My Own Personal Rockstar

by Kirsty McManus

  But it never comes. They veer off to the other side of a nearby partition and disappear from view.

  Phew. I’m safe for the moment. But from their current position, they’ll still see me if I try to leave. I’ll have to stay put for a bit longer.

  I attempt to make myself as inconspicuous as possible, pressing against the couch and tying my hair back with a band I find in my purse. I continue sipping my drink while hiding behind the menu.

  Interestingly, it turns out I’m close enough to hear them talking.

  “It’s really great to see you, buddy. I’m so glad we’re getting a chance to do this.” Lincoln’s voice.

  “I know. It’s been forever since you’ve visited me down here. Do I have to remind you that you have free accommodation anytime you like?”

  “No, you don’t have to remind me. It was just hard trying to coordinate Rachel’s time off work, although that’s not an issue now that she’s quit her job. But also, I didn’t think you’d appreciate having two three-year-old girls messing up your place.”

  “Actually, that’s true. Sorry, Link, your daughters are adorable, but I have a lot of expensive shit at my house, and I don’t want it damaged. I guess I’ll just have to take you however I can.”

  “You haven’t been to Brisbane for a while. Maybe you could come visit me?”

  “It’s funny you say that because I’ve been considering it recently. A gallery in Red Hill has mentioned doing an exhibition of some of my stuff.”

  “There you go. You can write it off as a tax deduction.”

  Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of a female voice.

  “Lincoln Page? Oh my God. I am a huge fan! I have loved you ever since you were on Do You Have What It Takes?” She then starts singing his debut single, I Wish for You.

  “Uh, thanks,” he says, cutting her off and sounding embarrassed. “I’m just out having a drink with an old friend. But I appreciate you coming over to say hi.”

  I grin. He’s even nice to the weird fans.

  And then something occurs to me. I am one of the weird fans.

  That’s it. I’m going to have to leave.

  I watch as a tall girl with long blonde hair appears from behind the partition. She pauses in front of me, talking loudly to someone on her phone. “Ayesha, guess who I’ve just been flirting with?”

  A beat.

  “Lincoln Page! You should totally come down to Nicky’s Bar, and we’ll all hang out. He has a cute friend, too.”

  Another beat.

  “Awesome. I’ll see you in ten.”

  She totters off to order a drink, and I roll my eyes. But then, I’m no better. Here I am, eavesdropping on Lincoln like a total stage-five clinger.

  I am not proud of myself right now.

  “Do you think she knew we could hear her?” Felix asks.

  “I don’t know. But I think we need to leave before her friend arrives. You don’t want to have to disappoint anyone by letting them know you’re not interested in dating women.”

  “I didn’t realise you were so famous, Link. You have groupies now?”

  “God, I hope not. Hey, I’m just going to settle the tab, and then we’ll move onto somewhere else, okay?”

  “Sounds good.”

  Finally. They’ll be leaving in a minute, and I can put this whole sorry incident behind me.

  I start composing a text to Millicent, telling her my predicament. She’ll get a laugh out of my stupidity.

  But then I sense the presence of someone standing in front of me, and I look up.

  Uh-oh.

  “I thought that was you! I’d recognise that hair anywhere.”

  Damn it. What kind of a bar is this when it’s so bright someone can spot a person by their hair colour?

  “Oh, hi. How funny that you’re here, too.”

  “I know! What are the odds? How was your meeting?”

  “It went better than I expected, actually. You?”

  “Same! I probably shouldn’t talk too much about it until it’s all official, but I was very happy with the outcome.”

  “Oh, I’m so glad!”

  “Wait here a minute. I’ll be back.”

  I nod automatically. As if I wouldn’t do anything Lincoln Page asked of me.

  He disappears and returns a moment later with Felix. “Dude, this woman makes the most amazing stuff. She’s an artist like you!” He motions to my phone. “Show him those photos you showed me.”

  “Oh, I’m not an actual artist.”

  “What you do is art,” he says firmly. “Please. Show him.”

  I nervously open the photo gallery. Felix glances down at the images. And then rips the phone out of my hand to look at them more closely.

  “Link is right. This is art. Wow.” He then studies me for a moment. “I love your look. I’ve decided we have to be friends. Link, she’s mine now.”

  He laughs. “Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, buddy.”

  Felix grabs my arm. “We’re ditching this place before a couple of ladies come back to throw themselves at a practically married man and a gay one. But I insist you come with us. I want to know everything about you.”

  “No, no. I don’t want to impose.” I almost say I know they don’t get to catch up very often, but then they’d know I was listening in on their conversation.

  “You are not imposing. We invited you. It would be rude to say no.”

  I know this is not going to end well for me, but it’s physically impossible for me to refuse.

  “Well, in that case, thank you. I would love to hang out with you both.”

  I sneak a glance at Lincoln. He seems completely at ease with me tagging along.

  Felix ushers me out ahead of him, and we all leave the bar.

  I need to be on my best behaviour tonight.

  SIX

  Lincoln

  The three of us walk farther along the wharf, and I have to say, I’m really enjoying myself. Seeing Felix was exactly what I needed and running into Tash again was a happy coincidence.

  Tash turns to me. “I talked to Daisy tonight, and she was so happy when I told her I got your autograph.”

  “I’m glad such a simple thing can make an impact,” I say. “Is Daisy with her dad while you’re away?”

  “Uh, no. Her dad isn’t around. He left before she was born.”

  I furrow my brow. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “It’s okay. I’m glad he did it early on, rather than leave later.”

  “I guess.” I never understood how fathers could abandon their kids like that, but I’m not going to make Tash feel any worse about it than I’m sure she already does.

  “Anyway, to answer your question, Daisy is staying with my friend Millicent. She has a little boy the same age as Daisy, and she’s also on her own. But her ex is quite demanding with the custody arrangements, and he’s always taking Ryder on these slightly terrifying outings, like dirt biking and ATV trekking. It really stresses Millicent out, because her ex isn’t the most responsible of people.”

  “That sucks. But good that the dad is involved, I suppose.”

  We stop in front of a Mexican restaurant. “Are you hungry?” Felix asks.

  “I could eat,” I say.

  “Actually, that’s the reason I was at Nicky’s, and then I forgot to order,” Tash says. “So yes, let’s do it.”

  As soon as we sit down, Felix orders a jug of sangria. “You want some?” he asks Tash.

  “I won’t say no to sangria. You know, I read somewhere that the name sangria comes from the Spanish word for blood, which is sangre.”

  “That’s a fun fact I always tell people!” Felix says, delighted. “See, I already know we’re going to be besties.” He grabs her hand and kisses it playfully.

  Tash orders some nachos. I order a vegetarian burrito, and Felix orders some quesadillas.

  “Are you vegetarian?” Tash asks me.

  “Yep. Almost ten years now.”


  “For ethical reasons?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Ah.” She looks like she might regret having ordered a meat dish just now.

  “I’m totally fine with whatever anyone else wants to eat, though,” I assure her.

  “I’m not turning vegie for you, sorry, Link,” Felix says.

  “I don’t expect you to. I mean, I would obviously be happy if more people ate less meat, but it’s a personal decision that you have to arrive at yourself.”

  “Are your girls vegetarian?” Tash asks.

  “Mostly. Rachel isn’t, though, and the girls wouldn’t understand why they can’t eat the same food as her, so I don’t push it. I figure I’ll be able to explain my reasoning to them once they get a bit older and they can decide then. I don’t agree with scaring children into doing something.”

  She nods. “I’m the same. I don’t like using fear as a motivator.”

  The sangria arrives, and Felix pours us each a huge glass.

  Tash downs half of hers in a couple of mouthfuls. I raise an eyebrow. “Thirsty?”

  “I must be,” she says, blushing.

  Felix looks at Tash thoughtfully. “If you don’t mind me asking, do you have Japanese ancestry?”

  “Yes. My mum is from a small town north of Tokyo. But my dad’s family is from England.”

  “I love Japan. Have you been?”

  “Yeah, a lot. I’ve visited my mum’s family every couple of years for as long as I can remember. I even once lived there for twelve months. But my written Japanese is terrible, and my ability to speak it is very average. Have you visited recently?”

  “The last time was three years ago. I spent five days in Tokyo, but I also went to Kyoto and Kanazawa.”

  “Oh, I love Kanazawa! The gardens are beautiful there.” Tash turns to me. “What about you?”

  I shake my head regretfully. “I haven’t been yet, but I’ve always wanted to. Felix often talks about it.”

  “You should definitely go one day. I’m sure Felix will be able to advise you.”

  “Did you learn how to make those rice ball animals in Japan?” Felix asks.

  “Not really. I mean, I got the idea from there, but I learned more from my mum, and websites and blogs while I lived here.”

  Our food arrives, and we all dig in. Tash must be hungry because she eats quickly.

  Felix tops up our sangria. I don’t usually get drunk, since I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a person, but I’m happy to indulge a little tonight.

  “You should have made it to the final of Sing to Me,” Tash tells me.

  “It’s okay. I’m actually kind of relieved I didn’t. When you win, there’s a lot of pressure on you to release your debut single immediately, and you don’t get as much input into the music on the album. That’s what happened with Have You Got What It Takes? I was cast as this generic pop clone when I wanted to sing more stuff like what I’ve been doing now…rock and a little folk.”

  “Do you write your own music?” she asks.

  “I do. But I haven’t released any of it.”

  “Not even on YouTube or Soundcloud?”

  “I’ve been telling him for years to get it out there,” Felix cuts in. “But our boy is scared people won’t like it.”

  “You can’t hold back,” Tash says. “Putting your dream out there is confronting, but you have to do it. If I hadn’t taken the risk and tried to turn my hobby into a business, I would still be working in an office making money for other people. This way, I’m doing what I love, and I have all the control.”

  “I know. But it’s different with music. I’ve been playing small gigs since I was dropped by my record label, and I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere. That’s why, when one of the producers invited me to audition for Sing to Me, I jumped at the chance.”

  “What were you singing at your gigs if you weren’t playing your own stuff?”

  “Just covers. Mostly the kind of stuff you heard me do on the show.”

  “Have you listened to any of his music?” she asks Felix.

  “Nope.”

  “Has anyone heard your stuff?” she asks.

  “Not really. I sing to my girls occasionally, but they love everything I do, and I obviously can’t use them as an accurate gauge for commercial viability.”

  “Sing to us!” Felix begs.

  I laugh. “No! We’re having dinner. And those women over there are already staring.”

  Tash glances over to where four women are having dinner and giggling as they point at me. One of them makes eye contact with her and shoots her daggers. I frown.

  “But how will you ever know whether you’re any good unless you let other people hear you?” Felix points out.

  “I can’t trust your word, Felix,” I say. “You’ll only tell me what I want to hear.”

  “I promise I won’t. And Tash will be honest.” He gives her a pointed look. “Won’t you?”

  “Uh…”

  “Traitor,” Felix says. “You’re supposed to say yes.”

  I smile, amused at Tash’s inability to promise objectivity. She blushes again and drinks more sangria.

  We finish eating, and Felix tops up Tash’s glass.

  “I should go back to my hotel,” she says, hiccupping. “But thank you so much for inviting me out. It’s nice to have company on a business trip.”

  “We’ll walk you back,” Felix says.

  “No, no. You guys stay here. I’ll be fine.”

  “I agree with Felix. We want to make sure you’re safe,” I say.

  “Thank you. It’s completely unnecessary, but I appreciate it.”

  We head to the door of the restaurant. Both Tash and I get out some cash, but Felix waves us away. “Let me.”

  “Please take my money,” I say.

  “Nope. I just sold a painting, so tonight is my treat.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. Completely.”

  “Thank you,” Tash says.

  “Felix is very talented,” I tell her. “You’ll have to look him up.”

  “What’s your Instagram?” she asks him, getting out her phone.

  “Felix Archer.”

  She finds him quickly and studies his images. “These are great! I’m following you right now.”

  Felix clicks a few buttons on his own phone. “And now I’m following you back. Your stuff is adorable.”

  We walk towards Tash’s hotel, but Felix suddenly stops in the middle of the path.

  “There’s no one around. Sing now,” he says to me.

  I chuckle. “No!”

  “If Lady Gaga can do it out the front of a convenience store, you can do it here.”

  “Um, that was a movie, not real life,” I point out.

  “I don’t care. Sing us something. Please.”

  I turn to Tash with a pleading expression, but she grins. “I won’t be the one saying you shouldn’t.”

  I sigh. “Okay.” I brush my hands through my hair. “You’ve put me on the spot. I can’t think now!”

  “Stop making excuses and just do it,” Felix says.

  “Fine.”

  I open my mouth and take a deep breath. I’m going to show them a song I wrote when I first met Rachel. At the time, I was listening to a lot of Incubus, and I was inspired by the song Stellar.

  You make me feel

  Like I can do anything

  You were under my skin

  Way before I wanted to admit

  But I’m glad you stayed

  And fought for me.

  I’m just starting to relax into the chorus when the women from the restaurant spy us and rush over, squealing like deranged groupies.

  I stop abruptly and smile politely at them. Felix seems to sense my unease.

  “Sorry, ladies,” he says. “Show’s over.”

  “No! We just got here. Sing I Wish for You!” one of them demands.

  Felix grabs my arm and one of Tash’s and starts striding away. �
�Next time,” he calls over his shoulder.

  The women continue protesting, but thankfully don’t follow us.

  “Well, that was a little intense,” I say.

  “But the song was great,” Felix points out.

  I smile self-consciously. “I haven’t quite worked out the ending yet.”

  “It was really, really good. Next time you play, you’ll have to do a few of your own songs, for sure.”

  “We’ll see.” I turn to Tash. “What did you think?”

  “You should definitely sing your own stuff,” she says quietly.

  I beam. “Thanks.”

  We stop out the front of Tash’s hotel. “It was so great hanging out with you guys,” she says. “Thanks for letting me tag along tonight. And Lincoln, you’ll need to do an all-ages show so I can bring Daisy.”

  “I’ll work on it,” I promise.

  Felix gives her a kiss on each cheek. I’m a little more restrained with giving out affection to people I’ve just met, so I lightly squeeze her arm and smile.

  “Bye.”

  She gives us one more quick wave and runs inside her hotel.

  “I like her,” Felix says.

  “Yeah, she seems nice. I hope her business does well.”

  We start walking back to Felix’s car, and I reflect on the day. I can’t believe I scored a national tour! It will be exciting to go home and start preparing for it properly.

  It occurs to me that Rachel never called back. I decide to leave it and just see her tomorrow when I return to Brisbane.

  I hate to admit it, but I’m on a high from a night spent with fun and supportive company, and I don’t want to ruin it by talking to Rachel, who clearly wasn’t in the most positive of moods earlier.

  Reality will kick in soon enough.

  SEVEN

  Tash

  Back home in Brisbane, everything feels fresh and exciting. I’m pumped from meeting Lincoln and Felix, but also from landing the biggest business deal of my career. There’s a lot of work involved, but it will be worth it in the long run.

  The main thing is figuring out a smooth way to scale up production without affecting my existing customers. The chef I normally use already has a small team of helpers, and I work in the kitchen with him three days a week, but we’re going to have to hire more people, and possibly expand our premises if we want to avoid any issues.