The Headspace Guide To A Mindful Pregnancy

by Andy Puddicombe

  About the Author

  Andy Puddicombe is a meditation and mindfulness expert. An accomplished presenter and writer, Andy is the voice of all things Headspace.

  In his early twenties, midway through a university degree in Sports Science, Andy made the unexpected decision to travel to the Himalayas to study meditation instead. It was the beginning of a ten year journey which took him around the world, culminating with ordination as a Tibetan Buddhist monk in Northern India.

  His transition back to lay life in 2004 was no less extraordinary. Training briefly at Moscow State Circus, he returned to London where he completed a degree in Circus Arts with the Conservatoire of Dance and Drama, whilst drawing up the early plans for what was later to become Headspace.

  He has been featured widely in international press, appearing in Vogue, NYT, FT, Entrepreneur, Men’s Health and Esquire, to name but a few. He also makes regular appearances on TV and online, having been featured on BBC, Dr Oz, Netflix and TED.

  Andy currently lives in Venice, California, with his wife Lucinda and son Harley.

  www.hodder.co.uk

  The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

  First published in Great Britain in 2015

  By Hodder & Stoughton

  An Hachette UK company

  Copyright © Andy Puddicombe 2015

  The right of Andy Puddicombe to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

  A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library

  ISBN 978 1 444 72225 3

  Hodder & Stoughton Ltd

  338 Euston Road

  London NW1 3BH

  www.hodder.co.uk

  TO OUR SON, HARLEY …

  AND TO HIS MOTHER, MY WIFE, LUCINDA … FOR BRINGING HIM INTO THIS WORLD.

  Contents

  About the Author

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Headspace

  Introduction

  PART ONE

  1: CHANGE YOUR MIND

  2: THE APPROACH

  3: WHERE IS THE THOUGHT?

  4: THE FOUR FOUNDATIONS FOR THE ROAD AHEAD

  5: CALM MIND, CALM BABY

  6: A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE

  PART TWO

  7: TRYING FOR A BABY

  8: RECEIVING THE NEWS

  9: THE TRIMESTERS

  10: RESPECTING THE BODY

  11: MOVING THROUGH THE PAIN

  12: LABOUR AND CHILDBIRTH

  13: GOING HOME

  PART THREE

  14: MEDITATION EXERCISES

  Acknowledgements

  Sources of Science

  HEADSPACE

  Headspace started back in 2010, with the simple aim of improving the health and happiness of the world. By demystifying meditation and offering practical and authentic mindfulness techniques, we’ve been able to help people find a little more peace of mind. At the time of writing, there are somewhere around 3 million people getting some daily headspace. We are also in partnership with a number of scientific research studies, working with some of the most respected universities and hospitals in the world, to help further the understanding of meditation and mindfulness, as well as researching the effects on everything from anxiety to depression, chronic pain to insomnia and empathy to compassion fatigue.

  My own personal story is that at the age of twenty-two, I decided my mind was simply too full, so I quit my sports science degree and set off to the Himalayas to become a Buddhist monk. The next ten years took me around the world on a remarkable and fortuitous journey, giving me the opportunity to study with some of the greatest meditation masters, obtaining insight and knowledge passed down over thousands of years. I may not be a monk any more, but I’ve been teaching meditation ever since. My personal passion mirrors the broader mission of Headspace: to get as many people to meditate, as often as possible.

  Sharing in these benefits is easy. Obviously, I will teach you all you need to know through the exercises at the back of this book, but for a more immersive experience, you may also like to check out our Take 10 programme, free of charge, by downloading our mobile app or exploring our website at www.headspace.com. The starter kit of guided meditations – audio downloads which give you the freedom to meditate wherever you are – serves as a companion to A Mindful Pregnancy; as you become more proficient, and if you wish, there are meditations you can sign up for that cover every area of life.

  INTRODUCTION

  I am most thankful that, finally, there is a book – the only guide you’ll need for your journey – that addresses what all the other books do not: the importance of taking care of your mind, before, during and after pregnancy. As an obstetrician, I have used this approach and helped steer my patients through many storybook births.

  Dr Shamsah Amersi, physician in obstetrics and gynaecology.

  ‘So, you’re a man,’ said the woman seated beside me, ‘writing a book … about pregnancy?’

  My wife, Lucinda, had warned me this could happen.

  ‘That’s right,’ I said, trying to ignore this lady’s frown of incredulity.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she persisted, ‘but I just don’t see how any man can possibly relate to, let alone write about, what it’s like to go through pregnancy and childbirth.’

  So, somewhere high above America on a transatlantic flight, I took my life in my hands and started to explain to this mother of two why I felt motivated to write such a book – and how it was not simply because I’d recently become a father for the first time. No, if that was the sole reason, the woman to my right would have been entirely justified in her stance. In fact, her point still remains valid, at least in part: a man cannot begin to understand what is a uniquely female experience, and nor do I pretend to. No man will ever know the miracle of life growing inside the womb; or fathom the pain (and let’s be frank here) of pushing something the size of a melon out of something, well, considerably smaller; comprehend the self-sacrifice of becoming a breastfeeding machine at one, three, five and seven o’clock in the morning and beyond; or grasp the unrelenting hormonal roller coaster of motherhood.

  And as if all this wasn’t enough to stop me embarking on this project, there’s also the small matter of me having spent a good bit of time living as a monk in a Buddhist monastery – hardly the best place to learn about pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood, let alone conception! But here’s what I asked my fellow passenger to take a minute to consider:

  This book is not about the womb, it is about the mind.

  It’s about the human condition.

  My field of expertise is meditation and mindfulness, not obstetrics. My passion is understanding how we can learn to step out of the endless inner chatter that so dominates our life, often leaving us feeling overwhelmed or out of control. What better time to discover a place of calm and contentment than during pregnancy? What greater gift to give your future child than peace of min
d – both yours and theirs?

  It’s like I explained to my captive audience of one on the flight: this book is going to teach people how to keep their heads and stay sane while travelling one of life’s most remarkable (yet tremendously challenging) journeys.

  Because, let’s face it, pregnancy can be a hugely stressful and scary time, regardless of the obvious excitement. So if I can help you better understand the way your mind works – with its thoughts, emotions, self-narrative and habitual patterns – then you will have the opportunity to release the weight of insecurity, anxiety, doubt, nerves, fear and irritability; not to mention the fact that you can use mindfulness to manage pelvic and back pain during the trimesters, or the pain of childbirth itself. Yes, science is, as you’ll discover in a later chapter, finally understanding the pain-relieving effects of mindfulness.

  This book can be viewed as your pressure-release valve – the go-to place when the stresses and strains become intolerable, or that inner chatter grows too loud. Even if you are already into the first months of parenting, or struggling with the transition from one child to two, meditation-based mindfulness is a tool for staying grounded, connected to yourself and those around you in a healthy and harmonious way. And the beauty of learning mindfulness now is that you will have it with you for the rest of your life.

  Some of you will be reading this at the beginning of your pregnancy – the most favourable point to begin. But, as we all know, and as I will constantly remind you, optimum or ‘ideal’ circumstances are not always possible; we shouldn’t wish to be anywhere other than where we are: right here, right now. In that sense, whatever trimester you’re in, or even if you already have a babe in arms, your timing is perfect.

  The beauty of meditation and mindfulness is that it’s never too late to begin. There’s no start or finish point. Sure, it can offer tremendous assistance through pregnancy, but what I’m also encouraging you to do is go beyond pregnancy into the baby’s life, into your relationship with him or her. After all, as any parent will confirm, the challenges will be never-ending as they grow up! Your thinking mind will be forever with you, needing to be tamed. So please view this as the beginning of a mindful journey that will bring benefits for the rest of your years rather than something just to help you through pregnancy.

  If you’ve not come across the word ‘mindfulness’ before, it simply means to be present in the here and now, fully engaged with whatever is happening, free from distraction, with a soft, open and enquiring mind. It means not being tied down by the burden of the past, not held hostage by fear of the future, but simply present, watching life unfold with a sense of ease and perspective.

  Writing about a universal experience is difficult, because no two pregnancies are ever the same; everyone’s circumstances and experience are going to be different. Fortunately though, mindfulness prepares you for every eventuality, helping you to see that it is less about the situation and more about how you relate to it. So whether you are struggling to conceive, midway through the second trimester, about to give birth or have just arrived home with your newborn child, mindfulness will help, perhaps in ways you never imagined.

  I appreciate that some women may well breeze through the nine months of pregnancy. But based on stories from friends, family, doctors, midwives, plus the feedback I’ve received in researching this book, motherhood does not come so easily for most women. It’s hard. Really hard. That’s not to take anything away from the wonder of the experience, the sense of awe and the miracle of childbirth, but it does mean it’s important to prepare in the right way, to provide the very best possible conditions for the mother, the baby … and the partner.

  Talking of partners, this book will provide support for them too.

  In order to be of help to you and the baby, your partner also needs to stay sane. While they may not be going through the same physical changes as you are, they will, trust me, quite likely be on their own roller coaster of anxiety, fear, helplessness and doubt, to name but a few of the emotions that may not always be so readily verbalised. Fatherhood can be daunting and often alienating. With so much attention on the mother – and rightly so – it’s common for men to feel pushed to one side or not involved, leaving them feeling unheard or disconnected from the experience.

  For many mothers, whether through circumstance or choice, the biological father may not be present. So it’s worth mentioning that when I refer in the text to a ‘partner’, this includes every possibility, be it male, female, lover, friend, doula, relative, or anyone else who is walking alongside you on this journey. All that said, for the purposes of this book and providing a more straightforward narrative, I have written as if that ‘partner’ were a man. Whatever your circumstances, be sure to include your partner, support network and health professionals whenever you can in helping you to make this pregnancy the best possible experience.

  The more you both practise mindfulness, the more you will understand what each other is going through together. This is a rare and beautiful thing. At the back of the book, I’ve included some meditation exercises that will not only foster more calm but also cultivate more compassion, bringing you closer together.

  More than anything, a mindful pregnancy considers the overriding interests of the baby, from in utero to birth to parenthood. If we can provide you and your partner with some headspace, then the wellbeing and contentedness of your child will naturally follow – and sanity reigns all around. Imagine being less caught up with the voice that likes to plant worries in your head; or knowing how to keep the inner harmony when your baby just wails, no matter what you do; or knowing how to nurture the relationship with your partner while the mother-child bond is developing. All of this is attainable, and this book will show you how.

  The science of mindfulness – which is referenced throughout the following chapters – very much supports the anecdotal feedback received from Headspace users. Indeed, the data is so compelling that Barts Hospital in London has partnered with Headspace on a clinical trial that uses mindfulness to deal with chronic pelvic pain. Similarly, Guy’s & St Thomas’ has teamed up with us on a study aimed at combatting insomnia. In time, I feel confident that the NHS, obstetricians and midwives everywhere will incorporate key aspects of mindfulness into their healthcare programmes, if indeed they are not already doing so.

  Back in 2009, an article on mindfulness in the British Journal of Midwifery stated that ‘the time is right to explore the wider potential of this approach’. It pointed out benefits in three key areas: pain management, the reduction in the risk of prenatal depression and the increase of parental ‘availability’ to a baby or infant. The article concluded: ‘Because mindfulness helps participants to see more clearly the patterns of the mind, it helps halt both the escalation of negative thinking that might compound pain or a depressed mood, and deals with the tendency to be on ‘auto-pilot’. For parents, this provides a great opportunity to dissolve the habitual tendency to be preoccupied with concerns that might deny the infant the attention he or she needs to thrive.’

  There are many fine books and ‘bibles’ offering practical advice for mothers and fathers: what’s healthy, what’s not; what to eat, what to avoid; how to bond, swaddle, soothe, nurture, feed and do everything else you can possibly imagine. In many ways, this paper mountain of how-to advice, along with the more recent addition of blogs, apps and websites, can be overwhelming in and of itself, fuelling anxiety and leaving your head spinning long before the baby has arrived. Long gone are the days when our parents and grandparents ‘just got on with it’ and ‘let nature take its course’. Maybe ignorance was a blessing back then, but there certainly wasn’t the same societal pressure to ‘get it right’ and be the mythical ‘perfect’ parent – whatever that may be. Our parents didn’t have glossy magazines that carried at-home photo shoots with first-time celebrity mums, looking red-carpet ready just days after giving birth, serving to reinforce the myth of what perfect motherhood looks like. Such are the wonders of Photoshop!


  Also, within today’s society, I’m not sure there is the same tight-knit family culture or sense of community that there used to be. Busier lives and careers are pulling more of us away from our roots, and so parenthood can feel more isolating, with grandparents and siblings no longer guaranteed to be living just around the corner.

  Then, there’s the fact that we live in an era where it is considered quite normal for the mother to have a full-time career at the same time as raising a child. As a result, the burden on women is arguably far greater than it used to be, and so we need to find a fresh way of relating to the experience.

  My sister-in-law must have given Lucinda about ten books to read in the initial weeks of pregnancy, and I watched my wife studiously devour each one of them. There were quite a few eye-opening home truths for both of us, together with many helpful nuggets which enabled us to be realistic about the road ahead. Ultimately though, we found there was a lot of varying, conflicting advice and that’s when it struck me: there cannot be a right or a wrong way if so many different experts and cultures claim credit for bringing up healthy, happy babies.

  After reading a wealth of material, Lucinda and I felt the emphasis was always on the external (the role and logistics of motherhood), without fully and properly addressing the internal (the mind and our sanity). As I’ve been reliably informed by countless mothers, what never leaves the back of the mind, regardless of how many books they read, are those thoughts they rarely wish to voice: am I going to be a good enough mother? Will I cope? Will my baby be born healthy? Will I ever get my figure back? How drastically will my life change – and what does that look like?

  For what it’s worth, a good number of those worries and concerns may be experienced by the partner too. That’s because there is a gulf between the idea of parenthood and the actual reality. Long before childbirth, the mind has a tendency to look to the past, through the experiences of friends and family (predictably focusing on the odd horror story), as well as to the land of the hypothetical future, trying to anticipate every step along the way.