over, or not?”

  He kissed her on the cheek. “Yes, please.”

  “Then let’s go.”

  They cleaned up the painting mess and closed up the house. Maggie drove back to her guest house, then walked up the hill to the main house to get her kids. They were all outside running around. Eleanor was on the back porch with Levi on her lap and Frank sitting next to her.

  Logan should be rolling in anytime.

  Maggie went to the porch and sat in the rocker next to Eleanor. “How are you, Eleanor?”

  Eleanor smiled sadly. “I’m okay. Hoping to talk to Logan.”

  “Didn’t he come by, today?”

  “No, ma’am. Nate said he went down to check on the dog, then headed to your new place.”

  “Yeah. He helped me with the painting today.” She could barely keep from blushing when she said it.

  Eleanor nodded. “He’s coming home, though, isn’t he?”

  “Yes. But…um…I think I’m going to steal him for the evening,” Maggie said. She waited for a reaction. Frank glared into the distance. Eleanor’s smile changed.

  “Maggie, you’re not laying claim to another one of my sons, are you?”

  Maggie giggled. “Too soon to tell.”

  “Well,” Eleanor said, “if you do, please be honest with me. I like to know what’s going on. And I would support you one hundred percent. I can’t think of a better man for you. Or a better woman for him.”

  Maggie’s heart swelled. Tears filled her eyes. She leaned over and hugged Eleanor. “Thank you so much,” she whispered.

  Eleanor nodded. “Thank you, dear. For being here. For bringing me these grandchildren. For keeping my boy here.”

  Logan made his way into the yard from the front of the house. Nate was the first to see him. Nate and Wolf. They ran up to him. Logan knelt and wrestled with Wolf a moment. Then, he accepted the baseball glove Nate handed him, and they fell into an easy game of catch.

  Maggie grinned at the blue paint handprints on the back of his jeans.

  “Did you get any painting done at all?” Eleanor asked with a chuckle.

  “Yes, actually.”

  “Among other things?”

  “Yes,” Maggie said with a sigh. “Among other things.”

  They watched for a few minutes. And then Eleanor said, “I think he would make a wonderful father.”

  Frank got up and went inside.

  Maggie could see the tension around Eleanor’s eyes. But she agreed. “Yes. I think he would.”

  Logan walked Nate back to his house. It was after dark. Maggie had already gone in with Gracie, Izzie, and Levi.

  When they got to the back door, Nate said, “Hey, Uncle Logan?”

  “Yeah, bud?”

  “Did you change your mind about going?”

  Logan sighed. He needed to tread carefully. He put his hand on Nate’s shoulder. “I’m not going tomorrow. But I don’t know what the future looks like.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means…I guess it means I don’t want to go. I got some things to work through. I’m gonna try and stay.”

  “Try? How do you try and stay? Don’t you just…stay?”

  “You’re too smart for me, kid.” Logan opened the back door and ushered Nate inside.

  “Hey, Uncle Logan,” Gracie said as she came out of the hallway into the kitchen. “I gotta fill the water glasses for the kids.”

  Logan chuckled. “Okay. Where’s your momma?”

  “She’s supervising bath time.”

  “Supervising?”

  “Yeah. She’s gotta watch over Izzie and Levi because they’re big enough to take a bath together, but she can’t leave them all alone.”

  Nate dropped his baseball and glove on top of a pile of shoes by the back door. “Night, Uncle Logan,” he said, and ran off upstairs.

  Gracie followed, walking carefully while holding two glasses of water. Logan kicked off his boots and left them by the other shoes. He stared at the scene for a moment. A whole pile of mixed up children’s shoes in all sizes. Maggie’s sandals lined up next to them with his big ol’ boots alongside.

  He locked the back door and closed the shades. He went upstairs and found Maggie in the main bedroom sitting on the edge of her bed folding some laundry. She was in shorts
and a tank top, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. “Hey,” she said.

  Off to the side, the bathroom door was open and Logan could hear splashing and giggling. “They take a bath together?”

  “Yeah. Levi’s gotten big enough to be a lot of fun for her.”

  Logan nodded. He looked around the room. The bed was a four-poster. All the furniture was already in here when Maggie moved in. The guest house had been furnished and in-use for as long as Logan could remember.

  But the little touches were Maggie’s. A lace topper on the dresser. A few books stacked on her nightstand. Some framed photos atop the lace on the dresser.

  The photos caught his eye. They were family photos, of course. Why wouldn’t she have family photos in her room? He didn’t pick them up. But he observed. A wedding photo of the two of them, Josh and Maggie. Joshy looked so young. Just a kid. There was a four-photo frame with pictures of each of the kids. A formal family photo of all six of them. A less formal vacation photo. Maggie in a bikini with Josh hugging her from behind and the kids playing in the background.

  “That’s too much splashing!” Maggie shouted. “If you can’t keep the water in the tub, you’ll have to get out.”

  “Nooo!” Gracie wailed in despair. The splashing sounds grew softer.

  Logan left the photos and made his way to Maggie. He perched next to her on the bed and glanced back at those photos.

  She kept folding her little basket of clothes. She wore a little smile. “What are you grinning about?” He asked.

  She glanced at him and smiled brightly. “I’m excited to shower with you.”

  “I’m excited, too.”

  “Five more minutes!” She shouted.

  “Okay!” Gracie shouted back.

  More quietly, Maggie said, “We’ll get them tucked in, then have a beer or something while they fall asleep. I don’t want to get all involved with you and be interrupted a million times.”

  “Agreed.”

  After bath time, Logan was invited (or begged) to read a story to Gracie and Izzie. Nate had already showered in the other bathroom and gone to bed. Maggie tucked Levi into the room he shared with Nate. She had Levi in a little toddler bed. She put a baby gate in their doorway, and another at the top of the stairs. Logan read two stories to the girls, then left Maggie to do the rest of the tucking in procedures. He watched, though. Watched and wondered about it. He had distant memories of being tucked in by his mom…before she’d left his dad for Frank. They were good memories.

  After she pulled their doors almost shut, she turned to him and grinned. “Beer?”

  “Sure.”

  They made their way downstairs and snuggled on the couch with two beers. “Thanks for reading to the girls.”

  “Thanks for letting me. They said I didn’t do the voices right.”

  “Oh, good Lord. If it makes you feel any better, tomorrow when I read to them they’ll tell me the same thing.”

  “I figured it couldn’t be too big a deal. I kept offering to go get you, and they said no. They wanted me to read.”

  Maggie drank and then nuzzled her cheek against his chest. “Can I be honest with you about something?”

  “Please do.”

  She sighed. “After earlier, we came back here. You stayed out playing catch with Nate. When I got in I had this moment where I felt really, deeply…sad.”

  He squeezed her shoulder even as he felt something squeeze around his heart.

  “It didn’t last too long. I did have to have a bit of a cry.”

  “That’s okay, Maggie.”

  “I’m so excited by you. So happy with you. And I also feel—heartbroken. Again.”

  He thought about it for a moment. Thought about those pictures. About how he felt as he was looking at them a few minutes ago. “I think I felt a small version of that, myself. Just now. Seeing you and my baby brother so happy together in those pictures.”

  “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I should have put those away.”

  “No. No, don’t do that. They’re your memories. I’m just saying…I saw them and it hit me what we’d done. How we’d moved forward and sort of left him behind.” He stopped talking as the pressure in his throat increased, threatening to bring tears to his eyes.

  “Yeah,” she said. “That’s what I’m feeling. Almost a second grieving. Not as bad as the first, but still.”

  “Would it be best if I go? Give you some space?”

  “Absolutely not.” She sat her beer on the coffee table, then took his and sat it next to hers. She climbed onto his lap and kissed him. “I’m okay. I just wanted you to know. I wanted to feel it with you. Is that okay?”

  “Yeah, Maggie. That’s okay.”

  She smiled sweetly. “You ready for that shower?”

  That night in bed with Logan, sweat drying on her skin, body aching pleasantly, Maggie asked Logan about his father.

  Logan held her, stroked her hair repetitively, and didn’t answer for a long while.

  When he did, he said, “I don’t think I’m bad.”

  She knew him well enough to wait, though she did squeeze closer to him.

  “But sometimes, I’m not sure,” he said. “I don’t know the old man well, and sometimes I worry there are things in me that I got from him that maybe make me…bad.”

  She trailed her fingertips up his side, and he chuckled softly. “You know it’s not true, right?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I know it. But I still worry. When I was younger, I was sure I was no good. I let Frank confirm it for me, and I just kind of thought I’d join the Army and go get killed in some war somewhere—at least do a little good.”

  Maggie’s heart skipped. She choked back a response he didn’t need right now.

  “Jesus, Maggie, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” She let it sit for a while. Then she asked, “Has he—Frank, I mean—ever said anything like that?”

  “What? That he wished I was dead instead of Joshy?”

  She looked away.

  “He said it once. Didn’t have to. I know he wishes I was never born. Never understood why… I think that’s why I thought I was fundamentally bad. I didn’t ever do anything to him, so there must just be something wrong with me. ’Specially when he started having his own kids and thought the whole world of them.”

  “Like Cinderella.”

  He laughed. “Yeah. It’s funny you say that… I used to read that story to myself. I was a boy, so I wasn’t allowed to wish for a fairy godmother—but I did. I didn’t want a ball or a dress or Prince Charming, but I wanted out, for sure. Anyway, I went to see the old man, like I do, sometimes, just to check on him. See if he needs any money. Helps me to connect with him. I asked him why he hurt us, but I regret asking it. Never seems to help. But he was right about one thing—ain’t no sense looking for answers outside of myself.”

  Maggie turned to her side, facing him, and embraced him, pressing as much of herself up against him as she could. He returned the gesture.

  “We should learn about each other,” she said.

  “Like what?”

  “All kinds of stuff. We don’t even know the basics. Favorite books. Movies. Food. What you like doing in your spare time? Past relationships. Future dreams.”

  He blew out a breath. “Elmore Leonard novels.”

  “Who’s he?”

  “Dear God. What do you read?”

  “Cosmo.”

  “Come on.”

  She giggled. “Nothing wrong with Cosmo. I also read a lot of John Grisham books.”

  “Okay. We’ll swap favorite books, how’s that?”

  “Sounds hot.”

  He chuckled.

  She let her hands roam, touching him everywhere slowly. She’d thought they’d expended all of their passion for the evening, but as the minutes passed, she felt that stirring in herself. And she felt it in him, too. She hooked a leg up over his hip. “Talk to me about girlfriends.”

  “Now?”

  “Yeah.”
<
br />   He blew out another breath. “Won’t take long. Most recently is Suzanne. We’re each other’s fall-back plans. Nothing to do on Friday night. I can check with her and if she’s available, we’ll hook up. Neither of us is interested in more, though.”

  “Mm. Ever been in a serious relationship?”

  “I’d have to say, no. Long-term, yeah. Serious…I think I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The longest relationship was Christy, back when I was twenty-five. She was a local rodeo girl back in Montana. Boy, could she ride.”

  Maggie smiled to herself. She rolled into him, pushing him to his back, and sat astride him. He was ready to go, again, so she slid him into her and sat, rocking gently. “How long did you date Christy?”

  “Mm, ’bout three years.”

  “You know, I know how to ride pretty well, too.”

  “Do you?” He groaned as he rested his hands on her hips and started guiding her movements.

  “Yeah. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments. I’m not sure if I’m as good as Christy, though.”

  “Christy who? Ah, move faster, Maggie.”

  “I rode the mechanical bull down at Rowdy’s when I was in college. About this speed right here. Got a lot of cheers.”

  She reached up and played with her hair. Logan slid his hands up to her breasts.

  No more talking. Just motion. A little flirting. A few exchanged smiles. Total connection.

  When they were finished again, they clung to each other, all smiles. This was where she was meant to be. Him, too, she could feel it. He was the perfect man, for her. The perfect partner for this next leg of her journey.

  She felt Logan’s body relax as he fell into sleep. She wouldn’t be far behind, but she spent the rest of her waking moments thinking of Josh. Thinking how grateful she was to have loved him so fully. To have left behind no regrets.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  LOGAN SET HIS alarm for six. He turned it off as soon as he heard it. Maggie didn’t budge, so he slid out from under her arm and leg and pulled on his clothes from the day before.

  He kissed her forehead, then slipped out the back door…hopefully well before the kids would wake up. He didn’t want them looking out the window and seeing Uncle Logan slinking through the yard between the houses.