Aloha in Love

by Watts, Jennifer

  What I’m not prepared for is the new storefront just adjacent to Salty’s. It looks like a different business, lit up and glowing on the inside, has recently taken over the space. I undo my seatbelt and slide from the car, as if somehow magnetically pulled towards the vibrant interior. I don’t even glance back at Kayla or Adele as I peer though that big front window. There’s no one inside right now, but it looks like a small restaurant with about a dozen tables. The décor is what I’d called west coast chic, all white and chrome with red accents, and big brushed stainless steel pendant lights decorating the ceiling. There’s a big chalkboard menu above the open counter with only two words scrawled across the center: Laki Maikaʻi.

  I read the words aloud as Adele approaches from behind. “It means good luck,” she says.

  “Why?”

  “Why does it mean good luck?”

  “No, why is this place even here?”

  Adele’s gaze shifts over my shoulder. “You’ll have to ask him that.”

  I turn around slowly, only to see Kane watching me through the window, his big hulking frame filling most of the cozy space. As I watch him through the glass, it feels like my feet are frozen to the ground. Do I go in? I know that I don’t have to; I could drive off in Adele’s car and never look back at this place again, but the last time a man hurt me, I ran. It might have been the right move with Dale, but I’m stronger than that now. I have no choice but to face whatever this is, and to face him, even if that simply means goodbye.

  A quaint-sounding bell jingles as I open the door to the restaurant. He doesn’t move an inch from where he’s standing, but his eyes follow my every move. I take it all in. Everything is more incredible up close. The walls are lined with red-framed black and white photos of various landmarks, and I do a double take when I notice they’re all of San Francisco: The Golden Gate Bridge, The Palace of Fine Arts, Fisherman’s Wharf, Chinatown. I take a quick inventory of the space before coming to a complete halt before Kane.

  “You summoned me?”

  He speaks with a familiar huskiness. “You’re so beautiful.”

  I snort in response. “Hardly.”

  He lifts his arms and pulls the baseball cap off my head, tossing it onto the nearby table. I can only imagine how my hair looks right now. He tries to smooth his hands over my red locks, but I slap him away.

  “Why am I here, Kane?” His golden skin looks paler than usual, and I notice black circles under his eyes.

  “Because I love you.”

  My jaw drops. It seldom happens that I can’t find the words to express my thoughts, but this is one such moment.

  “I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner. I was so cruel to you that night. You deserve more. I told you from the beginning: I’m not good at the other stuff, and that hasn’t changed. Look at me, Ashley, I’m a mess, but I know that I love you. I have loved you for awhile.

  “You’re not a mess.”

  “I am.” He laughs without any humor. “I let go of the only person who made me feel happy in the last seven years, who made me feel alive again. I let go of you and me.”

  I tilt my head. “Why did you let me go, Kane?”

  “As much as I love you—and I do, Ashley—I don’t even know what that means anymore. I don’t know how to love anymore, at least not in the right way.”

  “I don’t think there’s supposed to be a right way, Kane.”

  He shakes his head. “My past will always be there. My guilt is ugly and permanent; even if it lessens, it won’t go away. I’ll never be casual with you. If you’re mine, you’re mine, and I know how I am sometimes. If you think me telling you to put on sunscreen and stay out of the water is bad, that’s just the tip of iceberg, Ashley. Protecting you—keeping you safe and knowing you’re going to be okay—is everything to me. The way I feel…I guess I’m worried it will just get more intense with you.”

  His shoulders sag as he finishes, and I take a deep breath. “I understand.”

  “Do you?”

  “I do, and I’m okay with it.”

  He shakes his head. “You can’t be.”

  “But I am.” I wrap my hand around his wrist and give it a little tug. It’s so large that my fingers hardly make it all the way around.

  “So you love me?” I say, feeling a little lightheaded. “Kane Keo loves me…but I repeat, why did you bring me here?”

  He looks down at the hand around his wrist, then up at me. “This place is for you. It’s all for you. Even if you don’t want to be with me, you belong in Paia. You’re one of us now and whatever’s happening between us doesn’t change that. This restaurant is yours.”

  “You can’t give me a restaurant!” I shout, stumbling backwards.

  “I just did. You make beautiful food—food that makes people happy—so keep doing that. It’s good for Salty’s.”

  “But is it good for you?” I say, my grip tightening on his wrist. He steps closer and brings my arms around his neck, until I’m stretching up on my tiptoes. His answer is a deep, unrelenting kiss. The soft lips that I’ve missed so much work in rhythm against mine, searing this moment into my brain for eternity. His tongue gains entrance into my mouth and I moan in response, but when I try to deepen the kiss, he pulls back and staggers for breath.

  “You are good for me, Ashley, even if the opposite isn’t true. I promise I’ll try every damn day to be better for you.”

  “Kane…” I start, but he silences me with a kiss before pressing onwards with his speech.

  “I am trying. I’m seeing someone that Taylor recommended—a head-shrinker. I wasn’t too sure about the idea. He’s this long-haired, draft-dodging hippie, but it’s not all that butterflies and rainbow shit—he tells it like it is.”

  “So you like him then?” I say, grinning.

  “I like him.” He chuckles, but the laughter dies in his throat. He skims his hands up my sides and around my back.

  “Are you not wearing a bra?” He groans out.

  I shrug. “I didn’t exactly have time to prepare for this little meeting.”

  Before I can say anything more, he whips off my t-shirt and throws it onto the floor. The cool breeze from the air conditioning hits my bare breasts and my nipples instantly pebble.

  “Kane!” I shout, but he doesn’t hesitate, dropping his head and capturing one of my ready nipples in his mouth. My hips jerk forward as I try to form words.

  “Everyone can see inside.” I moan as he switches his attention to my other nipple.

  “Fuck them,” he whispers, licking a path down the valley of my breasts. “No one’s out there anyways. I need to have you right now. It’s been over a month since I’ve been inside of you and I’m losing my mind.”

  He licks around my navel and starts tugging down my sweat-shorts. “I am going to fuck you so hard, Ashley.”

  “That’s romantic,” I tease, but his words make me melt.

  “Today isn’t about romance, Lani, I can promise you that. Today is about being so deep inside of you that I become part of you. I want you screaming my name over and over, until you remember where you belong.”

  Warmth floods through my veins with every word he speaks, making me dizzy on my feet. “I won’t forget,” I say, shakily.

  “Let me remind you anyway—just to be sure.” He smiles at me in a predatory way and tugs off my shorts, swearing when he notices that I’m not wearing anything underneath them.

  “No underwear either? Fuck woman.” Then his mouth is on mine, working its magic. I don’t stifle the cries escaping from my lips, despite that my legs are going to give out at any moment.

  I come so intensely that I actually see black spots along the edges of my vision. I have to grab onto his silky brown hair for support, as his tongue continues to probe my sensitive flesh. I ride out the aftershocks and once he seems satisfied, he pulls me down to the floor. He doesn’t speak as he sheds his clothing and enters me, stretching me to the brink again.

  “Are you okay?” His voice str
ains, but I can only nod.

  “I love you, Ashley Walsh. I’m sorry for everything that I put you through, and I’m never letting you go.”

  He pulls out halfway and slams back inside me, tearing a scream from my throat. He rocks into me with a kind of reckless abandon, his eyes heavy-lidded and his big hands curling around my thighs to keep me in place. He looks so fierce, wild, and beautiful that I’m speechless. His deep hazel eyes alight with passion, and I watch the pectoral muscles of his wide tanned chest jump up every time he drives into me. When he nears release, he lets out an animalistic roar and collapses on the floor beside me. The restaurant is quiet, apart from the mingled sound of our overlapping breath.

  Kane props himself up on one elbow and looks into my eyes. “I am sorry.”

  “Sex like that isn’t something to apologize for…” I answer with my eyes shut, stretching my arms above my head.

  “Ashley, look at me.” I open my eyes and give him my complete attention. “I’m sorry for everything I said to you. I’m sorry for what you saw. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to that place in my head.”

  “Don’t be sorry. Your pain is part of you, but so are your memories. That life—it’s still your life. It’s not about forgetting or apologizing; it’s about learning to live with what happened, and to keep on living. I think, in a completely different way, I finally understand that for myself as well. What I had with Dale, my life in San Francisco, it’s not something I can erase or forget about, because whatever I endured brought me to here and now.”

  He lies back against the floor and drapes me over his chest. “When did you get so wise?”

  I’m not sure if he’s teasing me, so I ignore his comment and feather a trail of kisses down his chest. “I love you, Kane, more than you’ll ever know—but I do have one more question.”

  “Anything. Ask me anything you want.”

  “How did you get a whole restaurant built in one month…in Paia, at that?” This obviously isn’t the question he was expecting, because he looks relieved and laughs out loud.

  “Honestly? I had to call in every damn favor I had left on this island, and I still didn’t get it all done. The sign out front isn’t up yet, but it will be soon.”

  “The sign?” I say, my mind going to the words on the chalkboard.

  “Laki maikaʻi.” He looks uncharacteristically shy as he translates the phrase. “It means good luck.”

  “Adele told me, but why good luck?” I ask.

  He rubs his stubby cheek against mine, and I feel the beginnings of a new beard covering his chin. “Because that’s exactly what you are to me.”

  There are no words to convey how much this gesture means, so I simply seal my lips over Kane’s. His jaw goes slack as I pull away, and once again, I feel his length twitching against my stomach. “But we’ve already christened the floor,” I say, wriggling against his hardness.

  “Oh, that was just a little pupu, and the main course is yet to come. I’m going to feast on you all night.” He inhales a deep breath and surprises me with his next words.

  “I want you to live, work, and be with me forever.”

  I suck in a breath of fresh air. “You want me to move in with you?”

  He gives me a sidelong look. “There is no other option.”

  “I have a place in town,” I argue. “Maybe it’s too soon. I could try and get a place in Paia?”

  “No, lani, your place is right here in my arms.

  Epilogue

  “I look bloated.” I can’t help but frown upon inspecting the profile of my torso in the full-length mirror.

  Adele waves a dismissive hand in the air. “You look beautiful.”

  “You look knocked up,” Kayla snorts.

  Adele gives my bridesmaid—one of two—a disapproving look. “Not helpful, darling.”

  Kayla looks stunning, of course, in the knee-length blush-colored dress that she picked out herself. Jamie opted for a full-length gown in the same shade, presenting as a tiny, exotic goddess with peach-colored flowers in her hair.

  “I’m not that pregnant, am I?” I do my best to smooth back the loose curls framing my face.

  “You definitely don’t look that pregnant,” Jamie reassures me, but meanwhile Kayla has a huge grin spread across her face.

  “Whatever you want to tell yourself,” she says.

  In truth, I’m only about four months pregnant and not showing much yet, but the bloating makes it clear that things are getting real. It turns out that mine and Kane’s christening of the newly minted restaurant floor served up more than just orgasms. It wasn’t what either of us expected, and I take responsibility for being forgetful with the pill, but after enduring multiple rounds of fertility treatments with Dale, an unplanned pregnancy didn’t exactly seem in the cards. When I peed on the stick, I nearly lost my mind with worry, fearing his reaction. What if he thought that I intended to replace Kaiden? Nothing and no one could replace his son, nor the memories Kane carries of him. I knew that, and it wasn’t easy for Kane to learn that I was hapai.

  It took him a while to come to terms with the news, which felt at odds with my joy. It’s so strange to feel guilty and elated at the same time, but that’s the space I lived in for a while. Eventually he came around, and I know deep down that he’s excited. The hardest part has been managing his anxiety. He hovers around me like a helicopter-parent, monitoring my every move. Right from the start, he hasn’t wanted me running around, driving the car, or even putting away groceries in the kitchen.

  While I understand the source of his fear, it hasn’t been easy. One moment, Kane is blissfully building a crib for our new arrival, and the next he’s tearful in my arms, wondering why he deserves this second chance. I love Kane though. His journey is my journey and we’ll find a way through it together. Last week, I signed the divorce papers and haven’t heard a word from Dale since. However, I did hear from Terry, my old assistant, that Dale is now dating Maggie, my former spin partner from accounting. I’m happy for him; I really am. Everyone deserves to find their one true love.

  I sigh and twirl around once in my floor-length lavender gown. It’s not exactly traditional, with low-cut sides and a deep-set V-neck, but we didn’t exactly go about things traditionally either. The gown has a beautiful wrap around the front and elegant slip along the side, and the style is a thousand times more me than that poufy princess number I wore with Dale. Most importantly, it’s loose enough that my little bump isn’t too distracting.

  Adele places the Haku Lei—a beautiful crown of orchids—atop my head, and I notice her eyes watering as she steps back. “Thank you, Adele,” I say, touching the crown gently. “And thank you for agreeing to walk me down the aisle.”

  When Adele heard that my parents weren’t coming for the wedding, she was the first person to offer her services. My parents were about as supportive as I’d anticipated, given that I’m 2500 miles away and marrying some man they’ve never met. Still, they sent along their well wishes with a nice card and a personal check for $500.

  Adele takes my cold hands in her warm, well-weathered ones, giving me a good squeeze. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re as much my daughter as if I’d given birth to you myself.”

  “Not a visual I need right now,” Kayla says, but her voice betrays her with trembling.

  “Enough sniveling, girls. We have a wedding to get to.”

  I find myself in a daze on the ride to Baldwin Beach, staring out the windows as Jamie and Kayla bicker non-stop. I think I’ve probably created a monster by introducing the two of them, but I can’t help but smile at how similar they are. The sun is setting when I step barefoot from the car. It’s a short walk to the stretch of beach where my friends and loved ones are seated on the sand. A line of torches lights a path towards the clear blue water, and I catch a glimpse of Kane at the end of the aisle, head down with his strong hands clasped together. He’s wearing a short-sleeve white button-down shirt, which shows off his beautiful olive
skin.

  Pancho smiles when he sees me, beginning to strum his ukulele, an instrument that I didn’t even know he played. He starts to sing Bob Marley’s “High Tide, Low Tide” and his low, soulful voice sends chills up my spine. Just then, Kayla steps ahead of me and starts down the path, followed immediately by Jamie.

  “Are you ready, darling?” Adele asks, and I give her a little nod.

  “Absolutely.” I stare at the cloudless sky, where a gorgeous orange-pink sunset fades to dusk. I look back down to see Lance smiling at me beside Kane. Much to my surprise, Lance was a licensed Minister all this time—not one of those internet ministers but an actual student of theology.

  My heartbeat picks up as I get closer. Kane’s eyes flash and lock with mine, drinking me in from head to toe. We don’t break eye contact as I walk down the aisle, and the look on his face wipes away my nerves. With my last few steps, it actually feels like I’m floating. As soon as Adele releases my arm, Kane pulls me against his chest and kisses me passionately, earning him a laugh from the small crowd.

  “I think that part comes after,” Lance says, clearly amused.

  “Before, during, after…” Kane trails off. ”Just try and stop me, Lance.” As always, time seems to stop when I’m near Kane, the world blurring around me like a dream. “Lani, you know I’m not great with words, but words aren’t enough to explain what you mean to me anyways. You saved my life, and I’m going to spend the rest of that life cherishing yours. You are so beautiful, inside and out, and yet somehow you’re mine. I love you.”

  I don’t try to wipe away the tears staining my cheeks, instead struggling for words. “I was empty and you made me whole, Kane Keo. You helped me find my passion and supported me in doing what I love. You love without expectation. You are so selfless and so kind. You let me be me, even when it’s hard for you. You make me feel safe, beautiful, valued, and heard. I don’t know how I lived my life without you.”