Josh

by Cheryl Wright

  She grinned. “Chase and Lizzie, right?”

  “Yep.”

  She yanked on his hands and pulled him back down to her level.

  “I’m really sorry, Josh. I just wish you’d told me sooner. Perhaps things might have been – better. Easier,” she said, still holding his hands. “For both of us.”

  He stared into her face and nodded.

  “When?” she asked quietly. “How long ago did it happen?”

  His pain was her pain. He could see it all over her face.

  He swallowed hard. “Three years ago. But sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday.”

  Chapter Five

  Josh was nervous with anticipation. Emily was coming today.

  Oh heck, Emily was coming today!

  He ran around the house making sure everything was tidy. Had he washed the dishes? Put his smalls in the laundry? Swept the floor?

  He forced himself to take a few calming breaths, sitting on a kitchen chair as he did so.

  He counted off the jobs he needed to do on his fingers, and realized he’d done them all. Why was he so darned nervous?

  Because this was the first time he’d had a woman to the house since Tessa.

  He swallowed the huge lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, and took ten slow, deep breaths.

  Looking around, he saw her everywhere. All the little touches, like the picture hanging in the entrance. The cushions on the lounge chair. Even the mat outside the back door where she made him wipe his muddy shoes.

  They were all down to her.

  He couldn’t do it.

  He couldn’t bring another woman here. To the house they… built together.

  It broke his heart all over again.

  But he’d promised Emily, and he didn’t break promises. Especially to women.

  He strode purposely outside and pulled on his dark brown intricately carved cowboy boots. The ones Tessa had bought him for Christmas a few months before he’d lost her.

  It pulled him up cold.

  Ah heck!

  It was never going to change. He would always be surrounded by memories of Tessa. He would always be reminded of her no matter where he looked. Not that he wanted to forget her, because he certainly didn’t.

  And just like that, out of nowhere, he knew the reason he was feeling like he was. He felt guilty.

  Not that he had anything to feel guilty for – he’d been told so repeatedly. And Josh even started to believe it, but now that he was bringing another woman to the house, their house, things were starting to get a big sticky.

  He loved this ranch, the place where they’d been so happy. Where they had made so many plans.

  There was a sudden cold draft, and he looked to the sky. The sun was trying to peak through, so he needed to make the most of it. He reached through the back door and grabbed his cowboy hat. Then he was on his way to Emily’s house, promising not to think of Tessa again today, if only for Emily’s sake.

  ~~~

  Oh my!

  His house was beautiful. Inside and out. It was obvious there had been a woman’s touch at some point. Tessa’s touch no doubt. Or maybe he’d hired an interior decorator?

  Emily shook her head. She couldn’t see Josh doing something like that.

  She stood on the porch staring out across the huge paddock there. Her eyes moved to the right, and she saw the stables.

  “How many horses do you have?” she asked, turning her head in his direction. She could see at least one horse way off in the distance and wondered if it was Brandie. She seemed to have an affiliation with her. But perhaps it was just because of the apples?

  She’d brought more along with her today. She hoped Josh didn’t mind too much. He didn’t seem concerned yesterday.

  “I have three, including Brandie,” he told her, as he moved closer. He stood not far behind her. Close enough that she knew he was there, but not close enough to touch.

  She longed to touch him. But she vowed not to. Not after he’d opened up his soul to her.

  She spun around to ask him something and found herself seriously close to his face. They stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed a lifetime. His eyes reminded her of sapphires, and she couldn’t pull her gaze away.

  She continued to stare, and saw sadness, but he suddenly wrenched his gaze away. As though he had something to hide. But he didn’t. Not anymore – it was all out in the open now.

  For a brief moment she wondered what he’d seen when he looked into her eyes, but more than that, she wondered about his state of mind. With all those reminders of Tessa around him all the time.

  “Emily? Are you okay,” he asked, staring at her. He moved closer, until their bodies touched. That brought her out of her revelry. “Emily?”

  She blinked a few times, then spoke. “Yeah, sure. Sorry. Just in a world of my own.”

  She took a deep breath and turned back toward the paddock, watching as the horses galloped toward them.

  “I’m willing to bet you have apples in those deep pockets of yours,” he said as he laughed.

  “Sure have.”

  He took her hand and led her to the paddock fence. It felt warm and comfortable. And natural. As though they’d done it a million times before, and this wasn’t the first time.

  She looked down at their entwined hands and he immediately let go. “Oh no,” she protested, despite knowing the more they touched, the closer she felt to him. “I didn’t mean…”

  “I’m really sorry,” he said, as though he’d done something that was going to harm her.

  Without thinking, she reached down and put her hand back in his. “I like it,” she said, and she did. He smiled tentatively.

  “I, er…” He hesitated, and she knew there was something he hadn’t told her. Something he needed to get off his chest.

  “It’s been a long time,” he finally said in a rush. Suddenly letting out a whoosh of breath. “Tessa and I, we built this house together. I haven’t brought anyone here since she…”

  He didn’t finish the sentence, but she knew exactly what he meant.

  “It’s okay,” she said, grimly. “It’s been a long time for me too.” They could comfort each other, and each help heal the other?

  But that was stupid.

  It wasn’t like they knew each other. Really knew each other.

  Her breath hitched in her throat.

  She hoped that would change. Emily had no idea what it was about Josh, especially with him being a cowboy and all, but she felt incredibly comfortable in his company.

  He squeezed her hand and they moved closer to the fence. The first to arrive was Brandie, pushing at Emily’s hand to try and coerce her into giving her some apple.

  After Brandie, Evie arrived – a beautiful chestnut with a white blaze down her face. Last of all came Tobie, a young Dapple Gray with a big personality.

  They took turns with taking apple, although clearly, they weren’t happy about it.

  “Would you like to see the stables?” He suddenly changed the subject.

  It had been on her mind, but she didn’t want to ask. She couldn’t help it, she liked to see how people had their stables set up.

  They hadn’t been there long when Brandie trotted in too. Emily laughed. “Does she always do this?” she asked, quite taken aback.

  “Yeah. That’s her way of telling me to brush her.” He reached over and grabbed a soft brush and began to brush the lackadaisical horse. Brandie rubbed her head against Josh’s shoulder as if in thanks.

  Her tail remained relaxed for a few minutes, but she then began swishing it back and forth. “That’s it,” Josh said. “She’s had enough. Once that tail starts swishing around, the brush goes back.” He laughed at the horse’s antics.

  “She knows her limits.” Brandie’s head went down to the pocket of Emily’s skirt. “Uh, no, Brandie. You’ve had enough for now,” Emily said, laughing and pushing the horse’s head away from temptation.

  She persisted until
finally, Josh slapped her lightly on her rear. She neighed at him, in disgust no doubt, then joined the other horses in the paddock.

  ~~~

  Josh floundered around in the kitchen preparing a salad for lunch.

  Emily sat at the small table watching him, since he declined her offer of help. Her eyes followed his every move, which made him even more nervous.

  Oh, she’d offered to help, but then they’d be in too close a proximity, and he wasn’t sure he could cope with that right at this moment.

  “I bought a fresh quiche from Aunt Lizzie’s before I picked you up. It’s still warm,” he said as he continued putting the salad together.

  He wasn’t the best cook in the world, but he could put together a mean salad. And slice a quiche.

  Placing them on the table in front of Emily, he offered her a drink. “Water,” she said. “Thanks.”

  Josh organized her water, along with a few cubes of ice, then sat down opposite her. He mentally slapped himself and groaned.

  When he looked up, she was frowning. “I forgot the plates and cutlery,” he said getting up again. She smiled, and he knew it was going to be a difficult afternoon. Not because of her per se, but because of his nerves. And her smile.

  When a single smile sent your hormones swirling, you automatically knew you were a goner.

  As he put a plate in front of her, his fingers brushed her hand. A burst of electricity shot up his arm. She looked up quickly, and he wondered if she’d felt it too.

  He dished a slice of quiche onto her plate. “Help yourself to the salad,” he told her, moving toward his own seat at the table.

  “Tell me about this property, Josh,” she said. “I mean, it’s pretty big for only three horses.” She appeared genuinely interested, and he knew he had to tell her.

  He winced inside.

  Placing his cutlery on the table, Josh wiped his mouth with a napkin.

  “I had other plans to begin with,” he said. “Tessa and me. We were going to turn this place into a horse farm. I’ve decided that three horses are enough for now. All things considered.”

  He lifted his fork again. “Brandie was my first,” he began.

  She interrupted him. “Brandie is yours? I thought…”

  He smiled. “Yeah, everyone thinks she’s a police horse. But no, she’s mine. I prefer to use a horse I know thoroughly,” he said, taking a sip of his iced tea. “That way there are no surprises when it matters most.”

  She nodded.

  “Evie was next, and we had her for a while before we decided to purchase Tobie.” He looked across to her and grinned. “He’s a bit wild, that boy. As I’m sure you’ve seen. But he’s slowly getting better.”

  “He is a bit cheeky, I must admit,” Emily told him. But she didn’t seem to mind too much.

  “Oh,” Josh said, suddenly. “I should have invited your sister too.” He felt bad, but Emily didn’t seem too worried about it.

  “Gosh no. I don’t need my sister to shadow me everywhere.” She laughed, and he felt relieved.

  When they’d finished eating, he went to clear the dishes. Their fingers brushed, and he felt that now familiar electricity running up his arm.

  He went to walk away, but she touched his hand. “Emily,” he warned, his voice hoarse.

  She raised her eyebrows and sat there grinning at him. “Yes, Josh?” She acted innocent, but her expression indicated otherwise.

  Was he willing to risk his heart again? He’d answered his own question by inviting her here today. This had to be the first step in repairing his heart and putting it back together again.

  “I, uh,” he shrugged his shoulders, then, not knowing what to say in response, headed toward the sink where he rinsed off the dishes.

  He felt her presence behind him the moment she arrived there. But then her hands went up around him.

  His back straightened, and his breath hitched. He felt warmth flood his body, and he turned around to face her, hands dripping with water. “Emily,” he warned again, his voice barely audible.

  He looked down into her chocolate brown eyes and could have sworn he could see into the depths of her heart.

  She stared up at him, anticipation written all over her pretty face. She opened her mouth in readiness, and he slowly moved toward her.

  Could he do this? Kiss another woman? In the home he and Tessa had shared together?

  His heartbeat quickened, and he could hear it rushing through his ears. It was so very long since he’d kissed a woman. Or even held a woman.

  Okay, so he’d hugged Emily that day on the mountain, but that wasn’t an intimate hug. Or was it?

  When he thought back, that hug was what started them on this track.

  The moment she’d touched him he was gone. Despite spending many hours of the previous few days with her, until she’d hugged him he hadn’t felt a connection.

  He took a deep breath and admonished himself. He was lying to himself. From the moment they met he’d felt a connection. And it had scared the hell out of him.

  He looked down into her face and saw her eyes were closed, her open mouth had begun to close. She’d given up on him. He had to do something before it was too late.

  His hand went quickly up to cup her cheek, and he moved ever so close to her lips.

  He heard her groan as his lips brushed hers ever so lightly.

  Then he pulled back and waited. It was her call now.

  If he thought his heart rate had reached its peak, he was wrong. He stood watching her, waiting for her, and his heart continued to gallop along while he did. Just as he was ready to give up, she leaned against him, and her arms went up around his back. He hesitated for about twenty seconds not sure how to proceed, but then wrapped his arms around her, like he never wanted to let her go.

  “Emily,” he whispered, realizing he had been using one-word syllables for the past few minutes.

  “Josh,” she whispered back, amusement in her voice.

  His hand went up to her face. “I haven’t done this for a very long time,” he said quietly.

  “Me either,” she whispered. “We can do this together.”

  He nodded his head, although she couldn’t see him. At that moment he knew they were both hurting and had to heal before they could move forward.

  ~~~

  It was Emily’s second visit to Josh’s house, and she sat outside on the porch watching the sun set.

  She should have gone home by now, but she was past caring. Laney wouldn’t be worried. She knew where Emily was, and knew she was safe.

  Josh was inside making coffee, and suggested, no, ordered her to sit on one of the loungers and take it easy while she watched the array of colors cross the sky.

  They’d walked around his property for awhile, the mini-tour he’d called it, and she was worn out now. She had thoroughly enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her face, reveled in the short walk they had taken, but more than anything, had enjoyed his company.

  As they were leaving for their stroll, Josh had reached inside the back door and grabbed his cowboy hat, putting it on his head as they’d left the house. She hadn’t missed his hesitation, or his angst, as he’d looked across to another much smaller hat sitting proudly on the same rack.

  She understood why he hadn’t been able to bring himself to dispose of it. It was a subtle reminder of all he’d lost.

  She walked ahead, pretending she hadn’t seen him. That way he wouldn’t feel compelled to explain. Not that she needed an explanation. It was as plain as the nose on her face.

  “There’s not a lot to see,” he said as they strolled through an empty paddock. “It’s a lot of the same. Just from a different angle.”

  When he grinned, his whole face lit up. But his resting face was much more severe. It made her wonder how long it was going to take before he was willing to give his heart to her.

  As they strolled along the fence line, the three horses followed from a distance, watching their every movement. Finally, they came cl
oser, hoping for more handouts no doubt.

  She turned toward them and laughed. “You lot are greedy,” she said, still laughing as she did. “There’s none left. You ate it all.” She pulled her pocket out so they could see, and Toby shoved his nose in as deep as he could. He didn’t seem particularly happy as he scampered away.

  They soon came to a cozy little pocket on the property. There was a stand of trees with a small stream running through them.

  The moment she saw it Emily found herself running toward it. “It’s beautiful,” she said, near breathless, she was so overwhelmed by the beauty of it all.

  “We must have a picnic here one day,” she said, then realized he may not want to see her again. She looked across to where he was standing. “Sorry,” she said. “I’ve presumed way too much. You might not…” She didn’t want to say the words.

  He strolled toward her frowning. “I might not what?”

  Josh stood his ground, looking down at her, his hand on her chin. “Want to see me again.” She said the words quietly, hoping it wasn’t true.

  “But I do want to see you again, Emily,” he said, his mouth moving toward hers. He stopped mid-way and his eyes locked with hers. “My life is complicated,” he said quietly. “But I don’t want to lose you.” He lifted his hand to her chin and covered her mouth with his.

  ~~~

  Emily sat staring at the sky wondering what happened.

  Josh happened, that's what.

  Her sensibility had gone by the wayside. She'd never intended to get involved with anyone, especially someone she'd only met a matter of months ago.

  She couldn't begin to justify her behavior. But it wasn't just her – Josh seemed to really like her too. But he’d been holding back.

  At least now she understood why.

  She'd never fallen for someone so quickly before. Not ever. What on earth was wrong with her? Maybe it was the uniform. Some women were drawn to men in uniforms.

  But not her!

  She stood when he brought out the mugs of coffee and placed them on a low table. His arm brushed against hers as he turned, and she felt a ding of excitement.