Christmas All Around Us ; The Perfect Time for Love ; Playing for Keeps

by Carla Kincaid

  With the plant in hand, Joy left the shop and stepped out onto the sidewalk. The plant slightly blocked her field of vision and she bumped right into someone.

  "I'm so sorry!" Joy said apologetically. She tried to keep her self from frowning when she realized who she bumped into.

  "I know we don't move as quickly around here as you city-folk but you've still got to watch where you're going," Sam said snidely.

  Joy decided not to take the bait. "I'm sorry Sam. That was my fault. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

  "Yeah. Clearly," he said coldly. "I guess whoever you bought that plant for has your thoughts preoccupied."

  The tone of his voice and the frown on his face made it obvious to Joy that Sam assumed the plant was for Kate.

  "Actually yes. Mr. Warner is on my mind," Joy replied matching Sam's smug tone. "As I'm sure he's on the mind of everyone who cares about him."

  Sam didn't respond to Joy's comment but instead launched an attack from a different direction. "I guess you and Kate must have gotten pretty chummy up there all alone with Mr. Warner in the hospital and my daughter conveniently shipped out of town."

  "What's wrong? Didn't you want your daughter to go to the USAAA softball camp? It's an incredible opportunity for her. She's exhibiting a lot of talent at her young age."

  "I'd prefer it if she spent her time on something a little more..." He paused and twisted his lip. "More graceful than softball."

  Joy was clear that the comment was a dig in her direction but she was determined to take the high road. After all, she didn't want to cause any trouble for Kate later on down the line.

  "Well, I'm just glad I'm able to give Kate a hand while her dad's recuperating. I guess she felt like she didn't have anyone else she could call on."

  So much for the high road.

  "Well just don't get too comfortable," Sam snarled and then stormed away.

  As she watched him leave, Joy couldn't help but wonder what Kate had seen in Sam even as a teenager. It was obvious the guy was nothing more than a walking ego and he'd probably been that way his whole life. Joy shrugged her shoulders. She didn't have time to worry about Sam she thought as she glanced up at the big clock in the hardware store window. It was time for her to face some demons of her own.

  ***

  Joy could feel pools of sweat collecting under her arms as Dr. Turner position the camera for the video conference call with her parents. Every moment that passed brought with it another thought of canceling the call altogether. It was weird enough thinking about having a conversation about her orientation with her parents but doing it via Skype just seemed like something out of a silly television sitcom.

  "Alright. Here we go," Dr. Turner said as she pressed the buttons to start the call.

  Joy swallowed hard and stared at the computer screen in front of her. A moment later her mother's face appeared.

  "Hello? Hello? Is this working? Can you hear us?" Joy's mother asked squinting into the camera on her computer.

  "Yes, Mrs. Sizemore. We can hear you and see you just fine," Dr. Turner answered. "Hello there, Mr. Sizemore."

  Joy stared at the screen in front of her and watched her father nod acknowledging Dr. Turner's greeting. Her parents were sitting beside each other on the couch in Joy's father's office. The irony that this conversation was going to take place with her father in his office didn't escape Joy in the least

  "Alright. Now that we know the connection is working why don't we begin by recapping what I shared with you in my email." Dr. Turner pulled out a sheet of paper and began to read. "Ideally, this kind of session works best in person but because of our long distance situation, we're having to improvise a little. That being said, it's good to start with some ground rules for our time together."

  Joy watched as her mother eagerly shook her head. Her father just stared at the screen.

  "First," Dr. Turner continued. "We want to make sure that everyone is heard so when someone is speaking please give that person time to get their complete thought out. Then I will ask the other participants on the call if they have something that they'd like to say in response."

  "Yes, that makes sense," Mrs. Sizemore responded. Joy's father remained silent.

  "Great!" the therapist replied. "Next, if you disagree with what someone has said please be respectful of that person's experience. If you have another point-of-view be careful not to say that the other person is wrong. Simply share what your experience is without critiquing the other person."

  The Sizemore's responses remained the same -- a verbal acknowledgment from Mrs. Sizemore and silence from Joy's dad.

  "Alright, if everyone is clear let's go ahead and begin."

  Dr. Turner turned and nodded to Joy but all Joy could do was stare back at her therapist like a deer caught in headlights. Suddenly everything she'd wanted to say had flown right out of her head. She glanced up at the screen at her parent's stoic faces. She could still read the same disappointment in their eyes that she'd seen before she left Virginia more than two weeks ago. Joy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Come on, Joy she silently encouraged herself. You've made a lot of progress here. Don't let all that work go to waste. Joy took another deep breath and began to speak.

  "Mom. Dad. First I want to say that I'm really grateful for all of your encouragement since I came home in February. I don't think I would have made it through the surgery without your help."

  "Oh Darling, we were happy to help," Mrs. Sizemore burst out. "We've been so worried. We just want you to be okay."

  "Mrs. Sizemore," Dr. Turner interrupted. "Try to hold your comments until Joy finishes telling you what she'd like to say."

  "Oh, I'm sorry, doctor. Go ahead, Sweetie." Mrs. Sizemore nodded eagerly.

  Joy tried to speak but her throat was so dry it felt like her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth. She reached over and picked up a glass of water that was sitting on the table in front of her. After she took a long drink she cleared her throat and continued.

  "Well like I was saying these sessions have really helped me get to the bottom of some things that have been bothering me for a long time. Dr. Turner thought it would be helpful if I discuss some of that with both of you."

  Joy glanced at her father's stony expression. Unlike her mother, he didn't seem to be enthusiastic about participating in any of this.

  "I know it's kind of weird to talk about this on a video call but it felt like it was really important for me to say this now." Joy paused trying to find some hidden courage somewhere.

  "Well, it's just that I discovered that something that happened along time ago has kind of caused me to put up a wall between me and the two of you."

  Joy's mother leaned forward. She was about to speak but her father put his hand on her shoulder and she closed her mouth waiting for her daughter to finish.

  "Daddy, I know you've always been proud of my abilities in softball," she said. But I wanted to talk to you about something I heard you say once that left me feeling kind of confused -- and hurt."

  Joy glanced up at her father's face to see if there'd been any reaction. His expression still hadn't changed.

  "Daddy do you remember the two men who moved onto our block when I was a little girl? Greg and Daniel?"

  "Oh my goodness!" Mrs. Sizemore exclaimed as if she knew exactly what her daughter was about to say. "Joy those men didn't do anything to you did they?"

  "No. No, Mom, it's nothing like that. Greg and Daniel were always really nice to me," Joy assured her.

  "Where is all this going Joy?" her father asked in a tone that indicated he was losing patience with the whole call.

  "Well, Daddy. It's just that one time when you were in your office praying I heard you say something that really confused me."

  "You were eavesdropping outside my office?" Mr. Sizemore said stoically.

  Joy knew that was going to be his first response but she prepared herself not to let it distract her from what she needed to say.
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  "Yes, I was. I didn't mean to invade your privacy. It's just that it used to make me feel really good to hear you talk to God about our family and other stuff. It made me feel like you really loved us."

  "Of course I love you, Joy. You know that," her father said.

  Dr. Turner was about to repeat her rules again but Joy shook her head to let her therapist know it wasn't necessary.

  "It's just that this one time I heard you specifically praying about Greg and Daniel. You were asking God to deliver them from the demons that were inside them."

  Joy's mother's mouth fell open and her hand flew to the strand of pearls around her neck but her father's face didn't move.

  "I didn't really understand all of it back then. I couldn't imagine what Greg and Daniel had done to have demons inside of them. They always seemed like such nice people to me. So I asked Gary about it and he told me that you said that because Greg and Daniel were gay."

  Joy saw her father's eye twitch but otherwise, his expression remained the same.

  "It was confusing to me because I had never heard you say anything about anybody having a demon before. It scared me and kind of hurt my feelings."

  "Hurt your feelings? Why on earth would that hurt your feelings?" Mr. Sizemore said with an exasperated sigh. "Joy, I wish you had come to me back then to talk to me about all this. I would've explained that God loves everyone even sinners and it's our responsibility to pray for people like that."

  Joy had rehearsed what she was going to say next a million different ways but the phrase 'people like that' touched a nerve and she just blurted out, "Daddy I'm people like that! And I'm not a sinner nor do I have any demons inside me."

  "Of course you don't have any demons inside you, Sweetheart," her mother said totally missing the point Joy was trying to make.

  Joy let out a deep breath before she spoke. "Mom, what I'm trying to tell you is I'm gay and because of what I heard Daddy say I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid to be myself around you."

  Mrs. Sizemore just sat there shaking her head as if Joy was speaking in a foreign language but Mr. Sizemore wasn't at a loss of words at all.

  "Dr. Turner," he said addressing the therapist. "I know my son Gary has a lot of faith in your abilities but right now all I'm hearing is that you've managed to confuse my daughter even more than she already was. Joy," he continued. "I was hoping that these sessions would help you take responsibility for your drinking problem but it's clear you don't want to do that."

  Joy wanted to say she was surprised by her father's reaction but in truth, it was kind of what she'd expected.

  "I'm not confused, Daddy. As a matter fact I'm more clear than I ever have been. And I know my drinking was my responsibility. It's just that I also understand now why I chose to drink. I'm not looking for your approval I just didn't want to keep hiding who I was. I've spent the last 10 years hiding and I'm just not willing to do it anymore. I flew halfway across the world just to try to find a space where I could be myself. Coming home brought all of the fear of you not loving me for who I am back to the surface."

  "Oh, so it's my fault that you got drunk and ran your mother's car into a tree?"

  "That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that the sessions have helped me to understand that I was drinking to numb the fear I felt. I was drinking because I was back at home and I knew you wouldn't approve of me being gay."

  "Helen I'm not going to listen to any more of this," Mr. Sizemore said looking over at his wife. "Joy I hope whatever you're experiencing there will keep you from drinking but I am not going to be subjected to any more of this conversation." With that, Mr. Sizemore got up from his seat and walked out of the camera frame.

  "Harold! Harold!" Mrs. Sizemore called after her husband. "I'm sorry dear," she said to Joy. "Give me some time to talk to your father. You know he doesn't take bad news very well."

  "Yeah, I know Mom," Joy said without commenting on the fact that her mother just called her announcement bad news. "I'll talk to you later." With that, Joy signaled to Dr. Turner that it was okay to disconnect the call.

  "How do you feel?" Dr. Turner asked after the two of them had sat quietly for a minute.

  Joy was actually kind of surprised that she didn't feel worse than she did. Sure somewhere she had the fantasy that her parents would embrace her for who she was but in reality, they'd reacted exactly how she'd expected them to.

  "I'm okay," she finally answered. "But I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now."

  Dr. Turner smiled warmly. "Now we continue to focus on you and your healing," she said gently. "And from a place of authenticity, we can figure out what you want to do next."

  Chapter 20

  Mr. Warner had been home for three days but no matter how much he'd seemed to progress Kate couldn't seem to keep herself from checking in on him every few minutes.

  "You need to stop worrying about me," Mr. Warner finally said after the third time in an hour she'd asked him if he wanted anything to eat. He motioned for Kate to come and sit down next to him on the couch. "The doctor said I'm fine. I just need a few more days rest and things will be back to normal."

  Kate looked over at her father. Normal was what she was worried about. Normal meant him doing way more work than a man his age should be doing. Normal meant her father ignoring the fact that it was time for him to either let the landscaping business go or to get a partner to help him with all the heavy lifting.

  Kate partially blamed herself. If she had a better job her father wouldn't have to take on the lion's share of their financial responsibilities. Her job at the assisted living facility had been perfect while she needed to maintain hours that allowed her to be present for Dana before and after school. She'd sacrificed pay -- and job fulfillment -- for that. But now that Dana was old enough to move about independently it was time for Kate to make some moves regarding her own career.

  "Daddy. I'm thinking about applying for another job," Kate said timidly. "I've seen a few listings for sous chefs in Charlotte and even though that would mean commuting a longer distance maybe it would be worth it?"

  Mr. Warner looked over at Kate with a big grin. "I think that's a great idea!" he said enthusiastically. "And any place that tastes your cooking would be crazy not to hire you, culinary degree or not!"

  "If I land a job that pays more that will free up some of our income and you can hire someone to help you."

  To Kate's surprise, Mr. Warner didn't balk at the idea.

  "That sounds good to me too," he said. Kate watched as he rubbed the one arm he was still having a little trouble using. "In fact, I've been thinking about talking to Mike about helping me out a little. Just part time for now."

  Kate knew Elaine's son loved working outdoors and he'd already told his mother that he wanted to start his own business instead of going to college after graduation. He might be the perfect person for her father to train and eventually hand the family business over to.

  Kate leaned over and hugged her father. "Thanks, Daddy. Thanks for all your love and support!"

  Mr. Warner kissed Kate on the top of her head. "Anything for you, Darling."

  The tender moment gave Kate the courage to broach another potentially delicate topic.

  "Joy said she was willing to stay around for another week to help out while you're getting back on your feet," Kate began.

  Mr. Warner nodded and smiled. "That's very nice of her," he said. His eyes held Kate's gaze but he didn't say anything else.

  Kate bit into her bottom lip trying to find the words to say next.