“Actually, it wasn’t in the papers, but one of our friends said that they’d just found out that the wife was pregnant with their second child. Unfortunately, she miscarried a couple of days after his death.”
Hannah made a sympathetic noise. “Just makes a bad situation even worse.”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring you down. It was just the last thing we were talking about before I left the house, so it was kind of on my mind.” He felt a light touch on his arm and glanced away from the road long enough to see the understanding expression on Hannah’s face.
“That kind of stuff is hard to just put aside. I will certainly be praying for the woman and her son.”
As Ryan turned off the highway onto the long driveway, he hoped that everything was ready. His dad had an app tracking him, so he’d know how close they were.
Once at the house, Hannah moved slowly to get out of the car. He could read her reluctance to leave Jason in each of her movements. She followed him into the house with the diaper bag and accepted his mom’s hug.
“It’s so good to see you,” she said. “Ry, just bring Jason into the kitchen.”
There were a few more people there than when he’d left earlier, and the aroma of dinner made his stomach growl. They all greeted Hannah and Jason with enthusiasm.
After a few minutes of chitchat, his mom said, “Why don’t you two head out?”
Hannah hesitated. “Are you sure you’re okay to watch him?”
Ryan’s mom wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “He’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
“Okay.” Hannah glanced at him, her brow furrowed in worry. She stepped away from his mom and moved toward the entrance to the hallway.
When she reached Ryan’s side, he slipped his arm around her and bent his head down. “Everything is going to be fine. You said you trusted me, right?”
“Yes. I do.”
“Then let’s go,” Ryan said as he tightened his arm.
She caught her lower lip in her teeth, but she still nodded and allowed him to guide her out of the kitchen. When he turned toward the back of the house instead of the front, she said, “Where are we going?”
He didn’t say anything, just led her out of the house onto the back verandah. He stood there for a moment, letting her see the backyard.
She glanced up at him, a questioning look on her face. “What’s this?”
“This,” Ryan said with a sweep of his hand toward the screened gazebo that they had put up earlier that day, “is where we’re eating our dinner. C’mon.”
He took her hand and together they walked across the yard to where it was set up. Once they reached it, he unzipped the screen and held it back for her then he followed her inside and zipped it up again. He was pleased to see that all the food was already there, and the table he and his mom had set up earlier looked romantic with candles flickering in the slight breeze that made it through the screen.
“This is incredible,” Hannah said as she pressed her hands to her cheeks. Then she turned and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you for understanding.”
Ryan hugged her back then captured her face in his hands and smiled down at her. “Thank you for trusting me even though I know how hard that was for you.”
He led Hannah to the table and held the chair for her as she sat down. After she was comfortable, Ryan went around and took the seat across from her. The low flower arrangement and small candles meant that there was nothing obstructing his view of Hannah and the broad smile on her face, all earlier unease completely gone.
He knew then he’d made the right decision to stick close to home even if it meant eating in a screened gazebo in order to escape the mosquitoes.
After they had said grace, Ryan began to uncover the dishes that contained some of Hannah’s favorite foods. “I’ll have you know that I helped cook this meal.”
“Let me guess.” Hannah arched a brow, humor twinkling in her eyes. “You peeled the potatoes?”
Ryan sighed. “You know me too well. That was about all Mom would trust me with.”
“It all looks so good,” Hannah said. “And I’m sure the potatoes will be especially tasty.”
The lighthearted start to the meal was all Ryan could have hoped for. He knew things would turn more serious later on because he planned to steer it in that direction. It was time. He’d been praying about it, and he knew that his parents were praying for them inside the house.
He managed to wait until they were finished eating their meal and had started on their dessert before turning the conversation in a more serious direction. In addition to his mom’s chocolate cake that Hannah had fallen in love with, they’d provided a thermos with coffee for him and an insulated water bottle with milk in it for her. Though she’d claimed to not like milk very much, she’d always had a glass of it when eating his mom’s chocolate cake.
After he’d taken a couple of bites, he asked, “So can we talk about us?”
He thought that she’d hesitate and look uncertain at his words, but instead, she nodded as she took another bite of the cake. Her response made Ryan a bit uneasy. The fact that she’d agreed so readily was an indication that she’d made up her mind about the situation. But was the decision for or against them? He’d thought things seemed different between them this time, but had it simply been his heart’s desire reading the situation in a way that brought him hope?
In Ryan’s mind, there had always been an us—even if Hannah hadn’t been willing or able to commit to it. As soon as he’d realized who she was and that she wasn’t in cahoots with their captors, in his mind, it had become us against them. Us against the world. And nothing had changed in his mind, even after the rescue. The two of them, with Jason, against whatever problems might arise.
Surely she felt the same way.
“I love you, Hannah. You and Jason.” Ryan hadn’t planned to just blurt it out, but maybe it was better to have that as the start of their conversation. At least she would know where he was coming from.
Her expression was calm, and she wore a small smile. As she nodded, she said, “I know. I love you too.”
Ryan was sure his eyes widened to the size of the plates they were eating their chocolate cake off of. “You…do? Seriously?”
She nodded again, but the smile and calm slid from her face, and a frown took their place.
“Okaaay.” Ryan dragged out the word, uncertain how to respond since the happy moment he’d envisioned when they shared their love wasn’t unfolding like he’d hoped. “But?”
She set her fork down and sat back in her chair, her hands in her lap. “Loving each other doesn’t remove the difficulties.”
“No, that’s true,” Ryan admitted. “But we can work out those details. BlackThorpe has said they’d help us with any immigration issues if we want to settle in Minneapolis, or if you want to stay in Winnipeg, I can find a job here.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Her frown deepened. “I’m talking about how love can’t change my past. My experiences. Experiences that might end up causing issues for people hoping to be together one day. I mean, I assume that’s what you had in mind. A future together?”
Ryan didn’t hesitate to nod. “Yes. Of course. I want us to be a family. The three of us.”
“And what if I’m not able to… If I’m not able to be physically intimate with you?” Hannah asked, her cheeks going pink as her gaze lowered. “What if what happened to me makes that…impossible. I can’t ask you to commit to that.”
He pushed his plate forward and leaned his arms on the table. “I’ve considered that, believe me, but at the end of the day, for me, being with you in any way is preferable to being without you at all.” He hesitated then said, “I want us to go to counseling together, to get help as a couple in dealing with what happened. I know that you’re in counseling on your own, and I have been as well. But my counselor assures me that working together as a couple would also be beneficial.”
“We’d do that b
efore ever getting married, right? So that if it seems like it won’t work, you’re not tied to me.”
“That’s not an option, Hannah. I’m already tied to you. I have been from the moment you sang hope back into my heart. There’s no being not tied to you.” Ryan searched for the words he needed to say to convince her. He got up from the table and moved around so that he could go down onto one knee beside her chair.
“Hannah.” He waited until she looked up at him, his heart clenching at the sadness he saw there. “I know all about the issues we have. I know the things you struggle with, and not just because of what happened in Afghanistan but even before that. I know all of that—and even if I didn’t know it all—it wouldn’t matter. I would still want to spend my life with you. I would still choose you to be mine.”
He saw moisture gather in her eyes, and then one tear spilled over as she said, “You choose me?”
“I do, Hannah Walsh. I choose you. I choose to spend the rest of my life with you.” Ryan hesitated. “If you’ll have me.”
Her tears seemed less likely to spill over as a smile played at the corners of her mouth. “Is this a…proposal?”
“It’s a promise. A promise of my commitment to you. To me and you. And to Jason.” He smiled as he covered her hands with his. “Is it a commitment you’re interested in being a part of, sunshine?”
She slid one hand free and placed it on top of his, sandwiching it between hers. “I never thought I’d be a mother, but now I have Jason. I never thought someone would choose me—would love me—but now I have you.” Her hands tightened briefly on his. “It was a painful road to get here—and I know the journey still isn’t over—but I want us to make it together.”
EPILOGUE
“It was great seeing you and your lady last weekend at the BlackThorpe Christmas shindig,” Than said, his face filling the screen of Ryan’s laptop. “Do you have big plans for the holidays?”
Ryan laughed. “When it comes to my family, Christmas holidays always involve big plans. How about you and Lindsay?”
“We’re trying a blended celebration this year, with both sides of our families hanging out together.” Than leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head. “Christmas Eve is being hosted by my mom, and it will be a Filipino celebration. Then on Christmas Day, we’ll be at Lindsay’s mom’s for a turkey dinner. I’m certain we’ll all be in a food coma by the end of the day.”
“I hear ya. Always an overabundance of food at our Christmas celebrations, too.” Though at that moment Ryan couldn’t keep his thoughts from going to the one Christmas he’d spent with no family, no celebration, and no food. “Be sure to greet Lindsay and your family a Merry Christmas from us.”
“Will do.” Than sat forward. “We’re finished work for the holidays at the end of today, so I guess we’ll chat again in the new year.”
“Yep. Take care.”
When Than’s face disappeared off his screen, Ryan turned his chair so he could look out the window next to his desk. The landscape beyond was filled with trees and snow. His office was at the back of the house, as were the family room and the kitchen, so those rooms shared the view he currently enjoyed. The living room and dining room were at the front of the house and looked out on the other houses in the large cul de sac. Houses that belonged to his siblings.
When he’d made the decision to pursue a serious relationship with Hannah, he’d figured out pretty quickly that he needed to allow her to be near her support system. After much discussion—with Hannah, his folks, and then Alex and Marcus—Ryan had made the decision to move back to Winnipeg. BlackThorpe had been willing to let him work remotely which, thankfully, wasn’t too difficult with his particular job.
He could review reports and video footage just as well in his home office in Winnipeg as he could in Minneapolis. And if they needed him to observe an interview, he’d log into the live feed so he could watch. It wasn’t like they didn’t videotape all meetings and interviews to begin with.
He usually flew to Minneapolis for face-to-face meetings once a month, but if they needed him there in person for something additional, he’d fly down. They’d been doing things that way for over a year now, and it had worked out quite well.
After their conversation in the gazebo, it had taken Hannah almost a year to agree to get married. Ryan had moved home a few months after their date night, and they’d spent the next six months working together with a counselor before they’d set a wedding date. Thankfully, having a sister-in-law who was a wedding planner came in handy when time was limited for planning the happy event. Neither of them had wanted to wait.
It had been just over four months since their small wedding, attended only by family and very close friends, and they were happily settled in the home that had been built during the time they’d been working on their relationship. Once Ryan realized that he’d be resettling in Winnipeg, he’d decided to go ahead and build a home on the family land that was available.
Though he’d had a hand in planning the rest of the house, when it had come to the master bedroom, he’d handed over complete control to Hannah. Knowing it would be the place where they’d be most intimate, Ryan had wanted Hannah to be comfortable there. Letting her create a room that she loved seemed the best way to achieve that.
It had become a room he loved as well, with its soft shades of greens, blues, and purples. The room and its attached master bath had become their oasis from the world. Though he wished it could have been a place of only happy memories, that hadn’t been the case entirely. He could say, however, that despite some tears and worries, it had become a place of healing and of sharing an intimacy he’d never imagined possible.
He’d decided early on that any times of intimacy would be at Hannah’s prompting. Though he’d realized that it might mean less physical closeness with her, he’d been fine with that. Most important to him had been her own feelings about their relationship, and he never wanted her to feel that she was obliged to be intimate with him. Things had been rough in the beginning, but it seemed that each day since, they had drawn closer and closer together.
Their life was a blessing he thanked God for every day. Jason had continued to grow and flourish, and at almost two years of age, he was the most mellow of all the grandkids. Whatever violence and anger might have been present in his biological dad, those traits hadn’t been passed down to Jason, for which Ryan and Hannah were both very thankful.
Another blessing was how the family as a whole continued to grow. Once Gabe and Maya had gone on their honeymoon, Maya had gotten her wish for a baby—a honeymoon baby. Their little girl, Aika, was already a few months old, and both Gabe and Maya doted on their princess. Mitch and Belle’s baby boy, Theo, had been born just a month ago. Grace and Bennett had had another girl, while Makayla was pregnant with their second baby, due sometime in January.
Sammi and Levi had experienced the most excitement when it came to adding children to their family when they’d discovered that Sammi was pregnant with twins. Though the babies—a boy and a girl—had arrived early, they had both been healthy and had been home from the hospital for a couple of months.
His parents loved being grandparents to so many grandchildren. Their large family had exploded in recent years, but it hadn’t all been happy times for them. Avery had gotten pregnant not long after she and Kenton had married, but she had miscarried about halfway through her pregnancy. The whole family had been saddened by that event, but it seemed no one had taken the news harder—aside from Avery and Kenton—than Benjie. The teen had been so excited about becoming a big brother.
With Christmas just a few days away, Ryan had hoped to hear from his parents that Dalton was coming home. Sadly, they hadn’t had recent contact with him, so it didn’t seem likely that he would be. He’d left home the day after he’d graduated from high school and had moved to Toronto. That had been a shocking turn of events, and to this day, no one seemed to know what had prompted it. The move had left Danica and Sierr
a devastated as they had been the closest to Dalton.
It would be so wonderful to have him surprise them by coming home for Christmas, but Ryan wasn’t holding his breath.
He heard a soft knock on his office door and turned in time to see it slowly swing open. Hannah poked her head through the doorway.
“You done?” she asked, keeping her voice low as she moved into the room.
“Yep. All done until January unless some kind of emergency comes up.” He held out his hand to her as she came close. “Where’s Jay?”
She took his hand and allowed him to pull her onto his lap. Since their release, she’d managed to regain enough weight so that the sharpness of her cheekbones had softened. Though he loved the curves she’d developed with the weight gain, whatever weight she was happiest with herself at, was where he wanted her to be.
“He’s down for his nap,” she said as she leaned against Ryan’s chest. Her hand went to the buttons on his shirt, fiddling with them as she talked. “He played himself out at his date with Olivia and Stephanie this morning. Your mom dropped by for a bit with Ella, too. She took her to help Sammi out.”
Ryan kissed her temple and secured his arms around her. “And how are you feeling today? Better?”
“Not really,” Hannah said with a slight shrug. “But I think I know why now.”
“Really? Did you eat something that didn’t agree with you?” Ryan hated whenever Hannah wasn’t feeling well. Sometimes it had to do with a bout of anxiety or something that had upset her. Things had been going well for the past six weeks though, so he hoped something hadn’t happened to set her back.
“I think it has something to do with this.” She shifted slightly on his lap and stuck her hand into the pocket of the jeans she wore.
When she pressed something into his hand, he glanced at her before looking to see what it was. For a moment, he could only stare, trying to take in what it was. Well, it wasn’t that difficult to figure out, but it seemed almost too good to be true.
A Little Ray of Sunshine: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 7) Page 31
