‘Hi, there,’ he called, and both females stopped and turned. Saffy promptly fell over, clutching at Alex as she did so, who tumbled on top of her. Finn held his breath, relieved when they both started laughing again.
‘Don’t try and join us, Finn,’ Alex warned when she’d sobered up a little and helped Saffy get back to her feet. ‘The snow has frozen on top and it’s really icy. We’ll head back to you.’
‘Been having fun?’ he enquired, and Saffy lifted a glowing face to smile at him.
‘Skiing is the best!’
‘Is that so?’ He grinned as he looked at the tracks in the snow. ‘Did you know that I learnt to ski right here too?’ With the exact same teacher.
He risked a glance at Alex, all kitted out against the snow, and his whole body heated at the way her hair was slipping out of her hat and at the natural colour in her cheeks. She looked utterly wholesome and absolutely adorable, and Finn couldn’t quite remember just why they had decided not to repeat Monday afternoon’s activities.
No. He could. And they were all very worthy and sensible reasons. But the main one was that he knew that it was too dangerous. He’d been in love with her once. He so easily could be again. Maybe he was. Maybe he had always been.
But one afternoon didn’t cure a lifetime of hurt. He wasn’t naïve enough to believe that—although Alex did seem a lot less brittle, more optimistic. But her future wasn’t here, where she would be trapped by her past. And his was. The girls were happy here, and he had promised them stability. If he jeopardised that then he would be no better than Nicky.
‘Go on, then,’ he said to Saffy as she reached him. ‘Show me how it’s done. Thank you,’ he added to Alex. ‘This is really kind of you.’
‘There’s no need to thank me!’
She smiled at him and Finn’s heart turned over. Was she feeling it too? This yearning? This sense of belonging?
‘I enjoyed it. She’s a really lovely girl. You should be so proud of her.’
‘I am. Of them both.’
They didn’t speak while Saffy set off, then Finn yelled encouragement as his niece sailed to the bottom of the slope. He applauded her enthusiastically and she gave him a shy wave before starting her journey back to the top of the hill.
‘She’s doing really well. But of course you are an amazing skier yourself. I’m surprised this slope isn’t driving you mad with boredom.’
‘I haven’t skied in years. To be honest I didn’t come here for the sport but for work. I had this idea of doing some really short videos of myself, all in Hawk ski gear, out and about enjoying the estate. From my perspective, so it could be anyone. It would be a double reinforcing of the clothes being used in the snow and also all the Christmas things we have on offer.’
The ‘we’ warmed him through.
She’s just doing her job, he reminded himself.
‘That’s a great idea.’
‘I want to do some filming around the castle too, now it’s really open and being visited.’
‘The place is buzzing. Loads of people are enjoying the Christmas Through the Ages exhibition in the castle and even more are out and about. I’ve checked that the treetop trails aren’t accessible. With this ice it would be a health and safety nightmare if some kid got up there and slipped. But everything else is very much open for business.’
‘It’s amazing to see the estate so alive. It used to be so exclusive, and in a way I loved the privacy and secrecy of it. But this is good too.’
‘It seemed so sad when I first came home. The village neglected and more and more people leaving. The castle all closed up; the gardens barely maintained. It seemed at times like I’d never hack my way through everything that needed doing to get it open for this Christmas. People advised me to wait until the New Year but I knew it could be done.’
‘Why was opening for Christmas so important?’
Finn glanced at Saffy as she padded towards them, panting and beaming, and lowered his voice. ‘To tackle the elephant in the room straight on. To show that I know what happened here at Christmas ten years ago and move the conversation on. I didn’t want a whole year of the anniversary looming on the horizon.’
Alex didn’t betray her intimacy with the elephant by even a flicker of her eyes. ‘Very sensible. I probably would have advised doing the same. And it’s worked. I’ve been out and about all week and most people are talking about the amazing Tudor marchpane house or the Edwardian tree, not the Beaumonts. Congratulations, Finn.’
She looked over at Saffy.
‘That’s brilliant, Saffy. You are doing so well. If I were you, I would try and persuade your uncle to take you skiing. I think a few proper lessons and you’d be away.’
‘Can I, Uncle Finn?’ Saffy’s pleading eyes were huge in her thin face. ‘That would be the coolest thing ever.’
Finn reached out and tousled his niece’s hair. ‘Sure.’
‘When? This winter? Can I go these holidays? Christmas isn’t for five days. We could go now.’
‘And miss the play rehearsals?’
Saffy shrugged. ‘We already did the play once. Oh, Uncle Finn, please can I go skiing soon?’
‘We’ll see.’ The quintessential adult response.
Her face fell and he cursed inwardly. Oh, to be nine and think that the world was that simple. That you could just decide to go skiing and go. It had been like that for him once, post-university and pre-Hawk, when he had worked his way around the world, deciding direction and timetable on a whim. In those days he’d been as likely to head to the mountains and ski as to the sea to surf. Not the stable life he had promised his nieces, but fun.
Their life with Nicky had been full of their mother’s impulse decisions. Finn had vowed to give them the safety of itineraries and timetables and annual planners. Their schoolwork and activities were plotted out on the blackboard in the kitchen. Every appointment was programmed into his phone. He knew clothes sizes and shoe sizes and the name of the woman who cut their hair. They were safe.
But as his gaze snagged Alex’s he knew that wasn’t enough. He couldn’t keep the girls wrapped up in bubble wrap, much as he wanted to. Alex had wrapped herself up and hidden herself away for all her adult life, and maybe she’d been safe, but her life was only half lived. Never sad, maybe, but never truly happy. His greatest gift would be to teach the girls happiness.
‘I have to make a quick work call,’ he said. ‘Keep going, Saffy. I’ll time you when I get back.’
‘Can Alex film me? And put it online? I’m all in Hawk clothes.’
Finn had a strict no publicity rule for the girls. He had seen what constant exposure had done to Alex, and that had been in a pre-social media age.
He looked at Alex and she shrugged. ‘I could make sure her face wasn’t in it. Just the back of her head. But it’s your call.’
‘Let me see it and then I’ll decide. Fair, Saffy?’
‘I guess... I need to see it too, Alex. I don’t want me falling over online, even if you can’t see my face.’
‘Understood.’
Finn watched for a moment as Saffy set off with a stylish flourish, Alex filming her. Anyone looking at them would assume they were a family. The situation felt so domestic, so right. With a sigh, half for what might have been and half for what was to come, he headed back around the corner to make his call.
Less than five minutes later he was back, to find Saffy and Alex squinting over Alex’s phone. They looked up as he hailed them, and Finn was unable to keep the smug smile off his face.
‘Okay, Saffy,’ he said. ‘I’ve managed to get us a ski lodge for two nights and lessons for you and Scarlett this afternoon and tomorrow morning. Kaitlin is booking us flights right now. So, you need to go and pack for yourself and Scarlett. Warm clothes. I’ll get you ski trousers, a jacket, gloves and a hat, but you need clothes for underneath, PJ
s, and dresses or jeans for the evening. I’ll come and check in an hour. Toothbrushes, too. Scarlett’s over at Polly’s so we’ll grab her on the way to the airport. What?’
Both Alex and Saffy were staring at him, with identical expressions of surprise on their faces.
‘I thought you wanted to go skiing?’ he said.
‘I... I do. We’re really going? Today?’ Saffy’s face was so full of hope it hurt him to look at her.
‘If we’re ready and don’t miss the flight, yes. You’ll only get a couple of hours this afternoon, but all day tomorrow and Monday morning. Oh, and don’t forget your cossies—the hotel has a hot tub.’
Saffy threw her arms around him, almost overbalancing on her skis as she did so. ‘Thank you, Uncle Finn. Thank you.’
‘You deserve it,’ he said gruffly. ‘You had to change schools yet again when we moved here, and you’ve done really well. And don’t think I don’t see you looking out for your little sister. Father Christmas thought you deserved an extra early present and I agreed.’
‘Father Christmas?’
‘Who do you think I was just talking to? Go on, Saffy, get those skis off and start packing.’
‘If you leave the skis and boots here I’ll put them away,’ Alex said. She smiled at the girl. ‘I can’t wait to hear all about it.’
‘Why don’t you come too?’ Saffy said. ‘Can she, Uncle Finn? Alex hasn’t been skiing for ages, and she’s really good.’
‘Oh, I don’t...’
‘I’m not sure she’d...’
They both spoke at once, and Finn gestured for Alex to go first.
‘It’s a family trip, Saffy, but thank you for thinking of me. Besides, I have my work here. I was planning on filming, remember? It will be good to have lots of footage for the next few days.’
‘Scarlett and I won’t mind you being there,’ Saffy reassured her. ‘Nor would Uncle Finn.’ She looked up at Finn imploringly.
His first instinct was to agree with Alex. She did have work to do, and it was a family trip. But the words wouldn’t come. She hadn’t skied for years...why not invite her along?
Because you’re supposed to be maintaining some boundaries, especially around the girls.
He looked over at Alex and knew that, although she was hiding it really well, possibly even from herself, she wanted to come.
‘There’s plenty of room for one more. And you could get lots of great footage of Hawk ski-wear. We’ll be back Monday afternoon, so you can film here then.’
‘I have been meaning to talk to you about featuring you much more prominently online. After all, the brand is all you. You named it after yourself. It’s based on your lifestyle. Footage of you out on the slopes would be a great start. But...’
‘No buts. That’s settled. I’ll let Kaitlin know, email her your passport details. Help yourself to anything you need from the stockroom. I’ll see you out front in an hour.’
She stood there, bottom lip caught between her teeth as she considered, evidently torn.
‘Please, Alex,’ Saffy begged from the bench where she was wrestling with her skis.
Alex nodded, more to herself than them. ‘Okay.’
‘Okay?’
‘Yes. Yes, I’ll come. Thank you, Finn. Saffy, hand me those skis. Pack warm things. I’ll see you soon.’
With a swish of her ponytail she was gone, handling both pairs of skis and boots effortlessly. A small hand stole into Finn’s and he looked down at Saffy.
‘I like Alex,’ she said, with a little wistful sigh that tore at Finn’s heart. ‘I wish she wasn’t leaving at Christmas.
‘Me too, kiddo. Me too.’ He ruffled her hair again. ‘Come on, let’s get going.’
And as Saffy skipped towards the house, her movements graceful on the firm snow, Finn knew that by inviting Alex along this weekend he was making her inevitable departure harder for everyone. But he wanted to give her something to remember. He wanted to remind her just what fun life could be. That was his gift to her.
He just hoped the personal cost wouldn’t be too high.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘THAT WAS THE best day ever!’ Scarlett couldn’t stop yawning as she spoke and Saffy joined in. Both girls’ heads were drooping onto the table.
Alex laughed. ‘I have never seen two such tired girls. You’ve not even finished your chocolate cake.’
‘Bed for you two as soon as you finish your dinner.’ Finn reached out and snagged a piece of cake off Scarlett’s plate. She only half-heartedly swatted him away.
‘I’m not tired.’ She yawned again.
‘I am,’ Alex said frankly. ‘A whole day of skiing when you’re not used to it would exhaust anyone. And isn’t Anton meeting you two bright and early for your last lesson? You want to be well rested so you can show him how much you’ve learnt.’
‘Yes!’ Scarlett brightened.
Both girls had taken immediately to their handsome and engaging young instructor, who was clearly used to children and beginners. After an anxious first hour Finn had relaxed enough to allow Alex to coax him up to the slopes, secure in the knowledge that the girls were in experienced hands.
‘Maybe I will go to bed, Uncle Finn.’
‘Right...’
Finn looked so discombobulated it was hard for Alex not to laugh.
‘If I’d known you were going to say those words I’d have had my phone ready to record them, as proof that Scarlett Hawkin chose to go to bed of her own volition. You heard her.’
‘You are silly.’ But Scarlett didn’t demur when Finn lifted her from her seat. ‘G’night, Alex.’
‘Night, Scarlett. Sweet dreams.’
‘I’m off too,’ Saffron said, sliding off her chair. ‘Night.’
To Alex’s surprise Saffron gave her a small, clumsy hug before joining her uncle and sister. From the look on Finn’s face, he was as surprised by the girl’s display of spontaneous affection as Alex had been—and as moved.
As Finn shepherded the girls out of the room Alex managed to get to her feet, muscles pressed into action all day after being unused for too long protesting at the movement, and gathered the girls’ plates to carry through to the small galley kitchen. A kitchen that was mostly for show, as the cluster of lodges situated by a icy lake were supplied with all meals by the hotel to which they belonged.
Small but comfortably designed, the lodges had a heated outer room, for skis, jackets and other winter clothing to dry overnight, and one huge sitting and dining room, with windows at the back looking out over the lake. The floor was heated, but a huge oil burning stove still dominated the room, chucking out impressive amounts of heat. A staircase at the side led up to two bedrooms, both with their own bathrooms, and a further bedroom, where the girls slept, was tucked into the attic. The décor was very minimalist and tasteful, all greys and creams, with splashes of colour, but comfortable and cosy as opposed to stark and modern, and enhanced by the silver and cream Christmas tree in the corner and other seasonal decorations.
After rinsing and stacking the plates, Alex collected her barely touched wine and moved over to the vast sofa, tucking herself into the corner from where she could see the lit-up lake and some intrepid ice skaters in the distance. She listened to the almost inaudible giggles and talk from above as Finn chivvied the girls into bed. Any minute now he’d be down, and then they would have the whole evening together. Alex’s stomach clenched at the thought of the torturous intimacy. Of looking but not touching.
Last night hadn’t been too bad. After managing three hours on the slopes they’d all headed to the hotel to use the pool and the hot tubs, and had eaten there with a contact of Finn’s who owned the resort—and stocked Hawk clothing in his hotel boutique. They’d stayed on to watch the entertainment, and by the time they’d got back to the lodge they’d all been ready to head straight to bed, knowing
they had an early start.
But even with the exercise, fresh air, good food and wine it had still taken Alex far too long to get to sleep, knowing that Finn was just over the corridor. All the reasons for staying in her room were as valid as they had been back at Blakeley: the girls, her own imminent departure, the knowledge that the more time she spent with him the harder moving on would be. But his proximity had made those excellent reasons seem less and less persuadable.
Today was no better. All evening she had been hyper-aware of his proximity, of his every word, every movement, her body reacting to each accidental touch. She wanted him. That afternoon in the cottage in the woods hadn’t slaked her desire, it had heightened it.
Maybe she should plead tiredness and head up herself, or go out for a walk...
‘I’ve been thinking.’
Alex jumped as Finn spoke. She hadn’t heard him come back downstairs, so lost in her thoughts.
‘Why don’t we go out for dinner? The hotel offers a babysitting service.’
‘It might be too late to get someone,’ she said, but the thought appealed. Out. Where there were lots of other people. No intimacy, but crowds. ‘But it would be nice to see something of the village while we’re here. Gorgeous as the hotel is, I’d like to explore a little further.’
‘In that case I’ll see what I can do.’
Alex took a sip of her wine and gazed out at the lake while she waited for Finn to return. If he couldn’t get a babysitter then she needed a plan: she’d order something quick and light off the extensive menu, talk about work until it arrived and then go straight to bed. No more wine, no lingering glances, and no personal chat. It would be fine. She could absolutely do this. Even if she didn’t want to.
‘All sorted.’ Finn stood opposite her, phone still in his hand. ‘I’ll just go and tell the girls; I’d hate for them to be alarmed if they wake.’
Reawakened by His Christmas Kiss Page 12
