“You’re sure? You don’t mind?”
“Not even a little.”
Hannah settled back into her chair, which was definitely more comfortable than most chairs Ryan had sat in. They talked for a bit about family stuff before her exhaustion took her out of the conversation.
As he held Jason in the quiet of the room, Ryan pulled out his phone and sent a text to his mom and then also an email to Tyler to let them know what was going on and to ask them to pray for Jason.
“Sorry I can’t sing to you like your mama, little man, but I will absolutely do everything within my power to get you through this,” he said softly, not wanting to wake Hannah.
CHAPTER THIRTY
It was strangely comforting for Ryan to be there with Hannah as she slept. It took him back to their days in the dark cell when he would listen to her breathe during her long periods of sleep. When he’d come to realize how weak she was, the sound of her breathing had been comforting. And now it was the same with Jason. The rise and fall of his little chest—even though the rest of him was so still—was reassuring.
As he sat there with Jason in his arms and his gaze on Hannah, Ryan wondered how this all might unfold. Obviously, first and foremost, he wanted Jason to get over whatever it was that had invaded his body. Secondly though, he hoped that when Hannah had said she needed him, she meant more than just for the time Jason was sick.
He wanted to be with the two of them for everything. The good and the bad. Sickness and health. He wanted it all. He wanted the good days when Hannah was feeling confident and hopeful. He wanted the bad days when she was struggling and needing his support and understanding because, although she’d been in counseling, Ryan didn’t doubt that there would still be rough days ahead for her.
Maybe there would even be days when she wouldn’t be able to handle the intimacy of them as husband and wife. Ryan understood all of that. Had even talked with his counselor about how it might be, and he was prepared to go to counseling with Hannah. If these past several weeks had done anything, it had been to grant him a sense of peace and understanding where Hannah was concerned.
What they’d shared together had been traumatic and life-changing. If he’d not been there with her, he might not have the understanding that he did, and though he’d rather that neither of them had gotten caught up in all that, he was glad now that he had that knowledge.
“Now if your mama would just give us a chance,” Ryan whispered. “Do you think you could help me out with that? Put in a good word for me, will ya? I love you guys, and I want nothing more than for us to be a family.”
Hannah wasn’t sure how long she’d slept, but she woke to the sound of voices and Jason crying. It took her a minute to place where she was and for the memory of what had happened through the night to flood her mind. With that, any sleep that still clung to her disappeared.
Stiffness slowed her movements as she straightened in her chair and surveyed the room. Ryan still sat with Jason in his arms, his hand moving in soothing motions on her son’s head. Both the nurse and the doctor were in the room, and the three of them turned toward her as she moved.
“Is everything okay?” she asked as she got up and walked over to where Ryan sat.
Jason was whimpering, but Hannah could see that he was moving around more, and his eyes were open. All very good signs in her books.
“Here.” Ryan slowly got to his feet. “Why don’t you sit here and hold him? I think he’d like to be with his mama.”
Hannah slid into the seat and held out her arms, nearly crying when Ryan handed Jason to her and she felt him move around. It was so different compared to how lethargic he’d been for most the night.
Once she was settled, she looked up at the doctor. “So is there news?”
The doctor gave a single nod of his head. “As I suspected, it appears that Jason has viral meningitis. Of the two types, this is definitely the better one to have, but it’s hitting Jason hard because of his special circumstances. It’s apparent that his immune system is still compromised, making it more difficult for him to fight off the virus.”
“I didn’t see any symptoms of it except that he didn’t finish his bottle before bed,” Hannah said, worried she’d missed some signs. “And then there was the fever.”
“In a vaccinated child with normal immunity and of a healthy weight, this might not have required hospitalization. You did the right thing by bringing him in.” The doctor gave her a reassuring smile, but Hannah still felt like she’d missed something important. “We’re still going to keep him here until we’re sure the fever is under control and that he’s eating well, so you’re probably looking at another day or two. Just to be on the safe side.”
Hannah was relieved, but at the same time, she felt a bit foolish for how she’d over-reacted. Sure, meningitis could be deadly, but what he had wasn’t the most serious type. She’d messed up Ryan’s plans with her freak-out when she should have just trusted the doctor and her own knowledge as a nurse.
“That’s great news,” Ryan said.
Hannah glanced over at him and saw him smile broadly. His relief seemed as keen as hers. She looked down at Jason as he squirmed in her arms, feeling incredible joy at his movements. Now if he’d just take a bottle.
“We’re going to finish out the antibiotics,” the doctor said. “But then it will just be the IV fluid until we see him taking a bottle. I’ll come back by later to check on him.”
“Thank you,” Hannah said, hoping Dr. Colson knew how truly grateful she was.
The doctor gave a nod then briefly touched her shoulder as he said goodbye to her and Ryan. The nurse stayed behind and suggested that they check Jason’s diaper. The relief she already felt was compounded when they found his diaper was wet. Not as wet as it needed to be, but it was definitely a start.
“I’ll get a bottle and see if he’ll take any of it,” the nurse said once Jason was changed and settled back in the chair with Hannah. “It might take a few attempts before he takes what we want him to, but don’t worry. We’ll get him there.”
Hannah smiled her thanks at the nurse’s assurances. It was odd to be on the receiving end since she’d been the one to give such assurances a lot in her life.
“Well, that’s certainly a relief,” Ryan said once they were alone. “Right?”
“It is,” Hannah agreed. “Obviously I only had the worst-case scenarios running through my head.”
“I did too, so you’re not alone in that.”
“I feel bad now though, that my panic pulled you away from your family. At least you’ll still be able to get out there in time to enjoy Canada Day.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Ryan leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out while he interlaced his fingers over his flat stomach. He arched a single brow and said, “You need me here.”
He wasn’t wrong, but she hated to keep him from his family when the crisis had been averted. Since his tone allowed for no argument, Hannah acquiesced.
“As long as you’re sure,” she said.
“I’m very sure. This way I can stay with him if you need a break or to sleep. And if you need something to eat or drink, I can go get it for you.”
Hannah smiled at him. “Thank you.”
“I’m just glad for the timing,” Ryan said. “If Jason had to get sick, I’m glad he did it while I was here to help.”
The nurse reappeared with a bottle, interrupting their conversation for the time being. For the next little while, Hannah’s attention was consumed with trying to get Jason to drink. He would take one or two pulls of the nipple, but then he’d stop, letting the milk dribble out the corner of his mouth.
He only took about a quarter of the bottle before he fell asleep again. Hannah brushed her hand across his forehead, grateful that, while he was still warm, he was nowhere near as hot as he’d been when she’d brought him in to the hospital.
“I’m going to head out and see if I can find some food,” Ryan said once Jason was
asleep again. “What can I get for you? A sandwich? Soup?”
It seemed ages ago that Gabe and Maya had brought her the bagel and hot chocolate. “Either or would be fine.”
He pulled his legs in and got to his feet, giving her a smile as he did. “I think I have a good idea of what you like.”
That was certainly true. He’d made her more meals than she could count over the time they’d been together at the house. Ryan had taken it as a personal mission to make sure that, even if she was busy with Jason or appointments, she had food to eat. His care for her—and for Jason—had gone way beyond what she would have expected of anyone.
It had been something she’d talked about with her counselor. Wondering if his care had come from a place of obligation or something more. Though it was hard to understand that he might actually feel something for her, the psychologist had stressed that she needed to either accept it or set it aside. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them if she was willing to accept his love when things were going well, but then question it when she was having a rough day.
She had to be willing to trust in his love.
And that would be a huge step for her. Maybe the biggest she’d ever taken emotionally. It was far easier to believe that people couldn’t—wouldn’t—love her. Her counselling sessions had helped some with that, but she’d still not managed to completely reset her default response. How many times—and in how many ways—did Ryan have to prove his love for her?
She still had yet to wake up and have her first thought be that she was worthy of anything others offered her. Usually, however, it was more along the lines of how she could prove herself worthy of the things people did for her.
It took longer to remember that she was already worthy.
Three days later, they were finally able to take Jason home from the hospital. Because he’d lost weight, the doctor had wanted to keep him in the hospital until his feeds were completely back to normal. Hannah had had no argument with that plan of action.
Still, it was difficult to contemplate walking out of the hospital, but as they approached the exit, Ryan reached out to take her hand while carrying Jason’s car seat with the other. As she clung to him, once again leaning on his support, Hannah realized she didn’t know when he was supposed to be back at work. And she was kind of scared to ask.
Once the family had returned to the city following their time up at the cabin, others had come by to spell them off. She’d gone home one night, but when she hadn’t been able to sleep for worrying about Jason, she’d decided she might as well just stay at the hospital and catch what sleep she could in the chair. Though Ryan had gone home each day, he’d stayed late with her and Jason and was always back first thing in the morning.
Ryan had Gabe drop him off the morning of Jason’s discharge, so he was able to drive her and Jason to the apartment. He went through a drive-thru on the way home and picked up some food for them. Hannah found that her appetite was returning, even though she was still nervous. All signs indicated that Jason was well on his way to a full recovery.
Hannah just hoped that she could keep fear from ruling her decisions when it came to Jason. Already she was planning to keep him out of the nursery at church for a while, but somehow she needed to keep herself from becoming a hermit in order to protect Jason. She needed to learn how to trust God to keep him safe.
She was faced with her first hurdle shortly after arriving at the apartment.
While she strapped Jason into his high chair at the table, Ryan unpacked the food they’d picked up. After he’d said grace for the food, they began to eat.
“Would you have dinner with me tomorrow night?” Ryan asked midway through their meal.
Hannah paused with a French fry partway to her mouth. “Uh. We’re already eating together right now.”
“True,” Ryan said with a nod. “But I’d like to have dinner. Just the two of us.”
Her gaze went to where Jason sat chewing on the toy she’d given him. “I’m not sure I’m ready to leave Jason just yet.”
He leaned forward and picked up his cup of soda, pinning her with an intense gaze. “I know that. Will you trust me?”
He’d asked her that before, and she’d said yes. Had her answer changed? No, it hadn’t.
“Yes.”
The intensity faded as his smile grew. “Excellent. Tomorrow at five, have yourself and Jason ready to go.”
“Where are we going?” Hannah asked even though she was fairly certain that he wouldn’t tell her.
And she was right.
Ryan shook his head as he finished chewing his bite of burger. “You’re going to have to wait until tomorrow to find out.”
“It’s a good thing I’m patient.”
“I think it will be worth the wait.” His words held a promise that left Hannah both excited and worried.
They had already spent a lot of time together. If not in person, then on the phone. She’d never had more contact with a person, even counting Maya, who she considered to be her best female friend. The two of them usually texted every other day or so and would talk on the phone a couple of times a week, but it wasn’t the daily contact like she had with Ryan.
As they continued eating together, Hannah realized that she couldn’t foresee a time in their lives when they wouldn’t have that type of contact. Nor did she want that day to ever come.
She knew that she could pass off her earlier plea that she needed him as her being a distraught mom and wanting a friend close by, but if he truly did want more than just friendship, she owed him the truth. She owed them both the truth.
“So.” Ryan arched an eyebrow as he stood at the door to her apartment once they’d finished eating. “Dinner tomorrow, right?” At her nod, he said, “I’ll pick you two up at five.”
“How should I dress?” Hannah asked as she had a sudden worry about not being dressed appropriately.
“Wear whatever you're comfortable in.” He gestured to the jeans and T-shirt he wore. “I’m going to be in something like this.”
“Okay. We’ll be ready to go.”
With a soft smile, he reached out and brushed the backs of his fingers along her cheek. “I look forward to it.”
Since it was her scarred cheek, Hannah had to fight hard not to jerk back from his touch. But if she wanted a future with him, she’d have to trust that if he said he was okay with her scar, and backed that up with actions, that he really was. And beyond that, if they wanted to have a relationship that led to marriage, she needed to get used to physical interactions with him whether it would be a touch on her scarred cheek, a hug, a kiss, or more.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And then he was out the door, leaving Hannah and Jason by themselves. And for a moment, as she went back into the kitchen to clean up, she could almost pretend that the past few days had never happened.
Except they had, and now she had a clear knowledge of how she’d react when Jason got sick. Hopefully, if it happened again, she’d remember the outcome this time and trust the doctors and her nursing experience, so she didn’t freak out quite as badly because she might not have Ryan at her side next time.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Ryan knocked on the door right at five o’clock the next afternoon. He’d spent the day putting together his plans for their dinner. Their date. That’s how he was viewing it because this was different from any other time they’d spent together. They didn’t need dates to get to know each other, but Ryan wanted a date so that she knew that he was still serious about a relationship between them.
He hadn’t come back to Winnipeg with a plan to take her out on a date. But when she’d admitted that she needed him, Ryan hadn’t been able to stop the hope that had bloomed within him.
Before he could knock again, the door swung open to reveal Hannah. She gave him a shy smile as she shifted on her feet. He saw that she’d gone with jeans and a T-shirt, just like he’d said he’d be wearing. As long as she was comfortable, he was fine with t
hat.
He liked that she wasn’t overly fussy with her appearance or what she wore. Not that she was a slob since her clothes were never wrinkled and her hair was always smooth and shiny. But the beauty he’d come to appreciate about her didn’t need any makeup to enhance it.
“Ready to go?” he asked, resisting the urge to pull her into his arms for a hug.
“Yep. We’re all set. I hope.” Turning from the door, she picked up the diaper bag while Ryan stepped in and grabbed the handle of Jason’s car seat. “I wasn’t sure what all I needed to pack for Jason.” She gave him a sideways glance as they stepped out into the hallway. “Since I didn’t know where we’re going.”
“It’ll be fine,” Ryan assured her. “You’ll see.”
They ended up taking her car since the car seat base was already installed in it. It wasn’t until they were out on the highway that she said, “Are your folks going to watch Jason? I mean, I trust them and all, but I’m still a little leery about leaving him.”
“How did he do last night?” Ryan asked, not bothering to answer her question. It would all be clear soon enough.
“He woke a couple of times, but that was fine because he needed to eat more. He didn’t take a full bottle before bed, so I was happy to wake up and feed him. Other than that, he did fine.”
Ryan shared a bit of what he’d heard about the family holiday up at the cabin then asked, “Did you hear about the guy that was stabbed to death last week?”
“The one who was working with the homeless youth downtown?”
“Yeah. Apparently, he was a friend of a friend.” Ryan frowned as he recalled the conversation Bennett and Mitch had had about the guy. He’d read a few articles about it too, and he just shook his head at the loss of such a great guy. “He was in a foster home with some friends of ours right before he aged out of the system.”
“I read that he was part of the foster care system and had even been homeless for a time,” Hannah said. “It’s horrible that he was killed by the very kids he was trying to help, but drugs and alcohol can make people do things they normally wouldn’t. Very sad that he left a wife and a son.”
A Little Ray of Sunshine: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 7) Page 30
