by Liz Bradford
“We will. Thank you. What is the time frame on the eviction?”
“Well, technically, you’ll have ten days once the house sells at auction. But I would leave as soon as you are able or as your lawyer advises.” He shook Adam’s hand and walked back to his car.
Jocelyn stood frozen on the front walk. A million questions bombarded her mind.
“Joc, let’s go inside.” Adam put his hand on her back and gently nudged her toward the front door.
She pulled out her keys, but her hands were shaking too badly to manipulate the lock, so she handed them to Adam.
“What am I supposed to do? Where am I going to live?”
Adam pushed the door open. “Deep breath. We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. You rest; I’ll call your lawyer.”
“Thanks, Adam.” She walked over to the couch, sat, and set her phone on the coffee table. One more thing. That is not what she needed. Where could she go? What could she do? There was the cabin, but she hated that place. It creeped her out. Tears welled up in her eyes as her chest became heavy. Her emotions overwhelmed her. She lay down, curling up as much as her ever-growing belly would let her. After stuffing a throw pillow under her head, she gave in to the emotions.
She stared at her phone, desperately wanting to pick it up and call Gavin. She needed him to hold her with his strong arms and gentle reassurance. But she knew she couldn’t call him. Shouldn’t. Why did this all have to be so difficult?
She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes.
Jesus, help. I don’t know what to do. Not about the house. Not about Gavin. Give me clarity and wisdom. I just can’t take this beating any longer. When will anything go right? Will the consequences of my sin just keep pounding me into the ground? Because I really don’t think I can take it any longer. I know You’ve forgiven me, but how long does the punishment have to last?
Gavin raised his hand to knock on Jocelyn’s front door, but it opened before he could. Ella smiled at him and raised her finger to her lips. She then pointed to the couch. Jocelyn was curled up in a ball, asleep. “What’s going on?” He kept his voice low. “Adam wasn’t real clear on the phone, just said I should come over.”
“Apparently, Patrick used the house as his bail.”
“Oh, no.”
“Yeah. Adam’s been on the phone with the lawyer on and off since they got here.”
“Is Jocelyn doing okay?”
“Not sure. She’s been asleep since I got here.”
He went over and knelt on the floor in front of the couch. He couldn’t even imagine how she must feel. She was finally experiencing some relief, but now this? His heart ached for her. He stroked her hair away from her face.
Her eyes flitted open briefly, and a smile lifted the corners of her mouth. His heart fluttered. He loved this woman more than words could describe, but what could he do for her now? It wasn’t his place to do anything, was it?
Her eyes opened again and fixed their focus on his face. Her smile changed to a look of confusion. She pushed herself up on her elbow. “How’d you get here?” She swung her feet down and sat up. “That didn’t come out right.” She rubbed her eyes.
He smiled and rested his hand on her knee. “Adam called. Are you okay?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. My head hurts… What I’m going to do?”
Ella walked back into the room and handed Jocelyn a glass of water. “What about the cabin?”
“I can’t stand it. There’s always been something about it that’s bothered me. And it’s not just that it’s so filthy from Patrick smoking inside. It’s like a dark shadow just hangs around that place. Plus, it’s been in Patrick’s family for a long time. I doubt I have any legal right to it.”
Ella sat next to Jocelyn and put her arm around her. “Well, we’ll figure something out. God will move. I know He’s got a plan for you and the baby. I believe that with my whole heart. Just lean into Him.”
Jocelyn rested her head onto Ella’s shoulder and grabbed Gavin’s hand that was still on her knee. Electricity shot up his arm. He had to bite his tongue. He wanted to shout out, “Move in with me. Let’s get married!” but he couldn’t. She wasn’t free to marry him. He squeezed her hand instead.
“All right”—Adam walked into the room—“I think we’ve made a little progress. Mack is on it. He said he’ll do everything he can to fight it, claiming that Patrick doesn’t have the right to use the house as his bail since the divorce papers had already been filed. However, since you didn’t co-sign on the house it’s not looking promising… I’m sorry, Joc.”
“So I have to move out?”
“Probably, but you’ve got a bit of time since Mack said he’ll hold up the process in court as much as he is able.”
She nodded, but Gavin could feel her shrink back in defeat. “I’ve got nowhere to go. My mom wants nothing to do with me or the baby. She’ll never forgive me.”
“Why is your mom being so harsh with you?” Ella asked.
“She’s never forgiven her brother for running off with the church secretary, more because it embarrassed her than anything. She didn’t approve when I became a Christian either, so now on top of that, I’ve embarrassed her for falling into the same sin Uncle Steve did.”
“Oh, I didn’t even think about that.”
“She has no concept of grace and forgiveness, even though she always claimed she did, and that’s why she always let Dad back in the house. But I think for some demented reason she just likes being a victim.”
Again, words poured out of Gavin’s heart, but he wouldn’t let them out of his mouth. He wanted to tell her that she had a new family, that he would be there for her. His chest grew tight with all the unsaid words.
“But,” Jocelyn said, “I have a new family. My family in Christ is so much better than my earthly family has ever been, except Adam,”
Adam winked at her. “You better believe it. We’re here for you, and we’ll figure something out, don’t you worry.”
Gavin squeezed Jocelyn’s hand again. A big smile turned up her lips. His heart warmed.
Jocelyn looked back to Adam and Ella. “But enough about me. You two have a wedding to get ready for. How many days, Ella?”
Ella smiled. “Twelve!”
Jocelyn picked up another roll of ribbon and started on the next centerpiece. T minus five days until Adam and Ella were married, and Ella and Jocelyn were spending their Monday evening making the centerpieces. Ella and Adam’s house had turned into wedding central. They had planned on doing most of this at Jocelyn’s, but since her house was now mostly boxes, they had decided to do as much as possible at the future newlyweds’ home.
Ella sat at the other side of the square dining table gluing ribbons on the tall glass vases, her smile a permanent feature these days. Jocelyn asked, “How’d the last day of school go?”
“Perfect. I’ll miss having Molly and Callie in my class next year. Those two are so much fun.”
“Did I hear right that Caleb is planning to homeschool?”
“You did. He really wants to connect more with the Molly and Carter and build that relationship. I think it’s going to be so good for all of them. Although Callie is going to miss Molly something fierce, and I think the girls are hatching a plan to convince Caleb to homeschool Callie too.”
“Oh my, I could see them trying to do that, and succeeding.”
Both women laughed and continued gluing and curling ribbons.
“Are you ready to be Mrs. Adam Jamison?”
Ella’s cheeks turned bright red, and Jocelyn laughed.
“Been hoping for this day since I was a little girl…” Ella’s voice trailed off as a serious expression crossed her face.
“What is it?”
“If I’m honest, I’m also scared.”
“About what?”
“The wedding night,” she said bashfully.
“Ah. You have good reason to be nervous. I’m just impressed you guys haven’t…”
&nbs
p; “I think the fact that I’m scared of having sex has made it a lot easier to wait.”
“I’d imagine. But Ella, you don’t need to be scared. It’s weird to talk about my cousin this way, but I know he’ll be gentle and let you take the lead.”
“He’s already been so good to me. And I’ve found tremendous healing in the last eight months. Adam can even come up behind me and put his arms around me, and I don’t jump out of my skin.”
“That’s awesome! See, you’ll be fine.”
Ella smiled, but it quickly faded.
“What? Did I grow a third head?”
“I didn’t know you had a second.” They both laughed. “No, but seriously, I have a question that is probably inappropriate for me to ask.”
Jocelyn shifted in her seat. “You can ask.”
“You and Gavin. How does an affair even start? I know I’m a special case with my past, but I can’t imagine how sex just… happens.”
Jocelyn twirled the ribbon around her finger. “Well, it’s not like we just talked and said, ‘Let’s have sex.’” Jocelyn laughed at herself.
“I guess not. It was gradual?”
“The emotional affair started way before I even realized what was going on. He showed up one day when I was a mess after a fight with Patrick, and he comforted me. He treated me with respect and love, something that seemed so foreign to me.”
“You had always been good friends, right?”
Jocelyn nodded. “After Nikki died, we grew even closer. He introduced me to Jesus. It felt natural to let him in. Well, we started hanging out more and more. We were both feeling lonely and felt like we needed each other. Then one day, after fighting the desire for a good week, we kissed. We fought the desire for more, but within a couple of weeks we stopped fighting it. We were so stupid. We should have stopped hanging out, but we hung out more instead. We’d each push the boundaries and when neither of us said no, we pushed the next one. I’m not sure how to explain it.”
“That makes sense, I guess. And then you got pregnant.”
“That didn’t happen for months.”
“Months? Didn’t you feel guilty?”
“Oh yeah. So much so.”
“Then why keep doing it?”
“Well, a bit of it was once we already did it, why not keep doing it? But more than that, for me, it was the first time in a very long time that I enjoyed sex. Gavin was gentle. It was about us and not about him getting what he wanted. Gavin never forced anything.”
“Are you saying Patrick forced you?”
She didn’t know how to answer that question. “Well, it was my ‘wifely duty.’ There were times I guess you could say he forced me, sorta.”
Ella reached across the table and took Jocelyn’s hand. “Jocelyn, if he forced you… if you ever said no but he made you have sex anyway, that’s rape. And that’s never okay.”
She almost pulled her hand back. “Whoa, I don’t know that I’d say rape.”
“Did you ever say no, but he didn’t listen to you?”
“Well, yeah…”
“That’s rape.”
Jocelyn froze. She’d never thought of it like that.
“I’m so sorry, Jocelyn.”
“Don’t tell Adam.”
“I won’t, but why not?”
“I don’t want him to end up in jail.”
“True,” Ella said. “He’d march right into that prison and kill Patrick.”
The tension in Jocelyn’s chest released. The women resumed the construction of the centerpieces and the conversation lightened. Jocelyn’s joy for Adam and Ella ignited. If God worked a miracle for them, maybe He’d work one for her too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Today was the day. Ella and Adam were getting married. Jocelyn was so excited for them. She opened the door of the nursery where Ella was finishing getting ready. “Hey!”
Becca, Amelia, Ella’s mom, Adam’s sister Heather, and Adam’s mom were already in the room with Ella.
“Jocelyn!” Ella stepped forward, and the friends embraced.
Jocelyn held Ella at arm’s length. “You look amazing!” Ella’s pristine white dress sparkled from the jewel embellishments that wrapped around the low waistline. From there the dress flowed to the floor over yards and yards of tulle. Jocelyn had seen the gown on the hanger, but it was even more beautiful on Ella. And Ella’s strawberry blonde hair had been pulled back in a gorgeous twist with little ringlets framing her face.
“You’re going to knock that man right over with how gorgeous you are. Wow!”
Ella’s cheeks grew a few shades darker. “Thanks, Joc. You look amazing too.”
“Thanks. Gavin took me out yesterday and bought this dress for me. I feel huge in it.”
“No, absolutely not. You’re stunning. And your belly is adorable.”
“Thanks. You ready?”
“Absolutely!”
A few more ladies came in, including the pastor’s wife and Becca’s sister, Amy, and they all gathered around Ella and prayed for her and the wedding and their marriage. It was a beautiful time of lifting a wonderful couple up to the Lord. Even Jocelyn prayed out loud.
After one more hug for Ella, Jocelyn scooted out of the room and made it to her seat right before Jared, arm in a sling, and the other usher escorted the mothers down. Jocelyn slid in next to Gavin, and they exchanged a quick smile.
Gavin’s presence next to her during the ceremony was distracting to say the least. Her mind kept straying to what it would be like if they could get married. Each time the idea sprouted, she squashed it. She needed to focus on something other than Gavin, but when Adam picked up his guitar, and he and Ella sang a duet, Jocelyn couldn’t help herself. She tucked her hand around Gavin’s arm. He smiled and placed his other hand on top of hers.
Jocelyn rode with Gavin over to the country club for the reception. Once they’d parked, Gavin came around and opened the door for her. He offered her a hand out of his truck. “Want to go for a walk?”
“Sure, but warning: my pace seems to keep slowing down more and more.”
“No worries. Let’s just stroll.”
His smile made her heart flutter. They walked down a path toward a large pond. The day was absolutely perfect. The sun shone brightly with only a few wispy clouds to get in its way. The temperature was warm, but a steady, gentle breeze kept it from getting too hot.
“What a beautiful wedding,” Gavin said.
“It was. I’m glad they’re married. They’re so good for each other.”
“They really are.” His smile faded.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” She knew him too well to let him hide his thoughts.
He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I… I guess I’m a little jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“Yeah, I’d love to have what they have.”
“I know what you mean.”
He gazed off into the distance. He was clearly still thinking about something, but he didn’t say anything more. Instead, he reached over and took her hand.
He probably shouldn’t have grabbed her hand, but Gavin couldn’t help himself. Oh, this stupid self-control thing. But it felt so right. They strolled silently around the pond hand in hand. All seemed perfect. But who was he fooling, other than himself? He should be protecting her heart, not confusing it more. But he didn’t know how to do that.
As they rounded the final bend, they spotted the bridal party arriving to take pictures by the pond. Adam and Ella were holding hands and looked perfectly in love. He really was happy for them, even if his heart ached. He didn’t want to be selfish. He wanted to focus on them. This was their day, not his. But grief was heavy weight. He needed to snap out of it.
“You’ve been really quiet.” Jocelyn’s voice was soft.
“Sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I want to be sure you’re okay.”
“I am. I don’t know what my problem is. Why can’t I just be happy for the
m? Why does all my loss have to sit on my mind when I’m celebrating with others?”
She squeezed his hand and stopped walking as they passed under a maple tree. “I wish I had an answer for you.”
It was her turn to be quiet. She stared at him; the intensity of her gaze almost made him uncomfortable. If it had been anyone else, he would have been. “What are you thinking?”
Her cheeks flushed. “Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“I was thinking how much I want to hold you and sooth your grief. But I know I’m part of what you’re grieving.”
He stepped a little closer to her. “You’re right. Seems like everything I touch falls apart.”
“Oh, stop it, Gavin. That’s not true.” She let go of his hand and grabbed his shoulders. “Time to lay the grief down with Jesus. As much as I want to soothe it away, I can’t. Only He can.”
He smiled. A fiery glint came to her eyes.
“And you know what? Life’s been so heavy lately, and I desperately need to have a little fun. Let’s help each other with that this evening.”
“I think that’s a plan. But…”
“But what?”
“How?”
“Maybe we dance. We laugh. We focus on Adam and Ella. Impossible, I know. I can’t focus on anything when you’re around.” She winked at him. “But most importantly, we eat!”
Gavin threw his head back in laughter.
“Am I wrong?”
“No, no, absolutely not. You’ve got a little boy to eat for too.”
“Yeah, and if he’s anything like you, I’m eating for three.”
Gavin laughed harder and pulled Jocelyn into a hug.
Jocelyn poked at the food left on her plate. It tasted so good, but she was too full to eat anymore. On the dance floor in the center of the room, Gavin danced with Becca’s daughter, Callie. He was going to be a good dad.
A hand came to rest on her shoulder. “Hi, Jocelyn.”
She looked up to find Adam’s dad. “Uncle Steve!”
“Mind if I join you?”
“Please do.” She scooted her chair a bit and turned toward him as he sat next to her.
“How are you doing? Adam told me about all that’s happened with Patrick. I’m sorry. I wish I had been around back when…”
