by Alex Grayson
That night comes back to me, and the agony with it. I’ve never felt pain like I did.
“You claim you were worried I would hurt Maisy, but you did the same by keeping her away from me. No child should be without both parents if both parents are available. And you certainly didn’t help her when you could have had my income at your disposal. Instead you’ve waited until you had no other choice, which put her life at risk.”
I pale at his words and grab on to the bar to keep myself standing. He’s right. I’ll hate myself until the day I die for waiting so long to ask for his help. And if I’m too late and Maisy doesn’t recover, I know I’ll never recover either.
“Please,” I beg hoarsely, letting the pain I’ve kept bottled up inside me since Maisy’s doctor said her prognosis wasn’t good without a kidney transplant shine in my eyes. “I’ll do anything.”
The muscle in his jaw twitches as he regards me shrewdly. “Do you really think I won’t help, Ellie? You think so little of me that you believe I wouldn’t do everything in my power to save my own child?”
I close my eyes. No, I never thought he wouldn’t help, but he still hasn’t said he would, either.
I jump when there’s a loud bang beside me. Opening my eyes, I find Judge on the other side of the bar pouring himself another drink. He tosses it back and slams the glass back down. His eyes laser back to me.
“Anything that she needs, it’s hers. You only have to ask.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and jerk my head in a nod.
“What else?” he demands. “I know there’s more.”
I wipe my sweaty palms down my jeans and turn to face him fully. “As I told you in your office, she needs a kidney transplant, but she has a rare blood type. AB negative.”
He doesn’t flinch, move a muscle, or even look surprised at my statement. He knows exactly what I’m asking. One day about three months after we started seeing each other, I talked him into both of us donating blood to the local blood bank. The lab technician who was drawing our blood about had a fit of joy when Judge told her his blood type was AB negative.
“Call the doctor in the morning to schedule the surgery.”
I cross my arms over my middle and hug my stomach tight, relief almost making me lightheaded. “Thank you,” I whisper.
His nostrils flare. “I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for her,” he says harshly.
Shaking my head, I force out through a thick throat, “Even so, I’m very grateful.”
He grunts as he pours himself another drink. Seeing my empty glass, he reaches across the bar, grabs it, and pours an inch before sliding it back to me.
I don’t really want it, but I reach for it anyway. My hands shake as my fingers wrap around the glass.
“After the surgery, and once she’s able to safely travel, I want you and her here.”
His quiet demand has my head whipping his way. “What?” I shout.
“You heard me. If the surgery is successful and her doctor says she can travel, I want you both here.”
“Judge, we can’t just up and move. We have a life back home.”
Resting his palms on the countertop, he leans forward. Even with three feet separating us, it feels like he’s looming over me.
“I don’t give a fuck. You’ve deprived me of every second of her life. I’ll be damned if you take any more. You’ve got two choices. Either you come with her, or I’ll take her away from you in court. And don’t think I won’t win.”
“I hate you,” I hiss through numb lips, anger making my cheeks flush red.
“The feeling is fucking mutual,” he snarls.
With a growl, I throw back the brandy, the burn of the alcohol not registering through the haze of my anger, slam my glass down on the counter, and spin on my heel to go upstairs.
“Don’t take my demand as anything other than a promise, Ellie,” he calls out. “You had Maisy for almost twelve years. You don’t get to come back into my life with this bombshell and ask for help and expect me to simply let you walk away with her. She’s mine too.”
I spin back around, steadying myself on the banister when I wobble from the effects of the alcohol. “Fuck you, Judge,” I spew. “Are you going to deny her what she needs if I say no?”
“No. Maisy will get what she needs to get well. You’ll be the one losing something. It’s up to you if what you lose is important enough to get over your personal shit against me.”
I swear, if I was brave enough, I’d strangle the man. How dare he imply Maisy isn’t the most important thing in my life? I’d do anything for her. Anything. I went against my promise to myself that I would never tell Judge about Maisy. Aside from watching the pain my little girl goes through every day, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Coming here, I knew he would want to be a part of her life. I figured we could share summers and holidays, like most divorced parents do. It never crossed my mind that he would demand we move here. And it will be us, as I won’t let her move here without me. There’s no way I’d let him take Maisy away from me. And I know he could do it too. He has the means and money behind him.
“You would really disrupt her life? Take her away from everything she’s ever known?”
“Yes, because she can build a life here that she loves just as much.”
“She has doctors at home who’ve been overseeing her care.” I try one last time.
“Trouble will be her primary care physician, and if she needs specialists, we’re not far from San Antonio.”
I bite my lip to keep from screaming at him.
“Fine,” I bite out. “I’m going to bed.”
I turn back to the stairs, but stiffen at his next words. “And don’t think I’m going to ignore the fact that you didn’t give me the full explanation as to why you never told me about Maisy. I’ll give you a few days, but after that, I want an answer.”
I’m tempted to turn around and do something stupid and immature, like flip him off while telling him to fuck off. Instead, I straighten my spine and continue up the stairs, silently cursing him every name under the sun as I make my way to the room I’ll be sharing with Maisy.
Chapter Four
JUDGE
“HOW BAD IS IT?” I ask, gripping the arms of my chair.
Instead of answering, Trouble continues to look over the medical records Ellie had faxed to his office this morning. He flips to the next page, his eyes flying over the information, his frown deepening with each page he passes. Irritation and impatience play havoc on my nerves.
Fucking finally, he drops the papers and looks up, running his hand over his mouth and chin.
“It’s not good. Her kidneys are only functioning at 10 percent. She started hemodialysis a couple of months ago, but it hasn’t increased her kidney function. That infection she developed from strep throat really fucked up her kidneys. Even with the dialysis, her prognosis is shit. Unless she gets a new kidney, she, at best, has six months left.”
“Fuck,” I mutter, my chest suddenly feeling tight.
I spring up from the chair and walk over to the window, shoving my hands into my pockets. Trouble’s office window has a perfect view of the big playground in the center of Malus. I spot Maisy and Ellie immediately. Maisy’s on a swing, and Ellie’s behind her, pushing her gently. It’s too far away to see their faces, but I imagine Maisy smiling as her mother pushes her. With her illness, I’m sure Maisy hasn’t had a normal childhood in months. Simple things such as playing on the playground would be too tiring for her.
Ellie stops the swing and grabs Maisy’s hand to help her down. They both start walking toward Trouble’s office.
“Are you sure she’s yours?” Trouble asks from behind me.
I turn away from the window. He’s standing at his desk a few feet away. “Yes. I have no doubt she’s mine. Once you meet her, you won’t either.”
“She give you a reason why she never told you?”
The vein in my neck pulses as my anger renews. “No. She only said it was because of how I treated her the night I broke things off, but I know there’s more she isn’t telling me.”
My brothers know of my decision for cutting ties with Ellie twelve years ago. Back then, we were together more than we weren’t, meaning they had been around her enough to know how I felt about her. I loved Ellie with a passion that bordered on obsession. Last night when she said I lied when I told her I loved her, she couldn’t have been further from the truth. I just couldn’t take the chance I would be taking if we stayed together. Too much was at stake.
“What are you going to do? I never agreed with your decision regarding Ellie, but I understood it. If you want a relationship with Maisy, then Ellie will be in your life too. Are you prepared for that?”
I loosen the tie around my throat, suddenly feeling like I’m suffocating.
“I’ve got no choice. There’s no way I’m giving up Maisy now that I know about her.” I blow out a frustrated breath. “I told her that once Maisy’s well enough, I want the both of them here. You can oversee her health care. I want a chance to get to know my daughter.”
His brows raise. “I assume she didn’t take it well.”
“No.” That’s an understatement. From the looks she was shooting me, I imagine she was drilling screws through my skull. “But she’s got no choice. She made the choice to not tell me about Maisy. She brought this on herself.”
“You going to tell her about our ways here? She’s bound to find out eventually. It’ll be better coming from you.”
I grit my teeth and lean against the window seal. “When the time is right.”
He nods. “What about Jamie, Layla, and Gillian?”
“What about them?” I ask tersely.
“I can’t see Ellie being okay with you having three mistresses,” he answers blandly.
I shrug. “They’ve got nothing to do with her. It’s not like Ellie and I will get back together. I’ll never be able to trust the bitch again after what she did.”
Trouble looks at me doubtfully. “You really going to be able to be around her and not want her back? I saw the way you were with her before, Judge, and the way you were once it was over. You weren’t in a good place for a long time.”
“I’m over it.” The lie slides easily from my lips. I may never want Ellie back after what she did, but once you love someone like we loved each other, you don’t ever get over it. You simply learn to live with it.
He still looks doubtful but doesn’t say anything else.
“I’m donating one of my kidneys to her,” I tell him quietly. “She has the same rare blood type as me. It wouldn’t matter if it was the most common though.”
“That’s a big sacrifice.”
I whip my head around and glare at him. “It’s not a sacrifice. It’s a privilege. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same for Elijah. Or Remi.”
“I’d give my life for either of them. It’s what you do for the people you love.”
Hearing voices out in the hallway, I walk to the closed door and open it. Susan is standing just outside the doorway, her hand poised to knock, with Ellie, Maisy, and Declan.
My heart spasms when I look at Maisy and see the tiredness in her eyes. The need to make her well again, to give her back her childhood, is overwhelming.
“I was just getting ready to knock,” Susan says unnecessarily. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes dart to Declan beside her.
Trouble comes to stand beside me.
“Trouble, you remember Ellie,” I say, jerking my chin her way. “This is…” I almost say “our daughter” but stop myself just in time. I don’t know if Maisy knows who I am, so I don’t want to shock her if she doesn’t. “…her daughter, Maisy, and her uncle, Declan.”
“Ellie, it’s nice to see you again. It’s been a long time.”
“You as well, Trouble.”
When Trouble drops his eyes to Maisy, she smiles shyly up at him, her hands clasped in front of her. “Hi.”
“Hey there, pretty girl,” he says gently, getting down to a knee and holding out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. It looked like you were having fun outside on the swings.”
She gingerly puts her small palm in his big one and he puts his other hand on top. I don’t miss the way two of his fingers settle on her wrist, subtly checking her pulse.
Maisy nods, the curls around her face swaying. “I was.”
“I’m sure you don’t get to play on a playground as much as you used to, huh?”
Her lips pucker into a pout. “No, but Mom still takes me sometimes.”
He smiles and pats the back of her hand. “I’m sure you’ll be up and running around before you know it.”
He stands and holds out his hand to Declan. “I’m Trouble. The local doctor here.”
“Interesting name,” Declan remarks.
Trouble laughs. “A result of all the times I got into trouble as a kid.”
He pulls a card from his pocket and hands it to Ellie. “If you need anything while you’re here, give me a call,” he says pointedly, referring to Maisy.
“Thank you, but we have a flight out of San Antonio tomorrow evening.”
I narrow my eyes at her. This is news to me. I knew they wouldn’t be able to stay long due to Maisy’s treatments, but I thought it would be longer than a couple of days.
Ellie ignores my glare as she explains to Trouble. “She has dialysis and an appointment on Monday with her nephrologist.”
It would have been fucking nice to know that. My fingers dig into my palms in my slacks pockets.
“Do me a favor?” Trouble requests. “That card I gave you…. Keep me updated on her progress, will you?”
Trouble’s always liked Ellie. Actually, all of my brothers did, save for Emo. Or rather, Emo did, he just never showed it. It’s no surprise that Trouble still has the same soft spot he used to have for her. Especially now that Maisy’s in the picture. It kind of pisses me off that Trouble seems so forgiving of her when it takes everything in me to not snarl in her face every time my eyes land on her.
“I can do that,” Ellie answers Trouble’s request. “We should be going. It’ll be lunchtime soon.”
“Can we stop and get some sherbet?” Maisy asks, looking up at Ellie imploringly.
The sad but hopeful look does me in, and before I can stop myself, I ask, “What’s your favorite flavor?”
Her lips poke out and she squints toward the ceiling. “Strawberry mango.”
I lift my gaze to Ellie. “We have an ice cream shop here that sells sherbet,” I suggest.
She looks down at Maisy. “One scoop. I don’t want you to ruin your appetite.”
Maisy beams so big at her mother that I feel it in my chest. It’s like a warm caress that kickstarts my heart into overdrive.
I glance back at Trouble as Maisy, Ellie, and Declan head down the hallway. He tips his chin at me, silently telling me his doubts about Maisy being mine have been set to rest.
Just as I turn to follow them, my eyes catch on Susan. She’s avidly watching the three move down the hallway. Or more accurately, she’s watching Declan. When they’re out of sight, her gaze slides to me. Her cheeks pinken again, but she shrugs, uncaring that she was caught staring.
Trouble chuckles as I leave the two of them. Maisy’s already in the car, and Declan is getting in the back seat after insisting Ellie sits up front, when I approach. Walking around to the driver side, I climb behind the wheel.
Keeping my voice low in deference to the little ears in the back, I ask Ellie, “When were you going to tell me you were leaving tomorrow?”
I see her fooling with the outside seam of her jeans out the corner of my eye as I pull out of the parking lot.
“I haven’t really gotten the chance to tell you. You had to know we couldn’t stay long with her condition.”
I clamp my teeth together before I call bullsh
it. She’s had opportunities to tell me. She just chose not to. I twist my neck to the side to release some of the tension building.
“I’ll book a flight for Wednesday,” I bite out. “I have a couple of things I need to take care of before I can leave.”
I smoothly pull into the ice cream shop’s parking lot and find a parking space. When I put my hand on the gear shift between us to put the car into park, Ellie places her small one on top of mine. I tense and look at her. Her expression is serious, her silver eyes reflecting an emotion I haven’t seen on her face before.
“I know I’ve said it already,” she says quietly, “but thank you. You didn’t have to agree to what I asked of you.”
Her words send a spark of animosity through me. Just because I’m only now finding out I had a daughter doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do anything for her. Had she told me from the beginning, she would know this.
Instead of being an asshole and reminding her of the reason I’m giving one of my kidneys to Maisy, I give her a short nod. When I jam the gear shift into park, her hand falls away. Turning off the car, I get out without looking at her. I’m afraid if I do, she’ll see the loathing I feel for her, and I’m trying my best to keep the tension as low as I can with Maisy nearby.
Curious stares follow us when we walk into the ice cream shop. I look down when I feel a presence beside me at the counter. Maisy puts her hands on the glass protecting the shit ton of big ice cream containers. A tiny line forms between her eyes as she looks longingly at the selection.
“I miss ice cream,” she says, her voice barely detectable.
“You can’t have ice cream?” I ask.
“She has to limit her dairy intake,” Declan answers for her.
“That’s why you asked for sherbet,” I state, and she nods. “I thought it was strange you asked for sherbet instead of ice cream. Sherbet’s good, but ice cream is so much better.”
She nods so vigorously that it brings a smile to my face.
“How about this? Once you’re all better, I’ll bring you back here and you can get a scoop of every flavor.”
