Secrets of My Hollywood Life

by Jen Calonita

  "Five minutes to showtime!" Sky yells as she tucks Trevor into a white leather couch next to her. "Everyone find a seat." I roll my eyes, and Melli catches me.

  "She just wants to be liked, Kates," Melli says, putting a hand on my arm. Now I feel guilty.

  Someone dims the lights in the den and Melli, Tom, and I quickly grab seats. Sky's fifty-inch flat-screen plasma TV is large enough that you can see clearly from anywhere in the room. The first half hour of the show moves quickly -- Sara and Sam meet Krystal at the church for the confrontation about Krystal being pregnant. Elsewhere, Penelope shows up at Paige and Dennis's house and tries to seduce her brother-in-law. Flash to Paige, alone, stepping into the limo idling outside to take her to the church. But wait -- that's not the regular limo driver, that's Penelope's boyfriend! Why would he be driving the limo?

  When lights come up during a commercial break, I make my way to the makeshift bar that's been set up in the adjacent dining room to get Tom, Melli, and me some sodas. Sky apparently has the same idea.

  "How have you been, K?" she chirps when I walk up beside her. "Hon, pour me a Red Bull," she orders to the bartender.

  "Great, Sky," I answer and flash her a huge grin. I so don't want any problems with her tonight. I'll make it through the next hour, and then I don't have to see Sky again for a while.

  "You weren't at the Motorola party last week," she points out accusingly. "Or the Havanas Fiesta at L'Ermitage."

  "Yeah, I had to miss those," I explain, thinking quickly, "I had a meeting about a possible summer project."

  "Yeah, I heard," Sky says coolly. "The Untitled Hutch Adams Project. My agent is getting me a meeting with Hutchie too." My stomach takes a sudden lurch.

  "You're ... auditioning?" I stutter. I can feel the blood pumping through my veins. Uh-uh. There is no way I'm losing this role to Sky Mackenzie. "I thought you already picked a project to shoot this summer."

  "I did." Sky adjusts the "S" diamond pendant dangling around her bony neck. "It's an NBC miniseries that's shooting in Mexico for a month. I play a teen runaway who uncovers this plot to assassinate the president and has to stop it. Shiva Snow is playing the FBI agent on my tail. I'll have plenty of time afterwards to shoot Hutchie's movie." She scans my face for a reaction.

  "That's cool." I grab the sodas from the bartender and try to push the idea of Sky getting the Hutch Adams flick out of my mind. "Good luck with the miniseries."

  "Yeah, it's going to be pretty intense," she adds. "We're filming in all these remote areas of Mexico and we have to, like, totally rough it and wear Discount World clothes." She shudders.

  For once, I sort of understand. "Well, I better go take my seat before the lights dim again," I say, balancing the drinks in my hands.

  I've barely made it back to Tom and Melli when my Sidekick begins vibrating.

  FUTUREPREZ: Call Beth @ 868-4321.

  PRINCESSLEIA25: Y?

  FUTUREPREZ: She called the phone. Emergency.

  Nadine set up a separate cell phone number that we're using for my school calls.

  PRINCESSLEIA25: What did U say?

  FUTUREPREZ: I'm ur mom.

  PRINCESSLEIA25: LOL

  FUTUREPREZ: Just call!

  PRINCESSLEIA25: Do me a favor --call Laney. Sky

  said she's auditioning 4 Hutch 2.

  FUTUREPREZ: No way. RU serious?

  PRINCESSLEIA25: Sadly yes.

  FUTUREPREZ: OK, I'm dialing now ...

  I hear Tom clear his throat. "Sorry," I whisper to him. "My mom. I've got to call her. I'll be right back." I tiptoe out of the room, hoping no one but Melli and Tom notices I'm gone. When I swing through the double door to the kitchen, I can see this is the right place to make a call. The chef is busy barking orders at assistants readying fruit tarts and freshly stuffed éclairs while the waitstaff keep running in and out with trays of fried shrimp, mini filet mignons on toast, and crab cakes.

  No one will hear me make a phone call in here. I look around once more, making sure Sky is nowhere to be seen, and dial.

  "HELLO?" Someone yells. Loud music is pumping in the background.

  "Hey, it's, uh, Rachel," I say, almost forgetting who I am at the moment. "I was in the loo."

  "Can you hear me?" Beth yells. "I'm with Liz and Allison." Liz. Why is she letting Beth call me when she knows where I am?

  "Yeah, I can hear you." I glance at the door. So far so good. "Is something wrong? My mum said it was an emergency."

  "You missed it," Beth screeches. "Austin and Lori had a HUGE fight and they broke up!"

  "What?" I'm shell-shocked. I just saw him an hour ago, though it seems like it was on a different planet. "Why?"

  "Because of YOU," she bellows. I hear Liz hoot in the background, "Go Rach!" "He was yelling at her about throwing her drink on you or something and he said he'd had enough with her games and jealousy and that it was OVER. Lori threw a plate of nachos at him and said the party was officially finished. She's kicking everybody out right now. Can you believe it? Austin broke up with Lori over you!"

  I can't actually. This is crazy! There's going to be no dealing with Lori now. But wait, does that mean Austin's single? What am I thinking? I should be concentrating on getting the Hutch Adams part.

  A waiter behind me drops a platter and it crashes to the floor. The chef closest to me starts cursing at him in French. Hmm, maybe he can help me with my French homework. I have a quiz tomorrow morning.

  "What was that?" Beth asks.

  "I dropped the bloody phone," I blurt nervously. "It's late. I should probably go...."

  "Yeah, terrible curfew you have," Beth says, reminding me of the excuse I used to leave the party early. "Don't worry. Call me tomorrow. I'll fill you in on the rest."

  I hang up the phone. A waiter drops another plate of chocolate eclairs and strawberries, and I don't even flinch. I've got to call Liz when I get out of here and find out more about Austin and Lori and tell her about Sky and Hutch Adams.

  I walk towards the kitchen doors and they swing forward, almost smacking me in the face. When they swing back again, I see her immediately. It's Sky, and she's quickly walking away from the kitchen.

  Oh God. Did she hear me?

  Twelve: A Study Date

  At school on Monday morning, I'm greeted with not one, but two reasons for a migraine. First off, my seat in Mr. Klein's class is directly behind Lori, who probably wants to shoot venom at me this morning after her breakup with Austin. The second problem is what Lori's holding in her perfectly manicured hand. The minute I quietly sit down, I see the Sizzling Celebs cover with a big picture of me at the Off-Key premiere. Next to the photo is a caption in big white letters:

  WHY IS KAITLIN BURKE HIDING?

  WITH FAMILY AFFAIR ON HIATUS, SHOULDN'T TV'S GOLDEN GIRL BE OUT HAVING FUN? THE REAL REASON SHE'S MISSING FROM THE HOLLYWOOD SCENE ON PAGE TEN!

  Immediately, I feel dizzy. HAS SOMEONE FOUND OUT WHAT I'M DOING?? When Liz arrives a few seconds after me, she can't miss the look on my face.

  "What is it?" she mouths, and plops her books down on the table next to me. I motion to Lori. Liz spots the magazine cover right away and gives me a wink.

  "Hey, Lori," Liz says cheerily.

  Lori doesn't bother looking up. She keeps flipping through the magazine. "Yes, I'm fine, no Austin didn't dump me, I dumped him, okay?" she snaps. "End of story." Then she looks up and realizes it's Liz. "Oh. It's you. What do you want?"

  "Actually, I was just wondering about the new issue of Sizzling Celebs," Liz says. Today she's wearing this funny lavender tee that says HUGS NOT DRUGS in big letters. It looks cute with the frayed denim skirt and gold sequined sandals she's got on. "Mine didn't come yet."

  "Oh." Lori casually flips her hair to the side. Ever since I was banned from my walk-in closet to play Rachel, I'm obsessed with what everyone around me has on. Lori's black Dior cami and Blue Cult jeans are hot enough to make me drool. I, on the other hand, am stuck wearing a pale yellow V-neck tee from Discount
World and a hand-me-down plaid skirt from Nadine, which itches immensely.

  "I can't be bothered with subscriptions," Lori says off-handedly. "Our chauffeur picks it up for me the morning it hits newsstands. I like to be the first to know everything."

  I roll my eyes at Liz, but she ignores me. "That's cool. So what's the story on Kaitlin Burke?" Liz points to the cover.

  Lori snorts. "She's, like, totally destroying her career." I dig my nails into my horrible synthetic skirt to keep from screaming.

  "How?" Liz asks, leaning in closer for the answer.

  "Sizzling Celebs says she's totally trying to destroy Sky Mackenzie and Trevor Wainright's relationship," Lori explains. "Apparently she hasn't gotten Trevor away from Sky, so she's become a complete recluse. She hasn't been going to parties or anything."

  I stifle a groan. But I'm also kind of fascinated. It's weird to watch malicious rumors get spread about me right in front of my face.

  "Wow," Liz says, acting all amused.

  "Yep, Kaitlin Burke is losing her mind," Lori concludes. "The story even says that Kaitlin is thinking of quitting acting because she can't compete with Sky for roles. Sky is up for the same movie as Kaitlin."

  I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. SKY! She's ruining my life even when she's not in it! Wait till I get hold of Laney.

  "I hope they kill Kaitlin's character off Family Affair," Lori adds. "She's not half as talented as Sky."

  That does it.

  "You can't believe everything you read!" I blurt out.

  Lori turns and looks at me in disdain. "No one asked you," she hisses. Liz looks at me like I'm nuts. Lori starts to say something else, but she's interrupted by Mr. Klein.

  "Rachel? Mrs. Pearson would like to see you in her office pronto," he says, hanging up the classroom phone on the wall. "The rest of you turn to chapter seven of your History Today textbook."

  Lori looks at me smugly, like she knows I'm in big trouble.

  When I reach Principal P's office, she's standing in the doorway. "Rachel, you have a phone call. It's your mother," she whispers loudly and winks. "You can take it in my office." Principal P quickly ushers me in the room and shuts the door behind us. I look at her questioningly and pick up the phone.

  "Hello, this is Rachel," I say, since I still don't know who I'm talking to.

  "KAITLIN? IT'S LANEY. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? I HAVE REESE ON HOLD." This is an old Laney trick to make people jump, and I know better than to believe her.

  "Oh hi, Laney," I say. Principal P hovers nearby, pretending to sort through her mail. "Sorry. I was in class two buildings away. What's up?"

  "WE HAVE A SERIOUS CRISIS ON OUR HANDS!" Laney yells. I hear cars whizzing by in the background. She must be driving again. I hope she's using the hands-free headset I bought her. "I HAVE YOUR MOTHER AND NA-DINE ON THE LINE TOO."

  "I know, I saw the Sizzling Celebs cover," I say.

  "Sizzling Celebs cover? What Sizzling Celebs cover?" My mother cries. "Ours didn't come in the mail yet!"

  "CALM DOWN, MEG," Laney orders. "IT'S JUST MORE TABLOID RUBBISH. I HAVE A CALL IN TO THEIR EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ABOUT THEIR SOURCES. I'M THREATENING TO SUE!"

  "Good!" Mom barks.

  "Laney? Could you talk quieter? You're yelling in my ear," Nadine complains.

  "Kaitlin, I called this phone conference to talk about the Sizzling Sixteen list," Laney says, lowering her voice without acknowledging Nadine. "Total Teen told me that Sky's mother won't allow her to be on the list if you're featured before Sky in the issue. Well, I turned around and told them that you are the bigger star and if you're not placed first then YOU DON'T APPEAR AT ALL!" Uh-oh.

  "Kaitlin has to come first. What if it sways Hutch Adams's decision?" Mom's voice hits an anxious high note. "He could pick Sky because Kate-Kate isn't ranked high enough."

  The thought makes my head throb even harder. "We've got to do something!" I blurt. I'm surprised at how upset I am about this.

  HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER THIRTEEN: Celebrities actually care about being on magazines' "It" lists. They may go on Oprah and make fun of being in People's "Sexiest Men" issue for the third year in a row, but that's just a front. I guarantee you they called their publicists when that list was being created and told them to make sure they're on it. These lists are an easy way to stay on the public's good side. The magazines run a super flattering photo of you and write a puff piece about how you're more popular than the President and kinder than the Pope.

  "Not to worry. I did some research," Nadine soothes. "Based on Total Teen's criteria for the Sizzling Sixteen list, Kates should appear first. She's had three more film roles than Sky, and on FA this year, Sam's storyline has been juicier."

  "GOOD, NADINE," Laney yells, and feverishly honks her horn in celebration. "WE'LL SHOW THEM!"

  "Have we heard anything from Hutch's people yet?" Nadine voices what I'm thinking.

  "I have a call in to Kaitie-Kat's agent to find out," Mom says. "He told me we should hear something by the end of next week either way."

  I think I may throw up. I look at Principal P and smile. She won't take her eyes off me.

  "KAITLIN, I HAVE TO GO BACK TO REESE. WE JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN CASE ANYBODY ASKS YOU ABOUT THE LIST," Laney shouts. The phone goes dead.

  Who's going to ask me about the list at school?

  Principal P looks at me hopefully. "Was that about Family Affair?" I just stand there staring at the phone in my hand.

  "That was Laney and my mom and my assistant." I walk around her desk. Principal P stands in my path to the door.

  "I was hoping it was Paige with some scoop about next season." She plays with her hands.

  I want to laugh, but don't. To be honest, it's kind of nice that Principal P is such a big fan. I don't seem to have many these days -- in or out of school. "Principal Pearson, the show just ended," I say sweetly. "Even we won't know what's going to happen for a few months."

  "I can't wait that long," she groans. "I was on the Family Affair message boards last night looking for answers. Does Paige survive the crash? Who is the father of Krystal's baby? Are they going to do a DNA test?" She looks at me hopefully. "You must know something."

  I shrug. "I really don't. The writers are on vacation now just like I am." Principal P frowns. "But I'm sure Paige will survive. Melli just signed another two-year contract with the show." Principal P sighs in relief.

  The warning bell rings for fourth period. "I'll tell you what." I inch around her and grab the door. "I'll have lunch with you next week and you can ask me all the Family Affair questions you want."

  "Would you?" She claps her hands excitedly. "Let's make it Monday then."

  "Deal." I smile and start walking out the door.

  "Oh, and Rachel," Principal calls discreetly. I turn around. "If you talk to your friend this weekend, tell her they should really do a DNA test." She winks.

  I wink back, turn, and run down the hallway towards bio. And that's when it happens. I run face-first into Austin's well-defined chest.

  "WHOA. Are you fleeing stormtroopers or something?" Austin laughs, grabbing me with his strong hands to steady my balance. I feel my palms start to sweat. Why am I so nervous? I'm never this anxious around cute guys -- and I've kissed plenty of them for FA.

  I laugh nervously. "How are you doing?" I stare at the dirty linoleum floor tiles.

  "I know what this is about," Austin says, watching my reaction. He drops his arms. "You heard about me and Lori."

  "You and Lori? What about you and Lori?" I question, playing dumb.

  "Look." Austin is staring right at me with his bright turquoise eyes. "You had nothing to do with our breakup Friday night. We were about to break up anyway. I was sick of seeing the way she walked all over people, including me. What she did to you Friday night was the last straw. I explained that you and I are just friends."

  Friends. "Of course." I try to hide my disappointment. What's wrong with me?

  "AUSTIN, LET'S
GO!" Rob Murray calls from down the hall. "Coach K is going to let us practice for the game during gym!"

  "One second!" Austin yells back. "I've got to go," he says apologetically. "Are you still free to study after school?"

  I think for a second. No, Laney has me taping The Ellen De-generes Show. "Uh, I have a doctor's appointment," I say apologetically. "I completely forgot."

  "What about tonight?" Austin asks. "Lacrosse practice ends at six, so we could meet at my house at six-thirty." He grabs my notebook and green ballpoint pen out of my hands and scribbles down his address.

  "COME ON!" Rob yells again. "I better go." He starts backing away, grinning. "See you tonight," I reply, clutching the page he's just written on.

  My Ellen taping goes well. The morning talk shows are so much fun to appear on, because they're a relaxed atmosphere and the questions aren't prying. Ellen doesn't bring up Sky once! I knew I liked her. I'm still on a live audience high when Rodney drops me off at Austin's at 6:30.

  "I don't know why I'm nervous," I tell Nadine on the car ride over.

  "Maybe it's because this is the first time you've liked a guy who seems to like you for you, not for what your career can do for him," she offers.

  "You think I like him?" I scoff. "I don't. We're just friends. And I can't like him, it's too complicated."

  "Yeah, but that's how life works," Rodney mumbles from the front seat, where he's sipping a Jamba Juice smoothie. "You fall for someone when you least expect it." I wonder for a moment whether he's speaking from experience.

  "But I'm living a lie," I protest. Ever since Friday night, when Austin and I had such a good time chatting, I've been hearing this nagging voice in the back of my head: What's going to happen if he finds out the truth?

  "Well, it's too late to worry about that now, isn't it?" The sedan pulls up to Austin's sweet-looking colonial home. The house looks spacious, but not crazy big like Lori's or, well, mine. But what's so great about it, as I stare at the well-worn bricks, ivy climbing up the front porch, and the kids' bikes scattered on the super-green lawn, is how homey it feels.

  "We'll pick you up at eight-thirty," Nadine says, checking her watch. "You've got a phone interview with Access on the East Coast to do at eight-forty-five."