Becoming His Mistress

by Murphy, A. E.

  It’s unfair on Mrs. Conti, Ezra’s wife. I should never have held him all night, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep beside him. Did he sleep too?

  The door creaks as it opens, making me wince. I move to the stairs and lightly step down them on the tips of my toes. I can hear them talking in hushed tones in the kitchen.

  I pass family photos and artwork, one being of Ezra and Mrs. Conti on their wedding day. It sends a chill down my spine. How would I feel if I was her, finding out my husband had comforted another woman in bed all night, not knowing what they did together? Having to trust their honesty based on their word, wondering if they’re having a joke at my expense, laughing in bed together at how foolish I am.

  But Izabella’s words stop me in my tracks. Words I should never have heard.

  “How long have you been in love with her, Ezra?” she asks and my hand flies to my mouth.

  He’s not in love with me, that’s a ridiculous idea. We were just hugging.

  He confirms my inner monologue by replying, “I’m not in love with her… I have a family. I love my wife.”

  His words stab me, a contradiction to all my other feelings on infidelity and marriage vows. How can I in one moment say how bad I feel for ever contributing to his wife’s unhappiness, in the same moment say how much it hurts me to hear that he loves her?

  “I don’t doubt your love for your wife, but I can see your love for Rose just as clearly, maybe even more so. I can see it, Ezra, your father can see it… it’s only a matter of time before your wife sees it and Rose does too.” She pauses, he doesn’t argue, not yet anyway and I beg him to. I beg him to deny it. I beg myself to walk away so nothing has to change. “I know my son and I know when he loves.”

  His voice is a whisper, I hardly hear it. “She’s thirteen years younger than me.”

  “The heart doesn’t care for age.”

  “I’m not…”

  “Look at me in the eyes. Tell the truth to someone at least. Get it off your chest. Admit it to yourself so we can fix this and fix your family.”

  There’s another pause and I hear what sounds like hands on the counter.

  “Tell me, my son, are you in love with Rose?” his mother asks once more.

  “I can’t help it. I try to help it but I can’t. I’ve never… she’s… she doesn’t feel the same and nothing has ever happened between us.”

  OH MY GOD!

  He’s in love with me? Oh my God.

  “I believe you, but now we have to fix this.”

  “How?”

  “You have to let her go, for the health of your family. This is not fair on the woman you vowed a lifetime to.”

  My heart pangs again, she knew already, this is why she’s okay with me quitting. She’s his mother first and my friend second.

  He sighs heavily. “I know but… I can control it. I’ve been in control of it.”

  “Desire cannot be controlled. You must put it out of sight. It is the only way. Transfer her to somebody else, to a different branch. Before it is too late and you both do something that will destroy everything you’ve built.” I hear her step forward. “Rose is very sweet, very naïve, and right now she’s looking for comfort. She has been through so much. Don’t add an illicit affair to her list of problems.”

  “She wouldn’t, she doesn’t see me that way.”

  “For your sake, I hope that’s true.”

  “It is.”

  “Remove her before it’s too late.”

  “I don’t think I can. It might destroy me.”

  His words have me staggering back. I might destroy him by leaving? What a weight on my conscience. Why did I have to stay and listen?

  I rush away, trying to be quiet as I head back up to my room, pacing and clicking my fingers.

  “Are you okay?” Mr. C asks, standing in the doorway. How long has he been there? Does he know what I heard? “You’ve been pacing for a while.”

  “I’m okay,” I breathe, still clicking my fingers. He takes a step towards me and I take one back.

  “Mom made breakfast.”

  “I’ll be down soon.”

  I take another step back when he takes another step forward. When he realizes I’m not going to allow him to approach, he scratches the handsome stubble on his jaw and shoves his hands in the pockets of his dark jeans.

  “Take your time,” he mutters and leaves.

  I can breathe again.

  There is so much drama going on in my life right now and all of it centers around WhyTech, Pax, and Mr. C. I’ll be devastated to leave but I think it’s best. I might even use what money I’ve saved to go elsewhere. Leave LA and maybe even head to NYC or Washington. There are other WhyTech branches there. Maybe Robert knows somebody looking for a PA?

  I’ll make the hard choice for him, I’ll decide.

  I pull out my laptop and start typing out my notice ready for work tomorrow.

  I’ve got enough saved to keep me going for a while and I decided last night to get the money from insurance for my car. There’s no use buying a new one until I know where I’m going and what I’m doing.

  This is going to kill me.

  Why am I being punished for the minds of others?

  I head downstairs after brushing my teeth and getting dressed. I’ve been stalling, taking my time.

  Luckily, when I enter the kitchen, everybody is sitting around a large round table. By everybody I mean, Izabella, Mario, Mrs. Conti, Maria, and Ezra.

  “Morning,” Izabella calls and Maria comes rushing to me to give me a hug.

  “Morning,” I reply, hugging the girl back. I don’t meet their eyes as I take my seat.

  “You look like you’ve had a rough couple of days,” Mrs. Conti tells me, her polite way of saying I look like shit.

  “I made you a card.” Maria hands me a beautifully crafted handmade card with the words,

  “Sorry you’re sad”

  This time I smile for real. “I’m not sad. Not now that you’re here.”

  She hugs me again and I catch Ezra’s eyes over her shoulder but quickly look away. I notice Mrs. Conti put her hand on his and watch him bring it to his lips and kiss it. Maria returns to her seat and I pick at a piece of bacon on my plate beside poached eggs.

  “You should eat,” Izabella instructs softly.

  “You didn’t eat on the plane yesterday or at the airport,” Ezra points out, frowning at me.

  “Keeping tabs on her, are you, husband?” Mrs. Conti asks, raising a brow at her husband and Izabella looks down at her plate.

  “Yes,” he replies simply, and she pulls her hand from his.

  Already I’m causing issues and I haven’t even done anything yet.

  I retract that yet and end that sentence on anything.

  “So, your car…”

  “Already sorted,” Mario announces looking proud, “we got a cleaning crew to tackle the paint too.”

  “And she’s going to stay here until he’s dealt with,” Ezra insists.

  “How are you so sure it’s him?” Izabella asks. “Are there no other suspects?”

  “I don’t have enemies,” I mutter. “He’s the only one. Though it does seem a bit desperate even for him.”

  “Psychotic men are capable of anything,” Mrs. Conti puts in, shrugging her shoulders.

  “True.”

  It just all feels so surreal.

  “Thank you for all your help. I don’t know what I would have done…”

  “Anytime, sweet girl.” Izabella holds my hand and Mario winks at me.

  Mrs. Conti glares at me from across the table, though she schools her features when I look at her. I don’t think she realizes I probably have better eyesight than she does now. My peripheral vision is amazing, but I think that has a lot to do with my photographic memory.

  “You’re not going to be able to take me to soccer practice,” Maria cries and I realize in this moment just how much I’ll be giving up for Mr. Conti’s family and future.

 
; Chapter Twenty-Four

  He’s in love with me. ME.

  My life is in shambles and Pax has been suspended while HR investigate. He hasn’t contacted me yet but I’m waiting for it. People are gossiping, everybody has heard about my car and apartment. I feel like the hot topic which isn’t a good thing.

  I miss my invisible days when nobody cared what I was doing or where I was going.

  I’ve spent the past two nights at Izabella’s and since yesterday morning at breakfast I haven’t seen Ezra. He followed his wife and child to their marital home and left me with Mario to discuss my uncertain future. I feel like I’m in a limbo right now. Until Pax is prosecuted for what he’s done, I’ll never find peace.

  I was naughty and used Ezra’s contact list to get in touch with Robert. I’m hoping he’ll think he owes me one after I let him crash in my room that night.

  “Hello?” he asks.

  “Hi, it’s Rose.”

  “Hey, baby, how you been?”

  “Ugh, don’t call me baby,” I murmur and he laughs. “I’m calling because I wanted to see if you knew any megalomaniacs in need of a PA.”

  “Oh shit, you’re actually quitting then?”

  I sigh. “I don’t really have a choice.”

  “It’s a bit of a mess, isn’t it?” he admits and blows a raspberry. “I’m sorry you’re having to give up a job you love because some dickhead can’t keep his hands to himself.”

  “Two, technically,” I reply, trying to make a joke of it. “Did you hear what happened to my car?”

  “I just spoke to Cunty about it this morning,” he replies. “You’ve got it rough right now.”

  “You have no idea,” I respond, sitting at my desk and mentally preparing myself for the day ahead. “Ask around for me, okay?”

  “What area?”

  “Any.”

  “In Los Angeles?”

  “No, in America.”

  He whistles long and low. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “There’s nothing here for me anymore. I’m handing in my notice today.”

  “Good luck with that.” He clears his throat. “I’ll find you something, don’t worry, okay?”

  “Thanks, Robert.”

  “No problem, baby.”

  Laughing gently, I hang up the phone and tap the envelope on my desk.

  “Don’t be a coward,” I whisper to myself and stand, ready to face Mr. Conti.

  I knock on his office door and wait for his call before entering.

  He smiles when he sees me, so bright and warm. I wonder how I didn’t see it. He was so good at being aloof but this entire time he harbored secret feelings for me. If only I hadn’t heard what they said in his mom’s kitchen, things would all be the same. I’d be oblivious the way I like it. I still don’t know why he came that night and so late.

  Maybe I’ll ask him one day, for now I don’t want to stir the pot.

  I place the thing on his desk, the thing that I want to snatch back, tear up, and toss in a fire. The thing that has been burning a hole in my soul since I wrote it.

  “What’s this?” Mr. Conti asks, eyeing the letter on his desk with confused gray eyes. His eyes are the most wonderful eyes I’ve ever gazed upon.

  “My two weeks’ notice.”

  His face pales and his hands flatten on the desk. “Is this because of Pax, because he’s a fucking——?”

  “It’s not because of Pax, well… not totally anyway,” I respond on a whisper, cutting him off. Feeling my eyes burn as I accept the end of an era.

  “Then why?”

  “You know why,” I breathe. I don’t want to blame him, but I also do. I’m mad at him for feeling anything other than what he’s supposed to feel.

  “I don’t know why,” he answers, pushing his hands through his hair, looking at the letter again like it’s about to burst into flames. That’s how I’ve felt since I wrote it.

  I don’t want him to say it out loud, not to me, because that will change everything. So I keep the subject professional. “I’ll help you find a PA before I go.”

  “I don’t want a different PA,” he growls, standing, his hands still on his desk.

  “I know, but I promise whoever I find will be so good you’ll for—”

  “Forget all about you?” he spits, agitated now.

  I nod softly. “I can’t stay here. Not anymore, it’s not safe for any of us.”

  “You’re not doing this. Not because of him,” he pleads, his tone desperate as he stalks towards me and I walk backwards. He grips my arms when my back touches the door, staring down into my wide eyes. Where his hands are, tingles and burning erupt under and over my skin. “You can’t let him control your life; you have to fight.”

  Those are the exact things I thought Izabella would say. How wrong I was.

  “I’m not leaving because of him,” I snap.

  “Right, nobody will believe that.”

  “It’s true,” I grit, annoyed that he’d question my honesty when I’ve never given him a reason to doubt it.

  “So tell me why, so I can fix it.”

  “You can’t fix it. This isn’t something that will magically go away.”

  “Give me more than that, help me out here,” he begs, still gripping my arms, ignoring my squirming. Does he not know what his touch does? “If it’s not Pax then who? Is it money? You want a raise? It’s yours. More days off? Yours. Just tell me why you’re leaving me.”

  “Because of you!” I yell and his frown melts away to something else entirely. “I’m leaving because I can’t work with you anymore.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why,” I whisper, my breathing staggered and the light dawns in his eyes. He gets it now. He knows I know.

  “I told you that the kiss was just… it was a moment of weakness and cowardice and it’ll never happen again.”

  I wet my lips and his eyes zone in on them. I’ve never been desired so desperately by anyone before. I can feel it radiating from him in waves.

  “It’s not about the kiss,” I admit, my voice a breath. “This isn’t good for anybody.”

  “So it is about the kiss?”

  “No.”

  He looks so confused. “Then what is it? Tell me.”

  I place my hands on his chest and stare at the top of his tie, wishing the ground would swallow us both whole and take us to a place where this is okay. “I know how you feel.”

  He blanches. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  I murmur, feeling mortified and on the spot, “I heard you. Speaking to your mom. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, I swear.”

  “Fuck,” he curses under his breath and turns away from me. “You were never supposed… this wasn’t… you don’t have to resign because of that.”

  “We both know that I do. Your mom was right. You have to think of your family.”

  He turns back to me, shaking his head slowly, his eyes full of emotion. “I’ve never shown it. Never let you know. Never made an advance beyond the… just you know. Not on purpose.”

  “I know. Let’s keep that record.”

  “I have a wife who I love with my whole heart.”

  Hearing him say it makes my chest ache painfully. “I know.”

  “But I love you with my whole soul,” he admits, pressing his forehead to mine. My eyes fill with tears at his admission and my heart rips in two. “Don’t leave me. I couldn’t bear it.”

  “It’s unfair on Mrs. Conti. It’s unfair on me. It’s definitely not fair on you.”

  “I can handle it.”

  “I can’t,” I admit, placing my hand on his chest and pushing until he takes a step back. “We’ll still see each other sometimes, I’m keeping in touch with your mom, but I think it’s best for us at this point to not be together all the time.”

  “Don’t resign.”

  “It’s done, Mr. Conti,” I say his name with extra emphasis to remind him of it and who he shares it with. “I’ll finish
my two weeks as my contract states and then I’ll be working somewhere else.”

  “Why? Does it really have to be this way? I’ve kept it hidden from you for this long. What’s changed other than the fact it’s out in the open?” His voice gets louder and louder and his hands cage me in at the door. “What are you so afraid of? I’m not going to come on to you or act inappropriately.” He scans my face and repeats quietly now, “What are you so afraid of?”

  I swallow the lump in my throat and wet my lips.

  “Unless…” He trails his fingertips up my arm and his gray eyes flare with intrigue. “You’re terrified you’ll feel the same.” His fingertips move along my collarbone and I shiver. “You’re not quitting.”

  “I am.” I shove him back full force this time, gathering my wits and willpower. “I have to go.”

  “No,” he snaps and I squeak when his hand grabs a fistful of my hair. “If you’re going to quit, it’s going to be for a good fucking reason, and not because of a what if.”

  “Stop,” I beg when he tilts my head back, his eyes blazing with possession, desire, and love.

  He moves closer, sensing the need that I’ve been able to deny in a way he hasn’t.

  “Please don’t, there are only so many times I can say no,” I whisper.

  “Before what?” His own voice is intensely quiet, his eyes on my mouth. “Before what, Rose?”

  My breath catches in my throat. “Before I say yes.”

  He pulls my face to his, meeting me in the middle and our bodies and lips collide.

  I squeak through my closed mouth, startled by the sudden assault, but he pushes me against the door and devours my mouth. His tongue tastes my own when I gasp, and I can’t pull away. My brain is a mass of the desire he projected on me and my body is pulsing with it.

  He groans, sounding pained when I slide my hands up his chest and kiss him back with equal fervor. I could barely turn him down the first time, I’m a lost cause this time.

  I can’t catch a breath and I don’t need to. He’s my oxygen right now, my lifeline, keeping me anchored. Our bodies connected.

  His hands drag across my curves, scraping around my back and hips, grasping at my flesh and holding me tight so I can’t escape.