On Your Knees

by Liz Bradford

“It makes sense. You’re having to face what happened all over again. You’re displaced from your home. Heck, you’re having to deal with me in the process too. It’s a lot.”

  She nodded and choked back a few tears. “It is a lot.”

  “I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of this. I’m so sorry this all happened.”

  “Me too. But as much as I wish it hadn’t happened, it’s part of what made me who I am today. If I hadn’t had to deal with so much heartache, I may not be as close to Jesus as I am today. And if it hadn’t happened, and if he hadn’t come back, I wouldn’t be here with you today.” She licked her lips, hesitant to say what came to her mind. “And I’m glad I’m here.” She gave him a tentative smile.

  He smiled, but it quickly faded. “But Ella, if I hadn’t been a jerk. If I hadn’t let my own desire for popularity take me away from you…”

  “No, Adam, don’t go there. God works it all out for good. I love Him, and He’s promised that because I’m His, He will work it all together for good. I believe that with all my life.” She bit her lower lip. She hoped she wasn’t getting too preachy. She didn’t want to preach at him, but her love for Jesus and her desire to see Adam love Him too spilled out of her heart and spewed out of her mouth.

  “I know you believe that. I can see that. I appreciate that you say it like you see it. I just don’t understand how a god who says he loves you would do this to you.”

  “He didn’t do it to me. This happened because we live in a fallen, sinful world. A place of death and destruction. But He did allow it. Why? I don’t know. But I will praise Him through it. Because no matter what vileness we experience, He is still good.”

  “I still don’t understand how you can say that. I don’t want to belittle your faith, but I just don’t get it. How can a good God let us experience so much pain?”

  “Because He is a good God. Philosophers and theologians have wrestled with this question for eons. But I see it like this. He is good because He has allowed us free will. He didn’t make us robots; He gave us freedom to choose to love him. He is good because when we sinned against Him and chose not to love him, He sent His son to die in our place. He is good because He gives us redemption. He is good because He carries and sustains us even when junk happens. He is good because He loves us.”

  Ella kept her eyes on Adam. He was processing what she said, but the timer interrupted before he could respond. This talk would have to continue another time.

  Chapter 12

  Friday night Adam had come over to the Johnson’s house for dinner and stayed. He leaned his head back and laughed. He hadn’t laughed this hard in a long time. Ella, Amelia, and Caleb were all in stitches, too. Apparently, it was getting late. A glance at his watch revealed he was right—it was pushing midnight. Once the kids were in bed, the adults had all settled in the living room. After a short board game, he and Ella had started telling stories of their childhood antics. Ella had always had a way with words, and she still did. Her flare on the stories was downright hilarious.

  “But that’s nothing like the brief period of time where Adam thought he wanted to be a stunt man,” she said.

  “Oh, Ella, no.” He shook his head, but his ‘no’ was probably hard to believe with how hard he was laughing. “Don’t tell that story.” He knew exactly where she was headed with that train of thought. He looked to the other end of the couch where she sat with her feet pulled up between them.

  “Come on,” she nudged his leg with her toes, “Don’t be a spoil sport! It’s funny, and you know it.”

  His leg tingled at her touch. “It wasn’t funny then.”

  “Well, not so much, but it’s hilarious now, especially in my head because when I replay the memory it’s completely in slow motion.”

  “Slow motion for me, too.” His indignation showed through in his voice. “But there’s nothing funny about it.”

  She turned off her giggles and gave him a serious look. Her brow furrowed, and her eyes narrowed. “Adam, it was funny, whether you want to believe it or not. And I think Caleb and Amelia would agree.”

  “You’ll just have to tell us, so we can weigh in,” Amelia said.

  “There’s nothing funny about a nine-year-old kid, a bike, a very large mound of sand, and a trip to the ER.”

  Ella laughed.

  He stretched out his words as he said, “I said, ‘nothing funny’!”

  “But the look on your face as you hit the hill, oh my word. It went from ‘This is awesome. I’m gonna fly!’ to ‘Oh, no, I’m stuck!’ to ‘Save me, Jesus!’ in a matter of seconds.” Ella was now hunched over from laughing so hard. She kicked him a little as her whole body was taken over with the giggles. He couldn’t help but laugh with her.

  Caleb said between his laughs, “So what happened?”

  Adam replied since Ella wasn’t going to regain her composure any time soon. “Well, I took off on the grass and pedaled to the sand ramp as fast as I could. We had packed the sand super tight, but it didn’t matter. The sand gave way to the back tire. I’m still not even sure how the front one made it up. But halfway over the makeshift ramp I knew I wasn’t going to make it. The bike was completely stuck in the sand, but I had been going so fast that my body didn’t want to stop—”

  “He went flying over the handlebars. I couldn’t believe the air he got.”

  “Not the kind of air I had been hoping for though.”

  “For real. The look on your face, oh my word!”

  Everyone’s laughter came to an abrupt stop when Adam’s phone rang. Only one phone number would likely be calling him at this hour of the night. He leaned forward and grabbed it off the coffee table where he had set it earlier in the evening. It was that number.

  He squeezed Ella’s ankle and rubbed the top of her foot with his thumb briefly and stood. He looked at her as he pressed the green answer button. Her face had gone ashen. “Detective Jamison.” He walked out of the room and into the dining room.

  He paced beside the table as the dispatcher told him that they had an apparent homicide of a woman in her early twenties. MO appeared to be the same as the case he was working. He informed them that he would let his partner know and hung up. He put his hands on the table and dropped his head as he leaned forward. How was he going to tell Ella? He definitely didn’t want to leave her now. But she is safe with Caleb, he tried to reassure himself.

  “What’s going on?” He looked up and saw Amelia.

  “We have another victim.”

  “Oh no!”

  “How do I tell her?”

  “Just do. Don’t dance around it. And we don’t know for sure yet, anyway.”

  “True.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck and walked back into the family room. Ella had grabbed a throw pillow and was hugging it, curled up in the corner of the couch. He sat down on the coffee table directly in front of her and held out his hands. He didn’t know if she would take them, but he wanted her to. She sat up a little, leaned forward, and placed her hands in his. His pulse quickened.

  “I’m not going to mince words or pretend nothing’s happening, but there has been another murder, and initial description leads us to believe it’s him again.” Her hands started to shake in his; he gripped them a little tighter. “Amelia and I are going to investigate, but Caleb is here. Stay in the house, go to bed. Don’t even stay down here by yourself. I don’t want to scare you, but I want you to be extra cautious. We’ve let our guard down a little, but we have to be extra diligent.”

  Caleb said, “I’ll keep her safe, Adam.”

  “Thank you.” He didn’t look at his friend; his eyes couldn’t break with Ella’s, but he knew his friend was standing behind him hugging his wife before she left for a late night of work.

  “Be careful, Adam.” Ella squeezed his hands.

  “I will. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” The tentativeness in her voice made Adam just want to pull her into his arms, but they weren’t there, y
et. He squeezed her hands again before letting go and stood. He turned and took in her beauty again before walking out the door with Amelia.

  They climbed in his car, and Amelia said, “She’ll be okay.”

  “I appreciate your confidence,” he started the car, “but I’m sure she’s going to have another flashback, and I want to be with her to help her through it. Did she tell you she had a bad one yesterday evening?”

  “No, she didn’t. It was in front of you?”

  “Yeah, I accidentally triggered it by dropping my keys, but she had already been having a rough day.”

  “I know she’s been having them, but she’s really good at hiding it. I’m impressed she let you see it.”

  “She didn’t have a choice. I’m worried about her. The PTSD seems to be pretty intense.”

  “I agree. I’ve encouraged her to reach out to a counselor, but she doesn’t seem too keen on it.”

  “I wonder why.” Adam was grateful she was finding ways to cope with it, but she should talk to a professional.

  “I get the impression her counselor from years ago wasn’t as helpful as he should have been.”

  “That’s frustrating.”

  Amelia nodded.

  Adam pulled into an apartment complex that was lit up with the flashing lights of squad cars. He parked his car as close to the crime scene tape as he could. The partners got out and made their way into the scene. They entered the small, first-story apartment and were greeted with a gruesome scene. The victim was tied to the refrigerator; her clothes had been removed, and her throat slit.

  A hand gripped Adam’s elbow. He turned to Amelia. Her face had gone stark white with a slight hint of green. “I’m thinking it’s almost time for desk duty.”

  “You work the scene outside. Gavin and I have this.” He nodded at Gavin as he came out from the backroom of the apartment.

  “Thank you.” She turned and went back outside.

  “Hey, Riley. What ha’ we got?”

  Gavin looked down at his notes. “We have one Clarissa Zerillo. Twenty-one years old. Lives here alone, but when her boyfriend didn’t hear from her tonight like he expected, he called. She didn’t answer, so he called her work. She never showed up, so he came over to check on her.”

  Henry, the medical examiner said, “He just missed the killer, too. She’s been dead an hour, tops.”

  “Sexual assault?”

  “Yes. This is the most violent attack yet.”

  Adam took a deep breath. Amelia wasn’t the only one feeling a little queasy. He did not like working homicide scenes. He preferred working with victims that could still speak with him.

  “No.”

  Adam turned to see the Captain standing in the doorway. The man’s eyes were wide and his shoulders dropped. He looked as if he had seen a ghost.

  “What is it, Captain?”

  “This is crazy. This is the same apartment that Brooke, the fourth victim seventeen-years ago lived in.” Captain Baker avoided looking at the victim and went over to a bookshelf and picked up a picture of the victim and her boyfriend. “She even looks a bit like Brooke.”

  “Brooke is the victim that committed suicide, isn’t she?” Adam asked.

  He nodded.

  “So, Captain, are you saying that you think his new victims are to replace the ones he couldn’t get to?”

  The Captain met his gaze after a moment of contemplation. “Maybe.”

  Adam leaned his elbows on his desk and rubbed his eyes. It had been a long night. He had sat with the boyfriend a long time—a mix of counseling and investigating. Adam had learned a great deal about Clarissa and her habits of coming and going. Her killer had definitely taken a risk when he attacked her when he did. Her boyfriend easily could have come over earlier and called the cops, since it wasn’t Clarissa’s normal night to work.

  Adam had also learned a lot about the crime itself. The killer had been there for hours. Had assaulted her repeatedly before killing her. It made Adam sick. The guy had also clearly been an opportunist in the situation. He had targeted her for location as well as looks, but he had seen an opportunity to attack, and he took it. Adam was going to have to sit down and write up a profile for this guy that might help them narrow down where to look for him. It was going to be a busy weekend. So much for enjoying the holiday.

  “Jamison, are you ready to leave? I really need to sleep in my bed.” He looked over at Amelia. She looked completely exhausted.

  “Yeah. Let’s get you home. There’s nothing to do that can’t wait for a bit. I hope it’s safe to say that we’ve got a little bit of time before he makes another move.”

  “Let’s hope so.”

  Adam and Amelia stood and moved towards the door. “We’re calling it a day,” he said to Becca and Gavin.

  “A day, it’s not even ten a.m. yet!” Gavin teased.

  “What, you gonna put in a whole day on a Saturday after being at a crime scene all night?”

  “Not hardly, I’m out too. Becca?”

  “Best idea I’ve heard in the last twenty-four hours.”

  The four detectives walked out together. Adam asked Becca, “So, Jared got out of this overnighter, huh?”

  “Yeah, he got to stay with the girls. But I’ll brief him when I get home.”

  “Just how he wants to start his Saturday, I’m sure.”

  They all let out a tired laugh and said goodbye. Adam drove back to Amelia’s house. He was anxious to see Ella. He hoped that she had been able to get some sleep.

  He pulled in the driveway. “Is it okay if I come in for a bit?”

  “Absolutely. Why don’t you stay for some breakfast? I’m starving and was thinking about having some pancakes or French toast before I went to sleep.”

  “That would be nice.”

  “It’s settled. I’m sure Ella would like to know you’re okay, too.”

  His cheeks warmed.

  Amelia reached for the door handle but cocked her head to the side. “Doesn’t your dog like to go outside occasionally, though?”

  He laughed. “Rusty’s fine. He’s got a doggy door, plus Mrs. Williams next door comes over and takes care of him when I’m not home much. I already sent her a message this morning.”

  “Ah, nice.”

  They got out of the car, and Caleb and the kids came around from the back of the house. Amelia gave them all hugs and kisses.

  Caleb shook Adam’s hand. “You two had a long night.”

  “You have no idea. Your wife needs some sleep, stat.”

  “I see that.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Amelia feigned offense. “I got a few cat naps on the Captain’s couch.”

  “Only after I told her to go lay down because she was falling asleep at her desk.”

  Amelia shrugged. “Whatever, I’m hungry. Let’s get some breakfast.”

  “Agreed. How’s Ella doing?” Adam asked Caleb.

  “Don’t know. Haven’t seen her this morning. Part of why we came outside was to let her sleep in as long as she could. We watched a musical after you two left, so she didn’t go to bed until almost two.”

  Amelia’s jaw dropped, and she smacked her husband’s arm. “You watched a musical with her? But you won’t with me?”

  Caleb laughed at his wife. “Well, she watched it; I read, but stayed downstairs with her like you asked, Adam.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  Caleb nodded. The kids had gone back to the backyard and the three adults went into the house. A loud scream from upstairs met them upon opening the door. Panic shot through Adam’s entire body. The adrenaline propelled him up the stairs. He pulled his gun from its holster before opening Carter’s door.

  Chapter 13

  She tried to fight, but he was too strong. He pulled the tape tighter around her wrists. She screamed for help, but he slapped her. Her cheek stung. He ripped her clothes. She tried to kick him. He laughed, the haughtiest, most maniacal laugh she had ever heard. It echoed through the all
ey. No one was around to hear her scream. And he knew that. He was on top of her.

  Ella sat straight up in bed. She was safe, or was she? She tried to orient herself to her surroundings, but her head was spinning.

  The door flung open, crashing against Carter’s dresser. Right, she was in Carter’s room at Amelia’s house. She looked at the figure standing in the doorway and blinked before she realized it was Adam rushing toward her. He put his gun in the holster on his hip. She was still having a hard time sweeping the darkness from her mind. Had she screamed?

  “Ella, are you okay?” Adam sat down on the edge of the bed.

  She grabbed her pillow and hugged it tight. Was she okay?

  “Ella, you’re safe. You need to take a few deeper breaths.”

  She nodded and took a trembling breath in.

  “Did you have a flashback in a dream?”

  She nodded again. She stared at nothing.

  “Ella look at me. And keep breathing.”

  She brought her eyes up and met his. He was smiling at her. A sweet, caring smile. A concerned smile.

  “I’ll be okay.” She reached out and squeezed Adam’s arm. His smile broadened, and he rubbed her hand with his.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She removed her hand and shrugged. She probably should, but she didn’t really want to. “It was just the same as the dreams almost always are, a replay of exactly what happened. I tried to fight him off, Adam, but he was too strong. If only I could have…”

  “Don’t go there. You tried, that’s important.” He held his hand out to her.

  She debated, could she handle the contact? She risked it and put her hand in Adam’s. Nothing happened, nothing other than a quickening of her heart that she couldn’t tell whether it was because of her fear of the flashback or because her heart was attaching itself to Adam.

  Ella smiled at Adam across the breakfast bar in Amelia’s kitchen from where she stood at the sink cleaning the breakfast dishes. He had refused to go home despite how tired he was. The man hadn’t slept, and he was fading fast. “Adam, you should go home and get some sleep.”