by Cathryn Fox
She goes quiet, and averts her gaze as we round the corner. Shit, I didn’t mean to suggest she’d be a bad mother. I think she’ll be great with kids, she’s a great teacher and volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club, and I can only hope down the road she finds a guy that wants what she does. “I was just kidding, Gemma.” I nudge her playfully and she nearly knocks over a cookie display. “You’ll be a great mom.”
“Thanks,” she says, and I put my arm around her and drag her to me. Without even realizing we might have an audience, I press my lips to hers and she melts into me. Someone clears their throat and my heart sinks into my stomach when I see my sister-in-law staring at me, her eyes so big, I’m sure they’re going to pop out of her head.
“Callan,” she says, her gaze zinging back and forth between Gemma and me.
“Hey, Melissa,” I respond, my mind racing. How is she going to feel about seeing me with another woman? Guilt eats at me, and I brace myself. “Do you remember Gemma?”
“Gemma Davis, yes of course. How are you, Gemma?” she asks, as she leans against her cart.
“I’m great, Melissa. How are you?”
“I’m good. If Callan called more, he’d know that.”
Guilt once again invades. Zoe and I spent a lot of time with Melissa, and while I drop Kaitlyn off at her parents’, and Melissa always calls to talk to her, I’ve not spent a whole lot of time with her.
“I’m sor—”
“Oh, stop, it’s fine,” she says. “I know you’re a busy single dad, so I’ll cut you some slack, and I’ve been busy myself getting my food truck business off the ground.” Her smile is big and genuine, and my shoulders relax. “Things are good, though.”
“You have a food truck?” Gemma says, clearly impressed.
“Yeah, come on by. We’re over on High Street, and we’re doing street tacos, and some really great food.”
“I can’t wait to try it.”
Melissa smiles at Gemma. “I hear you’re teaching at Kaitlyn’s school.”
“I am.”
Melissa checks her watch. “I have to run. Tami will be wondering where I am.” She glances around and leans into us conspiratorially. “We haven’t told Mom and Dad yet, but I asked Tami to marry me.”
I bring her in for a hug. “I’m so happy for you. You two are great together.”
Just like Gemma and I are great together.
She smiles, and her eyes hold warmth and happy memories as she briefly looks off into the distance. “Zoe always liked Tami. This would have made her happy.”
“She’s looking down on you right now and smiling, Melissa,” I say.
“I know she is. I bet she’s doing the same thing to you, Callan,” she says and gives my arm a little squeeze. “Listen, why don’t we all have a get-together soon.” She turns to me. “We’ll have dinner with Mom and Dad, and maybe I’ll make the big announcement with family all around us. I’m sure they’d love to see Gemma again.”
I nod, and she goes up on her toes to give me a kiss on the cheek. She touches my arm, gives it another little squeeze as if to tell me she’s happy for me. When she’s out of sight, I let out a breath.
“You okay?” Gemma asks her knuckles brushing mine in a supportive way.
“Yeah.” I rake my hand through my hair. “I thought that was going to be awkward.”
“I think she’s happy to see you with someone, Callan. Even if this is a fake relationship,” she says reminding me what it is and what it isn’t. “I’ve always liked Melissa.”
“She’s a good kid.” I grip the cart and head down the aisle. “Do you think it was weird for her and she was just hiding it?”
“No, I think she’s happy for us, and happy that you’re living your life again. You deserve that, Callan. If she was upset, she wouldn’t have told you about her engagement. That’s big news. She told you before her folks, and she wouldn’t have invited us to her parents’ for dinner if she didn’t like seeing us kiss.”
“Yeah, but this isn’t real, so we can’t really go,” I say.
She nods and turns away to grab something from the shelf, and for a brief second I wonder if she might want this to be real, too. But then I remember we want different things, and even if we didn’t, neither of us are ready for more, right?
We make our way down the rest of the aisle, and once we get our groceries, we head back to my place, and it’s so odd how being with her in my house, meandering around the kitchen as we put things away, feels so right.
As soon as we’re done, I pull her to me, and kiss her with all the need inside me.
“Wow, what was that for?” she asks as her cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink.
“I think I remember you saying something about hurrying home so you could show me what brings you pleasure.”
“I don’t remember saying that,” she teases. “Look at you putting words in my mouth.”
“That’s not the only thing I’m going to be putting in your mouth,” I tell her with a grin and give her a slap on the ass to set her into motion. She yelps and darts up the stairs. I follow after her, happiness welling up inside me. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Was Gemma right when we talked early the other morning? Do I deserve happiness? Is this what Zoe would want?
The truth is, the only one who seems to have a problem with me moving on…is me.
13
Gemma
The last month has been the most glorious month of my life. I’ve been staying at Callan’s place and sleeping in his bed. Once Kaitlyn is fast asleep, he sneaks in and warms me with his big body as he climbs between the sheets. Some nights we have the most glorious, fulfilling sex—honestly, before him I never knew sex could be so good—other nights we’d just cuddle and talk about everything and nothing. Each morning, Callan slips from the room and hits the sofa before his daughter wakes and begins her day.
Taking care of Kaitlyn has been fun, and I have to say, the more time I spend with her, the more time I think about having my own family. Only problem is, I might want the family I’m playing house with. Might. Okay, more like I want to make this situation between Callan and me permanent.
“Kaitlyn, grab this,” I say, getting her to help me put the last of the decorations on the float we all decorated for the summer parade. She takes the banner and holds it in place as I staple it. We stand back and admire our work.
“Well done,” I say, and Kaitlyn gives me a high five and bounces off. The kids, as well as the volunteer adults, have all been working hard to put the float together, and in less than an hour, we’ll all ride it as it’s pulled by the fire department.
I glance up and shade the late day sun from my eyes as Callan and his crew bring the big firetruck into the empty parking lot where we’re all getting organized. The world spins a little as he climbs from the truck and comes toward us. I grab onto the side of the float to keep myself upright.
“Gemma, are you okay?” Callan asks when he reaches us. Kaitlyn comes running over, throws herself into his arms, and he picks her up.
“I think I’ve been in the sun too long,” I tell him and he sets his daughter back down, and puts his arm around me. He leads me to the back of the truck, and I welcome the shade. I sit on the bumper and he grabs me a bottle of water. Kaitlyn dashes off to be with her friends as Callan drops to his knees. Going into professional mode, his gaze moves over my face.
“I’m fine,” I tell him, and put one hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to go all first responder on me. It’s the sun and I didn’t eat properly this morning. I’m sure my blood sugar is just low.”
He stares at me like he’s not convinced. “Fine, but you need to take it easy tonight. You’ve been working overtime getting this float ready.”
I smile and take in the kids. “Looks good though, doesn’t it? We all had so much fun doing it.”
“Looks great,” he says, but he’s not looking at the float, he’s looking at me. He leans in and drops a kiss onto my mouth.
“Get a room alrea
dy,” Mason says as he walks by. Just the other day we took Kaitlyn to Mason’s house, and the kids played while I got caught up with him and his wife Lisa. I like them both. A lot.
“Go fu—” Callan stops himself when he realizes there are little ones around. He stands and pulls me to my feet, once again the world spins around me.
His brow furrows as he looks down at me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m perfectly fine,” I inform him, even though it might be a small lie. We promised to be honest with each other, but for the last couple of days I haven’t been myself. Maybe Callan is right. Maybe I’ve been working too hard. “I’ll rest tonight. Oh, wait, we have to go to the fireworks.”
“We can cancel.”
“Are you kidding me?” I give a fast shake of my head and wish I hadn’t when dizziness once again hits. I hide it and say, “I don’t want to disappoint Kaitlyn like that. She’s been really looking forward to them.”
“You’re right.” He nods and thinks about it for a moment. “Fine, you can rest tomorrow night.”
“Nope, we have to take Amanda and David out to dinner, remember?”
“Right, but we can cancel that.”
“I actually really want to go out.” I blink up at him with pleading eyes, but there is a part of me that loves his concern. “I’m looking forward to dressing up and eating at a restaurant.”
“Are you saying you’re tired of my cooking?”
I laugh at that. Nothing about Callan is tiring, and in fact the more time I spend with him, the harder it’s going to be to go back to my place when the summer comes to an end. But it must come to an end. My heart sits a little heavy at that truth.
“I love your cooking. I’ve just been around kids so much I forget what it’s like to be an adult.”
“You do need a break,” he says.
“Spoken like a true single dad.” I smile as I glance at all the happy kids getting dressed for the float as an achy need grips my stomach. I think the clock is ticking on my maternal instincts. I swallow, and glance at Callan, wishing he wanted the same things as me, but he doesn’t.
Then again, we have been playing house and having fun. Is it possible that he’s moved on, able to accept the past and move into the future, one that’s filled with a wife and more children? Or am I simply wishing for what I want? Yeah, I’m sure that’s probably all this is, and I’d be wise not to get my hopes up.
“Come on,” he says, and puts his arm around me. He walks to a vendor selling drinks and gets me an orange juice. My heart wobbles at his sweetness. “Drink this and go sit there while I get the float hooked up to the truck.” I sip my juice and do as he says. But I get antsy sitting, so I jump to my feet, and gather up the kids and we all finish our costumes. As I look at all the kids dressed as nature’s animals, I help them onto the float. Soon enough, we’re moving along, and we’re tossing candy into the crowd.
We all smile and wave, but my smile dies a quick death when I spot Brad. He’s standing there in his casual clothes, his gaze latched on me. My heart stalls at the strange look on his face, and I falter a little.
“You okay, Gemma?” Kaitlyn asks.
“Fine, sweetie. Just the movement made me a bit dizzy.”
The truck pulls us along, and I think we’ve lost Brad until I see him moving through the crowd, following us. What the heck is he doing? I catch his eye again, and he crosses his arms and stops. I haven’t heard from him since we visited my parents. A few times I thought I spotted him on the street, but in the end, I simply chalked it up to worry. I’m pretty sure he got the hint when Callan and I presented a united front. So why the heck is he here now? It has to be a coincidence. Nothing else makes sense. Right?
I briefly close my eyes to pull myself together and reach into the basket to toss out more candy to the crowd. I push Brad from my thoughts and brush it off as nothing more than a fluke meeting. Lots of people are out in the crowd watching the parade. That’s what people do at parades.
When the parade comes to an end, and all the candy is gone, I help the kids from the float, and wait for their parents to come collect them for the barbecue the firefighters are putting on. I shade the sun from my eyes, still a little spooked at the way Brad was smirking at me, when all of a sudden someone grabs me from behind. I scream, like actually scream, and all eyes turn my way.
“Whoa,” Callan says, “I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he says, his voice deep and reassuring. He turns me, and his gaze narrows. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He looks past my shoulders. “What’s going on, Gemma?”
“Nothing really. I saw Brad in the crowd.”
He stiffens. “Did he say something? Do something?”
“No. It was just strange seeing him, I guess.” I inhale when the scent of food reaches my nose, but instead of teasing my appetite, it makes me feel a bit nauseous. “Let’s eat. I’m starving,” I say, wanting to change the subject, even though I’m unable to dispel the twisted, angry smirk on Brad’s face.
Callan hesitates for a second, but when Kaitlyn comes bounding over, grabbing both our hands so we can swing her, he relaxes. We grab a couple of hot dogs and find a seat at the table. I nibble on mine. I don’t want Callan to think anything is wrong, even though seeing Brad again has really thrown me off. I changed my number again after the family gathering, and I’ve not been back to my small townhouse in ages. Is it possible that he’s been looking for me? As a police officer, he’d have no trouble finding out where Callan lives.
That thought gives me pause, and a huge stomachache. Surely to God, Callan and Kaitlyn aren’t in any danger, right? Brad has a temper, but he never laid a hand on me before. He might not have left any physical evidence of his abuse. But there was abuse. Still, I don’t think he’d go after Callan.
“Gemma,” Callan says. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I say quietly. No sense in hiding this or trying to change the subject again. Callan can read me like an open book. “I guess…it was weird seeing Brad.”
“Weird how?”
“I don’t know. The way he looked at me seemed almost…threatening.” His jaw clenches with an audible click. “I’m sure it’s nothing, though. Maybe I’m just imagining things.”
“How about I have a talk with him? Find out what he’s really up to.”
I give a fast shake of my head. “No, I am not dragging you into this.”
“I’m already in it, Gemma,” he says.
I take a big breath. “I’ll call Mom and Dad later. Just see if he’s been coming around, or asking about me.”
“Okay,” he says, even though he doesn’t seem satisfied by that suggestion.
I take a big bite of my hot dog, chew it and force it down. I follow it by a big drink of soda, the carbonation actually helping a bit to settle my stomach.
“Daddy, can we have ice cream?” Kaitlyn asks.
“Of course,” he says, and pushes from the bench. We both take Kaitlyn’s hands like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like we’re a little family, and head over to the table where they’re scooping out big cones for the kids.
Mason comes up to us. “After the fireworks, the guys are headed to shoot some pool, why don’t you come along?”
Callan briefly hesitates, and I nudge him. “Go ahead.” Honestly, it’s been so long since he’s been out with his friends, I sort of feel guilty for hogging all his attention. “I’ll take Kaitlyn home after the fireworks, and get her ready for bed. We could use some girl time anyway.”
“You sure?” he asks.
“Unless you’d rather her paint your nails tonight.”
He grins, and makes a move to kiss me when he remembers Kaitlyn is standing there staring up at us.
“Are you going to be my mommy?” she asks, and as Callan and I go still, Mason gives a low, slow whistle and slaps Callan on the back.
“On that note…I’ll see you tonight, bud,” he says and walks away.
Callan opens h
is mouth and closes it, clearly not knowing how to answer so I come to his rescue. One thing is for certain, the shock of her suggestion—written all over his face—is a good indication that me being his daughter’s mommy is something he’s not interested in.
“No, Kaitlyn,” I say, and swallow against the rawness in my throat, because when it comes right down to it, I would love to be a permanent member of this family. But Callan is not interested in a wife, or more children. “We’re just friends.”
She thinks about that for a second. “All my friends have a mommy. Why can’t I?”
Callan puts his hands on her shoulders. “Your mommy—”
“I know she’s in heaven,” she says. “But Gemma can be my stepmother.”
“What do you know about stepmothers?” Callan asks.
“Brooklyn has a stepmother. She doesn’t like her, though. She’s a mean stepmother.” Kaitlyn glances up at me. “She’s not nice like you.”
“I’m glad you think I’m nice.” I tap her nose and note how shaky my finger is. “I think you’re nice, too.”
“Then you can be my stepmother,” she says, like the matter is simple, when it’s anything but.
Callan rakes his hand through his hair and glances up at me, an apology in his eyes.
“It’s fine,” I say my voice low for his ears only. Maybe Callan and I shouldn’t be playing house. Maybe this was a bad idea, for so many reasons. Maybe I should put an end to this now, before I too am asking for more, for something he can’t give. “Kids her age go through phases. She’ll probably forget by tomorrow.”
“You think?”
I nod. “Come on.” I swing Kaitlyn’s arm. “Let’s head back and check on Gilbert the guinea pig before we get changed for the fireworks.”
“I love Gilbert,” Kaitlyn says and hugs her free arm to her chest and rocks. “He’s so snuggly.”
We make our way to a side street where Callan parked his car, and we all climb in. Kaitlyn talks nonstop on the way home and Callan shakes his head.
“Too much sugar,” he says.
“I see I’ve been a good influence on her,” I tease and he reaches across the seat, takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.
