When I bring Jack into the training room, Andrea has him sit on the table the trainers use for players.
“How old are you, Jack?” she asks my nephew.
“Eight.”
She listens to his heart and lungs, checks his pulse, and examines the spot on his head, then feels his armpits and neck.
“And you’re feeling tired?” she asks him.
“Yeah.”
Andrea smiles at him. “You did great.”
“Everything good?” I ask her.
She lowers her brows and meets my gaze. “I have some concerns.”
“Do I need to get him into the doctor Monday? Or can it wait that long?”
“I think we need to go to the hospital,” she says. “He needs a full exam and blood work.”
“Jack, can you go wait with Abby? I’ll be right out, okay?”
He slides down from the table and I notice how pale his face is. Now I’m worried, too.
As soon as he’s out of the training room, Andrea pulls the door closed and approaches me.
“What is it?” I ask her.
“I’m not sure. His lungs sound bad to me, and his lymph nodes are enlarged.”
“His lymph nodes?” I just look at her, in shock.
I learned a few things about cancer when Danielle was sick. Jack’s enlarged lymph nodes could be a sign of something very, very bad.
“That’s what the lump on his head is,” Andrea says. “But listen, let’s not panic. I’ll meet you at the hospital and we’ll get some tests going on him. We’ll get to the bottom of this, okay?”
I nod numbly. But it’s not okay. Nothing is. I’ve lost Matt and Danielle, and Abby’s been through hellish losses of her own. I can’t bear the idea of Jack being sick like Danielle was. Just the idea of it makes my stomach turn so hard I’m close to vomiting.
“Luca,” Andrea says. “Meet me at the Memorial ER, okay? I’ll call ahead and let them know we’re coming.”
I nod, swallow hard, and pull myself together. If I didn’t have to stay strong in front of the kids, there’s no way I could even walk out of the locker room.
But I do. For them, I do.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Abby
I’ve never been to Memorial Medical Center, but I have to take several deep breaths just to be able to walk inside the emergency room entrance.
“Where’s Jack?” Emerson asks, her eyes wide as she looks up at me.
“He’s probably in a room with a doctor. We’ll find him.”
Keep it together, Abby. Keep it together for the girls.
I’m shaking. It didn’t even occur to me how hard it would be to walk into a hospital until I was parking the car. I haven’t been inside a hospital since the day Chloe died inside one. And even though this is a different place, in many ways…it’s the same.
The smell nauseates me. Disinfectant seems to have a universal scent, and it brings me right back to those long days of waiting for news when Chloe was on life support.
We sit down in a row of waiting room chairs and I text Luca to let him know we’re here.
“I want to see my brother,” Cora says.
She’s been anxious about Jack since Luca came out and told us he needed to go to the hospital. He told me to take the kids home and that he’d call when he knew more, but Cora wouldn’t have it. She wanted to be here with Jack.
“Let’s see what Luca says, okay?” I pat her knee reassuringly. “We need to make sure it’s okay for us to go back there.”
Cora tucks her hair behind her ears and leans her elbows on her knees. I’m not sure being in the exam room with Jack would be good for her. It may just fuel her fears. But being out here, in the dark about what’s going on, isn’t so great, either.
Luca texts me back. Cora not-so-subtly reads the message out of the corner of her eye at the same time I read it.
Luca: He’s getting blood drawn. Lots of tests to be run.
Me: Cora wants to see him.
Luca: I’ll have Andrea come get you guys.
“We get to see him?” Cora asks me hopefully.
“Yes.”
“Who’s Andrea?”
“I think she’s the doctor for Luca’s team.”
A woman comes through the ER’s main entrance, wailing. There are police officers on either side of her.
“They’re tryin’ to kill me!” she screams, her eyes wide. “They tried to murder me!”
Emerson leans closer to me and I put my arm around her. The woman keeps yelling, accusing the people in the check-in area of being in on the conspiracy to kill her. I’m relieved when a woman walks out, seeming to recognize us.
“Luca showed me a picture so I could find you,” she says. “I’m Andrea.”
“Hi, nice to meet you,” I say as the girls and I get up.
“Is my brother okay?” Cora asks her.
“Yes, come on back and see him.”
“Can we go home?”
Andrea meets my gaze and then gives Cora a sympathetic smile.
“The doctors are taking care of him right now, trying to make him all better.”
“But what’s wrong with him?” Fear pools in Cora’s eyes.
“We don’t know yet.”
We follow Andrea down a long, busy corridor to a shorter one, and memories assault me. Every door we pass is like living my recurring nightmare that Chloe’s in the hospital and I can’t find her.
I don’t know if I’m relieved or not when Andrea knocks lightly on a door before opening it to step in.
“Hey,” Luca says, getting up from the plastic chair he’s sitting it.
Cora practically flies to the bedside. She takes Jack’s hand and he gives her a puzzled look.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want you to be sick.” Her voice breaks as she tries to fight back tears.
Jack looks so fragile in the hospital gown, his head lying back against the pillow of the inclined bed as he tries to keep his eyes open.
I can hardly breathe. It’s like there’s a massive weight on my chest. I paste on a fake smile for the kids’ sake.
“Sit, babe,” Luca says softly, putting a hand on my back.
“I’m okay.”
I’m not okay. I need to get the hell out of here, fast. I’m feeling dizzy and the room is closing in on me.
When Luca puts his arm around me, I close my eyes and lean against him, taking a few deep breaths. I should be the one staying strong for him, not the other way around, but I can’t. I just can’t. This place makes me want to run away and find a place safe to curl into a ball and cry.
“Jack Campbell?” a man with a tablet walks into the room.
Jack nods and lifts his head from the pillow.
“I’m from the x-ray department. Time to go take some pictures of your insides.”
The room is so full of people that he can’t get a wheelchair into the room, so Luca, Emerson and I step into the hallway.
Cora insists on going with her brother, and Jack tells Luca he doesn’t need to come. Luca, Emerson and I walk down to a lounge to buy bottled water from a vending machine, and Emerson crawls onto a couch without even opening hers.
“It’s after eleven,” Luca says, looking at his watch. “You should take the girls home so you guys can get some sleep. I’ll text when I find something out.”
I’m so relieved I could cry. I even feel a PTSD reaction to the coffee I can smell in here. It brings me back to all the coffee I swilled at the hospital in Phoenix to stay awake when Chloe was there.
I nod and Luca pulls me close for a hug.
“You okay?” he asks.
“I’m just worried,” I admit.”
“Me too.” He kisses my forehead. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I want to say I’m glad, too, but I can’t. I’m not. Much as I love Luca and the kids, the thought of something being seriously wrong with Jack is too much. Just seeing him in that hospital bed was traumatic for me.
/>
It’s almost like a movie script: the heroine with tragic memories of a hospital is tested when a loved one is hospitalized. Will she come through, push past her fears and past heartbreak and come through?
No. I can’t. Once I walk through those ER doors with the girls, I’ll never walk back in here. I can’t force myself to. I’m already telling myself to just hold it in for a little longer and I’ll have a good long cry when I get back to Luca’s and can be alone once the girls are in bed.
I’m ashamed. For as deeply as I love Luca and the kids, and as many times as he’s come through for me, he deserves better than this.
Luca picks Emerson up and carries her back to Jack’s room. She puts her head on his shoulder and goes right back to sleep, even managing to stay knocked out when Luca lays her on two plastic chairs pushed together. We stand in the plain white exam room with Andrea in silence until Jack is rolled back in in the wheelchair.
“He did great,” the x-ray tech says. “The doctor will read the results and come talk to you guys.”
“Cora,” Luca says softly. “Abby’s taking you and Emerson home to get some sleep.”
“I want to stay with Jack,” Cora says.
Luca shakes his head. “You need to go home, buttercup. There’s nothing you can do here.”
“But I want--”
“I know. We may be coming home later. And if not, you can come back tomorrow, okay?”
Cora looks over at Jack, who’s nearly asleep. Then she turns back to Luca and nods.
We say goodbye to Jack and Luca, and I hug Luca extra hard and long. I was sure I’d found my port in the storm—the second chance I never expected. But at the first sign of difficulty, I’ve discovered I’m just not strong enough. I don’t think I ever will be.
“I love you,” I whisper in Luca’s ear, my throat tight with emotion. “So much.”
“I love you, too.”
He pulls back, brushes a stray lock of hair back from my face and kisses my forehead. I hope I’ll remember this moment when I’m feeling the devastation of losing him. When I cry and think back on the sadness, I want to have this to hold on to, too.
Cora and I each take one of Emerson’s hands and lead her through the hospital hallways. When my chest feels tight, I remind myself I’m on the way out.
Almost there. And I’ll never do this to myself again.
When the doors open and I get that first breath of fresh air, tears of relief spring to my eyes.
“Are you okay?” Cora asks me, her brows pinched together with concern.
“Yes.” I breathe in and out. “Do you guys want to get food on the way home?”
“No,” Emerson says, yawning. “I just want to go to bed.”
“Me too,” Cora says.
I called Luca’s house home. A pang of sadness hits when I realize I’ve come to think of his house as my home more than my New York apartment. Home really isn’t a place. Luca’s arms have become my home. Cora and Jack’s laughter. Emerson’s warm, squishy goodnight hugs.
I can’t bring myself to say goodbye to any of them. It’s best if I just go back to my old life and keep my distance.
It takes risks to find real happiness. Love means potential hurt. I’ve felt that hurt before, and I don’t think I could survive it again.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Luca
I sit up and run a hand through my hair, looking around the darkened hospital room.
It’s morning. My internal clock is telling me that, even though I didn’t sleep much on the cot the hospital put in Jack’s room for me.
Once he got admitted, he covered up in bed and slept like a baby, which is good.
But me, I mostly tossed and turned, worried about what’s going on with him. I wasn’t really expecting the doctors to admit him. They assured me they’ll have more answers for us today.
We found out late, or early, that Jack has Mycoplasma pneumonia. The doctor assured me he can make a full recovery from that. But they think there’s also something else going on with him, and that’s what has me worried.
Quietly, I get up and walk over to the chair my suit jacket and tie are draped over the back of. Taking my phone out of my jacket pocket, I sit down and check messages.
There are texts from Anton, who knew I was bringing Jack here when I cancelled on going on with the team, Andrea, who left right after Abby did but told me to let her know if I need anything else, and Abby.
Abby. I texted her when I got the news about pneumonia and she sent back a short response. All I want right now is to talk to her, but I don’t want to wake Jack up, so I text instead.
Me: Hey, are you up?
Abby: Yes! Waiting to hear from you. I can’t believe Jack has pneumonia. He’s been going to school and hardly even complaining.
Me: I know, me too. I feel shitty that I didn’t notice something was up.
Abby: Don’t beat yourself up. You’re getting him treated now. Did he sleep okay?
Me: Yeah, he’s slept all night. Still out.
Abby: Good. What are they doing for the pneumonia.
Me: He’s getting antibiotics.
Abby: Did you sleep okay?
Me: No. How are you guys?
Abby: We’re good. Emerson’s still sleeping and Cora and I are making pancakes.
There’s a soft knock on the door and someone walks in. I’m relieved to see the guy’s white coat. Hopefully it’s a doctor with news about Jack.
Me: Hey, brb.
I set my phone down and stand up, approaching the doctor. He reaches out a hand and gives me a firm handshake.
“Hi Luca, Johnathan Lake.” He smiles. “I’m a big Blaze fan.”
“Hey, thanks.”
His expression turns serious, and my pulse races with worry. I steel myself for bad news. Whether I’m ready for it or not, Jack needs me to be the best I can for him.
“I’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long to find out what’s going on. Our lab was busy with emergency patients last night.” He gestures at the chair I was sitting in. “Do you want to sit down? I tend to just lean on the window ledge when I’m talking to patients and families.”
“No, I’m good.”
His expression softens. “Jack’s going to be okay. He has Mycoplasma pneumonia, which we’re treating, and he also has mononucleosis hepatitis.”
I furrow my brow and Jonathan pats my upper arm in reassurance. “Mono,” he says. “It’s commonly known as a kissing disease, but it can be spread by coughing and sneezing, too. And the hepatitis part just means Jack’s liver is slightly enlarged.”
“His liver is enlarged?”
“It’s just a side effect of the illness. There won’t be any treatment required except physical activity restrictions. It’s important not to touch him in the abdomen area for around six weeks. I expect he’ll make a full recovery from all of this.”
I exhale, still full of questions but also relieved. “So you’re saying he’s gonna be okay? What about the enlarged lymph nodes?”
“Just his body’s response to what’s happening.”
“I don’t mean to be insulting here, but…you’re sure?”
Jonathan nods. “I should’ve told you I’m a pediatrician. I’ve seen this before, quite a few times. I’d like to keep Jack here for one more night, so we can make sure we’re not seeing any signs of jaundice and get those antibiotics kicking in. But he’ll be okay.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
He gestures at my wrinkled suit. “Did you guys come here right from the game?”
“Yeah.”
“Man, what a great one it was.” He shakes his head. “You got the better end of that fight.”
I grin and thank him. He looks over at Jack.
“I’m just going to take a look at him, but from the test results I’ve seen, you guys will be out of here tomorrow.”
As we walk over to the bedside, Jack stirs and looks around groggily.
“We’re still
at the hospital, Uncle Luca,” he says, sitting up.
“Yep.” I run a hand over his sandy brown hair.
“What time is it?” he asks.
“Around six-thirty in the morning,” Jonathan says. “How are you feeling?”
“Good.”
As the doctor examines Jack, I go back to my phone to text Abby about the diagnosis. She writes back immediately.
Abby: Oh Luca, I’m so relieved. I was worried sick and you had to be, too.
Me: Yeah, I am. He won’t be at full strength for a while, but he’ll be okay.
Abby: I just told Cora and we’re both crying into our pancakes.
Me: You two…are you bringing the girls back to see us later?
Abby: Sheila’s scheduled to be here at 9 because you were going to do that charity luncheon and I was planning to go work at my Schaumburg store site. Can I have her bring the girls?
Me: Of course. Thanks for taking care of the girls last night, I really appreciate it.
Abby: I’m relieved Jack will be okay. Is there anything you need me to send with Sheila for you guys?
Me: My toothbrush and toothpaste and a change of clothes would be great.
Abby: Okay.
Me: Everything okay?
Abby: Yes, just tired.
A nurse comes into the room carrying a breakfast tray for Jack. I set my phone down so I can focus on him.
Something’s off with Abby. In all the time we’ve been dating, she’s always dropped everything for me and the kids. She once cancelled a big meeting just because Emerson had a dance recital that morning she didn’t want to miss. And Jack being sick is a big deal, even if he’s going to make a full recovery.
I can’t think about that now, though. Jack needs my full attention. I’ll get to the bottom of things with Abby later.
* * *
Vic shakes his head and gives me a tight-lipped glare. We’re in Winnipeg, about to do our pregame skate, but he seems hesitant about getting on the ice.
“This is fucking unreal, dude,” he says.
“What?” I’m short with him, because I’m would tight right now over things with Abby.
“I’ve got one of those itches deep in my ass crack. You know, where you pretty much have to get naked and run a hairbrush over your whole crack to scratch it?”
Luca: A Chicago Blaze Romance Page 16
