Within the Wonder

by A. K. Koonce

  He hurt me. Does he not see that at all?

  Or has he really lived for so long, he doesn’t comprehend basic emotions? Lust, sadness, love. Are those all lost on the man no one cares about?

  Except for me. I almost—almost—cared about him.

  He doesn’t back down. There’s a flash of repressed emotions in his gaze, but he’s good at shielding it away from everyone. Myself included.

  He tips his head low, nearly brushing his lips along mine as if he wants to speak right into me until both of us understand one another.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you in this beautiful, dangerous kingdom with only an addict and a drunk to take care of you.”

  “I’m here too, asshole,” Cat says from somewhere behind me.

  He doesn’t glance at her, and I can’t bring myself to look away from him.

  If anything, I concede. I don’t say it, but I know it and he knows it.

  I can push and shove him out of my life as much as I want, but just like with Lighton, it hurts when they’re gone, and it hurts when they’re here.

  Might as well hurt them as much as they hurt me all at the same time.

  Five

  Kais

  I don’t look away from him or his careless arrogance as he settles into the chair near the bed. It’s a Victorian style room. All of this place is. The green arm chair is so stiff and proper it makes it hard for Lighton to truly give off that vibe of carelessness that he’s really going for.

  Brody ignores us both. His boots cross one over the other as he lounges on the big bed, looking like he has more pressing matters on his mind than a rebellion.

  And so do I.

  The moment Lighton walked back into Wanderlust, I wanted to kill him for throwing her into this place alone. He deviated from the plan, reported on me, on her and who knows what else. But worst of all, he put her in danger. And that—that is all I can think about.

  Profit’s watchful attention keeps reminding me of what he said though.

  He needs you just like you needed someone once.

  Fucking Profit.

  I grind my teeth and take the seat across from the fucking stupid git.

  “You want me dead, now’s your moment. No better present than the time, right?” Lighton lifts his hands casually, and it takes real effort not to acknowledge his taunting words.

  His misuse of phrases just makes me want to murder him even more. Sometimes one bad pun is all it takes to set someone off.

  “I need you actually.” The force it takes for me to grind that out is astonishing.

  If he needs me the way I needed someone, giving them a task is important. Making them feel useful, wanted, needed is important.

  I wish someone would have done that for me.

  If they had, I never would have dived into this realm to begin with.

  “I want to know what games Liddell is intending to play with Madison,” I say flatly. “So I’ll need you sober.” I finally cut my attention to him and that cocky, fuck up attitude that he’s had all day slips away into complete seriousness.

  He has no idea that I really am his fucking friend. Because if what Profit said is true, then I’m attempting to save his life.

  And he doesn’t even know it.

  Six

  Madison

  Dusk highlights the water below my window in an endless fire of blooming red and orange. Not a hint of trees can be seen from this viewpoint, and it’s like looking into a slate glass of shining colors.

  I glance back when a mewling noise interrupts the silence. Cat found a short yellow dress in the wardrobe and now lies curled up on a pillow, making quiet sounds while she sleeps.

  Alixx sits on the floor, big leathery black wings spread out behind him, one leg bent, his arm resting there comfortably, the blemishing scar on the back of his hand catching my attention. He looks like the most content man to ever relax on the floor in a three-piece suit. As much as I hate what he did to me, I’m still absurdly drawn to him. He’s the most interesting man. His appearance, his scars, everything about him is intriguing.

  Curiosity killed the cat.

  And I’m about to dive right into that curiosity all over again.

  “You never told me how you got your other scar.” I press my back to the wall and give him my full attention.

  He arches a black eyebrow at me, and a small, faint smile pulls at his lips. He’s smugly amused that I’m speaking to him. He’s so smug he doesn’t even hide it.

  “You never asked.” He lifts his hand slightly. “I’ll tell you anything you ever ask, Madison.” That creeping honesty in his voice makes my stomach dip.

  It’s like my own body is warning me to run now. Don’t fall into this all over again, Maddy. Don’t dive into the allure of Alixx Stone.

  Don’t do it.

  “How’d you get the scar on your neck?”

  I’m hopeless. My logical mind is so damn disappointed in me. But my illogical infatuation is perking up for story time: Alixx Stone Edition.

  He looks away from me, staring at the far wall without a single hint of emotion on his face. A steady even tone takes over his voice, devoid of any feelings “Before I came here, I was the most prominent rising businessman in all of London.”

  London?

  I can’t hear a pretty accent kissing his words. I never have. He doesn’t sound American. Not British. As a matter of fact, most of the people in Wanderlust are barren of any speech dialects. Time steals it all away. It’s all awash of any of their heritage.

  I’ve only ever heard Kais’s French background once.

  Just once.

  “I was a gentleman. A true gentleman. Women wanted me, and I never took that for granted. I grew up poor and unnoticed. It wasn’t something I realized until those people who overlooked me all my life finally saw me. And I wasn’t the only one to notice.” His fingers begin tapping along his knee, and he focuses his attention on watching the simple task of his hand moving steadily. “My mother asked for more and more, and it was never enough. I didn’t understand it, but more wasn’t a problem like it used to be. I guess I didn’t see it the way my accountant did. He warned me about it. He warned me about her.”

  His teeth sink into his lower lip, and the vacant sound of his voice pulls at me inside and out. I want to go over to him. I want to wrap my arms around him because I can feel the sadness rolling off of him, even if he is incredibly good at hiding it.

  I stay planted safely against the wall.

  “She cared for me the moment I told her I’d caught the disease. Now that some time has passed, I think she wanted me sick. In a strange way, she wanted pitying attention. She wanted any attention anyone would give her even if it was for the worst reasons. And me becoming fatally ill, that was more than she could have ever dreamed of.”

  I fold my arms across my chest and force myself not to walk over to him. The way my stomach wrenches demands me to move, but the distrust in me won’t allow it.

  “It was the early stages of something that would become much, much worse. She tried to confine me to bed before I could even get my finances in order. She said ‘she’d take care of it.’ ” The way he quotes her makes me wonder if he can still hear her voice. It sends a chill down my spine. “I guess the illness’s slow progress of two weeks wasn’t fast enough for her though. Two weeks, and I wasn’t disfigured enough for her to tell her church friends about. So when I strode out to the cliff that overlooked the sea, she made sure she had a heartbreaking story to tell the chapel. She slit my throat; she slit it so amateurishly that she nearly took my face off with her steak knife.” He gestures from one side of his neck, all the way up the deep scar that angles his hair line.

  And then I sink down, my knees give out, and I sink all the way down until I’m sitting on the floor just like he is.

  Alixx Stone has been tormented by so many people in this realm.

  And it all started with his mother.

  The breath I take shakes all
through my lungs, and I don’t realize it when warmth trails down my cheeks. I lick my lips, and salty tears are all I taste.

  He looks at me then, his gaze searching mine, waiting for me to judge him just like he always does.

  “How’d you get here?” I finally ask on the quietest voice that my throat allows to slip out.

  “I grabbed my throat; I attempted to hang on to the life I loved so much. Then I fell. I fell into the sea. And this tattooed asshole pulled me out on the other side.” He smirks a crooked smile, his eyes shining at me for the first time all evening. “My ego would never allow me to tell him, but Kais saved my life. Whatever magic is in this realm saved me. But I never would have found it if Kais wouldn’t have taken me.”

  I consider the way everyone here treats Alixx. Wonderland banished him, and Wanderlust rejected him.

  His life is hell.

  “Do you regret not dying?” It’s the strangest sinister question, but it only makes him smile more.

  “And miss not meeting you? Not a fucking chance, Sweetheart.”

  His charm really is irresistible. I mean, I do resist. Barely. My logic has quite the hold on my lust right now, but…I can see the picture he paints. I fully believe there was a time when Alixx was more than just The Rotter.

  He’s always been more than that. I just wish he could see it.

  Seven

  Madison

  Hours later, I’m pulling on a beautiful dress. The wardrobe in the corner wasn’t filled with Victorian gowns and hosiery like I assumed it would be. None of it was very proper at all really. The sheer black material slides over my arms, covering the dark bra underneath. Lace and silk dip down just at my hips and completely stop to reveal the sleek panties that hug me tightly, the material wafting down like a train trailing behind me. It’s elaborate and beautiful and completely informal.

  Kais will fucking die of pompous outrage if he sees this much skin being shown on his favorite Fake Alice.

  So basically, it’s perfect.

  “Almost done, Sweetheart?” Alixx’s knuckles rap along the wall, his body hovering just around the corner where the bath and the bedroom collide. There’s no door, no privacy barrier. But he keeps his distance, leaning at the corner and not peeking in on me.

  It’s strange to think he really is a gentleman.

  “Stop calling me sweetheart. I’m not your sweetheart.” Smooth sheer material skims my fingertips as I push down the gown, studying myself in the enormous mirror that runs the length of the wall. It shows a tall, slender woman. Loosely curled blonde hair—that I’m so sick of seeing—and big green eyes.

  In this outfit, I don’t resemble the innocent Alice at all.

  And Alixx reminds me of just that.

  “I can’t call you Alice anymore. Sure, at first it was fun to see the blaze in your eyes, but now that name makes me as crazy as I know it makes you. And I can’t call you my sweet anything after how un-innocent I know you are.” His tone is tinged with a dark and devious sound like he’s thought about the single night we spent together as much as I have.

  Does he think about how easily he hurt me, too? How simple it was to say something so nasty to me just like he says to everyone else? No. I don’t believe Alixx thinks about anyone unless he wants a reaction from them.

  And that’s the problem.

  I turn the corner, my jaw set tight to keep the hurt from showing in my features. But he isn’t looking at my face. Gleaming emerald eyes eat up every inch of my appearance, sliding down my frame so slowly that I can feel his attention heating across my skin.

  Then that dark, wanting gaze meets mine.

  I take a step toward him, nearly diminishing the space between us entirely. In my heels, I meet him eye to eye, and he tips his head up slightly just to bring our mouths closer together.

  I let him breathe in my rasping words so I know they sink into him on the deepest level possible.

  “How about you don’t call me anything? I’m not your anything, Rotter. And it’s going to stay that way.” The hurt in his eyes is a flash of emotion that’s gone so quickly I’m not even sure it was real.

  It doesn’t feel good to make him feel the way he makes me feel.

  I hate it.

  The way he smiles now, covering his expression with the most manic amusement, it cuts into me even more.

  “Keep telling yourself that, Sweetheart.” Big shining eyes hold mine, and I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. His voice dips down to a low promise that shivers all through me. “You’re my everything, Madison Torrent. No matter what fucking names you and I use for one another, no matter how many lies we speak, no matter how hard you try to hurt me, you’re mine.” His attention never drifts, but I know he knows he affects me.

  He tries so damn hard to get a reaction. And I give it away so freely for him. The breath lodged in my lungs burns to release, and all I can do is stand there glaring back at that slicing smile on his lips.

  Part of me wants to be his. All I want is to curl up in his arms and feel his skin against mine as he tells me over and over again everything in this messy world will be okay.

  But a bigger part of me only wants to hear him apologize over and over again until I believe him. And I don’t think that will ever happen.

  A quiet knock echoes through the tension we’re both clinging to.

  His fingertips move just a fraction of an inch, his touch running along the side of my hand, teasing my skin with his, sending a spasm of shivers through me that I can’t control.

  Then he walks away.

  It hurts when I finally come up for air after being submerged in the Alixx Stone depths for so long. My lashes close, and I just breathe out all the pent-up emotions I refuse to show him.

  When my eyes open, I’m staring at not one but two infuriating men.

  “Can we talk?” Lighton asks, lingering in front of the door with Alixx passing his attention from me to him over and over again like we’re his favorite show to watch.

  I hate this fairy tale realm.

  “No, Kais will be here soon. It’s almost dusk.”

  Lighton doesn’t look at the window. He doesn’t look away from me once.

  “I lied. I lied right to your face.”

  “I don’t have time for this, Lighton.”

  He breathes out a slow exhale that lingers in the quiet that settles between us.

  Alixx stomps all over that silence before it ever truly falls. “Tell her you’ll be better. Tell her it won’t happen again. Women love unrealistic expectations. And imagine how easy it’d be to screw them up too.”

  Lighton’s sweet amber eyes darken as he glares over at the unhelpful man leaning against the wall.

  They’re opposites.

  The inky suit, dark hair, enormous black wings, and devious smile make Alixx look like he fell right from heaven and landed in the darkest part of hell. Just to crawl out and find me.

  While Lighton’s dark blond hair and honey eyes give him the gentlest appearance. Even if he is twice Alixx’s size. What is it about men who are big enough to fold me and break me that is just so sexy?

  And who are complete liars. Let’s not forget that charming quality.

  “I have a good reason,” he whispers, his gaze lowering when he looks up at me through thick lashes.

  A good reason. I had a good reason to lead you on and lie to your face.

  Right. Tell me more, please.

  “I’m sorry. If you could just let me explain. Please.” Lighton’s words register with a prickle of guilt that tightens through my stomach.

  All I wanted was an apology from Alixx. Lighton gives me that and more, and it’s then that I realize an apology won’t fix us at all. Apologies don’t change mistakes. Actions do.

  My chin tips up, and just when I’m about to tell him that, the door opens.

  Bright blue eyes peek around the door at first, inky fingers gripping the edge. Then Kais steps into the room fully, and my eyebrows lift at the sight of him.r />
  In the name of all that is sexy in Wonderland.

  Kais Fucking St. Croix.

  The black suit clings to the hard muscle of his shoulders, white cuffs slip out, skimming along the large number six etched across the back of his hand.

  He adjusts the crimson tie at his throat as if he might rip it off at any given moment. He seems to hate the tight material, but he owns it. The suit was made for his body in every single way.

  I was made for his body.

  Mind out of the gutter, Maddy.

  Kais glances from one man to the other but never says a word. The slow echo of his steps seems to pound through my heart until he’s standing just inches from me. He leans close, his hands loosely held in his pockets, his lips grazing my ear in a delicious way.

  “Why are there two men hiding in your room, Prospect?” The faintest appearance of a smile is on his lips, and it does terribly fantastic things to my body at the sight of it.

  “One is here to apologize, the other is here to piss me off. Both are doing a great job.”

  At that, he does smile.

  And maybe it’s that bad boy, ruin your life, make you crazy smile that causes me to do it.

  My fingers lift, skimming over the fine material of Kais’s dark suit until my fingers push through his short blond hair. The gleaming amusement in his bright eyes darkens, and he leans closer, our chests brushing lightly.

  His brow lifts in confusion, but his hands don’t seem confused at all. Strong hands push across my hips with the firmest touch, his palms dragging me closer against him. His head tips down, our temples brushing, our lips tingling with the energy between our tangled bodies.

  “Are you using me to antagonize your friends?” he whispers lowly with that kissable smile tilting his lips.

  My heart stumbles at his accusation, but before I can deny it, I remember all the times he was completely and bluntly honest with me.

  “They’re not my friends. And yes.”

  His palms press lower, pushing down my spine until he’s melding my front to his.