*
When she awoke, Alainn felt the warm tears damp on her cheeks and the pillow. She heard the rapping upon the door and simply wanted whoever was disturbing her to leave her to her misery.
“Alainn.” She heard the gentle voice of Bulwark. “The Scotsman would like to speak with you.”
Alainn ignored the voice and simply hoped she could fall back asleep and forget what her mind insisted on reliving over and over again.
But as the child moved within her nearly constantly now, she longed to travel ahead to Samhain and have the gods attend to ridding her of the evil straightaway. The pain in her belly made her cry out and she wanted the being gone from her womb. Sobs rose in her throat whenever she allowed the thoughts of the previous night to come to her. A darkness encompassed her from within her belly, but it seemed to reach and envelop her heart and her mind. She remembered the days and weeks after she had lost their wee babe, Cian, and how the darkness of grief had overtaken her. She could sense it beginning once more and felt helpless to prevent it.
She heard Bulwark calling to her again and she would not be able to simply ignore him.
“The Scotsman insists he must go to see to the woman, Mary, but he would much prefer to speak with you before he leaves. He appears insistent on seeing you and ensures me he won’t disturb your rest for but a few moments time.”
“Aye, send Conner in.” Her voice remained hoarse and scratchy.
The door opened and a very wary and hesitant Conner entered the room. Alainn sat up from her position on the floor and her head protested. She attempted to straighten her tangled hair and disheveled gown.
“Lady Alainn,” he said in a much quieter voice than his usual boisterous tone.
He held his hand out to her to assist her to standing, but then pulled it away as though he was certain she would not care to have him touch her.
She nodded, but did not speak. She stood with some difficulty and found every part of her ached. She noticed the wound on her shoulder had reopened and there was blood on her gown. Conner’s eyes went to the blood as well and she was aware he was filled with remorse.
“I am… I am verra sorry, Lady O’Brien.” He now addressed her by her formal title. “I am much regretful for everything… I know I was to blame for the sword and…”
“It was me to blame, Conner.” She interrupted and she coughed, her voice croaky and weak. “I thought my magic was powerful enough. It was not, and because of that I caused much unnecessary pain for many.”
“But ye must forgive me for how I acted. I would never think to harm you, Lady O’Brien…”
She interrupted him. “Alainn. You are my friend, Conner, simply refer to me as Alainn.”
He nodded, “Lady Alainn, if I’d been in my right mind, I would never have threatened to harm or defile you. Ye must believe me. I hold no but the utmost respect for you. I’ve never thought such impure thoughts in your regard. I do think of you as my friend, perhaps even like a sister. I am much regretful.”
“You needn’t apologize, Conner. You were under the influence of a powerful spell, and you did not do me harm.”
“But it was my sword that entrapped you, and, by Christ, Lady Alainn, if I’d made it inside that circle, I dinna ken but I would have…”
“You didn’t, Conner. There is nothing to forgive.”
Conner shook his head and then hung it lowly, obviously ashamed. It was clear he wished to disagree with Alainn, and place much blame upon himself, but she prevented him from speaking further on the disagreeable subject.
“Go to Mary, Conner. Go to her and take her far away from Riley, from me, from all of this. Take her somewhere safe until she bears her son, and then find a place where you might live in peace. Go to the Americas if you must, but don’t linger where Riley might find you.”
“I am not so certain she’ll… I’ve little to offer her.”
“You have your love to offer her and your presence, sure that’s all she desires.”
“Aye.”
“Her son shall arrive in less than two weeks’ time.” She revealed.
“That’s early, is it na?”
“Aye, a fortnight before expected so you must find a safe haven for all of you.”
He walked toward her and his sorrow and shame were evident even in his steps. He placed his hand on Alainn’s shoulder in empathy. “I hope you locate your father, Lady Alainn, and that you and Killian will find a way to mend…”
He didn’t finish speaking, but she nodded at his compassion, and he was soon gone.
*
Alainn needed to get to Killian to see for herself how he fared. She was relieved to find the door to her chamber unlocked, and followed her instincts to a nearby chamber down the corridor. When she stood outside the door, Danhoul stepped out to meet her evidently sensing her presence. He seemed to be assessing her condition.
“I am well, Danhoul.” But her voice came out in a painful, strained squeak. “Mostly I am well. I must see Killian,” she whispered.
His eyes filled with regret as he spoke. “He does not wish to see you, Alainn. He’s made it clear he can’t face you, not yet.”
That tore at her heart and it ached. She did not look into Danhoul’s eyes as she spoke. “How does he fare, Danhoul?”
“His strength is gradually returning. His wounds linger for they are tainted and slow to heal… those wounds that can actually be healed by the use of ointments and remedies.”
She detected a hint of accusation in Danhoul’s words and his tone. She nodded at him and felt deep guilt and sadness as she turned away.
*
Alainn hadn’t left the chamber in some time and she’d dwelt much on all that had happened. For the first five days, she had gone each morning and before she slept each night, in hopes of seeing Killian, but each time Danhoul simply shook his head for Killian remained unwilling to see her. She had contemplated forcing herself into the chamber, disallowing Killian from making the decision they shouldn’t see each other, but she chose to respect his decision instead, though it tore at her heart.
Bulwark maintained the form of a man and would come to her in attempt to speak with her or encourage her to take her meals in the cottage, but she preferred the familiar surroundings of the tiny chamber. If she allowed her mind to wander she was nearly able to imagine she was a child again, that none of the terrible happenings had taken place. Occasionally she would relive the first day she and Killian had met when they were only children, still filled with childish innocence… before so much had happened to separate them.
Bulwark eventually stopped trying to convince her to leave her chambers, nor did he insist she speak with him, but simply left a tray of food each morning and evening. He hadn’t mentioned her father again and even thinking of him could bring her no solace. Although Teige O’Rorke had been the entire reason they’d made this ill-fated journey, somehow the thought of finding him, did not ease her shattered soul and held little importance any longer.
Alainn heard the knock at the door, louder this time for she’d come to know Bulwark’s gentle knock. She was startled to see Danhoul step straight through the door by way of his magical abilities without having been invited inside.
“Danhoul?”
“I just needed to know you were well and your wounds were healing since it has been days since I’ve seen you. I’ve sensed your deep despair. But I’ve also sensed something even more disturbing. I sense the demon is nearby. I feel it with a distinct certainty, although Bulwark has assured me the demon will not be capable of entering this location and these portals, that never in all the time he’s been keeper of the portal has darkness been able to enter. I wanted to know if you had sensed him as well.”
Their eyes met at the seriousness of the consideration of the demon being able to enter this secured magical location, but she replied with candor.
“I am uncertain I would be capable of sensing him or any other untoward creature any longer, Danhoul, for the evil grow
s within me and I feel I am shrouded with a darkness that stems from within, but hovers all about me. Perhaps the evil child fully intends to keep me separated from those who might bring me comfort,” she considered.
“It won’t be long now, Alainn. Then the gods will see to it the evil is gone from you.”
She was not confident that would happen and she offered some advice to Danhoul. “I know it is your fate to be a guardian and that you do not, or perhaps cannot, question that, but I implore you, Danhoul. Go to the gods and ask them to assign you to another charge. All who are close to me end up the worse for it one way or another. Become a guardian to another magical witch for if and when this evil being is no longer within me, I intend to journey far, far from here and to stray from magic entirely for the rest of my days.”
“I have no say over whom I offer guardianship. By your desolate thoughts, I know you have vowed to never use your magic again. The gods will not simply allow you to turn from your destiny. You are too vital to the future.”
“Aye, for the battle of good and evil and dark and light. Well they can battle evil on their own, or find the other two witches who are supposedly necessary. If I cannot battle one witch… one loathsome, vile witch, sure I will benefit no one in the ultimate battle of good and evil.”
“That witch is dead!”
“Not by my hand or my magic for it was the sword severing her head that finally took her life.”
Danhoul looked at her pained expression and she knew it grieved him. “You cut out her heart, you caused her head to be severed and you instinctively threw her bones in the fire which was necessary to ultimately see she will never ever be capable of returning.”
She turned away from Danhoul and stood gazing out the narrow window.
She still wore the amulet around her neck even though there was now a large raised bright red mark where it continued to sear her skin.
He attempted to touch his hand to the burn, but she shook her head. “I am hoping it impedes the evil within me even to a slight degree.” She stared at him and then spoke once more. “Did we meet the damnable witch the other times we have lived this life?”
“Aye.” He nodded in regret.
“And you were not permitted to prevent the meeting?”
“I appear never able to remember until the time is actually upon us. Apparently, once in another life, I did remember and prevented it as you suggested, but was swiftly killed for the deed.”
“By the gods, by the witch, by me? Who killed you in that life, Danhoul?”
“It isn’t relevant or important, Alainn.”
“Were the end results the same for us each time when we met the witch?”
“In varying degrees, some measurably worse than what we encountered recently for you’ve never managed to kill the witch before, Alainn. No one has. She is one of the original evil beings who first walked the earth even before humans were here. She was at the first battle of good and evil, one of the few, like Odhran who escaped.”
“What did the witch mean when she said I must possess a lineage from the original witches?’
“Truly, Alainn, I do not possess that knowledge for I do not recall her ever having mentioned that before.”
“If we are to learn from the past experiences, why do we not retain all the memories?”
“I believe they want you to react from intuition and not from fear of a memory that might impede us. They want you to use your abilities instinctively.”
“Strangely, I do not despise the gods as much as I thought I might. I am not so embittered as I believed I would be in learning this was another cruel test. Perhaps because it was me who made the choice to deal with the witch. And… I suppose in some regards the gods have few choices as well. For Aine, who has defended me, now sees herself imprisoned as well.”
Alainn’s voice was filled with hopelessness, and she simply turned to stare out the window and did not speak further.
“So you plan to hide away in this chamber until the ritual is performed?”
“I am not hiding; I am simply stilling my mind in hope of enduring the next days with this evil within me.”
He shrugged, and sighed before he spoke. “Do you place blame on me, or Conner, or Killian for what transpired?”
“I place blame on no one bar myself. It was my foolish pride and arrogant vanity in thinking my magic was all powerful. It was not… it is not… it is doubtful it shall ever be.”
“It was powerful enough to kill an eternal witch?”
“But at what cost, Danhoul? Sure our minds and our souls will never truly recover from what occurred within that circle.”
It was clear Danhoul wanted to comfort her in some manner, but when he moved toward her, she soon turned her back and stared out the window once more.
“He blames himself as well, Alainn. He did step within the circle even after all your warnings, even knowing what would happen.”
“To save my life,” she whispered.
“He’s hurtin’ badly, Alainn, suffering a pain I’ve never seen in all these lives we’ve lived together. It is doubtful he will ever come to you or request to see you, for he is sorely ashamed as well.”
“But you said he does not wish to see me. Should I force that upon him as well?”
Danhoul shrugged.
“Advise me, Danhoul. Should I force Killian to see me, to look upon me when I am the cause of his despair and his wounds? Should I force him to allow me to heal him when I sense with every part of me he does not wish to have me anywhere near him?”
“That is something you must decide, Alainn.”
“As my guardian and my friend, please tell me what I should do, Danhoul.” She turned away from him as a sob escaped her lips.
“You know his heart, Alainn.”
“Aye, and I sense his heart is ailing more than any other part of him. Perhaps it is best I keep my distance. What could I say to him at any rate, bar I am regretful and I know I’m to blame for all that is broken between us… yet again. I suspect he knows it well enough.” She sighed again. “Perhaps I might also choose this time to inform him I carry an evil being sired by another man, just to add insult to injury.”
“Self-pity does not become you, Alainn!”
“I care not what becomes me, Danhoul Calhoun!” She snarled, showing anger for the first time since he’d arrived.
“I see there is no reasoning with you, Alainn.”
“There is nothing that can be accomplished with reason, Danhoul. Go to the gods and perhaps they will free you of this encumbrance of being linked to me. Sure they might send you to the future to be a guardian of one of the other two powerful witches.”
“They will have guardians of their own, long since assigned to them,” he simply said.
“Well, you’ll not be capable of guarding me at any rate if I can’t be ridded of this evil within me, the gods will see me dead.” He stepped toward the door, but she called out to him. “Tell him to go back home, Danhoul. When he is strong enough to journey you must convince Killian he is better by far without the perils me and my unnatural powers bring to his life.”
Danhoul didn’t reply, but simply stepped through the portal once more without having opened it.
Chapter Nineteen
As always, Alainn could sense the mystical magic upon the air as Samhain drew near and it called to her. Its immense pull filled her with a deep need to employ her magic. Her skin tingled and her very soul pulsed with the level of magic within her, but she firmly resisted it. She had seldom seen Bulwark. He continued to leave a tray outside the door in the morning and evening, but she’d scarcely touched the food for she had no appetite and no desire to feed the being within her.
As the days had passed, whenever she would dwell upon the child, her powers surged. Although she couldn’t sense the demon as Danhoul had suggested, he would surely attempt to prevent the gods from doing harm to the evil child she carried. He would not simply allow the child to be killed. As time grew short,
she almost expected him to appear before her and steal her away with him, perhaps to the realm of hopeless despair or even to the Unseelie Court. Bulwark adamantly insisted this location was protected from all forms of evil, and yet the being that grew inside her was undeniably evil, simply protected by the vessel of her body.
On the eve of Samhain, Lugh appeared with no warning.
“Young witch, Aine has sent me to inform you she will come for you on the morrow.”
She jumped when she saw him. “No more should I like to be thought of as a witch.”
“There are many different types of witches. You are nothing like Ebrill.”
“Dare to speak that name in my presence again and you’ll be the sorrier for it.”
“You’ll only allow the darkness within your soul to grow if you keep distanced from your husband.”
“Your wisdom is duly noted, but I have discerned, I’ll not force him to see me when he remains much opposed to the notion.”
“Perhaps in his damaged state he doesn’t know what is best for him. Sure it would be beneficial for the both of you to be reunited. You will both be stronger, your bodies and your souls, if you go to him.”
“I have a being as dark as Satan himself growing within me and it is perhaps not even a consideration the powers of the gods combined can see him gone. And if that be truth then there is little time to dwell on the state of my soul, for by this time tomorrow I shall surely live no more.”
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