The Girl Who Never : A twisted crime
Page 14
“I watched her,” said Tino. His voice was quiet, his face twisted in pain. “I watched her die. I was the only one who had to see that. Do you know what that’s done to me? That image. I can’t get it out of my head.”
“Well, it’s an image I can only wish to have,” said Elvira. “Do you know what it was like for me to get there after it was too late? She was already gone, and I wasn’t there to hold her hand or even know what happened. I wish I was there.”
“You don’t wish you were there,” said Paul. “It must’ve been horrible.”
“I do.” Elvira was weeping now, losing control of herself. “Because if I was there, she wouldn’t have died. She’d still be here.”
“It was an accident,” said Paul, reaching for her again.
This time she didn’t push him away. Instead, she buried her face in his chest as her body trembled.
“It’s okay,” Tessa whispered to Millie. “Mummy’s upset, but it’s okay.”
Millie nodded, seeming to understand now was a time to keep quiet.
Tessa looked at Tino to find him staring at her. For the first time since they’d stepped aboard on this boat, they locked eyes. She could see the pain in his face. He’d suffered so much and was continuing to do so.
He hadn’t killed Bianca, which meant she now had no reason to think he’d killed anyone else. It was all just a horrible coincidence that he was on the island. She didn’t care what her mum said, coincidences did happen.
It was no wonder Tino behaved the way he did. He went overseas to escape what happened with his niece. Taking on a new name and a new life must’ve been the only way to bury his pain. And it explained the way he treated women—including herself. No doubt he hated himself for what had happened. Hooking up with women was his way of trying to prove he was worthy. And when they got too close, he pushed them away, afraid of their ability to hurt him.
She didn’t even mind so much about the photo, apart from the fact everyone had seen it. Guys took inappropriate photos all the time these days. Although, why he’d sent it to Elvira was a bit of a mystery.
Maybe she shouldn’t be so quick to blame him. There might be another perfectly reasonable explanation.
He’d suffered enough pain already without her judging him so fast.
If they weren’t separated by the length of a boat filled with his family members, she’d walk straight to his side and put her arms around him and tell him it was okay.
But she couldn’t do that, so instead she offered him a very small smile.
His face softened, just long enough for her to know he’d seen her.
He wasn’t the monster she’d thought he was.
He was just a very sad man.
Tino steered the dinghy back towards the marina. What a fucking day. Somehow it had turned out even worse than his expectations, which were fairly low to say the least given it involved his immediate family members heading out to sea on a dinghy with his mother in an urn.
The weather had been perfect and for a moment while they were putting out from the marina, he’d thought maybe everything would turn out okay.
Elvira had been keeping mostly to herself with Paul by her side, hoping as always, she’d throw him a crumb of her attention. His father had been sombre, but not sobbing as wildly as he’d been all week. And Amelia and Tessa were at the front of the boat strapped into their life jackets, enjoying the ride, appearing to be unaffected by the purpose of the journey.
Tessa had been avoiding him, as he’d expected, seeming to think if they made eye contact, she’d melt into a puddle on the bottom of the boat. It was a pity. She was wearing a pink cotton dress and occasionally when she reached out to keep hold of Amelia, he caught a glimpse of her white underpants. He was almost certain they were the same ones she’d been wearing in Greece with the lace trim around the legs.
He’d like to be one hundred percent certain but given the way she was behaving towards him, that seemed unlikely.
Everything was calm and if an outsider were watching them, they’d have seemed like a normal family.
But as was the way when it came to them, things went downhill even faster than it had taken him to get Tessa naked when he’d knocked on her door that first night.
He’d stopped the boat so they could scatter the ashes and the day went in a whole new direction. Instead of travelling northwest, they went immediately northfucked.
It was funny at first. His mother wanted her family to throw her in the ocean and that was what happened, albeit in a much less sophisticated kind of way.
But he was certain his mother would’ve laughed. She had a great sense of humour. Well, she had had a great sense of humour before Bianca died. Her granddaughter’s death sucked all the life and fun out of her. He didn’t blame her. It had done the same to him. He hadn’t always been such a cynical bastard. There was even a time long ago when he’d imagined he might get married one day and have some kids of his own.
But after Bianca’s death, he knew that was never going to happen. There was no way he was going to hand over his heart like that by having children. What if something happened to them? It’d been hard enough losing his niece. What if Bianca had been his daughter? He’d probably have thrown himself in the pool and drowned himself right next to her.
That poor little angel.
She’d been so full of life right up until the moment it was torn away from her.
Shallow water blackout.
That was what it was called. He’d never heard of it before. Never even knew anything like that existed.
Nobody had told him that if you continually hold your breath, it can lower your oxygen and carbon dioxide levels to such a point it will trigger your brain to draw in an urgent breath, filling your lungs with such a large amount of water it will drown you in two minutes instead of the usual six or eight.
He’d spend ages as a kid with Elvira in their backyard pool having contests to see who could hold their breath for longer. Why hadn’t it happened to them? Why did it have to happen to Bianca? And why did it have to happen while she was in his care?
Elvira had asked him to mind Bianca while she went to a doctor’s appointment and as it was such a hot day, he’d taken her to his parents’ house for a swim. If only he’d lain on the sofa with her and watched cartoons like he usually did when he minded her. If it had been a cool day, instead of hot, then Bianca would still be alive.
Life could be such a fluke. Every decision you made, whether big or small, had the ability to throw your life off its course. And the kicker was that you never knew when you were making one of those decisions. It could be as simple as taking a left turn instead of driving straight ahead or ordering the fish on a menu instead of the duck. No matter who you were or how careful you were, it could happen.
And there wasn’t a single fucking thing you could do to change it once it had.
He knew because he’d tried. He’d hauled Bianca from the water and pumped her chest trying to squeeze the water from her lungs. He’d pressed his mouth to hers and breathed in air, willing her to take it in. When he’d realised his efforts were useless, he’d called an ambulance, certain they’d be able to revive her.
But they hadn’t. One of the paramedics had cried a stream of silent tears. The other turned white and lost his ability to speak.
Tino remembered collapsing on the ground next to Bianca and making enough noise to make up for any of the quiet around him.
He’d loved Bianca.
Only, he hadn’t been allowed to grieve because his sadness could never match up to what Elvira felt.
Once she arrived at the pool, he was a spectator. Later he was a suspect.
She blamed him, which was fair enough. It was his fault. The police had blamed him initially, too, asking him a torrent of questions about how closely he’d been watching her. It was like they thought he’d done it on purpose. Despite it being his fault, he hadn’t done it intentionally. He hadn’t done anything less on purpose in his life
.
Maybe that’s why he didn’t blame Elvira for what happened with the ashes. Sometimes shit happened whether you wanted it to or not.
They disembarked at the marina and Elvira stalked off saying something to Paul about needing to be alone.
Paul seemed to like this idea. Tino didn’t blame him. It didn’t matter how much that poor bastard loved her, nobody would want to be around her when she was in a mood like that.
“Would you like me to take Millie out somewhere?” Tessa asked Paul.
“No, it’s okay,” he said. “I might take her for a proper swim at the beach. Lighten the mood for her a bit.”
Tessa looked surprised but nodded.
“Thought I might head to the resort pool for a bit,” Tino said to Paul, although really, he was talking to Tessa. “I don’t fly out until tomorrow morning.”
Tino’s father huffed. “You said you were going home tonight.”
“Couldn’t get a flight,” Tino explained, which was true. If he could’ve managed it, he’d be out of here right now. Although, maybe since Tessa had smiled at him on the boat, he was more at peace with the idea of leaving tomorrow. If only she’d meet him at the pool, then maybe he could find out if those really were the underpants he was thinking of.
“I see you later,” said his father, walking away from him, his shoulders hunched.
Tino felt a pang of guilt.
“I’ll come with you,” he called after him. He could have a cup of coffee with his dad and make sure he was okay before he headed out.
His father continued walking away.
Tino stuck out his hand to Paul, who hesitated before shaking it.
“See ya,” he said to Tessa, raising his eyebrows slightly. Had she heard his hint about the pool? He hoped so. Being stood up twice in as many days would be a killer for his ego.
“Bye,” she said, softly, giving nothing away.
“I really don’t know anything about that photo,” he said. “But I promise I’ll find out.”
She nodded, giving him that smile again.
Yep, she was going to come to him. More than once if he could manage it.
Elvira lay on the bed with her arms folded over her face. Closing the blinds had done nothing to block out the harsh sunlight.
She wished it would rain. The kind of rain that arrived in big black clouds that swallowed up the sky. The sort that refused to be ignored, demanding that everyone look to the heavens and marvel at the wonder of Mother Nature.
This sunshine was taunting her, reminding her that although her life was rotting like a forgotten apple at the bottom of a fruit bowl, the rest of the world was continuing as if nothing had happened.
Her daughter had died, taking the brother Elvira knew with her. He was a different person after Bianca’s death.
Now her mother was also dead, and Elvira had disrespected her ashes in such a terrible way.
People told her that life would get easier in time. That as the years stretched on, her pain would shift and subside. So far, all it had done was mature and multiply. She missed Bianca even more now, having to stop herself from staring at girls who were the age she should be now.
It was going to be difficult when Amelia surpassed the age Bianca had reached. The problem was that Amelia looked like an exact replica of Bianca. They had the same curly dark waves of hair, dark eyes, and sense of spirit.
Bianca never had the chance to turn five. Once Amelia did, she’d know for certain what Bianca would’ve looked like. The same would happen at six and seven and eighteen and twenty-one. It was torture.
She sometimes wondered if Bianca had been reincarnated as Amelia but couldn’t quite convince herself. She’d been pregnant with Amelia before Bianca died. She’d only just been given the news by her doctor when she’d received that horrible phone call.
Amelia had her own soul. She wasn’t Bianca, no matter how much Elvira might wish for it.
It had hurt when her father accused her of pretending Bianca hadn’t existed. Not talking about her was just her way of coping with her loss. In the early days the family had done nothing but talk of her and it had become too much. She’d decided to keep her daughter in her heart instead of her words.
The photos of Bianca around the house had been too painful to look at. One day, while Paul was at work, Elvira had taken down every last photo they had displayed in the house, including their wedding photos. She didn’t want to look at her smiling face before Bianca was born, knowing the agony that her life would become. And she most definitely didn’t want to look at photos taken afterwards with the lines on her face and the tight way she attempted to smile.
No. Photos were overrated. Memories were what mattered.
She’d tell Amelia about her sister one day when she was old enough to understand. Right now, Amelia didn’t know the difference between right and left. How could she be expected to process the fact she’d once had a sister? That for a whisper of time, they’d both been part of this world.
She was going to have to talk to Tessa later. She’d seen the judgement in her eyes. There was nothing she could say to make her understand. Tessa wasn’t a mother, no matter how much she might believe she loved Millie, as she called her.
Talking to Tino about Bianca hadn’t cleansed her or made her feel better. It had made her feel worse, mainly because he’d actually seemed to care about what happened. He seemed genuinely traumatised by her death.
Good.
Let him be traumatised.
It was his fault. She mustn’t forget that.
Tessa spotted Tino as soon as she arrived at the pool. He was lying on one of the lounges in a pair of navy-blue swimming trunks and his favourite sunglasses.
His hair was wet, and his body tanned. Two women on nearby lounges were looking at him while they giggled with each other. No doubt they’d be disappointed at Tessa’s arrival.
Tough! She saw him first.
And earlier on the boat, she’d really seen him. She knew what true self lay beneath that macho bravado he oozed.
She threw her towel onto the lounge beside Tino and sat down.
They both stared ahead, waiting for the other to speak first.
“You knew I’d come,” Tessa eventually said.
Tino tipped his sunglasses to the top of his head and raised his eyebrows.
He had such a dirty mind.
“Get over here.” He looped his index finger in the strap of her dress and pulled her towards him.
She stretched across to his lounge and kissed him firmly on the lips, suppressing a groan that tried to make an escape.
Kissing him felt so familiar. It transported her right back to Mykonos before any hurt or animosity had come between them.
Back to the days when he was Kosta.
His hand slid up her thigh underneath her dress as he ran his fingers around the lace trim of her underpants. She’d crept into the apartment to get her towel and swimmers, but had thrown them into a bag, not wanting Paul to see her and change his mind about giving her the afternoon off.
Tino broke the kiss so he could look at her. “I knew you were wearing these.”
“Stop it,” she said, swatting at his hand. “We’re in public.”
“Didn’t stop you flashing them on the boat,” he said. “You were driving me crazy.”
She frowned. The atmosphere on the boat hadn’t exactly been one to get him in the mood. Then she remembered how insatiable he’d been in Greece. It didn’t matter it was his mother’s funeral. He’d probably have sex at his own funeral if he had the chance.
“Are you sure you have no idea about that photo?” she asked, her cheeks flushing at the memory. “Because I don’t get it. Who would take a picture like that and send it to Elvira?”
“Someone trying to get you fired?” He shrugged.
“But who would want me to get fired?” She shook her head. “How would anyone over there even know who I worked for? How do we know they’re not still watching us?”
“But she thinks it was you!” she protested.
“It was a pretty good photo, now that you’re mentioning it,” he said. “We had some good times together, didn’t we?”
She nodded, not feeling ready to let it go just yet. Their good times had been between them. It just felt so wrong that someone had invaded their privacy like that.
“Forget about it for now.” He sat back on the lounge. “Let’s not ruin our time together. I’m leaving in the morning.”
“I need to get changed into my swimmers,” she said on a sigh. Maybe he was right. There were no answers to be had right now. “The toilets are just over there.”
“I’ll come with you,” he said. “Help you with this dress. Looks like you might have difficulty with it on your own.”
“Tino, we can’t!” She laughed, trying to ignore the warm feeling pooling in her groin.
Could she sneak him into a cubicle? She’d never had sex in a toilet before. It seemed so unhygienic. But where else would they do it? She couldn’t exactly take him back to her apartment. This could be their only chance.
He leapt from his chair and draped his towel over his shoulder so it hung over the front of his shorts.
“Come on.” He grabbed her hand. “Or I’m going to have to take you right here.”
She looked at his firm torso and her head swam with lust. It would be so good to feel him inside her once more before he returned to Greece. Besides, she’d thought such awful thoughts about him, she really did owe it to him. It’d be like an apology. A sexology.
She left her towel hanging across the two lounges to reserve them and picked up her bag.
The ladies change room was nestled in a group of shops behind the pool. She looked guiltily at a family leaving the toilets, hoping there weren’t more families inside.