‘Great. I’d better put on some lipstick if we’re heading out. Maybe a dress.’
She looked down at her jeans and jumper, both from the Hawk range and both chosen for comfort rather than high fashion. Her friends would barely recognise her. She had a reputation for being exquisitely and tastefully dressed, no matter what her budget. But being with Finn and the girls made her feel comfortable, as if she didn’t need her usual armour.
When she re-joined Finn downstairs, twenty minutes later, her armour was firmly in place. She’d picked a long-sleeved red flowery midi-dress, nipped in at the waist, teamed with wool tights—it was cold out, after all—boots and a chunky gold necklace. After some deliberation she’d let her hair stay loose, merely brushing it and tucking it behind her ears.
‘You look lovely,’ Finn said as she picked up her coat.
His tone was mild, but when she turned to smile her thanks the look in his eyes made her shiver.
‘So do you. Nice to see you in a suit, not a fleece.’
‘When we start a tailored menswear division I’ll wear more suits.’
‘I’ll look forward to it.’
Before he could answer there was a soft knock at the door and Finn opened it, ushering in a capable-looking young woman who, in a strong Australian accent, introduced herself as Michelle, one of the seasonal workers who enjoyed bed, board and ski passes in return for bar work, waitressing shifts and other duties, such as babysitting.
Alex gave Finn five minutes to question Michelle on everything from first aid to fire safety, her stomach twisting all the time. She had thought going out would be the better of two evils, but they both looked so smart it felt more like a date.
Well, why couldn’t it be? In just two days it would be Christmas Eve. She’d go home and this time they’d part as friends. But part they would. Why not enjoy one date first, as if they were living that alternate might-have-been life?
The Alex who had first set foot in Blakeley would be horrified by the idea. But that Alex wouldn’t be here, in a ski resort in the Austrian Alps, in the first place. She’d been left behind in that cottage in the woods, and her newer, braver incarnation was taking her first cautious steps into the future. Why not start with an evening to remember?
‘Come on, Finn.’ She slipped an arm through his and smiled at Michelle. ‘You have both our numbers? We won’t be far. And do order anything you want. There’s tea and coffee in the kitchen, and obviously there’s room service for food or soft drinks.’
It was cold out, but fresh, and Alex was glad of her Hawk down coat, even if it wasn’t as stylish as the long wool coat she wore in London. Her feet were snug inside her lined boots, her hands protected by gloves.
Although snow lay all around, thick and deep, the paths had been either cleared or gritted, making walking easy throughout the hotel grounds and into the small Alpine village. It had been dark for several hours and streetlights lit the pretty chalet-lined streets. Lights beamed out of hotels, cafés, shops and bars, where the après-ski hour was well and truly going strong, ensuring the town buzzed with activity. Christmas lights were strung across the streets, adding a festive air to the surroundings, and as they neared the village square Alex saw a huge Christmas tree, glaring with red, gold and cream lights and baubles.
As they had left the house Finn had taken her hand in his, and after a startled moment she had let him. They were both in thick gloves, no skin to skin at all, yet she fancied she could sense his pulse beating in time with hers.
‘So, what do you want to do first? A drink? Or go straight to eat?’
‘I don’t mind. It’s not often I have time to just wander. It’s quite nice.’
Finn squeezed her hand. ‘Then let’s wander.’
They walked slowly through the packed centre of the village, browsing the enticing shop windows and eventually stopping in front of a shop selling traditional dirndls.
‘I can just imagine my friends’ faces if they opened parcels with those inside on Christmas Day,’ Alex said as she took in the intricate embroidery and lace. ‘They’d think I’d gone mad. But they’re so pretty. I’d love to have an excuse to buy one. Would the girls like them?’
Finn shrugged. ‘Where clothes are concerned I have no clue. A T-shirt can be the favourite thing one moment and the most despised the next. I defy the most accomplished data scientist to forecast Scarlett’s sartorial choices.’
‘I’ll still have a look, if that’s okay with you? I’d like to get them something and I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance.’
The shop was filled with traditional costumes and accessories of all colours and types, and after some thought Alex bought traditional filigree silver heart necklaces for the girls. Scarlett’s on a red ribbon and Saffron’s on bright yellow.
‘I never thought I’d be so clichéd as to match ribbon colours to names,’ Alex said as she paid. ‘But they can always change them if they hate them. Are you sure you don’t want some lederhosen? I’m happy to get them for you?’
‘That’s very kind, but a gentleman always buys his own lederhosen.’
Tucking the two necklaces into her bag, Alex followed Finn out of the shop, freezing as she looked into the window of the next shop along. The window dazzled, showcasing glass and crystal, wine glasses and vases—and hundreds of Christmas tree ornaments.
She glanced at Finn to find him looking at her, his expression one of nostalgia and regret. ‘Do you want to go in?’ he asked.
‘I haven’t bought a Christmas tree ornament since I left Blakeley,’ she said, unable to maintain eye contact, fixing her gaze on the sparkling display instead. ‘I love it that you did, though. You wouldn’t let me buy you lederhosen, but maybe I can buy you an ornament instead. How about that one?’ She pointed to a little mouse holding a pair of skis.
‘Yes, the girls will like that one. But I have one condition.’
‘A condition?’ She still couldn’t look at him, feeling unaccountably shy.
‘That I choose one for you. But you can’t open it until Christmas day.’
That didn’t sound like too much of a condition. Amber was bound to have put up a Christmas tree in the office. It would be nice to have something of her own to put on it. ‘Okay.’
She turned to walk into the shop and Finn put a hand on her arm.
‘And one more condition.’
She looked up at him then, and her breath caught at the tenderness and desire in his eyes.
‘That you let me thank you properly.’
His kiss was light but, oh, so sweet, and after a moment’s surprise Alex kissed him back, uttering a small cry of protest when he drew away, her fingers still entangled in his hair.
‘I thought we’d agreed not to?’ Her voice shook slightly. She still held on to him, unable to quite let go, and Finn smiled down at her.
‘We did. But maybe we were too hasty in our decision-making. After all, here we are in this beautiful place, enjoying each other’s company. I’m happy to bend the rules a little if you are.’
Was she? Should she? The sensible answer was no, of course not. But she’d bypassed sense when it came to Finn Hawkin a long time ago.
‘I’m all in favour of a little rule-bending now and then.’
His smile widened. ‘In that case, let me thank you again. I don’t think I got it quite right last time.’
* * *
The village was full of restaurants and cafés to fit every inclination and budget. Finn found them a table at a small intimate restaurant overlooking the lake, where the atmosphere wasn’t too loud or glitzy and there were no groups of weekenders enjoying shots at the bar, nor tables of bankers ordering bottles of champagne as they lived out their rock star dreams.
The food was simple but good, everything was cooked perfectly, and the décor was a little traditional but not too touristy. It was perfect.
Alex was perfect too. Dangerously so. She was relaxed, seemingly happy. She had no edge tonight, no wariness. She asked and answered questions, chatted inconsequentially about frivolous things like TV programmes they both enjoyed, music and books.
She listened, too, as Finn opened up about how complicated his feelings were about taking his nieces to live with him, about the feeling of guilt that he had deprived his sister of her children and the girls of their mother, the worry that he had acted too soon, the even bigger regret that he hadn’t acted sooner. He touched on his father’s death, and shared some of the stories from the first year of Hawk, when money had been so tight he’d lived in a student house, only for the brand to soar when a celebrity snowboarder had been photographed in one of their jackets.
‘It’s been a surreal journey,’ he said at last. ‘Hard work, but worth it.’
‘It’s been really interesting today. I filmed you a little, but I was also doing vox pops with some skiers and snowboarders who were in Hawk ski-wear. They all feel a real connection to the brand and to your values. They’re making a definite statement when they buy your clothes. It’s inspiring, and there’s a lot you can do with that. I know Penelope already works with some influencers and successful surfers and climbers, but I’d suggest aligning yourself with people who share your values too. Eco-warriors and environmentalists...people who want to make a difference, to change the world. Have you found someone to cover the rest of Penelope’s time off?’
‘Not yet. I don’t suppose you would stay on?’
He was only half joking and her smile was full of regret.
‘I don’t think that would be a good idea. Things are already complicated. Besides, I’m needed back in Chelsea. With Harriet’s wedding this year, and Emilia’s engagement surely on the horizon, there will be a lot to do. And over the last two weeks I’ve looked at what you’ve achieved, and I have to say I am a little envious. My goals were smaller, safer. I knew I wanted to work in PR, but I hadn’t thought too far beyond being good at my job and where that might take me.’
‘You are good at your job,’ he interjected, and she smiled at him.
‘Thank you. It’s always good to have happy clients. I wanted to be head of and own my own agency. To have control, to be safe. And the last few months have been more successful than we could have imagined. Emilia is working on huge international events. I was in New York just before I came to you, working with a lifestyle brand who want to expand into the UK. Harriet’s been placing PAs all over the world, and the demand for British trained nannies is so huge Amber is seriously considering setting up a section to focus on that area. We could be properly international. A household name.’
‘You could.’ It was brilliant to see her like this, inspired by the future, lit up with ambition, just as she had used to be. ‘What do your partners think?’
‘I haven’t discussed it with them yet. To be honest, Finn, I don’t think they’ll be so actively involved in the future. Deangelo travels so much and Harriet likes to go with him. When Laurent proposes, Emilia’s life will change completely. And as for Amber... Amber definitely wants marriage and a family of her own. It’s just a matter of time.’
Finn desperately wanted to ask about her plans beyond work. Did she want marriage too? A family? But he knew what the answer would be. Why would a girl whose life had been destroyed by her family, who had never known unconditional love, aspire to love and marriage? If he’d been free, then maybe he could have tried to help her. To give her the time and love she didn’t know she needed.
But he wasn’t free.
How he wished he was.
‘Tell me about them...your friends.’
He should have been there to help her when everyone had failed her. He couldn’t help but be curious about the women who had stepped in where he had faltered. The women Alex clearly thought of as her family.
Alex took a sip of her wine. ‘What do you want to know?’
‘When did you meet?’
‘One Christmas Eve. Not a good day for me, as you know. We all worked together, for Deangelo Santos, but we didn’t know each other well—it’s a huge company. I was head of PR, Harriet was Deangelo’s PA, Emilia managed events and Amber was in charge of looking after visiting clients and their families. We might have been in the same meetings, but we didn’t know each other. But on Christmas Eve four years ago we all had reasons not to leave early and bumped into each other on the way out of the office. It was clear none of us had anywhere to be, so we spent the evening together—and met up the next day for a walk. It was the best Christmas I’d had for a long time.’
‘Why were the others alone?’
It almost physically hurt Finn to hear her loneliness laid out so starkly. He looked over at her, soft and warm in the candlelight, but with that glittering edge she’d always had, and knew with a shattering certainty that now Alex was back in his life he would never allow her to be lonely again.
He’d thought he was too busy to fall in love before. Too invested in his work, choosing Hawk before relationships time and time again, and only faintly regretful when that choice led to break-ups. But maybe he had never fallen out of love with Alex, the determined girl he’d grown up alongside. The only person he had ever really counted on. No wonder it had wounded him so badly when she’d turned on him.
Their reasons for parting this Christmas Eve were valid. Alex wanted to return to London, and his life was at Blakeley. He’d promised himself no relationships. Not while the girls lived with him, and not unless he was pretty damn sure the relationship would be a for ever one—and who could make that guarantee? But he had known and loved Alex his whole life. There had to be a way to make them work if she wanted to as well. And he was as sure as he could be that she did. He just didn’t think she knew it yet.
Alex poured them both some water and sat back. ‘Harriet’s dad has dementia. She’d been looking after him since school and was really isolated. Emilia didn’t get on with her dad and stepfamily, and Amber was estranged from hers. I don’t know the details; we don’t pry and we don’t have to tell. There’s an unspoken pact, I guess, not to ask. We’ve spent the last three Christmases together. It will be weird this year without Harriet and Emilia...’ Her voice trailed off.
‘Stay with us,’ Finn offered. ‘Your friend is very welcome too. The girls would love it.’
It was a spontaneous response, but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made.
‘We’re having a small Christmas too. There’s plenty of space. Show your friend where you were brought up.’
‘She doesn’t know. About before. None of them do. Only you.’ She stared down at her empty plate. ‘They’re the people I am closest to in the world and they know nothing about me. I let no one in, Finn.’
‘You’ve let me in. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Whenever you want me you just have to ask. No, don’t even ask. Tell me.’
‘Finn...’
He laid his hand over hers, their fingers slotting together as if they were made to fit. ‘I mean it, Alex. We’ve wasted so much time through misunderstandings and fear and hurt.’
He took a deep breath, trying to figure out the next step, not wanting to scare her off, but needing her to know exactly how he felt. That this time he was in—all in.
But at that moment the glamorous woman at the table next to them, whom Finn had noticed eying him several times over the last hour, leaned over and tapped his arm.
‘Finn Hawkin? Is that you? How lovely to see you.’
Damn. Finn smiled automatically, his brain trying to compute who the woman might be. As he did so he noticed Alex stiffen and shrink back in her seat.
‘It’s been too long, but you are looking amazing,’ he said.
It must have been the right response because the woman beamed. ‘The Hawk campaign feels like a lifetime ago.’
He was on solid ground here. ‘You look younger than ever.’
‘I wish! Five years is a long time, especially in this game.’
‘Not at all,’ he said. ‘We’re just lucky to have people like you representing Hawk. Are you enjoying the season?’ He turned to the mystery model’s companion, hoping for some clues, and was rewarded when she beamed at him.
‘Antoinette. Lady Antoinette Anstruther. I was at school with Spiffy here.’
Right. Spiffy.
That narrowed it down. It was like one of those hideous parties Alex used to have, when every girl he met had been called Flopsy or Bunny or Popsy, as if they were characters in a children’s book. He’d never understood the upper class penchant for saddling children with a string of long and unpronounceable names and then shortening them to something infantile.
He thought hard and recognition finally dawned. ‘So how are you, Sofia? Are you still modelling?’
‘Oh, no. I gave it all up when I got engaged to Jimsy. In fact, that’s why I’m here—joint hen and stag dos skiing over Christmas. Toni and I are the advance party. I can’t believe I ran into you. Everyone is talking about how you bought Blakeley. No one believes me when I tell them that I met you there before, with Lolz.’ Her laugh was as high as it was false. ‘It’s amazing to think I knew you back then. You always did have that brooding Mellors thing going on, even as a teenager. We all had quite the crush, but Lola made it very clear we could look but not touch.’
Alex had become so self-effacing during the conversation she might have turned invisible, and neither woman gave her as much as a glance. Finn couldn’t look at her as he replied. ‘That was a long time ago.’
‘Not that long...’
Sofia stopped speaking, waiting as the waiter came over to remove their plates, and as Alex murmured a quick thank-you her attention shifted. Finn could see the moment recognition hit her, blue eyes widening and mouth opening.
‘Lolz? Is it you? Oh, my God, Lola Beaumont. Where have you been?’
Reawakened by His Christmas Kiss Page 13
