The Stand-In Boyfriend

by Doherty, Emma

  I smile. He clearly has a better memory than me. “That was before my dad left.”

  “And that’s why you’re so close to Sophie and Jessie? Because you trust them?”

  I nod. “Yeah. I’ve known Sophie forever, and we met Jessie just after my dad left, just after the counseling sessions started working.” I grin at Chase. “I know you’re not Jessie’s biggest fan, but he is a good friend.”

  He doesn’t say anything to that, just stares at me intently like he’s taking everything in. “My mom and dad are away all the time,” he tells me. “Away on business, traveling, visiting friends. They’re almost never at home, they just show up for a couple of days every few weeks before they go off again. They’d rather pay someone to check in with me than actually parent me themselves. I get the occasional email or text asking what I’m doing but that’s about it.” He smiles sadly. “That’s why Rosie is so protective. She acts like my mom because ours is so shitty.”

  I look into his eyes and he looks so genuine that I want to hug him. Not only is he not making light of my situation with my dad, he’s sharing his family situation with me, making me feel better and not letting me be the only one who’s exposed.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him.

  “I’m sorry too,” he replies.

  I shrug and force myself to smile. “If my dad hadn’t left then my mom never would have met Ray and Scotty wouldn’t be here.” It’s true and I know that, and I can’t imagine life without Scotty, but I still wish my dad were around. I still wish he loved me.

  “What’s Scotty like?”

  “He’s a total handful. Seriously, my mom should rent him out to schools—one afternoon with him and it’d be enough to turn teenagers off from having sex for life. Kids are hard work.”

  “Oh yeah?” He suddenly perks up, and I blush realizing I just brought up sex. It’s not something we’ve discussed at all before.

  “Not that I’d know. I mean, I’ve never…I haven’t…you know…”

  He starts to laugh at my complete awkwardness.

  “I mean, I know people do it—obviously they do. I’m sure you’ve done it. I mean, I know you have.”

  He cocks an eyebrow at me. Oh my God! I am actually talking to Chase about his sex life.

  “Oh, sorry. That’s none of my business. It’s just, you know, rumors at school and stuff.”

  He shakes his head, but I can see he’s amused.

  “I’m sorry, I just—what I mean is, I haven’t ever—”

  “Liv! Relax. I get it.”

  My face is probably the same shade as Sophie’s favorite lipstick right now. I cannot believe how ridiculous I am.

  “It’s a shame though.”

  “What is?”

  “You not wanting to have sex.”

  My jaw hits the floor.

  “I mean, you’re an athlete.” He stretches his arms up over his head, all casual like we’re having a perfectly normal conversation. “Your stamina would be great, and my guess is you’d be pretty good at it.”

  I just sit there, my mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, at a complete loss for what to say while he nearly kills himself laughing at me. He’s so busy laughing that he doesn’t have time to duck when I launch a pillow at his head with all my strength. It’s only later that night when I think back on our conversation that I realize what he did—he made me forget about my crappy dad.

  I’M STUDYING IN THE LIBRARY after school when Sophie appears in front of me.

  “Awesome about Jessie, huh?”

  My heart gives the familiar hammer in my chest at the mention of his name, but I raise my eyebrows questioningly. I don’t know what she’s talking about.

  Sophie looks confused. “Didn’t he tell you? He’s starting on the varsity team against Liberty.”

  My jaw drops open. No, he didn’t tell me. He’s wanted to play on the varsity team since he was a freshman so this is huge news, and he didn’t tell me.

  “He didn’t say anything about it to me,” I tell her, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice. Three months ago I would have been the first person he told about this. When I was sick, things went back to normal between us, but in the couple of weeks since I’ve been better he’s been surgically attached to Courtney, even more so than usual, and has even been skipping lunch with us. Last week I was walking down the hall and I swear he saw me, turned, and walked away. I honestly nearly burst into tears. I clear my throat. “How come he got the call up?”

  I know I sound disloyal, but there has to be a reason behind it. Jessie is never going to be Coach Jones’ first choice.

  “Well, it’s just a scrimmage against Liberty. Chase, Aaron, and a bunch of others have been pulled since they won the championship, and since the game doesn’t count for anything in terms of the league, Jones wanted to give some of the JV team a chance, especially seniors since it’s their last season.”

  That makes sense. It’s tradition at our school to play a scrimmage against Liberty—our local rival—every year. Chase and the team won state last weekend and they’ve got nothing left to prove. Why not let the JV squad play? The state finals were incredible. It felt like most of the school was there to support them, and the atmosphere was unbelievable. They won easily, and it made me even hungrier for our own finals, which are slowly approaching. I know we’re capable of taking state too, and then I think about how Jessie is barely looking at me, let alone talking to me. He probably won’t come to my game, and the thought makes me want to start crying all over again.

  “Livs?”

  I force a smile at Sophie and try to look happy for Jessie, but it’s hard. It’s hard when I know how much this will mean to him and he hasn’t shared the news with me himself.

  Sophie can read me like a book. “I’m sure he was going to tell you.”

  I shrug.

  “Chase didn’t mention it?”

  I shake my head. Chase doesn’t talk about Jessie; it’s an agreement we’ve come to. He can’t hide the dislike he has for him, and I won’t have anyone say anything bad about Jessie, so it inevitably leads to arguments. We’ve learned to just not talk about him.

  “When’s the game?” I ask.

  “Tomorrow after school.”

  I smile. “That’s awesome.” It really is. Jessie’s finally going to get one of his big high school moments.

  Sophie glances down at her watch. “You know, I think Coach Jones called a last-minute training session for those who are playing tomorrow. You can probably catch him before he goes home.”

  I bite my lip. I hate this. I hate that things are so strange between us at the moment that I’m even second-guessing approaching him to congratulate him. I mean, he’s my best friend, for Christ’s sake, but whenever I’m around him recently, he just seems so irritated with me.

  “Come on,” she encourages. “I’ll come with you.”

  I nod my head and gather my things. She’s right. Despite the way things have been lately, this is a big deal and I’m really happy for him. I need to stop overanalyzing things and just go talk to my friend.

  I follow Sophie out of the library and match her pace as she veers out a side entrance to the left. She cuts across the picnic benches outside the cafeteria and we’re outside the outdoor locker rooms the team uses within minutes. It feels kind of awkward just hanging outside the boys’ locker room, and I bounce lightly on my toes trying to quell the nervousness forming in my gut. I’m being ridiculous—I know this—but for some reason I have a strange feeling about showing up here.

  The team starts to trickle out gradually. I recognize most of the players from when I’ve watched Jessie play, and he doesn’t appear until last. He pulls up short when he sees us, his eyes darting back and forth between us before taking a step forward.

  “Hey,” I greet him.

  “Hey,” he replies shortly before looking past me toward the parking lot.

  I swallow. “So, Soph told me about your game tomorrow. That’s awesome, Jess.
”

  He snorts and rolls his eyes before brushing by to head to his car.

  I glance at Sophie, eyes wide, and she has her brow scrunched in confusion. “Hey, Jessie,” she calls, following after him. “Wait—where are you going?”

  “Home.”

  “You’re being kinda rude.”

  He stops and turns back to us, his eyes sweeping to me for a second before he turns back to Sophie. “Stay out of it, Soph.”

  “Jessie, I’m—”

  “Save it, Livy. You don’t get to pick and choose when I’m supposed to be your friend.”

  It feels like he’s slapped me.

  “When was the last time you stopped by my house, Livy? You used to be there every week. Now all I hear is that Chase’s house is the place to be after school.”

  I swallow hard. “I didn’t know…” I clear my throat. “I didn’t think you—”

  “You seem to have forgotten all about your real friends now that you’re rolling with the popular kids.”

  I honestly don’t think he could hurt me more if he physically punched me.

  “You’re just jealous!” Sophie spits at him.

  He scoffs in disgust, but she’s right. I’ve achieved my goal—Jessie is clearly jealous of Chase—but it doesn’t give me the sort of feeling I was hoping for.

  “Jessie, I didn’t…I would never pick those guys over you. You’ve been so busy with Courtney—”

  “Don’t use her to make yourself feel better.”

  “Hey!” Sophie snaps at him. “You’re being an ass.”

  Jessie rolls his eyes and turns back to me. “Typical. You know something might not go your way so you bring your guard dog along to defend you.”

  My jaw falls open. Jessie never speaks to me like this.

  “Don’t—”

  “Jessie,” I manage to stammer out, cutting Sophie off while my heart hammers wildly in my chest. “I know things have been weird between us recently but I just wanted you to know how happy I am that you made the team. I’m really looking forward to cheering you on tomorrow.”

  His lips curl in disgust. “Don’t bother,” he tells me.

  I freeze. “What?”

  “I said don’t bother coming.”

  “But I always come to your games.”

  “Do you really think I want you there when the only reason I’m getting a game is out of pity?”

  I shake my head. “It’s not a—”

  “We all know what it is,” he says sharply. “The only reason I’m getting a chance to play in a game is because it’s a scrimmage and because your precious boyfriend has already written his name into the history books at this school, has a state title to bask in and a top scholarship waiting for him. That’s the only reason they’re giving the rest of us a chance.”

  I start to blink rapidly, mortified that tears are springing to my eyes. Jessie is not like this. I don’t know why he’s attacking me all of a sudden.

  “And what’s worse is that I know all this but I’m still going to play because we both know it’s what I’ve been working toward for years. Still, the last thing I want is Chase-fucking-Mitchell’s girlfriend supporting me out of pity.”

  Chase Mitchell’s girlfriend. He glares at me for a minute, sees I have no response, and then turns, gets into his car, and drives away without a backward glance.

  I swallow hard and stare at the ground for a good two minutes, trying to get my emotions together and not fall apart, my breathing coming out ragged. Sophie places her hand gently on my arm. “He’s out of line,” she says softly. “You haven’t done anything wrong. This is his own messed-up issues and the only reason he said that stuff about you ditching him for Chase is because he knows that’s what he’s been doing with Courtney.”

  I nod my head slightly. I know she’s right, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. The last thing I want is Chase-fucking-Mitchell’s girlfriend supporting me out of pity. Chase’s girlfriend—not my friend I’ve known since middle school who would do anything for me, not my best friend, Livy.

  The next day Chase is waiting for me outside my last class of the day.

  I try to force a smile at him but don’t quite succeed. I haven’t seen him all day. I avoided the cafeteria at lunch and although he’s texted me a couple of times, I haven’t replied. Jessie’s words keep flying through my head and I know it’s not Chase’s fault, but somehow he’s gotten between Jessie and me and I hate that.

  “You okay?”

  I shrug. “I’m fine.”

  “You wanna talk?”

  My eyes find his. “Jessie and I got into a fight.”

  He nods in understanding. “I know.”

  I sigh. I didn’t see anyone around yesterday after we got into it, but it doesn’t surprise me that he knows about it. He probably asked Sophie why I’ve been MIA all day. I look down the hallway, which is emptying out, all the kids glad to be free of school for the day, and then I turn back to Chase. “I’m gonna go home.”

  “The game starts in twenty minutes. The team got dismissed early from their last classes because it’s an early kickoff.”

  I have to bite my lip to stop myself from getting emotional. Whenever I think about the way Jessie spoke to me yesterday, it makes me want to bawl.

  “Sophie, Mark, Aaron, and a bunch of others are heading over to the field,” he continues. I nod. Sophie asked me earlier if I wanted her to come and hang out with me this afternoon instead of watching the game, but I told her to go watch. One of us should support Jessie.

  A thought suddenly occurs to me. “You’re not watching the game, are you?” I ask him.

  He shakes his head. “No.”

  I nod, feeling relieved. If Jessie doesn’t want me there, he definitely doesn’t want Chase there, and I’m glad Chase is giving him his moment.

  “You should go,” he tells me softly, his deep green eyes finding mine. This is what I like about Chase: without me even having to say anything, he just seems to get me. He knows despite what he thinks of Jessie, it’s killing me not to be able to support him today.

  I scoff and shake my head. “He doesn’t want me there.” It hurts, but it’s the truth—he made that clear enough yesterday.

  “You wanna see him play, huh?”

  I shrug helplessly. Of course I want to see him play. I want to see Jessie get his moment in a Grove Valley varsity jersey, but it’s not going to happen.

  Chase presses his lips together for another minute, his eyes not leaving mine, and then he darts his gaze down the hallway behind me before looking back to me. It’s like he’s trying to make his mind up about something. He reaches for my hand and pulls me into his side, leading me down the hallway. I don’t even think about pulling away from him. Holding Chase’s hand is something that initially caught me by surprise, but now we’ve slowly become more physical with each other ever since Jackson’s party. He holds my hand more, wraps his arms around me, and drops kisses on my cheek or in my hair when he’s next to me. He never kisses me on the mouth. He knows I only agreed to do that in front of Jessie and Abigail for the purpose of making them think we’re together, but these little acts of affection have crept in. It made me nervous at first, but I’ve realized he’s just an affectionate person, and to be honest, I really don’t mind it. It’s nice to have his attention, even if this is just to emphasize our fake relationship. After all the hurt Jessie inflicted yesterday, I need the comfort Chase brings to me.

  He leads us down to a stairwell and begins to climb the stairs, ascending two flights until we’re up by the humanities rooms. He walks down the hall to the far end and enters a corner classroom. Ms. Fountain, a red-haired, middle-aged teacher who taught me in my first semester of freshman year, looks up in surprise and smiles when she sees Chase. Her eyes drop to our linked hands but she doesn’t mention it.

  “Haven’t seen you up here in a while,” she tells him.

  Chase nods, turning slightly pink in the cheeks. “I haven’t needed it.”
/>   She smiles kindly. “So I see.” She turns to me. “Hi, Livy.”

  “Hi,” I reply, looking at Chase in confusion. He doesn’t look at me but squeezes my hand gently.

  “Well, have at it then,” she tells him, jerking her head toward the back of the room. “I have some papers to grade.”

  She turns back to her books and I glance over at Chase, who tugs my hand and leads me to the back of the room. He goes to the side of the window and pulls up the blinds, securing the string before turning back to me. I raise an eyebrow, still confused, but then he raises a hand to my shoulder and maneuvers my body so I’m facing out the window.

  That’s when I see the perfect view of the soccer pitch, completely unobstructed and possibly even better than if you were in the stands and had people jumping up in front of you.

  My jaw falls open. “No way.”

  He smiles at my reaction. “You won’t miss any of it.”

  I shake my head in amazement. I’ve been going to this school for over three years and I never knew this room had such a perfect view. “How did you know about this?” I ask him, never taking my eyes off the pitch. The teams are running out and I can spot Jessie’s auburn hair from here. He might have been talking about it being a pity game, but the grin that covers his face proves how much this means to him. My heart lifts just that little bit at the look on his face.

  Chase doesn’t respond. I turn to look at him and find him looking at me almost sadly. “Huh?” I ask. “How did you know?”

  He just shakes his head and looks toward the front of the room at Ms. Fountain, who is grading her papers and steadfastly ignoring us. Eventually he looks back to me and shrugs simply. He opens his mouth and uses a voice so soft I have to strain to hear it. “I might have used it before myself.”

  AFTER A NIGHT OF TOSSING and turning, I know I have to sort out whatever is going on with Jessie. I get out of bed a full hour before I usually would, go for an early morning run to try to get rid of my lingering nerves, and then am showered, dressed, and in my car at the time I’d usually just be waking up.

  I reverse out of my drive and head downtown toward my mom’s bakery. I jump out and run inside, waving at Shelley, my mom’s manager who takes the early shift. My mom doesn’t join her until after she’s dropped Scotty off at daycare. They expanded a couple of years ago after word got out about my mom’s cakes, and there’s already a steady stream of regulars lining up for their coffees and early morning treats. I pull the odd early shift, so they recognize me and smile my way as I grab a takeout box and fill it with my mom’s famous brownies, cookies, and cheesecake. They’re all Jessie’s favorites.