The Girl Who Never : A twisted crime

by HC Michaels

  All he needed was a new kettle.

  Logan hated prison. He didn’t belong here.

  He’d been put away for one count of manslaughter, two counts of rape and another of unlawful imprisonment. Forty years! He was going to be an old man by the time he got out of this place. And then Greece was in line to deal with him…

  He stretched out on his hard cot, deciding the only thing he was glad about was that he hadn’t been done for two counts of manslaughter.

  With Lena he’d just gotten carried away. It was a bloody accident as the court proved. If only she’d fucked him properly instead of struggling like that she wouldn’t have drowned.

  And as for the other death. Well, technically he was responsible, but really that hadn’t been his fault at all. It wasn’t like he pushed Carina down the stairs. She fell. Sure, she’d been surprised to see him standing there, which may have contributed to her losing her footing, but he couldn’t help that. He hadn’t meant to surprise her. He hadn’t even meant for her to see him.

  He just wanted to see if Roberto and Carina were the sort to leave valuables lying around. Part of him had wanted to see what they looked like while they slept.

  He’d been so quiet, and they’d looked so peaceful, Roberto snoring softly and Carina making no sound at all until she sat up in bed like she’d seen a ghost. Or perhaps she’d heard him breathing from outside the door.

  He’d crept away and tiptoed down the stairs, pausing at the bottom when he heard Carina’s footsteps on the landing at the top.

  “Who’s there?” she’d called, turning on the light.

  He froze, believing for one foolish moment that if he didn’t move, he was invisible. That had always worked when he was a child, and his father was stumbling around the house looking to pick a fight. If he kept still and quiet, he’d move on to his sister.

  But it didn’t work with Carina. She caught sight of him just before her left foot made contact with the top stair.

  She gasped and clutched at her chest, the sudden movement causing her foot to miss the step and the tumbling began.

  Over and over, she went at the most awkward of angles, her legs getting caught up in her long nightgown as her bones cracked and broke.

  She let out a series of gasps and cries barely audible over the clattering of her fall, until she landed at his feet, dead and silent.

  He hadn’t waited for Roberto to find her, afraid he’d also find him. He’d fled, his heart pumping at twice the rate as if to make up for the stillness of Carina’s now lifeless heart. She was the mother he should have had. How different his life would’ve been if he’d been raised by her instead of the drunken mess his own mother was.

  He’d found it hard listening to the story of his childhood as it was told in the courtroom. But his lawyer had insisted it was necessary and that if they didn’t bring it up first then the prosecution would.

  What his lawyer didn’t know (or anybody else, for that matter) was that his childhood had been so much more complicated than that. Logan had been regularly forced by his father to watch and learn while he tied up women. This was his first experience of sex and admittedly he’d found it difficult over the years to get excited without elements of these early experiences being recreated. It was what he knew. He couldn’t help that.

  He’d thought that maybe when all those chicks started reading that book about bondage that maybe their eyes would be opened to the possibilities out there, but sadly he was wrong. They were more interested in pretending to be hurt than actually feeling any pain.

  It was disappointing that Carina had fallen down the stairs. She still owed him so much. He’d already sussed her out as being the one with the kind heart. Roberto would be so much more difficult to work with, even if he had knocked back his offer to hand him the money he’d taken from Tessa’s purse when he had her tied to the bed.

  But it seemed life was good at claiming the kind-hearted as well as the bad.

  Was he bad? He knew he had some mental issues, but crazy people didn’t normally think they were crazy, so perhaps that meant he wasn’t crazy after all. Just mixed up as a result of his troubled childhood, as his lawyer had said. He wasn’t a bad person.

  What he did to Tessa was fairly bad though, he supposed. But despite the prosecution claiming it was premeditated, it wasn’t really. Well, not by more than a day at most.

  He’d been as surprised as anyone when Tino had been arrested for Lena’s murder. He’d never even thought about that as a possibility. If he had, he would’ve smeared his blood on the edge of the pool on purpose. Lena had scratched him so hard she’d left a scar running down his left arm. He’d been dripping with blood when he got out of the pool. It was so dark he hadn’t even realised it at the time.

  When Tino was taken away by the police it seemed Tessa was being handed to him as a gift. He wanted to give it to her like Tino had in the toilets that day, but she was playing so hard to get.

  The memory of what he’d heard from the next cubicle aroused him even now. He’d taken a risk doing that. Tino had spotted him outside the toilets before they went in. But the risk had been worth it, and he’d gotten so excited, he’d had to slip his hands into his shorts and join in. Not that it had been the same as being in there with her. Why should Tino have all the fun? He wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for Logan.

  Drugging Tessa’s drink had been so easy. It was her fault really, for expecting him to pay for all her drinks. Three gin and tonics hadn’t been cheap. The way he saw it, she was another one who owed him.

  By the time he got her to her room she had completely passed out. He’d carried her to the bed and removed her clothes and fulfilled his fantasy. Except it hadn’t been right. Without her making those little gasping sounds he’d heard from behind the thin panelled cubicle wall, it just wasn’t the same.

  When Lena had struggled against him, it’d been such a turn on. He’d wanted that feeling again.

  So, he’d taken the cords from the hotel gowns, tied Tessa up and let her wake so he could do things properly. And by blindfolding her so she couldn’t see him, he decided he could really have some fun with the police. How confused they’d be to find Tino’s DNA in Tessa’s room when he was safely locked away in jail. He knew then if he could pull that off, it would be the perfect crime. He’d be a bloody legend. Only he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone.

  Still, that didn’t matter to him. He’d learnt at a young age how to keep secrets. Life ran a lot smoother when you kept your mouth shut.

  But somehow Roberto had worked it out. And even more surprisingly, the police had listened to him. He should never have shown him how to use the internet.

  Stupid. That’s what he was. Stupid.

  He’d be lucky if he got out of this prison alive. The other inmates treated him like he was scum. They weren’t exactly in here for being nice guys. Sanctimonious pricks.

  The whole thing just wasn’t fair.

  Tino had destroyed his life. He should be the one in prison, not him. There really was no justice in this world.

  Tino was a free man, yet he’d never felt so caged. He felt guilty about what happened to Tessa, who Logan had targeted because of him. He felt guilty over Lena, too. If it weren’t for him, Logan would never have been on the island, and she’d still be alive. And that woman in Mykonos.

  His guilt about Bianca’s death had also grown, as if it felt the need to keep his other guilt company. Death was following him, swirling around his ankles, taking all those he was close to, one by one. It made him wonder why it didn’t just hurry up and take him. Sometimes it was more torture to be the one left alive.

  He missed his mum, despite not having spoken with her much over the past few years. But he’d always known she was there for him with her arms wide open if ever he should need her. Living without that was like walking a tightrope without the safety net. If he fell, there was nobody there to catch him.

  He had his father, but he was a shell of his former self. He
wasn’t capable of catching anyone. He was the one who needed catching himself.

  So, it was guilt that kept Tino from returning to Mykonos. His father looked so sad at the idea of him leaving that he’d agreed to stay on in Sunshine Island.

  Elvira wanted their father to move to Melbourne and live with her in Tessa’s old room, but he was stubborn about staying on the island. Tino tried to convince him it was a good idea, but ultimately it was Amelia who convinced him when she started crying on a Skype call saying she missed her nonno.

  That kid was adorable. How could a grandfather resist?

  So, here he was, helping his father pack up his apartment, aware that it wasn’t his father’s possessions that were difficult to pack, but the dreams and memories he was forced to pack with them. His parents had moved to this island with great hopes for a happy future. Tino understood that feeling. It was no different to how he’d felt when he moved to Mykonos.

  It’d taken Tino a long time to realise that troubles weren’t that easy to leave behind. He could run as far and fast as he liked, but his worries still clung tightly to his chest. The only way to rid himself of them was to face them.

  Things were still tense between Tino and Elvira, but better than they’d been in years. Probably because he was still yet to see her since he’d been released from prison, with all charges against him dropped. He’d waited until she left the island before he returned to live with his father.

  He’d spoken to her on the phone a few times and waved at her when she was Skyping with their father. It would be impossible not to notice the big change in her. She still had all her hard edges, but there was a softness to her that’d begun to creep in, reminding him of what she used to be like before Bianca died.

  Maybe her separation from Paul had something to do with it, but he doubted it. If anything, Paul was a calming influence. Even if he was a gutless shit. He hadn’t come to help Tino in his time of need, no matter how many times he’d asked.

  Whatever had caused the change in Elvira, her new outlook gave him hope that maybe one day he’d get his sister back. It wasn’t her forgiveness he wanted. That would be too hard when he hadn’t yet forgiven himself. He just wanted her acceptance. Some kind of acknowledgement that although he’d made a catastrophic mistake taking Bianca for a swim, he hadn’t done it on purpose.

  Her death would always be his fault, but it wasn’t just that he blamed himself for. It was walking out on Elvira after it happened. If he’d stayed, she would’ve seen how torn up about it he was. Maybe his parents would’ve stayed in Melbourne, too. Elvira had needed her family around her. Paul and Amelia had, too.

  He added this to his list of things to feel guilty about.

  If only he’d watched Bianca in the pool more closely that day so many things would be different. If only he’d known that holding your breath under water could be so dangerous. If only it hadn’t been so hot that day. If only…

  STOP!

  He couldn’t think like that, or he’d go mad like poor old Tessa.

  He’d tried to get in touch with her a couple of times, but her mother had said she wanted to be left alone. This didn’t sit right with him. Abandoning her would be like abandoning Elvira. He’d tried that and it hadn’t worked out so well for him.

  But what other choice did he have with Tessa in London? He decided to leave her alone for the moment and try later when she’d had a chance to sort out her head. If it was even possible to sort your head out after something like that happened to you.

  What the fuck had Logan been thinking anyway? The nurse who gave out his private details had a lot to think about. The guy was clearly deranged.

  It made him sick to think he had that arsehole’s blood flowing through his veins. He didn’t even want to share air space with him, let alone his DNA. Sometimes he’d find himself scratching at his skin as if it were possible to rid Logan from his body, but of course he could never do that.

  Christ, he didn’t know how Logan lived with himself after what he’d done. It was hard enough trying to live with himself after what happened with Bianca and that had been an accident.

  Maybe that was yet another thing they had in common. They both had to live with the consequences of their actions, connecting them in ways that stretched far beyond their DNA.

  Two guilty men. One behind bars made from iron. The other locked within the prison of his mind.

  Elvira pushed a lock of hair behind her ear only to have it slip back out and obscure her vision. Growing this fringe out was going to take forever. She cursed the day she’d ever been talked into having it cut.

  She glanced out the front window, towards the driveway, checking for a taxi.

  They were late. She knew she should’ve gone to the airport to pick them up, but her father had been insistent that he and Tino would make their own way to her house. She felt that to push the matter would be stripping him of his independence, so she’d reluctantly agreed.

  She sat down on the sofa and tapped her foot. Surely, they wouldn’t be too much longer.

  “Are they here?” Amelia asked, climbing onto her lap and twisting her fingers in her hair in one of the many gestures of affection she lavished on her these days.

  “Not yet, darling.” She kissed Amelia’s temple and drew in her sweet scent. “Soon.”

  Amelia put a hand on each of her cheeks and rubbed their noses together. “Daddy says that’s an exmo kiss.”

  “Eskimo,” Elvira corrected.

  “Es-ki-mo.” Amelia repeated the word.

  “Do you know what an Eskimo is?” Elvira leant forward to rub noses with her again.

  Amelia drew back and rolled her eyes. “Of course, I know. They have houses made from ice-cubes and they eat penguins.”

  Elvira laughed. “They don’t eat penguins.”

  “Fish then.” Amelia’s eyes widened and she nodded. “And baby seals and pineapples.”

  “Pineapples! They don’t eat pineapples. You’re a pineapple.” She flipped Amelia onto her back and tickled her until she squealed.

  Tension ran from her body as they laughed together.

  “I like you a bit squishy,” said Amelia climbing back onto her lap and snuggling in.

  Elvira laughed softly, taking that for the compliment it was. Apart from growing her fringe and learning how to laugh, she’d also started to eat again, finally able to let go of the guilt she’d previously felt each time she’d eaten a mouthful of food that Bianca couldn’t.

  The last year of her life had been an important one. She felt like she’d been woken from a deep sleep. She said that to Paul once and he pointed out to her that taking fifty sleeping pills at once did tend to make you sleep quite deeply.

  It was when he made comments like this that she realised how profoundly her suicide attempt had wounded him. He’d never forget it, despite all the good that had come out of it.

  That experience really had woken her up and made her realise how much she did want to be here. Amelia needed her. Especially now that she didn’t have Tessa.

  It was difficult to think about Tessa. She’d been like an angel in their lives when they’d needed her most, but ultimately if she’d stayed with them, Elvira knew it was unlikely she’d have bonded with Amelia in the way she had over the past year. They shared a closeness they hadn’t had before.

  What happened to Tessa was so sad. She’d been full of life beforehand, but now seemed to be a shell of herself. Elvira sent her photos of Amelia and updates about what she’d been up to, but she never responded. To an outsider, it might seem she didn’t care, but it wasn’t that. Tessa loved Amelia. She always would. She just mustn’t have energy to give to anyone else at the moment. Elvira could understand that.

  “Nonno!” Amelia was standing at the window, jumping up and down at the sight of a taxi pulling into the driveway.

  Elvira felt her stomach tighten, not at the thought of seeing her father again, but Tino.

  Her feelings towards him had shifted over the pas
t year. She’d even stopped having that dream about him drowning Amelia. Perhaps it was because she’d seen what true evil looked like in the form of Logan. Or perhaps it was because he’d suffered enough. Being mad with him would never bring Bianca back.

  Amelia ran to the front door. Elvira got up and followed, turning the key to open it.

  She watched her daughter run from the house and land in her grandfather’s arms as he stepped out of the taxi. He lifted her from the ground and swung her into the air.

  “You got big!” he said, levelling her face with his as she wrapped her legs around his waist. “You as tall as me now.”

  “Silly, Nonno.” She shook her head at him and glanced back at Elvira as if to ask if he was being serious.

  “He’s joking,” said Elvira, smiling, glad to see the bond that Amelia had established with her grandfather was still holding firm.

  “Hi, sis.” Tino approached her, his hands tucked in his pockets, looking apprehensive at what kind of reception he was about to receive.

  “Hi, bro,” she said, giving him what she hoped was an encouraging smile.

  He caught her gaze and she felt herself crumple.

  There was so much to say, but instead of words tumbling from her lips, tears spilled from her eyes.

  She reached out and pulled Tino towards her, burying her face in his chest.

  He froze and for a moment she thought he was going to push her away. But, instead, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to the top of her head.

  Her body was trembling now as all the anger she had stored inside her vaporised. This was her brother. She loved him. Bianca had loved him. Amelia had the chance now to love him, too.

  “Tino, I—”

  “Shh. Don’t say it. Don’t say anything.”

  So, she didn’t.

  Instead, she held onto him, feeling the peace she’d been seeking but hadn’t known where to look until now.

  There was so much darkness in her life that once she’d decided to end it all. But now she could see light streaming in through the cracks. She had a beautiful daughter, an ex-husband who’d somehow remained her best friend, a father who’d finally come home and now she also had her brother.