The Stand-In Boyfriend

by Doherty, Emma

  She sighs. “Did you really hook up with someone else last week?”

  Shame floods me. I cheated on him. No matter what agreement we had, I cheated on Chase that night. I’ve been thinking about it, and that’s what it comes down to. If it had been the other way around and Chase had disappeared at the party and then I found him with Abigail or some other girl, I would have been gutted, no doubt about it. “Yes.”

  “With this Jessie guy?”

  My eyes snap to hers. “Aaron told you about him?”

  She nods. “Yeah. You’ve been into him forever right?”

  My jaw falls open. I didn’t think she’d know about that. “What, um…” I clear my throat. “What else did Aaron tell you?”

  “That Chase talked you into pretending to date him to make this Jessie guy jealous and you’ve been faking it this whole time.”

  “He told you that?”

  “Yeah.” She crosses her arms. “Dumbest idea I ever heard.”

  I don’t say anything to that. She’s not wrong. This whole thing is a complete mess, a complete dumb mess, but I don’t agree with her fully, because without this stupid idea I never would have gotten to know Chase.

  “Let me guess, you thought it was a stupid idea too but he persisted and you eventually gave in.”

  It’s frighteningly accurate. “Something like that.”

  She sighs. “My brother is such a fucking idiot. Anyone with half a brain should have been able to see this would end disastrously.” Her eyes find mine. “Well, aren’t you going to say something?”

  “Uh…”

  She sighs. “Sorry. I don’t mean to snap. This isn’t your fault, not really. This is just typical Chase—wanting something so bad and going about it in such a stupid way.”

  “Sorry, what?”

  “Your last name is Chapman, right?”

  I nod my head. She stares at me for a couple of seconds before pressing her lips together and nodding. “I knew it as soon as I met you. That’s why he jumped in that time and wouldn’t let you tell me your name.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “How did he do it? Why did he say he needed you to pretend to be his girlfriend?”

  Um… This is getting weird. I was expecting her to get angry with me, not ask a million questions. “He said he wanted to focus on soccer and have Abigail finally leave him alone.”

  She smiles ruefully. “Jeez, he’s not even original.”

  Her phone vibrates on the counter next to her. She leans over, swipes a finger, and reads a text. “I gotta go,” she tells me. “I was supposed to meet my friend five minutes ago but I wanted to talk to you first.”

  She grabs her bag and I take a quick step toward her. “Wait, how did you know my last name?”

  She swings her bag onto her shoulder and shakes her head at me. “You should really talk to Chase.”

  “But I can’t. He won’t talk to me. He won’t answer any of my texts.”

  She pauses and turns to face me fully. “What’s your end game?”

  I’m startled. “What do you mean?”

  “Are you with this Jessie kid now?”

  “Uh, I…I don’t know.” That’s not true. Jessie definitely thinks we’re together. Chase definitely thinks I’m with Jessie. Everyone at school thinks I’m with Jessie, but I can’t be—not until I make things right with Chase. Nothing feels right and won’t until I know Chase doesn’t hate me.

  “Do you want to be with Chase or not?”

  What? I don’t even know if that’s still an option. All of it was fake. It was fake for so long and I know our feelings were all messed up by the end, but maybe now that Chase has had a chance to think about it and get away from me, he’s realized he’s better off without me, and Jessie—I finally have Jessie. I’ve waited for him for so long, and I can’t just throw that away.

  “You need to figure it out, Livy. Figure it out and then go talk to him—the sooner the better.”

  “But he won’t talk to me.”

  “He will. Eventually he will.”

  I’m getting frustrated. “How do you know?”

  She rolls her eyes like I’m a complete idiot. “Because he’s waited for you for like six years. He’s gonna wait a little bit longer.”

  “HI.”

  I stare back in shock then glance around in confusion, sure there must be a camera crew somewhere to record my reaction, because no way can Abigail Baker be here to see me without some kind of crazy explanation.

  “Hi,” I say hesitantly when no prank show host appears and she just stands there looking as awkward as I feel. What is she doing here? Has she come over to gloat about having Chase back? I still haven’t heard anything on the rumor mill about them getting back together, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.

  She clears her throat. “I, um…I just…” She sighs and shrugs her shoulders. “Look, I know this is weird, okay? But can we talk? I really need to talk to you.”

  I bite my lip but nod anyway. I have a feeling I’m not going to want to hear this but also suspect I don’t have much choice. Today is full of surprises, and my mind has been reeling since I spoke to Rosie. I came home in a daze, sat in my kitchen, and only moved when the doorbell rang. Looking at Abigail’s determined expression right now, I can tell the day’s only going to get weirder. I hold the door open and step inside so she can come in before leading her toward the kitchen and gesturing that she should take a seat at the table. I go to the fridge, pull out a container of orange juice, grab a couple of glasses, and set them down in front of her.

  “Thanks,” she mutters, but she makes no move to pour a drink. It takes a while for her to say what she wants while I sit waiting. I can see her battling with herself, and she opens her mouth to start speaking but then stops again. Something tells me she doesn’t want to be here. “I’ve always been a bitch to you, haven’t I?”

  I shrug. She’s never been a fan of mine, but then we’ve barely had any regular interaction until the last couple of months, and it’s only since then that she’s gone out of her way to be horrible to me.

  “Do you remember me when we were freshman?” she continues. “Not at the end of freshman year, but right at the start?”

  I think back, trying to remember. We’ve only ever had one class together, and that was sophomore year. She was randomly really bitchy to me when I was waiting for Sophie one day when we were freshmen. I remember it being hot so it must have been toward the end of the year, and I remember being shocked that some random girl I’d never said a word to before would comment on my appearance and lack of boobs without even knowing me. “Not really,” I finally answer.

  She smiles ruefully. “That’s because I was a nobody for the first couple of months.” She sighs. “I was really excited to start high school, you know? We’d just moved to town and I’d had tons of friends at my old school and I just kinda assumed it would be the same here. I mean, my older sister was crazy popular, a cheerleader and prom queen, and I just thought the same would happen for me.” I don’t say anything as she pauses. I don’t know where she’s going with this. She is crazy popular, and she was homecoming queen last year. “Anyway, I walked in there on the first day, all dressed up and excited, and nobody gave me a second glance.” She smirks. “I’d tried so hard, all my makeup done, the latest clothes, and nobody even looked at me. I tried to make a few friends but nobody wanted to know me. It was like I was invisible.”

  I wait as she pauses, clenching her hands into fists. I’ve never seen Abigail vulnerable before. I didn’t know she could be.

  “Anyway, that continued on for months, me just kind of hovering around, never making any real friends, never feeling like I belonged. I kept thinking about how I was missing out on everything and letting myself down, and then in history I got paired up with Chase on a project.” She smiles at the memory. “I knew who he was, obviously—who didn’t know who he was, even then. I had such a huge crush on him, had been staring at him all year in our class tog
ether, tried to walk past his table at lunch, hovered by his locker, hoping he’d come by.” She chuckles. “God, I was so pathetic. Anyway, Chase was as awesome as I’d imagined he would be: funny, carefree, kind, popular, insanely hot”—she locks eyes with me—“but then you know all this now, right?”

  I don’t say anything in response. He’s all those things and more.

  “Anyway, just talking to him in the halls made people notice me, made me stop being so invisible. He invited me to eat with him and pretended not to notice that I was completely friendless. Anyway, after that people started paying attention to me and I started to gain a small bit of that popularity I was so desperate to get. Some of that Chase Mitchell magic rubbed off on me, and I swear I was half in love with Chase by this point. He was all I could think about, all I would look for, and that’s when I noticed what he looked at. At first, I didn’t get it. He was subtle, would just be glancing away from me or pausing to wait for something, and then one day we were in the library and he was telling me something or another and he just stopped midsentence.” She sighs. “I turned around to see what he was looking at, and you had just walked in.”

  “What?” I blurt out.

  “Yeah, you walked into the library, hair scraped back, no makeup on, and he lost his train of thought.”

  My mind starts reeling. She cannot be serious.

  She shrugs. “That night I dyed my hair blonde, tried to get it the same shade as yours, and then at Aaron’s house that weekend, I threw myself at him.”

  My jaw falls open.

  “I knew it wasn’t me he wanted, but any idiot could see you barely knew he was alive and couldn’t see past Jessie Stephenson. I mean, honestly, Stephenson has to be the dumbest guy on the planet. Anyone with half a brain could see you were crazy about him.”

  I blush. I thought I’d been so subtle all these years and it turns out everyone who cared to look knew all along.

  Abigail shrugs. “It worked for me that you were obsessed with Stephenson. It meant you never noticed Chase when he watched you in the cafeteria or held a door open for you. I swear you were so oblivious, Livy, but it was good for me because it meant I could have Chase.”

  “So you kissed him?”

  She nods. “He wasn’t expecting it and just kind of froze. He didn’t kiss me back, not right away, and it was enough for me to confirm that he wasn’t into me at all. But then, when I tried to kiss him again, he let me. Then the third time I kissed him, he kissed me back.” She shrugs. “I think he thought of me as a distraction from you at first, someone else to think about, and after we’d hooked up a couple of times, we started dating.”

  I shake my head. “You can’t…you don’t mean…”

  “And then I’d catch him glancing at you, or talking to another girl, just as friends, and I’d get crazy jealous. I’d flip. I didn’t trust that it was me he really wanted so I’d cause a fight, be a total bitch to him, and we’d break up. Then I’d see him move on and I’d miss him like crazy and want him back. I’d talk to him, tell him I was sorry and I’d change, and then we’d get back together and the whole thing would happen all over again.”

  Aaron was right—their whole break-up-and-get-back-together act was her way of proving he cared about her.

  Her eyes find mine. “When I heard the two of you were dating”—she shrugs—“I knew it was different. I knew this time he wasn’t coming back.”

  “I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”

  “That’s what happened, Livy, and that’s why I always hated you—for no reason other than the fact that Chase has always been into you. I mean, he hid it well for a long time, but seeing him with you the last couple of months, it’s confirmed everything I tried to hide. Chase Mitchell is into you, has always been into you, and when he got the chance to be with you? He took it.”

  “He told you this?”

  She smiles sadly. “He doesn’t need to. It’s obvious, and even if it wasn’t, the way he’s been since Jessie’s party confirms it. He’s heartbroken.”

  “Do you know that it was fake? That we were just pretending to make Jessie jealous and put you off?”

  She smirks. “Yeah, he told me that. Stupidest idea ever.”

  Yup, that’s the general conclusion about my fake relationship with Chase. Looking at the mess it’s created, it’s hard to argue with.

  “You’re not mad?”

  She shakes her head. “I want him to be happy.”

  “I know he cares about you,” I tell her, suddenly desperate for her to know that, to know he does care for her, maybe just not in the way she wants. “He really cares about you.”

  She nods and offers me a sad smile. “I know. I think that’s why he kept giving me another chance when we’d break up. I think he genuinely did want it to work between us for a long time, and I think he felt guilty that he didn’t feel the same way as I did, but it’s not the same as what he feels for you. We’re just friends now, good friends.”

  We’re silent for a moment, both of us taking in what she just explained.

  “When I talked to him last week, he told me he was just acting the whole time.”

  “He’s lying. He knows you picked Jessie and he’s trying to protect himself.”

  “Why…why are you telling me this?”

  “Because I remembered something when I saw his face after he saw you and Jessie together.”

  “What?” I whisper, trying to keep up with everything she’s saying.

  “I remembered him when we were freshmen and he looked out for me. He was my only friend when I really needed one. I remembered how over the last few years he’s been there for me whenever I needed him, even when we haven’t been dating, how he doesn’t let my stupid insecurities push him away and tells me straight when I need to stop being crazy.” She tilts her head and offers me a sad smile. “And that’s why I want him to be happy, even if it’s without me. You make him happy, Livy, happier than I’ve ever seen him.”

  “I NEED TO TALK TO you.”

  Aaron glances away from his locker warily.

  “I mean it, Aaron. I’m your friend too.”

  He sighs. “It’s not a good idea, Livy.”

  “I’ve tried to talk to him but he won’t even look at me.”

  “What do you expect?”

  What do I expect? I expect someone to tell me the truth, to stop talking in riddles and actually tell me what’s going on.

  “His sister talked to me, and so did Abigail.”

  He freezes momentarily and I know he knows. He knows what I’ve been told and he knows it’s true, but I need it to be confirmed. I need him to tell me it’s true. He sighs in defeat, closes his locker, and turns to face me fully. “I can’t get in the middle of this.”

  “Is what they said true?”

  He eyes me, his face serious. He’s about to open his mouth when his eyes dart past me and he straightens up. I turn to see what’s caught his eye: Sarah Billington and Sasha Pierce are standing farther down the hall. They’re joined by Brendon, who hears something then looks in our direction.

  “Not here,” Aaron tells me. He jerks his head toward a classroom across the hall. “Come on—quickly, before he shows up.”

  I follow him into the empty room and he closes the door behind me. “He won’t talk to me at all,” I say.

  “I know. He’s really hurt.”

  “But—”

  “I get it, Livy. I’ve told him. He should have been honest from the start. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

  Then why have you been avoiding me? I am so fucking confused. I want someone to just be honest with me.

  “Aaron, what is going on?”

  “Liv—”

  “Seriously, someone just needs to tell me what’s going on!”

  “He’ll kill me if I say anything.”

  “Aaron!”

  He sighs. “Why do you want to know? Will it make a difference about you and Stephenson?” He doesn’t quite hide the sneer on his fa
ce.

  “This isn’t about Jessie. Is what they said true?” He looks around the room, clearly torn and trying to decide what to do. “I hate this.” I’m mortified to find tears welling in my eyes. “I know I messed up with Jessie, but I’m trying to fix it and Chase won’t listen to me and I just want to know the truth.”

  “He’s…he thinks…”

  “He hates me, doesn’t he? Any feelings he had are gone and now he hates me. I mean, God, he won’t even look at me.”

  Aaron scoffs. “He doesn’t hate you. I think it would be a lot easier for him if he did.”

  I look him right in the eye. “His sister said he’s waited for me, and…” I pause. I still can’t believe what Abigail told me, but if anyone knows, it would be Aaron. “Abigail said he liked me way back, like since we were freshmen.”

  Aaron looks up to the ceiling and I think he’s going to make an excuse and leave, not give me the answer I’m so desperate to hear, but he doesn’t. Eventually he looks back at me. “I think it happened before we were freshmen.”

  Jessie’s face falls the minute he sees me standing on his doorstep. It must be written all over my face what I’m about to do, something that if you’d told me four months ago I was thinking of doing, I’d have laughed in your face, but I know without a doubt it’s the right thing.

  He steps aside to let me in and must still have some hope because he reaches forward to try to kiss me on the mouth, but I turn my head and his lips hit me on the cheek instead.

  “Can we talk?” I ask. I can hear his family moving around.

  He nods without saying anything and leads me through his house, out to the back patio and into the yard away from the noise of his dad watching football and his little sisters arguing about clothes. He sits down on the wooden bench his grandpa built for his mom, the one we’ve sat on a million times before, and he looks up at me. The expression on his face almost breaks my heart. It’s the way I’ve wanted him to look at me all along, but now it doesn’t work. Now it just feels odd and misplaced and like he doesn’t have a right to look at me like that.