Wild Devotion

by Mari Carr

  Collins men fell hard and fast.

  They swayed to the music, neither of them speaking. Instead, they just held tight.

  Once the song ended, Teagan and Sky announced they were taking a break, which meant Riley spotted an unattended microphone. She stepped onstage and lifted her pint glass.

  “Come on,” Padraig said, leading Mia to the bar. “Riley’s in a toasting mood. We need drinks in our hands.”

  Mia giggled as he handed her the beer his dad helpfully supplied.

  Riley tapped the mic just once before speaking. “Someone once said that money spent on travel is never wasted, and I believe that’s true. Our Paddy and dear Mia are off on a grand adventure. I’ve been blessed to go on more than a few wild rides with my sexy hubby, Aaron, over the years, so I’m speaking from experience when I say don’t put limits on yourselves. Go to the casinos, the strip clubs, the seedy bars if you want.”

  Aaron groaned loudly. “Stay out of the seedy bars.”

  Everyone laughed, but Riley wasn’t deterred. “I would remind the two of you that the journey is more important than the destination, but you’ve picked some pretty amazing places to visit, so I fear that won’t be true. Take lots of pictures. Drop us a postcard. And I hope you find nothing but sunshine, delicious food, chilled wine, and don’t forget to bring me back a souvenir.” Then Riley turned to point a warning finger in Padraig’s direction. “But not a wand. I don’t want a stupid wand.”

  Padraig placed his hand over his heart as if she’d wounded him.

  “Bon voyage!” Riley added as everyone repeated the words, clinked glasses and took a drink in their honor.

  Padraig lifted his beer and tapped his glass against Mia’s.

  “You ready for this?” he asked.

  She grinned eagerly. “So ready.”

  As the night grew later, Sky and Teagan slowed down the pace. Mia covered her mouth to hide her yawn, then took a long drink of water. She considered all the tequila she’d consumed, but couldn’t summon an ounce of regret. It might actually be a nice change to have a headache caused by something other than a tumor. She could count on one hand the number of hangovers she’d had in her life, and all of those had come following a night of overindulging on wine…alone. Tonight had been all about family and friends and fun. The hangover would be so worth it.

  “Want to take a spin with me on the floor?”

  Mia looked up, her mind struggling to process the request. The face looking at her was Padraig’s, but it wasn’t his voice, and Colm didn’t have the same mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

  “Sure,” she said, surprised by the invitation. While he seemed like a perfectly pleasant guy, she and Colm had never exchanged more than a few polite words over the past couple of weeks.

  She took his hand as he led her to the dance floor.

  “Sounds like you and Paddy are going to have a great trip.”

  She nodded. Honestly, she was so excited about their vacation she could hardly stand the wait. She was grateful they’d finally be on their way tomorrow afternoon.

  “I hope you won’t take this the wrong way, Mia, because the truth is I think you’re a very nice person and the cards you’ve been dealt are just, well…fucking bullshit, if you’ll forgive the expression.”

  The two of them continued to sway to the music, but his grip on her had loosened so that they could look at each other, face-to-face. Suddenly she understood the reason for the dance. It gave Colm a chance to speak to her in relative privacy. “You’re worried about Padraig?”

  “My brother is probably the nicest guy on the planet. He’d give you the shirt off his back. Hell, he’d give a person his shirt, pants, shoes and wallet, and walk home naked if someone needed his help.”

  “He’s a protector,” she said. Though her acquaintance with Padraig had been relatively short, that fact had been readily apparent very early on.

  “More than that, he’s a giver. And I don’t just mean material stuff. I mean emotionally. The guy doesn’t hold back. I’ve watched my brother take on everyone else’s pain, working overtime to make someone laugh or to comfort them or to protect them. It’s like he can’t stop himself. That need is a part of him, like it’s sewn into his skin or something.”

  She’d been on the receiving end of Padraig’s compassion, his empathy. She knew all about his amazing ability to heal another person’s soul. He’d dragged her out of dark places several times in just the past few weeks. There was no way she could deny that she already found herself relying on him, needing him. “You’re afraid I’m using him.”

  Colm shook his head. “No. Not…not really. Not consciously.”

  “I am using him,” she admitted. “He keeps offering me his shoulder, and I can’t seem to stop myself from taking it.”

  “You’re a good person, Mia. That’s not really what this conversation is about. All I’m trying to say—badly—is that he’s gonna give you everything he thinks you need because that’s the kind of guy he is. He’ll do it gladly, without a thought to what it’s going to do to him in the long run.”

  “I’m going to die, Colm.”

  “And Padraig is going to be devastated.”

  “You think I should walk away from him? Now? Before we get any closer?”

  Colm looked over his shoulder, searching for Padraig. Mia followed his direction, both of them spotting Padraig kicked back and laughing at something Finn had said. Then he saw them looking at him and gave them a goofy thumbs-up.

  “You know what? Forget it. Forget every stupid thing I just said.”

  “Why?” she asked.

  “Because I’m a fucking idiot.”

  He wasn’t. Mia respected Colm for what he was doing. Everything he said was true. And as Padraig’s brother, Colm felt his own need to protect. Even if he meant he was trying to protect Padraig from himself.

  She started to tell him all of that, but Colm’s next words stopped her.

  “And because it’s already too late.”

  The music ended, so Colm gave her another quick apology, thanked her for the dance and handed her over to Padraig, who was standing at the edge of the floor.

  “Ready to call it a night?” Padraig asked. “It’s getting late, and even though our flight isn’t until late afternoon, I figure we should probably try to get some sleep tonight. I’m going to want to hit the ground running when we get there.”

  She nodded. “Yeah. Let me grab my coat.”

  “I’ll say goodbye to my folks and meet you at the door.”

  A few minutes later, they were on their way. Padraig held her hand as they walked across the cobblestone street, enjoying the quiet night. Her head was still spinning from the alcohol, the dancing, and Colm’s comments.

  “I know Pat’s Pub isn’t exactly a nightclub, but I can’t help but think you marked an item off your list tonight.”

  Mia considered his words and recalled her desire to dance with reckless abandon. “I did. Actually, I marked off two.”

  Padraig frowned, confused. “Two?”

  “I also marked off the one where Sky and Teagan perform a private concert just for me.”

  He laughed. “Was that on the list?”

  “If I’d realized it was possible, it would have been number one on the list.”

  Padraig stopped when they reached her building, his grin infectious. “I see how it is now. You’re just going to keep adding things to the list. Okay. I’m in. I accept the challenge. What’s next? Major motion picture premiere? Fancy a walk on the red carpet? The sky’s the limit, Mia. Do your worst.”

  Colm’s words drifted back to her. “I’m not your responsibility, Padraig,” she said softly, aware that he really would continue to move heaven and earth to make her last few months happy.

  “You’re not my responsibility,” he said slowly. “You’re my friend. There’s a big difference.”

  She watched the proverbial light come on as his smile turned to a scowl.

  “What did my bro
ther say to you?”

  “Nothing I didn’t need to hear. He loves you. That makes him protective.”

  “I’m going to kill him.”

  She laughed lightly as she put her hand on his arm to stop him from heading back to the pub to do just as he threatened. “No, you’re not. He’s looking out for you like you’re looking out for me. Besides, he pointed out some things I hadn’t considered before.”

  “Like what?” His tone was still deep with anger.

  “When I first found out about the tumor, I didn’t have anywhere to go, anyone to turn to. Then I walked into the pub and all of that changed. Maybe my perspective is skewed, because God knows time takes on an entirely different meaning when there’s so little left. We’ve been moving in fast-forward for weeks.”

  He nodded slowly. “I just want to make sure we have time…” He paused as if searching for his words carefully. “Time to do everything you want to do.”

  She squeezed his hand as she smiled. “Tonight and this trip will be enough, Padraig. I’d rather slow things down, enjoy each moment rather than race to the next place in pursuit of ticking items off a list. This trip is enough,” she repeated. And then, God help her, they would come home and she would do her damnedest to try to find a way to stop leaning on Padraig. To stand on her own two feet.

  “Okay,” he said at last, though it was obvious he didn’t like what he was agreeing to.

  “See you tomorrow. Around noon.”

  “Noon.” Padraig reached out and pulled her into a big bear hug. She sucked in a deep breath of his yummy scent, beer and bourbon and the faded remnants of his cologne. Funny how she was becoming used to his smell, and how it made her feel safe and cherished.

  He held her just a bit longer than usual, and it was Mia who had to break the embrace. It was hard pushing herself out of his arms.

  It’s already too late.

  Colm’s words drifted through her mind. She was beginning to fear he was right. And not in the way he meant.

  It was already too late.

  For her.

  Padraig had snuck in under her radar and claimed a bit of her heart. Trying to keep any sort of emotional distance between them was going to be the hardest thing she’d ever have to do.

  Even harder than dying at twenty-six.

  7

  April 20

  * * *

  Mia stood on a small bridge in the middle of the Universal theme park and looked at the Hogwarts castle. Padraig stood next to her. They’d walked by it countless times today as they’d rushed from ride to ride, laughing like a couple of teenagers skipping class for some grand adventure.

  “I can’t believe I’m standing here.” She had said the exact same thing six hours earlier when they’d first walked into the park’s replica of Harry Potter’s Hogsmeade.

  Padraig hadn’t overplayed his love for all things Harry Potter. Something that made the incredibly kind man even more charming. It was sweet that he didn’t even attempt to hide his affection for a children’s series. “It’s incredible, isn’t it? Seeing all of it real and up close. It looks just like the movies.”

  The day was winding down. The park was going to close in a few minutes and sadly, Mia was starting to feel the effects of all her reveries. The dull ache in her head that started after lunch was now a pulsing throb that was getting harder to ignore.

  “My grandma read the first Harry Potter book to me so many times we lost count. I loved it more than I can say. She’d no sooner say ‘the end’ before I was begging her to read it again. She always would. She loved the story too.”

  Padraig grasped her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll admit I was one of those who came to the books via the movies, as an adult. It was my cousin Darcy’s fault. She’s about ten years younger than me. I got roped into watching her one rainy afternoon when no one else could babysit. She wanted to watch the first movie, so we did. We were halfway through the second film when Aunt Riley got home. I stayed there until it was over. Then the next day I went out and bought the books.”

  “There’s just something about them, isn’t there?”

  He nodded.

  “After my grandmother died, they were the only things that made me still feel connected to her. Life was shit at home, and I sort of started imagining myself as Harry living with the Dursleys. I didn’t have a real Hogwarts to escape to, so whenever stuff got bad or unbearable with my mom, I locked myself in my room and read for hours.”

  Padraig’s expression sobered, as it often did whenever she spoke of her mother.

  She squeezed his hand and smiled. “It’s okay, Padraig. What’s that saying? That which does not kill us makes us stronger. I’m not letting my mom ruin today. It’s all been too perfect.”

  “Yeah. It has. But I might have a better quote.”

  “Oh yeah?” she asked, intrigued. It was rare to catch Padraig in a serious moment. He smiled and joked and laughed often, so his sudden seriousness captured her attention.

  “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

  Mia sucked in a deep breath as Dumbledore’s advice took on a different meaning. “Padraig…”

  “I started doing a reread of the books once the plans for this trip fell into place. I came across that line and I…” He swallowed. “It just sort of hit me as something important. Something that meant more than I realized the first time I read it.”

  She glanced over her shoulder at the castle and, for a moment, she could almost imagine her grandmother’s voice issuing that advice. “Turn on the light, Tilly Mint,” she would say, whenever Mia found herself trapped in the dark and scared. “Look around you. You’re safe.”

  Mia faced Padraig once more…and the light switched on.

  “Dumbledore was a wise man,” she said when she could finally find her voice.

  “Yeah. He was.”

  Padraig was still looking at her, and she felt a pull. Actually, she’d been feeling the pull for days, but she’d tried to ignore it. She was attracted to Padraig, and given the way he was looking at her now, she’d say the feeling was mutual.

  Mia had spent the better part of last night tossing and turning in her hotel bed, debating the wisdom of acting on that attraction. Common sense and intelligence said no. For one thing, they were at the beginning of her dream vacation. And while Padraig insisted on playing her “forever” friend, there was still too much they didn’t know about each other.

  And then, of course, there was the fact that she was dying. It would be the height of cruelty to initiate something that could only end in heartbreak if the sexual tension evolved into deeper, much more genuine feelings than the friendship strings that were already tugging too tight.

  “Mia,” Padraig said.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m going to kiss you.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Padraig turned to face her, studying her expression closely. He’d told her that if there was ever a time to drop all pretense, to be true, it was now. She’d taken those words to heart. So she didn’t bother to hide her desires.

  “You want me to kiss you.”

  “Yeah. I do. But I’m afraid we both know how this story ends. There’s no happy ending, Paddy.”

  His smile grew as he cupped her cheeks. “Call me that again.”

  His family’s nickname for him had fallen out without thought. “Paddy,” she whispered as he bent his head closer.

  Padraig didn’t halt until their lips were nearly touching. “You’re wrong, Tilly Mint.” It was all he said before his lips took hers.

  If she’d been sitting at the pub and placing a bet on how Padraig would kiss, she would have lost every penny she had.

  Her sweet, gentle friend was harboring a wild side. He didn’t hold anything back as he took her mouth almost roughly. Their lips parted and his tongue touched hers, tantalizing her taste buds with the sweet soda he’d drunk earlier. Padraig gripped he
r cheeks firmly, using his hold to twist her head incrementally, moving her so he could deepen the kiss, claim more.

  It wasn’t her first kiss, but it sure as hell felt like it.

  He pulled away, the two of them gasping for breath, but his hands never left her face.

  “You’re wrong,” he repeated. Before she could ask about what, he answered. “We have no idea how this story is going to end.”

  She wanted to argue with him, but when she considered it, she realized he was right. They only knew one thing. She was going to die. But every single other thing was unwritten. The pen was in her hand.

  “I don’t want this to end sad.”

  “Then it won’t,” he said.

  This time, when hope returned, it stuck.

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  “Ready to go?”

  She nodded.

  The two of them walked out of the park, stopping to buy matching Thing 1 and Thing 2 shirts.

  Padraig climbed into the back of the taxi after her, sliding close as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. The polite distance they’d been maintaining had vanished with the kiss. She rested her head on his shoulder as his fingers skimmed along her thigh, gently caressing her skin.

  Turning slightly, she placed her hand on his chest, mimicking the same suggestive, tantalizing stroking.

  Padraig placed a soft kiss on her head, and the two of them rode in complete silence, letting their hands do all the talking.

  Once they returned to the hotel, they took the elevator to their floor. They’d reserved two rooms, Padraig’s across the hall from hers.

  She dug her keycard from her pocket, noticing Padraig wasn’t doing the same. She smiled at his almost wolfish demeanor. Her heart raced as she struggled to recall why she thought this was a bad idea. For the life of her, every answer felt more like an excuse than a reason.

  So she let it all go.

  “Paddy,” she said as she opened the door. “I want—”

  That was all she managed before she found herself inside the room, her back pressed up against the closed door, Padraig’s lips on hers again.