by Jamie Hawke
“Then I would’ve had to fight them off myself, and no doubt would be standing here victorious, more XP to my name, no thanks to you.”
“Hardy har har.”
“Hey, I’m only a level behind you.” She pointed with her blade, turning to look out east, where the Fortress of Baladdair stood, merely a speck in the distance. “Think we could take it ourselves?”
“Two.”
“What?” She lowered her sword, frowning.
“Two levels now. I leveled up while you were…” Fuck, what was I about to say there? While you were dead?
She sensed my hesitation, and shrugged. “Fine, two. Big wooptie. Let’s do it, throw ourselves in harm’s way, see how long we can go. If we win, we make love high above the corpses of our fallen enemies. If we don’t…”
“If we don’t, we respawn and do it far away from our enemies, then go back and try again.”
She chuckled. “Both plans sound fine by me.”
We started to jog toward the fortress, keeping at a steady clip to avoid wearing out our stamina. As we were passing by a group of trees, several figures emerged, mostly a group of travelers, led by a bard. It wasn’t until we were almost upon them that I noticed one of the ladies at the back had cat ears and a cat tail while another had little horns sticking out of her forehead. Oh, and one of the men had green skin, although it had simply looked dark in the night.
At first I thought they’d be trouble, but as we slowed to a halt the bard put his loot to his side and said, “Careful, there’re trolls down by the lake. We met resistance and opted for another route.”
“Where’re you headed, travelers?” I asked, wondering if maybe there was some better adventure to be had.
“Only for a fun time of good drink and food, maybe some other kind of fun, too, if you catch my drift.”
“I’m sure we do,” Katie said with a laugh, and pulled me along.
They passed and we walked on, though soon I noticed that Katie was leading me toward the lake. “You did hear the warning, right?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re heading right for the trolls.”
“Didn’t you ever read The Hobbit? Trolls mean cool loot.”
I frowned. “Sometimes, yes. But I thought you wanted to—”
“What I want to do, and all I want to do, is have fun.” She took my hand and started running again, pulling me along. “So come on, let’s do it!”
Running with Katie, hands clasped, put us back in days when… no, I realized when I looked over at her smiling like that, no… Nothing like this had ever really happened. There had been times when we’d gone running together, even tried a half-marathon. But now that I thought about it, nothing in that equation had really been memorable. Not in a good way, at least. And in games, when she’d joined me to run around and hack at bad guys, I’d always loved it. Not many of my past girlfriends had even bothered, so her joining me had always felt like the biggest deal ever. Yet, she had never actually laughed during play, other than maybe at a corny joke or two of mine.
The thought almost ruined the moment, and as we crossed a rocky path to descend a small slope, I came to a stop. There was no moon in the sky, and no stars to sparkle in the lake’s reflection, so it came off as dark and sleek.
“Something wrong?” she asked, letting go of my hand and turning to face me.
I wasn’t sure how to tell her what I was feeling, or even if there would be a reason to. The shadow that fell over her an instant later meant there wasn’t going to be time at the moment, regardless.
“Shit,” I mumbled, reaching out to pull her toward me and flapping with my wings at the same time, so that we were thrown back a couple of extra feet. It was just enough to avoid the tree-trunk of a club that hit the ground a moment later. Right where she’d been standing.
The first troll was there, taking a shot to the eye from the pink sparks from her wand. A second later, he had flowers growing out of his eye socket as his screams filled the night. Yeah, there was no way the other trolls would be confused about our location after that.
“Flowers?” I asked with a laugh.
“It’s like burying him at the same time as,” she paused to step back, giving room for the troll to fall at her feet, lifeless, “killing him.” Sure enough, he lay face up, the flowers slowing their growth as they took over his face. “You have to admit he looks better this way.”
“Sure.”
Two more came charging out of the darkness, growling at the sight of their fallen comrade. One held what looked like the bones of a large animal, that he was using now as clubs, while the other was coming in with just his fists. They were nasty creatures, not that I got much of a chance to look, with gray and green leathery skin, genitals flapping about with no sense of decency.
It was a moment that caught me off guard, seeing that insanity—but a quick thought about it told me the idea made sense. They were animal-like, after all. So why would they care, or even think to cover themselves?
One of those bone clubs nearly hit me but I rolled. It clipped one of my wings, causing me to recover slower than I’d have liked, but Katie had pulled back and cast a speed booster on me, so that when I dodged again I was in the perfect position to strike. My sword sliced through like cutting butter. The troll turned and struck, sending me flying back with a good kick to my ass. Shit, the simulation was a bit intense in allowing pain. I rolled, anticipating an attack, and saw Katie leap and go flying over them, slamming her blade into one’s neck in a way that flung her to the other side. She landed with feet on its back, pulled the blade, and got in two more good stabs before it flung her aside.
The second troll went to catch her, but I wasn’t about to let that happen. With a flap of my wings I propelled myself at it, sword flaming and slamming right into its gut. Then I spun and cast a line of glowing arrows—one of my favorite skills. They shot out from my wings, more like bursts of light than actual missiles, and cut right through the closest troll, ending him instantly. One hit the leg of the next one, causing him to go to one knee.
From there, Katie got in one last stab—up and under the jaw. His hands reached for her, had one of her wings… and for a moment I thought that wing was a goner. I leaped, sword held high, and brought my blade down swiftly. The arm was cleaved in two, and she managed to pull herself from its grip.
“See,” she said, chest heaving and sweat on her brow, “fun.”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “Fucking A.”
She frowned, a fact that I liked. In life, she’d never quite approved of my foul language. In my defense, I was a gamer and occasionally had need to cuss like the best of them.
“Let’s find that loot, eh?” She moved among the trolls, looking at their massive, disgusting corpses. Like baby beached whales.
“I don’t think they’d have anything better than our equipment,” I said, looking over my sword, loving the gold inlay on the hilt, the runes carved into the base of the blade.
“Still, looting is fun. Like shopping in game.”
“Wouldn’t shopping in game be like shopping in game?”
She chuckled. “Sure, but that’s the less fun version. It’s more exciting not knowing what you’ll find. Maybe they killed some level seventy-five-plus character and have enchanted armor that lets you cum gold.”
I frowned, but laughed. She wasn’t usually so coarse but sometimes after an adrenaline boost or a couple drinks, that side of her came out.
“What’ve we got here?” I knelt, noticing something sparkling on the ground. A ring? Picking it up and realizing I was still kneeling sent a warm feeling through me as I was reminded of the day I proposed to Katie at the rose gardens.
“Ryan!”
Katie shoved me aside, both saving me from taking a hit and putting herself in the prime position to finish off the monster. Apparently, there’d been a fourth troll, I thought, but spun to see her squaring off against a water hound. The creatures lived in the water but looked like giant
wolves, eyes and patterns in their fur glowing blue. At least this one was lower level, though. A good flip of Katie’s wrist with her wand and the beast fell back, so that I was able to recover and hack at its neck.
Fire met water and steam shot out as the head disconnected.
A level-up screen popped up in front of Katie and she grinned, scanning through it for a moment before dismissing it. While I couldn’t see her stats and details, I knew that put her at level fifty-one. I checked my stats, too, but the small battle hadn’t added much XP.
“Catching up,” she bragged. “And hey, a few new passive skills unlocked. Maybe I’ll show you how to really tame a beast soon, huh?”
“Please do.”
I’d almost completely forgotten about the creepy feeling I’d been having before logging in, or the eyes in the mirror. All that mattered in that moment was that we were having a great time together, and that this replica of my Katie was doing her job.
Knowing full well it wasn’t her, I turned and sheathed my sword. She did the same, eyeing me curiously. I took both of her hands, and she smiled.
“I love you,” I said, and then bit my lip. How stupid of me to say that to a program, not even that—a character within a program. The details of her existence weren’t important to me, though. I simply needed a version of her to be able to tell those words to.
She blushed, looked away. “Ryan, I haven’t had so much fun since… Well, that hotel room, in Naples. The way you—”
“Katie…” I didn’t want her to say what I thought she was about to say.
Her frown showed confusion, but then she shrugged, her smile returning. “The way you had acted like such a gentleman the whole day, and then the look in your eyes after… the shower.” She blushed again, looking away. “We really had something special, didn’t we?”
“How…” I froze, turning to her. “There’s no way you’d know about that day. About… that moment.”
“Of course, I do. It was… I mean, I really enjoyed that day.”
My nostrils flared, chest twitching. “No fucking way. Cynthia, LivreCorp—if you’re listening right now, no fucking way. Only Katie would’ve known about that. It wasn’t something that would’ve been recorded, not something either of us would’ve shared with anyone.”
Katie frowned. “I… don’t understand.”
“You’re not Katie!” I shouted. “You’re a fucking fabrication, a fake!”
She stumbled back, hand going to her chest, eyes full of pain. It killed me to see her like that, but it wasn’t really her, after all.
“Don’t…” She started, but shook her head, looking at her hands. “I’m here… Let’s just find the loot. See what… dammit, FUCK! I’m Katie, okay?”
“No, you’re fucking not.” I took a deep breath, then took off my helmet. This was too much. I would definitely be getting my money back from these twisted fucks at LivreCorp. I had no idea how they’d gotten that information, but the fact that they had it showed they’d gone too far, snooped one level too deep. I wasn’t having it.
“Ryan,” Katie’s voice said, and my hands started shaking, eyes going to the helmet in my hands. It wasn’t from there, though, but behind me.
I jumped up, turning to look behind my haptic device to the darkness beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows, to the city lights past all of that.
“K—Katie?”
A long silence. Fuck, I needed sleep.
The worst part was, she hadn’t said it back. “I love you.” I’d said it, and she hadn’t repeated the words. Katie rarely did, which had always been one of her quirks. She liked to be the initiator. When I said it to her, she’d always have a hard time saying it back, explaining that it felt forced that way.
And then we’d gone to Naples. The first time she’d said it to me. I’d never told anyone that story, because it was special. Intimate. Maybe she’d told someone? But even recalling the way I looked at her? All of this, with the way she blushed and knew to be hesitant with saying the words?
Something about this whole scenario just wasn’t right. As I started on a fifth of Scotch to help me fall asleep, I made up my mind. The shit was definitely done at that moment. No more logging in, no more wondering.
I was shutting it down.
5
The next morning before work, I felt like I was preparing to take my dog to be put down. Maybe I’d just keep it a bit longer. In case I needed it. The day was long, my coworkers mostly avoiding me since the one or two times anyone tried talking, I’d been such a zombie, it made sense they would want to be away from me.
I wouldn’t want to be around me, in this situation. Hell, I didn’t even want to be me. With the Livretech, I didn’t have to be… but no, I was taking a break from logging in.
It was on the third night after unplugging from the system that I started to feel confused, like I didn’t belong out here in the real world. There was no way they would’ve been able to make her this realistic. They couldn’t make her this close to the version of her I’d known. And how could she know things that only the real Katie could have known?
The moment she’d mentioned, the two of us, that time in Naples… nobody could’ve known about that.
But that night, I couldn’t resist it. I had to speak with her. To get to the bottom of this. Even as I logged in I kept chiding myself, hitting on the point that I’d committed to being done with it, to remove the program.
And yet, I couldn’t. I had to see her again. When I logged in, I went back to the earlier fortress, where we’d met before heading out. I found her standing in the corner, in the shadows. Her arms were wrapped around herself, her eyes wide at the sight of me, for some reason. When I approached, she glanced around, as if looking for a way out, and even pulled back as I reached for her hand.
Even if this wasn’t the real her, that hurt.
“I’m sorry about before,” I said, lowering my hand to my side. “It’s just… you shouldn’t know certain things. You’re not—I’m going to get meta here—you’re not really you. You’re part of a program.”
“Is this some Matrix shit?” She laughed. “Stop… you’re scaring me.”
“But that’s just it, you can’t be scared. Not really.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Fuck you, Ryan.”
I reached out to hold her, but she pushed my arm away and then turned, walking off a few feet before stopping, head down. “What makes you so sure I’m the one who’s not really here?”
“I…”
“My first thought when I saw you, last time… was that you didn’t belong, that maybe you were just another part of all this. The weirdness of this place. But I started to piece it together—that you’re adjusting, getting used to it still. All of this, what you’re saying, I know it’s your way of coping. But… I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” I stepped forward, and this time when I reached out, she turned and pulled me in for a hug. “Why sorry? Katie, where do you think we are?”
“The afterlife,” she replied, staring at me matter-of-factly. “Naturally. I died, and now you’re here too. At first it seemed like part of a dream, but when I started seeing you, the memories came back. Flashes of our life together, moments in the ambulance… leaving my body behind… But all of this, it’s just so…”
“Real?”
“Exactly!” She perked up, turning to me, and then her expression melted into sorrow, eyes glistening. Full of tears that started to cascade down her cheeks. “How, Ryan? How did you die?”
We stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment, to the extent that I started wondering if she was right, if I had died. Maybe all of this Livre-shit was made up, part of my own imagination to better cope with this stuff.
“Fuck this,” I said, pulling myself out and tearing off the equipment. I jumped out of the chair and went to the kitchen first for water. The cups weren’t in the cupboard though. Probably the dishwasher, but I was in too much of a daze to bother to look. Instead, I stuck my head under
the faucet, first drinking and then shaking my head under the water to pull myself out of that moment.
What the hell was LivreCorp thinking? That shit had been fucked up beyond belief. Making their version of my dead fiancée try to convince me I was dead, too? Hell no.
I turned off the water and used a paper towel to dry my face. When I pulled it away, the wet marks looked like eyes, crying. Like Katie. I tossed it, before turning and going to my room.
To say I slept restlessly would be an understatement. Every dream included her, whether it was the one where we were simply sitting in a movie theater and sharing popcorn, or the one where I was in boot camp and she was screaming at me as my drill instructor.
Waking up did no good. The waking nightmares were worse.
My ceiling started to spin, taking on a liquid form, and then I could swear it was dripping. Only, nothing ever actually touched me.
Sobbing echoed off of the walls, but then the sound moved, as if it was coming from the living room. The lights flickered out there, when they should have been off. When I got up to—fuck, I don’t even know what I was going to do—I made sure not to look in the shadows, lest I see her moving with me, or see her eyes again.
I walked into the living room and saw the television screen projected there, taking up the full wall, and… oddly… black and white dots, moving about. Back in the day this was a thing television did. I had read about it. Seen it in movies. But at the moment, it didn’t make any sense.
The sobbing returned, growing louder.
Yeah, I was definitely losing my mind. The system had fucked with me. Turned my brains into scrambled eggs, no doubt.
“Where are you?” I whispered, and then spun, realizing the sobbing was coming from the bathroom now. Hell, I’d never been one to run away from my fears, so I charged in, repeating the question but in a shout. “WHERE ARE YOU?”
She was there, in the bathroom with me. I had no doubt about it, even if I couldn’t see her at the moment. I spun, slamming my hand into the mirror, then kicking open the shower door—and froze… Staring.
