by Jamie Hawke
For a while we sat there, her asking me about my job and about my gaming with Brad.
“You’re… doing okay?” I asked, knowing how stupid it was considering the reality of the situation. It took my full concentration not to break down and lose it.
She nodded, but looked away, distant. For what seemed a full minute this lasted, until finally she turned to me, put her free hand on top of mine where I held her other, and shrugged.
“Will you be visiting me often?”
It struck me as odd that she’d even think about it this way, but I supposed she had to. She was part of the program. LivreCorp likely got more credibility based on the amount of time logged into their system. That, and if my Katie were in this strange place, she’d know I had to leave, but would want me to come back as often as possible. I was almost able to buy it.
“Sure,” I replied, and then kissed her again. Unlike the first kiss, where it had been pure ecstasy at the sight of each other, this one had a hint of my acknowledgment of her not being really there. It spoiled the moment, so that when she looked away again, uncertain, I took it as my cue.
“I can’t wait,” I added, and then stood, giving her a nod, and signed out.
3
The next day was like a blur, nothing else mattering until I was able to get back home and login. It reminded me of the old days, when I was younger and would spend summers locked away raiding with my friends. Brad was the only one left of the crew who still hopped on from time to time, but the feeling hadn’t been the same.
Now I was quickly chugging an energy shake, setting up, and logging in as giddy as a school boy.
Only, before it let me go further the logo vanished to an image of Cynthia at her desk, giving me that same playful smile as last time.
“Ryan, it’s standard practice to check in before your second… interaction. Is everything going as well as you’d hoped?”
Aside from the fact that she was interrupting my time, I put on my best smile and said, “Perfectly, thank you.”
“No questions?”
“None.”
“Very well.” Her eyes moved as if reading something on the screen. “Oh, I see you’ve only stayed in your true form so far. I’d like to let you know you can port over any avatars you’d like. Same with location—you don’t have to stay in the field. It’s all up to you. Want to charge around as an angel fighting evil with her? You can. Want to be intimate? Hey, you can even add a couple inches, if you—”
“Not necessary,” I said, wondering what this lady’s problem was. Then again, she worked for LivreCorp, which meant she probably had access to all the information out there. “To be clear, you don’t… I mean, I haven’t authorized you all to look up that sort of information.”
She laughed on the other end of the call, and shrugged. “We would never betray our clients’ trust, Ryan. Count on that.”
I definitely couldn’t count on that. Especially judging by the way she was looking at me now.
“All I wanted to do was ask… well, I don’t know really….” This could’ve been thought through better. “I guess… is it normal to feel confusion after the first time? Does that sensation go away?”
Her brow creased slightly, but it was gone a moment later. “We can have tech there… me. I can come over now, if you’d like.”
“No, no. I meant, like a sense of unease. Queasiness. I’d like to login now, please.”
With a polite nod, she vanished and the imagery flashed to white and then vanished so that I was in the field again. This time I didn’t wait, but ran straight for where I’d found Katie before. She was there, and in a flash we were in each other’s arms, spinning, laughing, then kissing.
The sensation of her lips against mine made all the tough, slogging bullshit of life vanish. When she pulled back, there was a moment of confusion that passed through her eyes.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
She laughed. “Of course, it is. Perfection, now that you’re here.”
My hand slid away from her hips, tracing her arm and then taking her hand, fingers locked in hers as I looked at it, almost unable to believe this was happening. Well, then again I had to remind myself that it wasn’t actually happening. But that wasn’t a fun way to think, so I pushed the thought away and focused on the moment.
She was staring at my hand, too, I realized. Her eyes rose to meet mine. “Why… Why are you here?”
“To see you. To spend time with you.” I leaned in and kissed her again. “To do that, as many times as possible.”
Her smile was a gulp of warm cider, although I wondered for a moment at the idea of Cynthia out there, monitoring these sessions. That would be something I’d have to ask about—surely they couldn’t spy on us, right? Or could, but wouldn’t. It had to be in the agreement, especially since, I imagined, anything was possible in this world. Anything. My eyes roamed down to Katie’s neckline, a bit lower where her white dress revealed a tad more than I was used to from her.
“Ah, I see why you’re really here,” she said, playfully, and then stepped back in a skipping motion. “Gotta catch me first!”
She turned and ran, laughing, and I pursued without hesitation. Her dress fluttered behind her, teasing me, calling to me like angel wings. Her laugh carried through the wind, warming the heart I’d recently spent endless hours icing over, a necessity in order to survive ever since that horrible day.
I stumbled as I remembered the moment when I’d received the news that day. I’d been sitting on the couch. I dropped the phone, running to the door only to realize I had nowhere to go… so instead I collapsed to my knees, forehead pressed to the cold, hardwood floor as I let out a roar of anger… then I’d let the first tears since I was a child flow out. Oh, unless you count that time Katie convinced me to watch some old-ass movie called The Notebook, but fuck that movie. It was stupid, and I still stand by my claim that I had an eyelash or something in my eye.
She turned back to face me, worry creasing her brow. It was enough to push the memories aside, to give me the energy to lunge, grabbing her by the hips and lifting her into the air to spin, both of us laughing. We collapsed in the grass on the incline of a hill, and rolled down a few times before she landed on me, her mouth taking mine, her hands moving across my body. I let out a moan as her hand went to my inner thigh, but then I took her by the wrist, again wondering what they’d be seeing back at LivreCorp. This was an alpha test, after all. It made sense that they’d be monitoring it all in some way. As much as the idea of exhibitionism kind of made me curious, I at least wanted to know what I was getting into.
“Next time,” I said between kisses, moving her hand back to my side.
“Next… time?” She rolled off, of me, suddenly cold, distant. A second glance, and then she was on her back, staring up at the sky. “You’re leaving again.”
“I can’t stay forever.” As much as I’d have liked to, my body would need food, to use the restroom. Stuff like that.
For a long time we lay there, with her apparently lost in thought, me watching her as if I could stare long enough and commit the sensation of being with her to memory.
“Really, Ryan…” She turned to me, propping herself up on her elbow. “Why are you here? Did something happen? Are you… I mean… Are you, dead… too?”
I frowned, pulled back, looked around. “This isn’t funny.”
“Funny?”
“None of this is,” I said, standing, stepping away from her. “You’re not supposed to say things like that, you know. I mean… Fuck!” I spun, looking at the sky. “Cynthia!”
“I—I don’t understand.” Katie sat, pulling my face to meet her gaze. “Who?”
Cursing under my breath, I grumbled something about her not worrying about it, then logged out. What kind of bullshit simulator of a lost one brings up the fact that they’re dead? Full immersion and believability, my ass.
The first thing I did was try to reach LivreCorp, but even though Cynthia had
been so in my face before I went off to the field, now it said no tech was available. What the fuck?
I unplugged and sauntered over to the restroom to relieve myself. The body is put in a certain meditative state when in the rig, meaning it can go longer without food or bathroom breaks, but I must’ve been in longer than I realized, because I needed to go real bad.
Also, apparently the final moment with Katie hadn’t ruined what we’d had going on before that, because I was hard as a rock. It took some manipulating, but soon I was able to get in a good position to relieve myself and not get piss all over the place. As would be expected, the moment I was done the memory of Katie’s ‘dead’ question came back, finally killing the boner.
It was so off-putting, I almost didn’t want to log in anymore.
As I was tucking it away, my eyes lingered on it longer than usual, remembering Cynthia’s comment about a couple of extra inches. No, fuck that. I’d always been well received in that area. She was just getting to me.
Then again, would Katie like the changeup? Kind of like role playing, in a sense… What the fuck was I talking about? She wasn’t real, dammit. That odd question proved it more than anything, and showed that the system was having its glitches.
I wanted her to be actually there, for the whole experience to fully trick my mind. But somehow seeing her like that—as real as she seemed—reminded me even more of how she wasn’t there to brush her teeth with me, to laugh over a meal of teriyaki chicken, or share a beer.
With a quick zip of my pants, I went to wash my hands. I leaned over the sink and splashed cold water over my face and stood to grab the towel, eyes mostly closed, when my hand brushed over what felt like flesh.
I started, turning and saw only the towel. With a blink of confusion, I turned back to the mirror, drying my face, and froze.
Eyes staring at me over my shoulder. I spun, but there was nothing there. Looking to the mirror again, I didn’t see anything there either. Had I imagined it? But as I walked out of there, I swear there was something else moving behind the clouded glass of the shower door. I looked back, even opened the door, and saw nothing.
My heart was thudding and I felt like a stupid child. There was no reason to be scared. I was a grown man, dammit. Telling myself that over and over, however, didn’t do a damn thing to dispel the eerie sensation that someone was watching me. A hand was on my shoulder, only when I turned, there wasn’t.
Breathing close, almost in my ear.
No one.
A glance at the window, and even the clouds moving past the moon, whose normally-calming silvery light gave me comfort, sent chills up my spine. Like looking at them was the same as seeing into the afterlife, seeing a glimpse of my Katie. Was that all this was? Had seeing a representation of her sent me into a confused state, not quite knowing what was real and what wasn’t?
I turned in bed, trying to forget about it. I lay there thinking about Katie, about the eyes in the mirror. Fuck, I would’ve loved to have her at my side in that moment. Maybe I needed more sleep, but that sure as hell wasn’t about to happen. Not with these thoughts running through my mind.
Fuck trying to sleep, I decided as I sat up and threw my feet over the edge of the bed. I was logging back in. I needed to see her.
4
Every muscle ached when I pushed myself out of bed and stumbled back to my system. Commencing the login, I soon found myself at the logo page, but now I could see an options indicator I hadn’t noticed before. Selecting it, a screen to make adjustments popped up, displaying options for other games and sims I could go into, either with Katie, or without.
The field of grass wasn’t going to cut it. What I needed was an escape, a chance to play with this character, this false Katie, and simply enjoy her for what she was—like watching old videos of a loved one, or staring at a picture and replaying memories over and over. All this with her was a chance to have closure.
A message popped up saying Brad was online, but I ignored it and swiped a hand to make myself invisible. This wasn’t about having fun with him, it was proving to myself that I could enjoy this program for what it was, and not let it get under my skin.
So, going through LivreCorp, I logged into Gods End. While the two were separate, LivreCorp was set up that way, like a filter that could be applied to camera lens, or the old Game Genie and how it would alter the game being played. Only, in this case it merely added the upgraded immersion and the software specifications it came with, such as my version of Katie.
I showed up as my Angelic Host avatar, my surroundings fading from black to the red and black of the pits of hell, a level I had yet to beat. But when the option came up to bring in Katie, I glanced around at the place and realized that wouldn’t do at all, so instead portaled to the outskirts of a fortress in the Plains of Eternity. It was a level that allowed for endless grinding, because it was set up as a meeting point of all forces, good and bad. The in-game story had it that once, the various gods, angels, and demons had come here to appoint warriors to represent them and battle for control of key points, so that whichever side held them all controlled the portals to the mortal realms. But now the place was a free-for-all, with certain fortresses and villages being under control of different sides depending on what week you logged in.
At the moment, I knew the Angelic Host forces still controlled this fortress, because the sigil of the white wings flew above the tallest tower. It was a fun place to take her, because only level fifty and above were even allowed to enter certain fortresses here, while most non-leveled players would be slaughtered almost as soon as they set foot on the plains.
Katie, to her credit, had always humored me with Gods End, and had spent many hours leveling up her fairy knight character—one of the mythic gods’ servant races—to be able to join me for the grand banquets of the plains. Some might think they were stupid, but players like Brad and I would join in a chosen fortress after a good battle on the plains, and have a virtual feast. In a sense, it was like returning to medieval times—or going to the Medieval Times restaurant, I guess. Only, virtual and with the select few who were chosen. Brad didn’t only play as his death servant, of course—he happened to have three characters who were all ‘leveled,’ meaning above fifty.
I figured this could be like old times, to a degree. Bringing her in, I grinned as she appeared in her old avatar, all of it the same except her face being hers. It hadn’t been that way when playing before, but I supposed was a result of using LivreCorp tech over the game. Maybe that feature could be turned off, but honestly, it was hot. Colorful armor that shifted between blue, red, and purple depending on the light, with wings that were long and mostly translucent, but with a similar color sheen. At her waist was a pouch used for various herbs she could craft potions with, a wand for spells, and a slim saber for fighting.
Seeing her face on the body of this fairy knight was not only a turn-on, it served as a reminder that this Katie was simply a computer-generated version of her old self. Her eyes narrowed at seeing me, and she leaned back, only frowning slightly as she had to readjust her sitting position due to the wings. I’d never seen that in the game before—usually they simply moved out of the way. Apparently, the Livretech added some extremely realistic elements.
“Is this next time?” She leaned in so that her cleavage was very visible. Her fairy physique didn’t have much to work with there, but that was on purpose. Katie knew I liked them on the less than large size, nice and perky.
“Oh, ‘next time,’” I said, processing it, remembering that I’d promised her we’d continue the physical stuff next time I returned.
She smiled pleasantly, and then leaned back with a laugh. “There’s no rush, I’m only giving you a hard time. In hopes of getting one myself.”
“A hard ti—oh.” I chuckled. “You’re bad.”
“I’m actually going for the pixie thing today,” she replied with a wink. “Maybe a nymph?”
Again, I chuckled.
Her smile
faded, though. “Where’ve you been?”
“I… out.” How was I supposed to answer that question? With a shrug, I added, “Slaying demons and the like.”
That brought her smile back, at least. “So that’s what we’re here for? You wanted to geek out like the old days? Get our game on?”
I nodded. “Is there something wrong with that?”
“Actually, that sounds great.” She stood, flipped a coin onto the table, and said, “Try to keep up.”
For a second, it didn’t process that she was running out the door, across the courtyard and toward the exit of the fortress. I stood, watched her skirt flipping around her long legs and showing a hint of her ass, and had to shake my head and push away other urges that were beginning to boil up. Next time could wait, for this. Having fun with her in a non-sexual way was what I’d logged in for, anyway.
“Keep it down,” a large man in an apron said, passing and picking up her half-empty mug. He was likely a non-player character, NPC, set to keep the fortress feeling realistic instead of simply making things vanish when not in use. “You’ll bring the darkness on us for sure.”
“We’ll be fine,” I replied with a nod, and then took off at a jog to pursue my lady.
She was already at the gate, pausing with a flutter of her wings, and continued out where I couldn’t see her. As soon as she’d left my sight, a scream came from the direction she’d been heading in. I drew my sword and ran, flames bursting forth from the blade as I set my wards to play.
It didn’t surprise me, though, to find her grinning and pouncing, her teeny sword going for my belly. I deflected the strike easily with my long sword, letting the flames die down.
“Not funny.” I indicated the plains, the darkness that shifted before us as if being blown by a wind that hadn’t even touched the still trees. “What if you’d really been in trouble and I hadn’t come, figuring you’d called wolf one too many times?”
