The Stand-In Boyfriend

by Doherty, Emma

  “Chase,” she clarifies as I look around, trying to catch up with what is going on. Did she really track me down in a classroom to tell me this?

  “Look, Abigail—”

  “Don’t,” she cuts me off. “Don’t try to tell me you two are different and you’re something special. He always comes back to me—always.”

  “I think you should talk to Chase,” I tell her, glancing toward the door and hoping Ms. Lewis shows up soon. I glance around to notice people watching us closely. They probably think Abigail’s about to take a swing at me—she’s done it to other girls before over Chase. I really wish I had a close friend in this class, but Sophie has a different schedule than me and none of my friends from the team are in this class either.

  “I don’t need to talk to Chase because I’m talking to you.”

  I bite my lip as she continues to stare down at me defiantly, but she doesn’t look quite like herself. Her hair is dark and slightly greasy at the roots, and for the first time, it occurs to me that she’s not a natural blonde. Her cheekbones look more defined than usual, like she’s lost weight, and her usually tan complexion is starting to look a little pale.

  “Are you okay, Abigail?” I ask quietly. She’s not; that much is obvious. She wasn’t okay at the party on Saturday night, and she’s not okay now.

  “I’m fine,” she snaps back.

  “Abigail—”

  “I heard you were all over him like a rash after I left on Saturday,” she hurls at me, disgust all over her face. I try hard not to blush. I definitely was all over him, and he was all over me too.

  “I thought you said you were there with someone else.”

  “He’ll get bored,” she states, completely ignoring what I just said. “He always does and he always comes back to me.”

  “You need—”

  “Always!” she declares again, and I’m mortified to see her chin start to wobble as tears appear in her eyes.

  I start to stand—to do what, I don’t know—but when you see someone so totally devastated right in front of you, it’s hard to feel anything but pity for them.

  She turns on her heel before I’m even fully standing and storms away, leaving me and the rest of the class staring after her and wondering what on earth is going on. That was not the Abigail Baker we know.

  “I heard Abigail hunted you down this morning.”

  “Good morning to you too,” I mutter to Aaron, sliding into the seat beside him.

  He grins sheepishly. “Sorry, morning.”

  I turn away and pull out my textbook and paper then dig around, looking for a pen. After another minute, I find one in the deepest depths of my bag, and I pull it out. I turn to Aaron, and he’s still there waiting for me. “What?”

  “Are you okay?”

  I sigh. I’m getting tired of hearing about Abigail today. She only came up to me a couple of hours ago and it’s already gotten around school. It’s embarrassing and it’s unnecessary. Sophie caught up with me in between classes, telling me she wouldn’t have Abigail talking to me like that and promising she’d take care of it, and then Chase has been texting me about it too. It’s all totally pointless. I’m more worried about Abigail and the state she’s in than what she actually said to me. “I’m fine.”

  “You sure? She can be a total bitch when she wants to be.”

  I sigh. “Yeah. I mean, yeah, she was a bitch, but she…” I trail off. I don’t know how to say what I want to.

  “What?”

  I shrug. “She seemed like a bit of a mess, Aaron. She didn’t look or act like the Abigail Baker I’ve seen running this school for the last three years.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She was upset—really upset, not just being bitchy—and she didn’t look as put together as she usually does. She looked tired and gaunt, and what was that about on Saturday? Letting that guy paw all over her in front of everyone just to get Chase’s attention?” I sigh. “I don’t know. Is she okay?”

  Aaron pauses at that and I can see him racking his brain, trying to see if what I’ve said makes any sense to him. “I haven’t spoken to her much recently. Every time I have she’s just bitched about Chase, so I’ve avoided her.” Well that won’t help. She probably considered Aaron a friend too and now he’s ditched her along with Chase. He must read the look on my face. “Okay, okay, I get that it’s pretty shitty.”

  I bite my lip, feeling guilty beyond belief. Here I am pining after Jessie and using Chase to get his attention, and meanwhile, Chase is trying to get rid of Abigail but having us act like a couple is breaking her heart. “She really loves him, huh?”

  Aaron looks uncomfortable. “I don’t know. She’s always been obsessed with him, but they’re not right together. They never have been—not even at the start.”

  Now it’s my turn to be surprised. “It must have been good at the start or they wouldn’t have stuck it out for so long.”

  Aaron shifts uncomfortably.

  “What?”

  He turns away and looks around the room. He’s out of luck. The bell still hasn’t rung, students are still casually strolling in, and the teacher hasn’t started yet.

  “Aaron!”

  “Chase maybe didn’t always make her feel as important as he should have.”

  I screw my brow up. “But isn’t it always her who breaks up with him? Not the other way around?”

  “I don’t know…I kinda have this theory that she does it so she can see that he cares, so she can see that he always comes back to her and picks her over anyone else.”

  That is some seriously messed-up shit. When I agreed to this, I had no idea how crazy their relationship actually was. Now, seeing the state she’s in and how Chase doesn’t seem even a little bit bothered—it must be killing her.

  “Then why am I different?” I glance around quickly to make sure no one is listening and lower my voice. “We’re not even the real deal. Soph pointed out that she doesn’t usually react like this, and she’s right.”

  Aaron shrugs. “You guys have been together longer than he usually stays with other girls.”

  My eyes widen. “But it isn’t even real!”

  He opens his mouth to say something but then snaps it shut. He looks around nervously. I wait for him to finish his sentence. “I guess she knows it’s different this time,” he finally tells me after a minute.

  The bell rings and Mr. Donaldson starts the lesson before I can question him on it further.

  I’m still thinking about Abigail at the end of the day. Even when she walks past me in the hall, sending me a nasty look and then saying something under her breath that makes Sarah break out into laughter, no doubt at my expense, I’m still thinking about her, still thinking about how shitty it is when the one person you want doesn’t want you back. I sigh as I walk to my car and see Chase waiting for me there.

  He grins as I approach. “Wanna come back to my house? It’s perfect pool weather and I think I can just about stomach seeing you in a bikini.”

  I smile, opening my trunk and throwing my gym bag in. I turn to face him. “I’m going over to Jessie’s—we’re studying together.” I offered at lunchtime, asking him when Courtney wasn’t there, and he actually agreed. I’m looking forward to being in his company, nothing else, just spending time with my friend. Sophie isn’t even coming. She told us she had plans, but I think she knew I needed some one-on-one time with Jessie.

  Annoyance covers his face, which he quickly masks. “Really?”

  I nod. I don’t know how but somehow Chase has figured out that I help Jessie with his homework way more than I should, and he definitely doesn’t approve. He wasn’t lying when he said he’s perceptive.

  “You know I offer you opportunities to hang out without copying your homework,” he teases me.

  Maybe a week ago that comment would have made me laugh, but with the way I’ve been feeling about Abigail, today it doesn’t. “Leave Jessie out of it.”

  He stops short at my tone.
“What’s wrong?”

  I glance around the parking lot. It’s emptying out and there’s no one near us so I take a deep breath and tell him what’s bothering me. “When we agreed to this”—I wave my hand between us because I don’t really know how to explain what this is anymore—“you made it seem like Abigail was just this problem you wanted to get rid of.”

  “What’s your point?”

  “My point is that you’ve been with her on and off for years, and she’s clearly a mess without you. What did you do to her? Did you even properly break up with her?”

  He looks stunned. I guess he wasn’t expecting me to bring any of this up, and I probably wouldn’t have if I didn’t have so much empathy for her. The girl’s hurting, and yes, it’s not his fault if she likes him more than he likes her, but there are still ways of dealing with things and I’m beginning to think he’s taking the worst possible path.

  “Where’s this coming from?”

  “I just—”

  “Is this about what she said to you this morning? The reason you haven’t replied to my texts all day?”

  “No, Chase! I don’t care what she said to me, but I think you need to talk to her.”

  “I have.”

  “Well do it again, because the Abigail I know would never have gotten so wasted she was capable of throwing up, let alone doing it twice.”

  He doesn’t say anything to that, and it’s because we both know I’m right. That’s not Abigail.

  “It’s complicated, Livy.”

  I groan. “I know, Chase. It always is with stuff like this, but I know you care about her—I can tell. I really think you should check in and make sure she’s all right.” I’m tempted to bring up the subject of them giving it another go, but he was definitely not into that idea the last time I mentioned it.

  He stares at me for another minute and then slowly starts to nod his head. “You’re right. I should check in with her.”

  I smile. “I think you’ll both feel better.”

  “You’re a really nice person, aren’t you?”

  I snort. “Yeah, yeah…”

  He grins. “So should I pick you up after you’ve finished studying? We can grab some dinner and watch a movie.”

  I shake my head. “Sorry, his mom is making pasta—she’s part Italian and she makes it from scratch.” I grin. “There’s no way I’m missing that.”

  He doesn’t quite manage to conceal the disappointment on his face. “Okay, see you tomorrow?”

  I nod. “See you tomorrow.”

  Eating pasta at Jessie’s house with his mom asking me about soccer and his sisters arguing about whose turn it is to clean up is the most normal I’ve felt in a long time, and I forget all about Abigail and the guilt I’ve felt all day. I know things between Jessie and me are lot more complicated than they should be, but when it’s just the two of us, things make sense. We just understand each other, and it’s easy.

  Well, it’s easy until dinner is over and we’re about to put a movie on in his room and Courtney walks in.

  “Oh, Livy,” she says. “I didn’t know you were here.” A blatant lie—it’s written all over her face that she knew I was here and she didn’t like it.

  “I thought you had plans with your dad,” Jessie says.

  My heart drops. That’s why he agreed to hanging out—because Courtney was busy.

  She shrugs. “Changed them.” She gestures toward the bed. “Is there space for me?”

  She doesn’t wait for our response, just parks her ass between the two of us where there isn’t really any space, making me shift away.

  Jessie acts like everything is normal and hits play on the movie while I sit there rigidly trying to control my emotions. I’m an idiot. Here I was thinking Jessie was happy to hang out with me, reading way too much into things—as per usual—and all I am is Courtney’s understudy.

  After ten minutes, she leans in to kiss him. She kisses him like I’m not sitting next to them, like I can’t hear the sloppy noises they’re making and don’t notice her hands creeping toward him. My stomach turns. I can’t believe he’s letting her do this when he knows I’m sitting on the same damn bed as them.

  I jump up and quickly gather my things. “I’m going to go,” I mutter, not even looking at them.

  “Oh, sorry,” Courtney says, her voice so smug it makes me want to hit her, something I’d never dream of actually doing. “Are we making you uncomfortable?”

  I don’t reply, just continue to gather up my books and shove them into my backpack, hunting around for my sweater, which I threw somewhere earlier.

  “Baby, I just need to run to the bathroom,” Courtney tells Jessie, giving him another peck like she’s not going to be back in here in two minutes and making out with him for the rest of the night. She brushes past me without a word, but that same smug look is still on her face. Her plan worked—she’s gotten rid of me.

  I swallow back the lump forming in my throat and turn back to Jessie. His hair is ruffled and his mouth is redder than usual—because he’s just been kissing Courtney, hard, with me in the room.

  “Really?” I ask. I don’t care what he makes of the question. He wouldn’t dare do that in front of Sophie—why does he think he can do it in front of me? And why does he want to when he must know I’d hate it?

  He shrugs but doesn’t meet my eye. “I didn’t think you’d care.”

  I wouldn’t care that I was seconds away from witnessing her slipping her hands down his pants?

  “What?” Jessie demands. “You don’t seem to mind PDA—you definitely didn’t with Chase the other night.”

  And that’s what it comes down to: he saw me kissing Chase and this is his fucked-up way of getting back at me.

  I turn and walk away without another word. I don’t even care that his words imply that he’s jealous, that he wasn’t happy about me kissing Chase. I only care that he’s capable of acting like a total freaking asshole to me.

  I WAKE UP ON TUESDAY morning feeling like my brain is going to combust. The sunlight is too bright for me to deal with, and despite forcing two acetaminophen down my throat, the pain doesn’t lessen. My mom takes one look at me and tries to send me back to bed. I start to shake my head but stop because it hurts too much to make sudden movements. I can’t miss school. I have a math test that is a big percentage of my grade and there’s no way I can miss it. I start to explain this to my mom and she sighs and gives in before I even finish my sentence. She knows if she makes me stay home I’ll only worry and stress out about it. She reluctantly kisses me on the forehead, makes me promise to call her if I get worse, then takes my phone, calls Sophie, and asks her to come pick me up before I can even process what she’s doing.

  By third period I’m starting to think it wasn’t a good idea for me to show up to school, test or not, and by lunchtime I’m honestly concerned that my head is going to implode while I simultaneously vomit all over the cafeteria floor. There’s not a chance I’ll make it to soccer practice.

  “You look even worse than you did this morning.” Sophie tells me as I lower myself into my seat. My whole body aches, and she’s right. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the bathroom and my complexion actually looks gray. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this ill.

  “You should go home.” This time it’s from Jessie. I glance at him and he offers me a small smile. It’s genuine and full of concern, and something about it makes me relax. I feel like we’re always so on edge around each other these days and I honestly wanted to kill him for being such a selfish asshole last night, but when he saw me this morning in the hall right after homeroom, he apologized right away and told me Courtney left pretty shortly after me. She walked past me on the way to English and gave me a dirty look, which I assume means he was telling the truth and they must have had some sort of argument over it. To be honest, I was feeling too crappy to try to figure it out. “I’ll drive you,” he tells me.

  I start to shake my head. “No, I can’t
. I have to just get through math and then I’ll go.”

  “No,” he states firmly. “I’ll talk to Ms. Peters and explain. She’ll let you retest when you’re feeling better. You need to rest.”

  “I think I should—”

  “No arguments.”

  I nod in defeat, because he’s right.

  Chase appears. “Hey, I’ve been texting you. I spoke to Ab—”

  He stops suddenly when I turn my head to the side—slowly, because sudden movements are a total bitch today—and see him staring down at me. The look on his face tells me Sophie was being kind. He frowns when he sees me and quickly sits down, straddling the bench so he’s facing me. Surprise is written all over his face. I was fine when he saw me yesterday in the parking lot, and now I look like the walking dead. He reaches for my hips and tugs me closer to him, but the sudden movement makes me wince in pain.

  “Dude!” Jessie snaps. “She has a headache. Don’t pull her like that.”

  Chase glares over at Jessie before looking back at me. I try to smile and pretend it didn’t hurt, but Jessie’s right. Not being jostled around would be great right now.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  I shrug my shoulders slightly. It’s hard to summon the energy to speak, and I’m starting to feel more and more exhausted, like I’m here at my lunch table but not really. I really do need to go home.

  “She’s not well,” Sophie informs Chase, and I don’t even have the energy to show her I’m grateful for her answering for me. “She shouldn’t have come in but she wanted to be there for Ms. Peters’ test.”

  “Aww, Chapman.” His arm reaches out to stroke my back and he rubs it a couple of times in what I’m sure he thinks is a comforting gesture, but it just makes me want to hurl. I can’t help my grimace, especially when his arm snakes up to my shoulder and he gently pulls me over so my head is on his shoulder.

  “Dude!” Jessie snaps again. “Fucking back off her. She hates being touched when she’s sick.”