by HC Michaels
Tessa yawned and stretched out her legs as much as she could. The man in front of her seemed to think it was okay to lean his seat all the way back. On a long-haul flight, maybe, but was it really necessary for a three-hour journey? She nudged the back of his seat with her knee.
He didn’t get the hint. Typical for a man.
Kosta hadn’t gotten the hint, either. All she’d wanted was a tiny bit more from him and they could’ve ended on a positive note. She didn’t want to marry him. All she wanted was to take a walk with him. Was that so much to ask?
She looked across at Millie who was transfixed to an iPad watching Peppa Pig. Her headphones were lost in her curls. At first glance you couldn’t even tell she was wearing them.
Elvira sat on Millie’s other side, her eyes glued to the window as she dabbed at her face with a tissue.
Tessa reached out and gently stroked Millie’s soft cheek.
She pushed Tessa’s hand away and frowned. Nothing got in the way between Millie and Peppa. She loved that pig almost as much as she loved Tessa.
It was nice to be back with Millie, although loving her didn’t come without risks. Elvira could end her employment tomorrow and where would that leave her? She had no rights over this little girl, no matter how much love there was between them. She really needed to guard her heart from such a risk. That was something she’d hoped would happen in Greece. That once she was so far away from Millie, she’d be able to pull back her emotions a little.
But given cliches are often as true as they are uninventive, absence really had made her heart grow fonder. She’d missed Millie so much it had physically started to hurt. Especially once Kosta had cast her aside, eliminating any reason for her to extend her time away.
It would be nice to have her own child one day. Someone she could love with every ounce of her soul without the risk of having her heart broken. Although, she’d need to find a man to help her with that first. There was no hurry. She wasn’t even close to thirty yet.
She closed her eyes and fought the urge to sleep. They’d be landing soon. She’d barely slept a wink last night. If she fell asleep now, she’d have the same trouble tonight. Especially in a strange bed.
Elvira had asked her to book an apartment close to the marina. She wanted to be close to her father but said she couldn’t bring herself to stay in her parents’ apartment after what happened there. That seemed fair enough. Tessa didn’t like the idea, either. It gave her the heebie-jeebies.
Available three-bedroom apartments were all way out of Elvira’s budget, so Tessa had booked one with two bedrooms. She didn’t mind sharing with Millie. It would be nice to wake up to her cute little face in the morning. She didn’t need to ask Millie what she thought of the idea to know she’d give it two thumbs up and a cheeky grin.
She’d been right. Millie had squealed in delight and Tessa had to try to keep her quiet, afraid her happiness would upset Elvira.
Hopefully, whatever the things were that Elvira needed to organise would keep her very busy over the next week, leaving her plenty of time to explore the island with Millie. The pool at the apartment looked amazing.
“We’re nearly there,” said Elvira, turning to her.
“Great. I can’t wait to stretch out.” Tessa gave the back of the chair another nudge.
“Did my father say anything about my brother?” asked Elvira.
“No. I didn’t realise you had a brother.” She didn’t know why she was surprised. There must be a thousand things about Elvira she didn’t know. Millions even. She was an incredibly private person.
“His name’s Tino.” Her lips curled around the two syllables of his name as if acid were burning the back of her throat.
Tessa nodded. “You’re not close?”
Elvira shook her head as more tears spilled from her eyes.
“Will he be there?” asked Tessa.
“I hope not. I don’t think so. But if he is, you must promise me not to let him anywhere near Amelia.” Her face was hard, her eyes flicking across Tessa’s face, assessing whether she understood.
“I get it.” Tessa put a hand on Elvira’s forearm. “It’s okay. I won’t let Millie out of my sight.”
“Good.” Elvira nodded her approval. “And another thing…”
“Yes?” Tessa lifted a brow as she waited for her next order.
“I don’t want Amelia to swim in the pool.” Elvira smoothed out an imaginary wrinkle from her trousers.
“You can’t mean that.” Tessa’s jaw fell open. “Really? I’ll watch her every second. I promise.”
“I don’t want her swimming. Are you listening?” Elvira scowled. “This isn’t a holiday. You’re not here for your entertainment. I thought you would’ve gotten that out of your system in Greece.”
Tessa sighed. Just when her boss had started showing signs of being an actual human, she’d had to snap back into being some kind of robotic bitch.
“Okay. No pool,” she said, “But I’d be grateful if you could be the one to tell Millie.”
“And I’d be grateful if you could please do the job we’re paying you for.” Elvira looked back towards the window, indicating the conversation was over.
Tessa dug her knee hard into the chair in front of her.
“Hey,” complained the chair’s occupant, turning his head to glare at her.
“Oh, sorry.” She smiled innocently. “I’m just a bit pressed for room here. Do you think maybe you could—”
“For fuck’s sake,” he muttered pulling his chair up an inch.
“Gee, thanks.”
If Millie weren’t sitting next to her, she’d enjoy continuing this delightful conversation with her fellow passenger. But as her language filter was oiled and firmly back in place, she kept her mouth shut.
Suddenly, Queensland didn’t seem like such a great adventure after all.
Elvira stepped into the apartment and into her father’s arms.
It felt good to be held by him like this. It reminded her of happier times. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend she was a little girl whose father could keep her safe.
Then she felt him shudder as his tears made their escape. He didn’t have any magical abilities to keep anyone safe. He was just as vulnerable to the world’s pain as anyone else.
“Oh, Dad.”
“Elvira,” he sobbed, releasing her so he could look into her eyes.
He looked worse than she did and given what she’d seen in the mirror before she left the apartment that was saying something.
“Let’s go inside,” she said, glancing behind him.
She hadn’t been to the apartment before, even though her mother had been nagging her to visit since they bought it.
Her absence had been a protest. She hadn’t wanted them to move. It was selfish. They’d abandoned her in her time of need, saying it was too difficult for them to stay. They hadn’t cared that it was difficult for her if they moved.
They’d only met Amelia once.
Once!
And now that her mother was dead, that number would never have the chance to grow.
Amelia was their only grandchild. The only one they were likely to get, either. Unless Tino procreated, which would be wrong on too many levels for her to think about at the moment.
At least her father could get to know his granddaughter once she convinced him to leave this bloody island and return to Melbourne. Maybe he could come and live with them. Her father was still young. He could look after Amelia, and she could let Tessa go.
Although, sometimes your own flesh and blood didn’t do the best job looking after the ones they loved. At least someone who was being paid had a responsibility to do the job properly.
Her father led her to the living room and her jaw dropped. It was an open plan connected to the modern kitchen with ceilings that stretched right to the top of the second storey. The wall facing the marina was made entirely from glass and had sweeping views extending from the huge balcony.
Elv
ira hadn’t expected the apartment to be this nice. Her father’s panel beating business must’ve been worth a lot more than she thought. It wouldn’t have hurt either that her parents had sold their Brunswick home for a record price. It was on a corner block and the developer who bought it had since knocked it down and built an apartment complex with eight units.
She could partly understand why her parents had elected to wake up to this view every day. Their living room in Brunswick had a view of Elvira’s carport. But still, if they’d stayed, they could also have woken up to Amelia chatting away from the next room when they had her over for a sleepover. Surely, it was better to wake up to your granddaughter than a bunch of yachts and some jet skis?
A staircase caught Elvira’s eye and she turned her back to it, not wanting to imagine her mother’s final moments so clearly just yet. She’d been pushing such images from her mind ever since she heard the news, saved only by her inability to accurately picture the scene.
Her father stepped out onto the balcony and motioned for her to follow. It was a beautiful day. Warm but not hot. The sort her mother loved best. It was hard to believe she wasn’t here to see it.
“Where is she?” asked Elvira, perching on the edge of a wicker chair.
“She with God now.” Her father made the sign of the cross as he sat down. Despite his obvious grief, his olive skin had a healthy glow. He’d lost several kilos from around the middle, and he’d finally clipped his hair short, getting rid of his ridiculous comb-over. Queensland life suited him. Well, it had suited him until now.
“No, I mean, where’s her…body?” Elvira clarified.
Her father shook his head slowly. “They take her.”
Elvira drew in a deep breath, having forgotten how frustrating her father could be. He never seemed to understand what she was saying. It wasn’t just his broken English that got in the way. Sometimes she felt like he was doing it on purpose.
“Who took her?” Elvira leant forward. “Where?”
“The police.” He waved his hand as if it were all too much to explain. “She in the mainland at funeral home in Proserpine. There was nowhere for her here.”
“Right.” Elvira felt the beginnings of a migraine grip her temples. “So, how will we organise to take her home?”
“She is home, Elvira!” Her father’s voice was firm. “Why you never understand that? This her home!”
“You mean, you’re not going to bring her back...”— Elvira struggled to let go of the word—“home?”
Her father glared at her like she’d said a curse word. “She want to be burnt.”
“Cremated? You can’t be serious.” Her mother had been dead set against cremation. Dead being the appropriate word. It seemed Elvira really didn’t know her mother at all.
“Yes.” Her father nodded, his solemn face proof of just how serious he was. “Logan think it good idea. He explain it to us long time ago.”
Logan. Elvira’s skin crawled to hear this name. She’d been hearing it more and more since her parents arrived in Sunshine Island. First, as the nice young man they met down at the marina. Then as the nice young man who helped them fix a leaking tap. Then as the nice young man who seemed to have a permanent place at their table. They’d spent more time with Logan than with their granddaughter. Surely, it wasn’t unreasonable to be upset about that?
“And what will you do with the ashes?” Elvira asked on a huff.
Her father waved his hand again, this time towards the water. “We sprinkle her out there off a boat.”
“You are not sprinkling my mother anywhere!” Elvira stood and jammed her hands on her hips.
“Enough!” Her father shouted. “This not your decision.”
For the second time today, Elvira felt like a little girl, only instead of being soothed, now she was being scolded.
She let out a long sigh. “What happened to her, Dad? I can’t believe it.”
“I don’t know. She just walking down the stairs like she done every other time, ‘cept this time she fall. Boom! Banged her head and that was it.” He rubbed at his own head and Elvira cringed to think about what memories must be etched into his mind. “Terrible. Terrible. I can’t believe it. I really can’t.”
“Were you home?” she asked.
He nodded. “I shoudda been there to catch her, you know. It was night. I was asleep. Nearly fell down the stairs myself when I saw her there.” He tutted as he shook his head. “My poor Carina. My wife for forty-three years. Oh mama, what will I do?”
“It’s okay.” Elvira put her hand on his forearm and sat back down. “I’m here now. We’ll sort things out. But this is a family matter. I think Logan should stay out of it, don’t you?”
“Logan is good boy.” He waved his hand. “But he not here right now so doesn’t matter.”
“Where is he?” she asked with a vague recollection of her mother saying he worked on one of the yachts.
“Sailing,” her father said. “He work on a boat. But he be back soon, and you see he’s a good boy.”
“I will see.” Elvira crossed her arms, determined to meet this Logan sooner rather than later.
“Where’s Paul?” her father asked, as if only just seeming to notice he was missing.
“He’ll be here on Thursday.” She sat back in the chair, trying to look more relaxed than she felt. “He had to make his way home from Sydney before flying up.”
“And Amelia?”
“She’s at the apartment. It’s only a few minutes to walk from here.” Elvira pointed in the general direction of where they were staying.
“You leave her alone?” Her father’s eyes widened. “She just a baby!”
“Not so much a baby anymore.” Elvira clenched her teeth. “She’s with Tessa. You know, our nanny.”
Her father shook his head and tutted. Her parents had never approved of her hiring Tessa. She wasn’t sure what else they expected her to do after they moved to the other side of the country. Actually, that wasn’t true. She knew what they expected. They wanted her to stay home with Amelia like her mother had done with her. They couldn’t understand that wasn’t a possibility.
“Have you told Tino?” she asked.
Her father glared at her. “Of course, I tell him. She was his mother, no different to you.”
“Where’s he living now?” She grimaced, having resisted the urge to ask this question for a long time now. She didn’t care where he was living. He was dead to her.
“He’s still in Americas,” her father said.
“America,” she corrected, even though she knew it was pointless.
Her father waved his hand at her. “Whatever. The United State, then.”
“United States.” No matter how many times she tried to explain where to put his s’s when it came to America, he could never get it right. She sometimes wondered if it was his own private joke he was having with her, but that seemed unlikely now. She’d never seen him less in the mood for joking.
“Is he coming here?” Her back stiffened as she waited for the answer. If Tino were coming, she needed to be prepared.
“I dunno.” He shrugged dramatically. “I didn’t even know you were coming until you knock on my door just now.”
“But I told you I was coming!” She shook her head. “I called you back last night and left you a message on your answering machine.”
“You think I know how to use that thing? What am I going to do, Elvira?” He put his hands over his face and rocked back and forth in his chair. “Your mother. She done everything for me. Everything.”
Elvira bit down on her tongue to stop herself from pointing out that she thought Logan was the one who did everything around here.
Lifting his hands back, she saw tears streaking down her father’s cheeks, making her realise that for the first time since she’d heard the news, she wasn’t crying. Not even one tear. Her father was crying enough for them both. She was like this at work, too. The more ineffective her colleagues were, the more she l
ifted her performance. That was how she’d become a department manager. Not because she was especially talented, but because those around her were especially not.
“Look Dad. It’s going to be all right.” She patted his hand again. “I’m here. We’re going to get things organised and then you can come home with us.”
“Elvira.” He leant forward and looked her directly in the eye. “This is my home. Why you never listen?”
“You mean…you’re going to stay here…without Mum?” She wasn’t sure how much more her heart could take. She felt like throwing herself off the balcony. Her father could organise a double funeral. Let him throw her into the ocean off a bloody boat along with her mother’s ashes.
“Of course, I stay here. My life is here. I have this house. I have friends. I have Lo—”
“Your life is in Melbourne, Dad,” she pleaded. “I’m in Melbourne. Your granddaughter is in Melbourne. She needs you. I need you. I’ve needed you so much these last few years.”
She saw her father’s eyes soften, then he caught himself and a hardness drew itself across his face like a curtain.
“I am no use to you, Elvira. I am no use to myself. Let an old man be.” He waved his hands as if trying to clear the air of her words. “I cannot do this. I tell you many times. It too hard.”
And that, right there, was the problem with her parents. When the going got tough, they got going. First to Australia after their hometown in Italy was decimated in the war, then to Queensland after their family was decimated in their own private war. It was as if the thought of staying behind to rebuild had never crossed their minds.
Is that what her father really expected her to do? Come here to bury her mother—or sprinkle as he’d put it—then return home without him and pretend nothing had happened? That might be his way—Tino’s too—but it most definitely wasn’t hers.
Maybe it would be good if Tino did make his way here. It was time this family put all their feelings out on display and had an honest chat about how they really felt about each other.
After that, if her father really wanted to stay here with his beloved Logan on this beautiful-but-in-the-middle-of-bloody-nowhere island, and Tino wanted to go back to wherever it was he’d been hiding all these years, then let them.
