NEVER BEEN A LOVED ONE

by Ramamurthy, Sivaranjini

  Everybody left the beach and he was still crying. A policeman came and asked him to leave. He rose up and drove the car home. He felt like a soulless body as he opened the hall door. His dad who was expecting his arrival rushed to the door seeing him drenched.

  “Where did you go?” his dad asked. CK didn’t reply and just stood like a statue. Chandra Sekhar was wiping the sea sand from his face, shirt and stopped at the hand when he saw the blood stained scratch. “What is it?” he asked again, holding his hand but he didn’t get a reply. “I am asking you, can’t you hear me? I know you love her more but I do care for you. Why don’t you get it?” Chandra Sekhar asked, raising up his voice and shrugging his shoulder.

  “What do you want from me,” shouted CK pushing his hands away, which echoed all over in the house. “You didn’t care for me when I was born and you didn’t care for me when I grew up. Suddenly you realized it and I should act as per your wish? Ah I think it’s only because of you that I am destined to never be a loved one. It started from you; you!” He sobbed. Hearing the noise, the PA and maid came out. His dad stood frozen with CK’s word echoing in his ears. CK ran to his room quickly and tears welled up in his dad’s eye. The PA rushed to him to console him. Tears rolled down his cheeks. The PA looked at the maid and everybody got back to their work.

  CK closed his door with a loud noise and he turned to see his mother’s picture. “You left me alone when I was born and you were not there when I grew up. You were not there to console me in my hard times and you are not able to bring my love back to me. I don’t want you in my life, or even in my room. You are just a photo,” he cried. He ran and pulled the photo hanged on the wall with his full force and threw it. I am going crazy because of you and sobbed, falling on his knees. He cried so long that he got glimpse of his mother’s picture. He turned towards his bed and he saw his mother’s picture. “I am sorry mom I know I am going mad. Whom will I show my anger except you,” he wept and crawled towards the bed. He picked up the photo and he took it along with Sara’s chudi by mistake, which fell on his lap. He saw the chudi through his bulged eyes holding the photo. “It’s only because of her that my life has become more terrible mom,” he choked. He lifted the collar of the chudi to throw it off when he felt his small fingers stuck inside a label. He pulled his hand and got a glimpse of the words on the chudi. He kept the photo on the bed and saw it. He felt the adrenaline rush.

  Reading a tailor’s address, he squeezed his bulged eyes and read again and again to make sure what he read was true. Everything went out of focus except those words in his sight. He read the address again and again till his heart accepted the fact that he found her. His eyes moved left and right thinking, How didn’t I see this? I am so dumb. My life was in my hand but I was searching it everywhere blaming others. ’ He kissed the collar and started to shed tears trying to come out of the shock, realizing the moment what was happening was true. He jumped up and down shouting, “I found you! I am going to come to you baby! I won’t leave you so soon,” kissing the chudi. Hearing his sound, his dad got up from his sofa and panicked. He rushed and opened CK’s door, hearing the door sound CK turned. His dad stood speechless and there was a moment of silence between them.

  CK broke the silence by running towards him and he hugged him tight. “I am sorry daddy. What I said was only words. I was going crazy without her, but now everything is fine, I found her address,” CK cried on his shoulder.

  “But your words were true, it was my fault,” his dad patted him, trying to console him but he ended up crying too.

  CK wiped his tears, held his cheek, faced him eye-to-eye and spoke, “I can’t bear my love leaving me then how would you bear your love leaving from the world? It’s not your fault I was destined to be born in that way. You are so strong, you fought your emotions and accepted me. Worrying about the past is not going to change our life. We are going to be a complete and happy family like others. What all you missed doing for me during childhood, you can do it to your grandchild in just a few months.” He paused to get his dad’s reaction.

  “What?” Chandra Sekhar shouted, shrinking his eyebrows. He nodded his head rising up his eyebrow. His dad stood frozen seeing him. He held his dad’s hand and took it near his chest and started to explain saying, “It was an accident when we stayed in the forest. I love her so much and I can’t imagine a life without her. Only now things have sorted out, please accept us.” Chandra Sekhar stood still thinking deeply and CK didn’t know what to do.

  “Those painful days when I thought you were dead made me realize that you are my world. It made me understand that I failed to show my love. I didn’t do my duty as your dad to look after your happiness when I was in the position to be your parent and I regret it each and every second. If this is what makes you happy then I am totally happy with your relationship. I don’t care about anyone,” his dad looked deep into CK’s eyes with tears rolling down his cheeks.

  “No more tears, come-on, we are going to be a happy and complete family” CK wiped his tears pulling him out of the room. Whatever we imagine big turns out small and life is crazy and unpredictable he thought, while getting down the steps.

  “Driver start the car,” shouted Chandra Sekhar.

  “But I need to dress up. I am in trousers and I am seeing her after a long time,” he said, relieving his hands from his dad’s.

  “You are handsome in anything,” his dad said, holding his cheeks. The driver came inside and Chandra Sekhar dropped his hands seeing him. The driver acted as if he didn’t notice anything.

  “Where are we going sir?” The driver asked, looking at Chandra Sekhar and he looked at CK.

  Chandra Sekhar and the driver were looking at him. He scanned the tag in his mind and recited the address of the tailor. Chandra Sekhar narrowed his eyebrows and shrunk his eyes an inch after each word of CK.

  “What?” his dad ended up clueless, when he ended with the word ‘tailor.’

  “Yeah, I don’t know her exact address. I saw it in her chudi collar only now. She must be somewhere around there,” he said thinking, Why did I react as if I found her? It’s not your fault, you didn’t have any clue of her, when you found one, you went wild in happiness. His dad looked at his eyes, which relieved the fear of him, whether he could find her or not even though he tried to show hope in his face.

  His dad wrapped him in his arm saying, “We are going to find her. Your mom will show us the way, trust me.” CK nodded his head thinking, I got to see the tailor’s address only when I picked up mom’s picture. I know she will help me out to find her.

  “Come let’s move, it will take more than three hours to reach that city,” his dad said, relieving his hands.

  The car engine started and CK sat next to his dad in the backseat. “Make it fast,” his dad said. The car took its speed but he felt each second was so lengthy. He badly wanted to be in the tailor’s shop by the next second. Why didn’t man invent flying boots? thought CK looking through the window. He looked through the window and he saw the shops and trees going behind and he compared it to his sorrows and tears. But what if you don’t find her? Those shops and trees would be your happiness and love , his mind warned. He held his dad’s hand interlocked and laid on his shoulder. He noticed a channel office passing, “What if the media comes to know? Anyway, they will smell it but will it affect your party?” CK asked holding his hands.

  “You don’t worry, my party members have immense trust in me. Problems would be raised from the opposition party but it can be handled. Nothing matters to me more than your happiness,” his dad said, waving his hair. His action made him remember Sara. I am coming to you baby. I don’t know for what reason you left me but I only know you love me more — more than you do yourself. I couldn’t even imagine what all you went through these days carrying our baby. Have you convinced your parents? How would they reacted seeing you pregnant? What if they did not accept you? No parent can do it seeing a child who was thought to be dead. His mind continuously chatter
ed without control.

  Their first meet, her first word, their adventurous journey, the love hut, the love making night, his confession, the sleepless night when they found out they were pregnant, their romance near the beautiful falls, the early morning when the arrow of the tribal stopped just an inch away from his heart because of Sara, their celebration with the tribe, Sara’s words ‘I love you’, Sara’s excitement during the return journey and the last time when he saw Sara at a distance all flashed before his eyes.

  “Make it fast; fast!” CK shouted.

  “Relax, he is driving fast. We are about to reach,” his dad rubbed his shoulder.

  “What? Are we going to reach?” He asked, holding his dad’s pants tight.

  “Yes, we have reached the city,” the driver repeated.

  “What if I don’t find her? What if she doesn’t accept me?” Framing more ‘what if’ questions, he lay on his dad’s lap curled up, holding his pant tight. His dad tried to relax him saying, “Think positive, only positive things will happen,” but CK finally burst out in tears saying, “I can’t even imagine a life without her.”

  “Trust your mom,” his dad said, patting him. Only those words made CK wipe his tears and get back to his seat. The driver reached the street with the help of Google Maps.

  The driver opened the window and asked a man passing by about the tailor’s address. He looked at him eagerly expecting his answer without blinking his eyes. The man was confused, looking at the BMW, scanning each part of it. At last he said no and the driver started the car murmuring, “He was thinking so much to say no.”

  “Shit,” CK punched on the seat.

  “Ask in that tea stall,” his dad pointed at a shop. The driver stopped the car and shouted the address, the boy in the shop pointed at the road opposite to the highway. CK’s eyes were scanning all the shops in that direction. CK couldn’t even read the words being tensed.

  “There it is, the yellow color board, take U-turn,” his dad tapped on the driver’s shoulder. Before he completed his sentence, CK jumped from the car and started to run to the shop.

  “CK wait, watch out!” Chandra Sekhar shouted, getting out of the car. CK turned hearing his voice in the middle of the road but saw a lorry close to him. He lifted his hands to his face seeing the lorry’s light and closed his eyes tight. He heard his dad’s loud voice, “CK!”

  Sara’s words ‘I love you’ echoed in his ears from all directions. He felt the lorry getting closer. His dad’s acceptance and his happy days with Sara flashed up in his mind.

  THE CLIMAX

  CK heard the sudden break of the lorry tier and he slowly moved his hand down realizing that he is alive. The driver started to shout at him but he couldn’t hear anything. His dad pulled him to the other side of the road apologizing to the driver. Only then the driver noticed the face. He was looking at Chandra Sekhar in the dark to make sure that it’s him. The vehicle began honking at the back, so the driver started the lorry. Chandra Sekhar hit CK, crying.

  “Why do you do this to me? I saw your mom dying and I can’t see you too. Instead of doing this to me, you can kill me!” Chandra Sekhar wept. CK stood frozen still not able to come out of the situation. “CK!” His dad shook his shoulders.

  “Sorry dad, I went mad!” CK cried. Seeing him cry, Chandra Sekhar wiped his tears and his son’s. He held his son’s hand and walked to the shop saying, “Be patient in any situation.”

  They went inside the shop and seeing Chandra Sekhar getting into the shop, the tailor rose up from his seat welcoming him. He went inside nodding his head. As soon as they entered the shop, CK opened his mouth to ask about her. Chandra Sekhar pressed his hands and stopped him.

  “It’s personal; don’t share it outside!” His dad whispered.

  “We are searching for a girl. I read your shop’s tag in her chudi. She is height of something like 5’8”,” CK rushed up his words.

  “Ah! We stitch many chudis,” the tailor said, rubbing his forehead thinking.

  “Do you have that chudi?” The tailor asked.

  “Oh shit I forgot in a hurry,” CK shouted, stamping the floor and holding his forehead with his hands.

  “Relax CK, anyway she is somewhere around here. We can find her by any means,” his dad said, patting his shoulder. His words made CK put his hands down and raise up his head.

  “You can remember her. She is unique, she is not someone to forget. She looks like a model with a perfect structure. She has a mole in her eyes and a scar in her eyebrows. She has a lengthy hand and has medium-length hair with natural curls at the bottom. She has a soft feminine voice, which has the power to make anyone heart skip a beat,” he choked visualizing her holding back his tears. The tailor looked puzzled at him. He nodded no making a a sad face.

  “Investigate in the nearby shop,” said the tailor in a low voice.

  “I am saying can’t you get it? You can remember her, just think!” CK shouted. Chandra Sekhar pulled CK out of the shop. Tears rolled down CK’s cheeks.

  When they were about to leave the shop, “By the way, what’s her name?” The tailor shouted. His voice stopped their moving feet. CK turned back with excited eyes shouting, “Sara!” with all his energy. The tailor breathed a sigh of relief. CK was looking at him without blinking his eyes.

  “You could have said this before,” said the tailor. CK recalled the conversation and made sure what he heard was right. How mad I am! I should have said her name first ! thought CK. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the tailor’s words.

  “Her house is the orange building at the corner of the street.” CK’s eyes were enlarged an inch by the tailor’s every word.

  “Yes!” he shouted, jumping and punching the air. He hugged his dad shouting, “We found her daddy, we are going to be a happy family!” Tears rolled down his dad’s eye seeing CK happy after a long time. The tailor went speechless seeing the big shot’s reaction for their street girl. CK held his dad’s hand tight and pulled him out of the shop. Only after seeing that tailor came to conscious and shouted, “But!” His voice was lost in the lorry’s honk.

  “For a moment, I thought I lost her. I can’t even imagine that moment now. I don’t know how you managed to come out of mother’s absence. Only that moment I felt its real pain. You’re great daddy. You also accepted me overcoming the pain. You are not only my hero on screen but on real life too. I am lucky to have you,” he said, wrapping his dad’s shoulder tight and kissing hard on his cheek. “As you said, mom only brought us here. Only while picking up her photo, I saw the tailor’s label. She is very powerful. I love you mom!” he shouted, blowing flying kisses towards the sky.

  “Save some kisses for Sara,” his dad smiled, stopping his running commentary, which started from the tailor shop. CK blushed and looked down. Only now CK felt his feet on the ground. Yeah I will stop her stupid reason by kissing her. I know she also would be missing me terribly, she can’t push me away. But how would their parents react? What if they don’t allow me to meet her? thought CK. His thought slowed down his feet.

  “Come on, come fast, that’s her house,” his dad pulled him along, pointing at a building. CK was lost in his thoughts.

  “Ha!” he said, raising up his head. He looked in the pointed direction, seeing the orange building, which was only a few steps away from him. CK could hear his heartbeat in spite of the traffic.

  CK stood still and speechless after seeing the orange building as if it was haunted.

  “What happened? You were waiting for this moment,” his dad shrugged, looking at his wide opened eyes. CK breathed heavily, flinching, getting back to consciousness.

  “What if their parents don’t accept me?” CK held back his tears.

  “Come on, why can’t they? You have money, pride and a pure heart!” His dad said, wrapping his shoulder and making him walk to the gate of the house. CK was facing down trying to gather up courage hearing his dad’s word. He stopped as his dad stopped. He saw the bottom of the gate and his hear
tbeat increased as his face was lifted by each inch. Searching for Sara in the airport, seeing her getting into the cab, the chase, crying for her in the road, the pain each day CK felt without her flashed before his eyes as he saw the house. Tears welled up in his eyes. CK held his dad’s hand with his trembling hand and brought it near his chest. His dad had a puzzled face seeing his reaction, but he could feel CK’s heartbeat.

  “Daddy, I can’t even imagine a life without her. I will be shattered. You go and talk to their parents. If I come with you, I’ll ruin it!” CK choked.

  “Ha! How could I?” his dad whispered as lines formed in his forehead.

  “Please daddy, please, when Sara comes out I’ll talk to her. Think! She is pregnant! How would their parents react to me? If they see you first they will allow me to see Sara,” said CK, rushing up his words and battling his tears. CK’s wet eyes and the vigorous heartbeat made his dad nod yes closing his eyes. His dad held the gate firm and looked at CK’s eyes and prayed to his wife. “I know you are always with us. I know you will make our family happy and complete.” He was tapping his foot and squeezing his fingers. CK saw his dad walking towards the door without blinking his eyes. He pressed the calling bell after taking a deep breath.

  “Please mom, please!” CK started to murmur, peeping through the gate and holding it to support his trembling hands. There was pin-drop silence and Chandra Sekhar turned and saw his son without knowing what to do. CK’s reaction was exactly like expecting the last ball to be six to win his life. The silence was broken by hearing some steps towards the door. Chandra Sekhar turned suddenly and by his reaction CK realized someone is going to open the door. He could feel the heartbeat in his throat as did Chandra Sekhar’s. Both heard the door, which was about to be opened.