Secrets of My Hollywood Life

by Jen Calonita

  "Your friend Liz in particular made a passionate argument against Sky," Jaime says. "She claims that Sky stole your Sidekick at a photo shoot, and that's how Sky found out about your double life."

  "I don't know if Sky took my Sidekick," I reply. "I do wonder how she found out about my alter ego. Only the people closest to me knew, and they'd never betray me. But even if Sky did deliberately try to hurt me, it won't keep me from returning to FA this fall, if they'll have me."

  I pause for a moment and exhale deeply, then look straight into the camera's dark lens. "If I have one regret about this whole experience, it's that my double life hurt people more than I could have imagined." Austin's stunned face looms in my mind. "You know who you are. I just wish there were some way I could tell you how sorry I am."

  Jaime smiles at me. "What will you take away from this experience?"

  "Going to Clark made me realize how much I need my friends outside the business. It's great to talk about something other than the industry for a change. But it also reminded me how deeply I love my career," I add, thinking of the Hutch Adams role I still desperately want, even though I probably won't get it. "I would really miss acting if I weren't doing it. And I hope I'll be doing it for a very long time."

  Jaime motions to the cameraman to stop taping. She pulls off her mic. "Perfect final line, Kaitlin," Jaime says, standing up and shaking my hand. "I didn't have to press you to answer the hard questions either."

  "That interview was better than therapy!" I laugh. "Thank you." I pull off my mic and grin at Laney, Nadine, Rodney, my parents, and Matt. Nadine starts to applaud, and they all join in. Rodney puts his fingers in his mouth and gives a loud whistle. My smile is wide enough to split my face.

  I know it's been a while, but watch out world -- Kaitlin Burke is back.

  Eighteen: No Place Like Home

  After the Jaime Robins interview airs, our phone starts ringing off the hook. This time it's for a happy reason -- people are calling to congratulate me.

  And to ask for an interview, of course.

  Over the next two weeks, I'll hit the talk show circuit to tell my whole scandalous tale again. I speak to the weeklies and the newspapers. With Zara's help, I do a first-person story for Teen People. Even Liz, Beth, and Allison get in on the frenzy. They're being interviewed by all the glossies. Beth and Allison love having Paul and Shelly make them camera-ready. Beth's even found herself a new part-time job because of it -- modeling. Hollywood Teen called her and said she'd be perfect for a fashion story they're shooting next month.

  The fickle press has become my best friend again. One minute they were roasting me, the next they're calling me "the most breathtakingly real teen in Hollywood."(Thank you, Entertainment Weekly.) Sky's worries about my split personality were forgotten. Instead, she's been busy sidestepping questions from the media about how she came to know about Rachel Rogers in the first place. So far, she's hasn't answered that burning question.

  But far more important than the press's applause is the support I'm getting from my friends and costars. Melli sent me flowers and a note that said, "I couldn't be more proud if you were my own daughter." Principal P sent me a bouquet of daisies with a note signed, "Your number one Family Fanatic."

  Tom Pullman calls me the morning after Jaime's interview airs and says I should have called him sooner. "I would have told you that you always have a job at FA, no matter what happens," he chides.

  As I hang up the phone, it rings again in my hand.

  "Hello?" I answer, confused.

  "Kaitlin, doll, fabulously entertaining interview," a voice coos in a smooth-as-velvet tone.

  It takes me a second, but then I realize who it is: Hutch Adams. I'm at a loss for words. "Hello," I manage to get out.

  "I haven't phoned your people back because I was scouting locations," Hutch continues. "My nieces have told me about your nasty little internal drama. Fascinating stuff."

  I listen breathlessly for what is coming next. Is he calling to say I didn't get the part? Better luck next time? The only sound I can hear is my heart thumping loudly.

  "The range of emotions you expressed in the Robins interview is better than any audition you could have done with my casters. Great job, Miss Burke."

  "Thank you Mr. Adams." I'm dumbstruck at the compliment. But is it a consolation prize? "If I may, I'd like to make a case for myself in your lead role. I really hope you will still consider me. I know you wouldn't be disappointed. I would work ..."

  "Save your breath," Hutch laughs. "I'm calling to tell you you're hired. Warts and all." I put a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming and start jumping up and down on my bed, something I haven't done since I was ten. The thuds must have reached Mom, Dad, Nadine, and Matt downstairs, because within minutes they're at my side, Rodney barreling through the door first. I can see on their faces that they're all wondering what's going on. I mouth "Hutch" with a big smile on my face.

  "You got the job?" Matt whispers, incredulous. I shake my head vigorously, and Mom begins to weep. Dad gives me a big thumbs-up sign. Nadine quickly dials Laney, whom I can hear screaming through the cell phone.

  "Don't forget to ask him about a role for me," Matt urges, clutching my shoulder.

  I listen to Hutch for a few more minutes, tuning out the chaos around me. If I'm hearing him right, not only do I have the lead in The Untitled Hutch Adams Project, but he also wants to turn my school escapade into a movie!

  "You can help me write the screenplay," he suggests as my family jumps up and down around me.

  "I'll definitely think about it," I say giddily. "Thank you, Mr. Adams. Thank you so much. You won't be disappointed."

  "I'm sure I won't, Kaitlin," Hutch agrees. "Your agent will be beeping in any minute now to have you sign the papers that I've already sent over. We'll talk again soon." With that, he hangs up, and I scream at the top of my lungs.

  "I GOT THE PART!"

  "We did it!" Mom shouts excitedly.

  "Katie-Kat," Dad interrupts. "Did he mention hiring me as a producer?"

  "Or me for a role?" Matt adds, pulling himself up on my bed so he can jump as well. "I didn't hear you say my name."

  Nadine groans.

  I just smile. My family might give me a hard time, but I know they care about me. When things get tough, which I'm sure they will again down the road, my family has my back.

  With six weeks till I have to report for pre-production on The Untitled Hutch Adams Project, I've set out to clean up the rest of the mess I started. I start by paying my "favorite"FA costar a little visit.

  Turns out, Sky isn't in the mood to kiss and make up.

  "She's not home," states the matronly housekeeper when Rodney, Liz, and I appear in their double-size black-and-white ceramic doorway.

  "Funny, isn't that her Escalade in the driveway?" I ask sweetly.

  "That's her father's car," the housekeeper answers, wiping her hands nervously on a white apron emblazoned with Sky's face.

  "Gee, Kates, I thought that's the car Sky's mom drives her to work in every morning," Rodney retorts. "Isn't Sky's car candy-apple red?"

  "Yes, Rodney, I believe it is," I reply, fiddling with the spaghetti straps on my sage green peasant top. "Sky told me she had the color custom blended so that it would be one-of-a-kind." Liz, Rodney, and I stare expectantly at the wide-hipped woman blocking our way.

  The housekeeper looks desperate. "She's still not home. Please leave or I'll have to call the authorities."

  "Speaking of authorities, Kates, didn't you have a talk with Tom Pullman this morning?" Liz prompts me.

  "Why yes, Lizzie, thank you for reminding me," I say with a sly smile. "Tom said my job was completely secure. He also told me how terribly upset he was about the lies that appeared in the press. To keep that kind of thing from happening again, Tom's implementing a new set rule: If anyone at FA makes false statements to the press, they'll be fired."

  "You don't say." Liz's voice echoes in the long hallway. "Did Tom a
sk you if you knew who was talking about you to the press?" Rodney chuckles as the housekeeper chokes and starts coughing wildly. She tries to close the door on us, but Rodney puts his combat boot in her way.

  "Yes, as a matter of fact, he did," I answer loudly. "I wasn't going to tell him, but maybe I should."

  "I would call him right now, actually," Liz suggests coolly.

  I pull out my cell phone and pretend to dial. Suddenly Sky appears in the doorway wearing a pink silk cropped pa-jama top and matching capri bottoms. She shoves the distressed housekeeper out of her way.

  "What do you want?" she asks coldly.

  "Oh, hi, Skylar." I smile sweetly. "I thought you weren't home."

  "You can't prove anything." Sky looks calm, but I can see her chest rising and falling rapidly, and her crossed arms are shaking slightly.

  I look at Rodney and Liz. They take a step back to give me space to do this alone.

  "You don't scare me," Sky responds, eyes flicking back and forth. "You have no proof that I talked to anyone at the tabloids, and you certainly can't prove I took your Sidekick."

  "That's not why I'm here." I tell Sky. "I don't care if you did take my Sidekick. And I don't care if you're the one who planted those stories in the press either." Sky looks confused.

  "Actually, I just came over to thank you," I explain. "Whether you intended to or not, you did me a big favor by pulling those stunts. That tabloid garbage was making me feel like I had to choose between acting and having a life. But you know what? I've realized I don't have to choose, Sky. No matter what you say or do, you can't make me give up my career. I work too hard and I love it too much. I'm not going away anytime soon."

  Sky's jaw drops, but she doesn't say a word.

  "So you can pack your bags and head to Mexico this hiatus to do your miniseries," I continue. "I'm reporting to the Hutch Adams set to work on my next blockbuster movie."

  "You got the part?" Sky screeches angrily.

  "And when we go back to FA in August, you better be ready." I ignore her angry spluttering. "Because next time I get some bad press, I won't be afraid to speak up about where the rumors are coming from. As you might have noticed from the Jaime Robins special, Sky, I know how to give a good interview too." I spin on my funky banana heels from Fred Segal and walk down her steps. Rodney and Liz follow me.

  "Enjoy your summer, Skylar," I call out as we stride away.

  "That was awesome!" Rodney exclaims when the three of us pile back in the car. Liz squeezes me tightly.

  "I can't believe you!" Liz applauds. "You really gave it to her."

  "I did, didn't I?" I lean back into the seat, content. "Hopefully she'll be more careful about how she treats me from now on."

  "So that's it then," Rodney says. "You've taken care of everything."

  "Not everything," I tell them both. "We have one more stop to make, but this time, you two are staying in the car."

  Twenty minutes later, we pull up in front of Austin's cozy redbrick house.

  "Are you sure you want to do this?" Liz asks quietly.

  I look at the front door. "I have to," I explain softly. "He won't take my phone calls."

  "You can do it, Kates," Rodney booms encouragingly. I smile at them both, take a deep yoga breath, and open the car door. I slowly walk up the path, rehearsing what I'm going to say in my head. I ring the doorbell and look back at the car. The windows are tinted, but I know Rodney and Liz are pressed up against them, watching.

  "Kaitlin Burke," Austin's sister Hayley murmurs in awe when she opens the screen door.

  "Hi, Hayley." Suddenly I feel shy. I remain standing on the doorstep. "I was wondering if I could see your brother."

  Her turquoise eyes are wide. "I'm not sure. He's still pretty upset," she whispers, fidgeting with a buckle on her jeans. "Personally I think he should be flattered that a celebrity wanted to hang out with him."

  "Well, I, I...," I stutter, embarrassed. Hayley's eyes are glued to me, as if she can't believe I'm really here.

  "Hayley, did you borrow my white Lacoste shirt again?" I hear Austin yell. Hayley freezes as Austin appears in the doorway wearing baggy jeans and a white undershirt. His surprised face is every bit as handsome as I remembered.

  My breath catches in my throat. "Hi," I mumble.

  A smile flashes across his face, causing my heart to soar. But within seconds it's gone. He stares at me and does a double take. Now he's serious.

  "Oh, it's you," he says, flustered. He runs his fingers through his blond hair. "What are you doing here?"

  "I came to see you." I look down at the brick steps, my heart pounding. Why is it that I can do a live interview beamed out to millions of viewers, but the sight of Austin still makes me jittery?

  Austin turns to his sister. "Hayley, this will just take a minute."

  Hayley smiles at me shyly. "Maybe we'll get to talk about Family Affair sometime," she suggests.

  "I'd like that," I tell her.

  Austin and I stare at each other silently while Hayley slowly walks away. Even though I can see he's mad at me, I can't tear my eyes away from him. What if it's the last time I see his face?

  "What are you doing here?" he asks me again, kicking one of his bare feet against the floor.

  "You wouldn't take any of my calls," I answer, my voice barely a whisper.

  "That's because I wasn't sure who I'd be talking to." Something like anger flashes in his beautiful eyes, and my heart breaks all over again. "Who are you playing today, Rachel or Kaitlin?"

  The words are like a slap in the face, even if I do deserve them. "I'm truly sorry." I hang my head.

  "It's too late for that." Austin shrugs his broad shoulders. "You made me look like an idiot."

  "I would never ...," I start to protest, trying to find the words that will make everything okay again. I just want to go back to that day at the library, when everything was perfect and all that mattered was finding a way to go to the dance with him. I should have told him the truth back then.

  "I don't want to hear this," Austin interrupts me, putting his hand on the screen door. "You got to know me, but I don't know you. I never knew you."

  "Yes, you did," I say urgently. "That was me you spent all that time with. I really do like Star Wars and math, and I stink at history. I'm the same person."

  "I liked Rachel," Austin answers, running his hands through his hair again. "But she doesn't exist. And Kaitlin Burke is a movie star. You don't need to hang with a regular high school guy like me."

  I interject quickly, "You're actually the coolest guy --"

  "I'm sorry, Kaitlin," he says, cutting me off again. "I can't do this." He slowly pulls the front door closed, shutting me out of his life forever.

  "Did you really expect him to forgive you?" Nadine asks as I recount the sad story to everyone over hot chocolate at the twelve-foot-long cherry wood kitchen table.

  "I hoped so," I admit, stirring mini marshmallows in my R2-D2 mug.

  "I'll try to talk to him, Kates," Liz suggests.

  "Thanks, but we should leave him alone," I say glumly. "I have to accept the fact that I hurt Austin so badly that he'll never forgive me."

  "I'm sure there's a cute boy in your new movie," Dad offers.

  "I read in Variety this morning that they cast Drew Thomas as your costar," Mom swoons. "He's a big up-and-comer, Kaitlin."

  "I don't think I'll be interested in opening my heart to anybody again for quite a while," I sigh. "Especially not Drew." I think of those horrendous few dates last year.

  "You really had it bad for Austin, didn't you?" Nadine comments.

  "I did," I whisper, staring into the rich brown depths of my cocoa.

  "Well, I know one thing that will cheer you up," Dad says. "I spoke to Steve Mendes this morning. We're taking you and Liz to Cabo this weekend before you start shooting the Adams movie." Liz looks at me and grins.

  "Are you serious?" I stare at them in surprise. Dad nods. "Thank you!" I exclaim, jumping up and givin
g him a hug. I run over to Mom and throw my arms around her as well.

  "You really held your own in that Robins interview," Mom tells me. "We were so proud of you. I guess that downtime at school really helped."

  "I can't believe Kaitlin's got you thinking of school as downtime." Matt shakes his head.

  "Since the school thing is out of the question now, I guess we'll have to let you rev up the vacation plans." Dad puts his arm around my shoulders.

  "As long as you work them around Laney's press schedule," Mom adds, dabbing a paper towel on the cream-colored PB&J Couture hoodie she splashed cocoa on.

  I bite my lip and chuckle to myself, then walk over to the hulking stainless steel Viking stove to pour another cup of steaming hot chocolate. "Everything in my life is finally falling into place," I think aloud. "Hutch Adams, FA, Sky, Cabo. The only thing missing is a guy to share it with."

  "Maybe not for long," Liz squeaks. I turn around. Rodney is leading Austin into my kitchen.

  "What are you ...?" I'm so startled, I can't get a sentence out. I look into Austin's nervous face, searching for answers.

  "I found him down by the front gate," Rodney explains.

  "I was hoping we could talk," Austin says. His voice is so quiet I can barely hear him.

  "I guess we should leave you two alone." Nadine motions to the rest of the group.

  "I want to see what happens," Matt protests.

  "Come on, Matty." Liz tugs him by the arm. "I'll let you wait with me in Kaitlin's room and you can look through her phone book."

  "Okay," he agrees gleefully, and follows her out. Dad puts his arm around Mom's shoulder and leads her away. She keeps looking back, though, and smiling. The room grows quiet.

  "How'd you know where I lived?" I ask Austin.

  "Beth," he says. "My mom dropped me off at the gate, but I didn't know how to get inside. That big dude happened to be leaving, and he saw me and drove me up the driveway. Your house is huge," he adds, sounding awestruck.

  My heart is racing.

  Austin walks towards me. "Can I sit down?" He grabs a wrought-iron stool near the island.

  "Sure." I blush. I grab the seat next to him and, without asking, pour him a cup of hot chocolate. My hands are shaking as I add marshmallows. We sit there, just looking at each other for a few minutes.