by Lauren Wood
I immediately got offended. I was not looking for anyone's money. I'm not going to say that a little bit of money couldn't have done wonders, but I wasn't going to talk about money with her. Why was she even calling?
“I don't think that this is something we should talk about.”
“On the contrary, I think it is. You have a child with my husband. That puts me in the middle of it. Because I don't want the child to be devastated by all of this, I would at least like to help pay for some things until Chris comes around. I know that he will one day.”
“So, he had you call?”
I don't know why, but I just couldn't believe it. How in the world would he send her to have this conversation?
“I'm just trying to be helpful. He does not know that I'm calling.”
“Well, thanks, but no thanks. I would rather just be done with the whole situation. If he doesn't want to have anything to do with his daughter, then it's his fault and his loss. He’ll realize that one day and it'll be too late.”
Cynthia said something about making sure that the two of them had some sort of relationship, but I couldn't even see that happening. If he wasn't going to bother calling, then I didn't need him. I had been doing this by myself so far.
When I was trying to get off the phone with her, she mentioned that she would be there if I needed anything. I don't know if she was being for real or not, but either way it was just making matters worse.
The depression I had only increased with that conversation. Even though it had been weeks since I’d left the city and he still hadn't called, there was still this tiny part of me that had hoped he would recognize what he was doing and change his mind. I kept hoping that, but now I knew that there was no point in hoping. He was not going to call. Ever.
How did I think that this would have turned out any differently? It had all just been a waste of time.
Everything that I had hoped for was not going to happen. All I could do now was move on with life and pretend like I never seen him in the city and that we didn't share another few moments of bliss. The only thing I was grateful for at this point, was that I had not gotten pregnant again. It would have been a low chance if we would have been together, but a small chance, nonetheless. One day I would learn my lesson and fall out of love with people that can fall out of love with me so quickly.
Resolved to move through it, I went upstairs to put something different on and found myself lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I was so hopeless that tears didn't even flow. I knew there was no point because nobody was watching.
23
Chris
It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be to find Madeline. I went to Hartville and even though it was a small town, nobody that I talked to wanted to help me out. I even went as far as to say that I was the father of her daughter and that made matters worse. Then I was asked questions of where I had been for the past year and a half. It would seem that even though she had been in the city for a while, it was quite clear that nobody was trying to betray her.
I went to the local bar where we met so long ago, and I asked the bartender if he knew where she lived.
“If you want to get any sort of information, you're going to have to ask a little bit better. Nobody is going to help you unless you tell them why you are looking for her.”
“I'm looking for her because we have unfinished business. I think there was a big misunderstanding and I just want to clear things up.”
The bartender scratched his neck, like he was trying to figure out if he could trust me or not. Why was everybody so protective of her?
“Look, I will make it worth your while. I am just trying to figure out where she is.”
I thought for a moment that he was actually going to help me, but that turned out to be wrong. Instead, he just kind of shrugged and told me that he wasn't looking for money.
“Waving your city money around here isn't going to help you here, friend. What do you want her for?”
The last time I had said something about being Emily's father, it had not turned out well. I hoped that this time was different. I was running out of options.
“We met a long time ago and had sex. We had a child that I never knew about and I just found out. Her name is Emily. For whatever reason, she took off after she told me, and I haven't been able to see her since. I have never met my daughter before, and I would like to do that one day soon. That's why I have to find her and get her to understand that I didn't know, but I want to be in their life.”
“You sound like you care about her.”
“I think I'm in love with her.”
I was a bit surprised by the answer because I hadn't even really thought it through yet. There had been so much going on. A fake wedding and work and her just disappearing off the face of the earth.
I don't know if the bartender quite believed me or not, but I guess I looked desperate enough that he felt sorry for me.
“She is living with her mom on Rochester Drive. It's not but a few minutes from here. I hope that you're telling the truth, because if she comes back here yelling at me, I am going to come find you.”
I would have laughed, because it obviously seemed like a joke, but then again, maybe it wasn't. He was quite serious and so were the other people that refused to give out any information. Why did it suddenly feel like there was more about her than I knew?
I stood outside of the house for several minutes. My big plan had been to figure it out on the way to Hartville. That had been my destination and I had just known that I would get there, and everything would be fine. Now though, I had no idea what I was supposed to say.
I recognized Madeline’s car and again it was just like the one she had been driving so many years ago, maybe the exact same one. Why had I not seen all of the signs sooner? It had always been there right in my face and I hadn't been paying attention. Now I wondered if there was a way to fix this.
I was just about to knock on the door, finally getting up the nerve, when it flew open and the woman I was looking for was staring back at me with anger in her eyes.
“What are you doing here?!”
“I just got your letter.”
“I sent that out almost a month ago. If it took you this long to get here, then I don't think that we need you in our lives. We were doing just fine without you.”
And just like that, she slammed the door shut in my face, and I was left staring at the wood bewildered. What the hell had just happened? It was certainly not the response that I had expected. What the hell was I supposed to do now?
I was a man that got what I wanted, anything I wanted. I wasn’t used to hearing the word no, and I certainly wasn’t used to being shut down in such a way. Not by a woman, or by anyone else.
Something told me not to knock. I wanted to give her time to cool off, though, I hadn’t seen her in a month. I thought she would have been by now. I was wrong though. Seemed like I was wrong about a lot lately.
24
Cynthia
“You told me that you were going to be here! You said you would be on time.”
“I am sorry, Cynthia, but it appears that I had a family that I had to go meet. Thanks for telling me about it. I don't even know how you got that email, but you really screwed things up for me. I guess you know that though.”
“We were supposed to get married. And then all of a sudden you got a secret baby? There was no way that I was going to let that stand.”
“You can't stop it.”
“And where are you right now? Let me guess, you're down in Hartville trying to win her back?”
I wanted him to tell me that I was wrong, but he didn't. That was exactly where he went, and I tried not to feel the betrayal as hard as I did.
“It doesn't matter where I am. But I can tell you now, that you should not wait up for me to come to that wedding. I am never coming, and I am never going to marry you.”
“You know if you don't go through with this, then you and your father won't be abl
e to get ahold of my father's money.”
“We don't need his money.”
I laughed and told him that I knew better.
“You never were very good with business, were you? I know that your father has really mucked things up.”
“We will be fine without you and your father’s blood money.”
“I know for a fact that you and your family are struggling for money. If you don't marry me, then how are you ever going to keep your own business going?”
“Where did you hear those things? You’re mistaken. We will be fine.”
I scoffed and told him that I knew quite a bit. He didn't seem all that happy that I was so resourceful with information. If he wasn’t hiding so much, his life full of secrets, then maybe he wouldn’t have cared so much.
“Well, it doesn't matter if what you say is true or not. I am not going to marry you. Besides, why the hell would you want to marry me? You know that I don't love you. And I know damn well that you don't love me.”
“Because we were meant to be with people like us. As much as you may think that you want Madeline, it would never work out. You guys are too different and living with money is not something that can be taught. You are either one of us or one of them.”
I thought I was making complete sense. He was one that was being ridiculous and pretending like marriage had to be about love. It didn't have to be about love at all. Some of the best marriages were more practical. I was a practical person and I wanted him to be as well. Then, he would see that it was best for us to be together. We were meant to be together.
“You don't understand marriage at all. And you're right, maybe I didn't either. Agreeing to marry you in the first place was my first mistake.”
I waited for him to say more or to tell me that there was another side of it, but he didn’t. He was quiet on the phone for a moment.
“So, come back and let's get married. This is what needs to happen and you know it.”
“I am never going to marry you, Cynthia. I would much rather do pretty much anything else. If my family is going to go bankrupt because of it, then so be it. I would rather inherit nothing than have to wake up to such a critical woman for the rest of my life.”
I would like to say that his decision was a surprise, but it wasn't. He obviously thought with his penis, instead of his brain, and it showed. Maybe I had underestimated the hold that Madeline had on him. They hadn't been together in so long, that I hoped he would not be too upset if he ever found out about it, though the truth was, I had not expected him to ever find out.
Before I could say anything else, he had hung up on me. I was still trying to decide what I was going to do. I thought that if I laid it out to him straight and he could see the bigger picture, then he would get his butt back to the city, so we could get married. That wasn't going to happen though. Madeline had won and I don't know why that killed me so much. She was just too good. It had to be fake. No one was that innocent.
Instead of worrying about any of it, I decided that the only thing I could do was go to Hartville and try to get him to see things the way they really were. Just because they had a daughter together, didn't mean that anything more had to come of it. He could pretend he was a dad if he wanted to. I would have agreed to anything.
I still had my heart set on Chris. I don't know why. It would have been easier to find someone else, but I always had the bad habit of wanting what I couldn't have.
25
Madeline
“Who was that at the door, Maddie?”
“I really don't want to talk about it.”
“Was that Chris?”
I said that it was and told her that it didn't matter, I had taken care of it.
“Really? It didn't sound like you were taking care of much of anything. It sounded like you screamed at him and slammed the door in his face.”
“Like I said, I took care of it.”
Mom shook her head and I could tell that it was going to be one of those conversations that I was always trying to get out of. The one where she told me that I was screwing things up and how I needed to make it all better. This was one of the occasions that I didn't want to have a conversation about it, because I did not feel bad about my decision at all. And it wasn't like it was even my decision at all. Chris had made his decision and now all I could do was move forward. I had been here before.
It might not have been as bad the first time because he hadn't known about Emily, but in truth it was the same. When I told mom that, she waved me off.
“When there are kids involved, you have to go the extra mile. He came all the way over here to see you. At least hear him out.”
I shook my head to the latter, and then I tried to explain that there wasn't a way that I could hear him out. What she didn't understand was if I heard him out, then I was going to listen to all of his excuses. Then, I was going to forgive him, and then I was going to be on my back once again and neither time that it happened with Chris, had it turned out well. I was just going to be setting myself up for failure and I knew it was best to get out of the way of all of that.
“I think you're being stubborn like your father. It’s not going to do you any good and this time around, you are really going to regret it.”
I sighed and blew out a breath. “Thanks, tell me how you really feel.”
“I just want you to be happy. I know that it took a lot for you to tell him and now that it's out, you might as well hear him out. Sure, he was late, but men will always disappoint you, if you put so many expectations on their reaction.”
“I don't want to hear him out though.”
“He is your daughter’s father. You can say and do whatever you want to, but that's the truth of it. You need to go to him and figure things out. It's not just about you and your emotions. You need to think of Emily as well, before you start making such drastic decisions.”
She was right. After talking to Cynthia and having to hear her opinion about it, I guess I had just decided that I would yell at him instead of listening. I had hated the idea of him and Cynthia getting married. It just wasn't right, and I think she had called me more just to gloat than anything else. I never was going to understand her, and I didn't really want to. Cynthia was the type of person that I had always tried to stay away from. She was the wolf in sheep's clothing. I could see right through her charade and I didn’t want anything to do with it. I didn’t want her in my life.
“I don't know if I can do that long. It's just too complicated.”
“You have to swallow your pride sometimes, Madeline. I've told you that before.”
She had and I hadn't heard her then. I knew now.
“I don't even know what to say to him. I don't even know where he's at and he's probably not in Hartville anymore. He is probably halfway back to the city by now.”
“And that means he only got halfway to come back. Don't make this more complicated than it has to be. Call him and agree to meet with him, and I will watch Emily. Although maybe you should bring her with you. It would be good for them to meet, and I think it would be good for you too.
She always had advice and most of the time I didn't take it for the sake of not taking it. I hated when she was right, and this was certainly one of those times, but she was. I needed to grow up and talk to him. Whether it worked out between us didn't matter. So, it didn't matter that he was married now and pretty much broke my heart. What mattered, was Emily deserved to have her father in her life, if that is what he chose to do.
“Let me call him.”
I didn't honestly expect for Chris to answer. I figured not only was he mad at me, but he was probably on the road and I had prepared myself for the machine. The machine was a lot easier to focus on and I didn't have to come up with anything quick. When I heard him say hello, I panicked. It took me a minute to pull myself together and return such a common greeting. I really did get sidetracked when I was even talking to him.
“Hey, Chris. This is Madeline. I was wondering if
we could talk? I did not handle it very well when you came over earlier and I would like to apologize. The last thing I want to do is leave this on bad terms. Would you like to meet somewhere and get some coffee?”
He was silent for a moment and I took that as a refusal. I told him just to forget about it, and I was practically off the phone when he told me to stop.
“Do you always ask questions without giving people time to answer?”
“Do you always take so long to answer?”
He sighed loudly into the phone and that bothered me. He was the one that had waited this long to have this conversation. Not me. Maybe if he would have called sooner, I wouldn’t be so short with him now.
“Let's meet then.”
“Well, just tell me when you're back in town, and I will meet up with you.”
“I am still here. And, actually, I’m just right around the corner. I will be there in a minute.”
“I didn't realize that you were still here. You're going to have to give me a few more minutes then.”
He agreed and told me that he would pick me up in fifteen. I went from possibly seeing him to definitely seeing him and to be honest, it was a little nerve wracking. My mom's words were in my head and I wondered if she was right. Her scenario certainly sounded better than my own.
She came in right before I was going to leave and asked me if I wanted to take Emily. I asked her if instead she could watch her. I wanted to know what the situation was before I was going to bring Emily in the midst of all of that. There was a good chance that it wasn’t what I thought it was.
She waved me off when I was going to stand my ground on it. I didn't want to bring Emily into a strange situation and if he was going to freak out or something, then it would be better if she wasn't there for it. Of course, there was still a chance that I might freak out as well.
