Demons Shemons

by K. B. Draper

  “I think it’s stakeout time.” I handed Danny’s tablet back to him.

  “Human or demon?”

  “Human,” I answered. “And maybe we’ll get lucky and said human will lead us to the demon.”

  “Wayne Jr.?”

  “Yep. It’s flimsy but he was best buddies with the first victim, second victim was the treasurer at daddy’s church, sister has a bunch of HBO files …”

  “And you just don’t like the guy,” Danny added.

  “And I just don’t like the guy,” I agreed.

  “You get the ‘MOM’ file opened?”

  “Not yet. I’ll keep working on it while we’re on our stakeout.”

  We had been outside Wayne Jr.’s house about an hour before we saw the taillights to his truck flash red. I slapped Danny across the arm to pull his attention from his tablet. “We’re on the move.”

  I waited until Wayne Jr. was around the corner before I pulled out and followed him. I wasn’t too worried about losing him in traffic as it was only eleven o’clock and we’d seen only two cars since we arrived. I used a parallel street to track his movements. He was heading to the south side of town, which was literally four blocks. He pulled into the feed store that shared a small parking lot with Butler Hardware. There was not enough cover for Woody so I pulled over. “I’m going to go see what he’s up to.”

  Danny nodded and slid over into the driver’s seat as soon as I vacated it. “Be careful.”

  “Always.” I shut the door and took to the back alley, which was extra dark since someone had shot out all the bulbs on the overhead poles.

  Wayne Jr.’s truck was backed in at the dock of the hardware store alongside two other vehicles, a blacked-out Chevy Tahoe and an old beat-up Dodge Ram truck.

  I held up next to the dumpster, about seventy yards away, where I could blend into the shadows but still watch and hear the transaction without alerting them to my presence.

  Wayne Jr. got out of his truck. “Boys, how are we doing this fine evening?”

  The two guys sitting on the tailgate of the Dodge jumped down to greet him. They were both in their high school letterman jackets, though they expired over a decade ago. “Bro,” they greeted in unison, as they took turns doing some playground secret handshake. Dang, live in the past much?

  The third guy made Dumb and Dumber look like giants. He was probably five-foot-six, five-foot-seven tops, 135 pounds, balding, though I guessed him at not much over forty, if that. “Wayne.”

  “Jimmy!”

  “James,” James corrected.

  “James,” Wayne conceded. “We ready to do this deal?”

  “Are you sure you have what we seek this time?” James responded.

  “I assure you that was an unfortunate, one-time incident. I took care of the problem. We are all good. And just to ensure continued good relations, I threw in an extra bundle this go-around. See for yourself.” Wayne snapped his fingers at the throwback twins. They both jumped, using the front bumper of their truck as a stepladder to leap up on the dock. One hit a code next to the roll-up door, while the other slid under it as soon as it was halfway up. A few seconds later, he returned pushing a dolly loaded with ten brown tightly wrapped bundles, each about the size of a George R.R. Martin book. He threw a packet down to Wayne Jr.

  “You can check it out for yourself.” Wayne Jr. flicked open a pocketknife, offering it handle first.

  “That is unnecessary.” James took the package. “You will be dead, as will your companions, if there are any issues this time.”

  Wayne pocketed the knife. “You’ll be satisfied,” Wayne responded, though not with his usual confident swagger.

  The man waved toward the rear of his SUV. “Load it while I retrieve your compensation.”

  While the Doublemint Twins loaded the bundles, James went to the backseat to retrieve a briefcase. I sent Danny a quick text to let him know what was going down and to be ready. I got a “Don’t do anything stupid” text in return. I ignored it because well, where’s the fun in that? I got another text. “Don’t ignore my last text.”

  Exchange complete, James got into his SUV and started in my direction. Wayne and his two buds were flipping open the briefcase to count their rewards.

  I shot Danny another text. “Follow Wayne Jr.; I’ve got the other guy.” I shoved the phone back into my pocket, pulled out my boot knife, waited for the Tahoe to pass—then got my stupid on.

  Once James was out of the alley and pulling onto the street, I matched his pace for two blocks, wanting to put a little distance between us and Wayne. I finger waved at Danny as I ran past and smiled at his bug-eyed stare.

  There were two four-way stops in Union City and the first one was coming up. As soon as I saw the brake lights flash, I pounced. Grabbing hold of a roof rail and landing one foot on the running board, I smashed the end of my knife against the passenger side window. It shattered. I quickly pocketed the knife, used the rack to swing up and in through the window, then dropped into the passenger seat before James could react.

  “Hey, Jimbo,” I said sweetly.

  “Who the fu-”

  I was ready for his backhanded swing. I blocked it with my forearms in front of my face. Catching his wrist with my right hand, I used my left forearm to push hard, causing his body to slam against the steering wheel.

  “Jimster, this can go one of two ways for you, bad or really bad. Your choice.”

  He jerked, thrusting his elbow back toward my face.

  “Really bad it is then.” I pulled my elbow in and smashed it into the side of his head at the same time I jerked his arm farther across my body. His head wobbled once and fell lifelessly to the side.

  I put the vehicle in park, dropped his limp arm on the console, and got out. I walked around to the driver’s side and pulled open the door, flopping James back against the headrest so I could reach the seat belt release. Freed, I hauled his still limp ass to the rear of the vehicle, tossed him on top of the blocks of drugs, and hit the close button.

  In the driver’s seat now, I called Danny. Danny reported that Wayne Jr. had left the hardware store, with the Dodge truck in tow, and they had all gone back to Wayne’s house.

  “Probably going to drink PBR and talk about the good old days while playing PSP,” I offered before telling Danny where he could pick me up.

  I was admiring my work when Danny pulled up and parked.

  “I just need one more second.” I dug around in the back of Woody and smiled when I found what I was looking for. “Be right back.”

  “I thought we talked about the not doing something stupid thing?” Danny asked, following me around the Tahoe.

  “What? We foiled a drug deal and I’m just turning the evidence over to the local authorities.”

  Danny put his hands on his hips. “You duct-taped a guy to their flagpole.”

  I shrugged, glancing at James who was still unconscious and now safely secured to the flagpole outside the sheriff’s department. “No one was in the office.”

  Danny pointed to what I’d just finished doing. “And that?”

  “I wanted to make sure they found the evidence.” I put the cap back on the marker while I looked at the Tahoe that now had the words “Drugs In Here” neatly written in silver Magic Marker on the front windshield, complete with little arrows down the side windows all pointing to the back of the vehicle.

  “Are you done playing here?”

  I looked around, satisfied. “Yep.”

  The next morning, we chose a swim versus a run. Danny hit the water in his Jockeys, and I was two steps behind him in my bra and skivvies. I launched myself at his back, taking him under the water as we fell. We both came up splashing and laughing like a couple of teenagers at summer camp. It was times like these, in the middle of a demon hunt or more accurately sitting on the sidelines of a demon hunt waiting to be put in the game, that I truly valued Danny’s friendship. It was hard to keep friendships going when I was bouncing around from place to
place killing demons. I still had some guys from the force that would text or call every once in a while just to check in, but it wasn’t like I could show up at their backyard BBQ and have a ‘What’ve you up been up to?’ convo over burgers and beers. Oh nothing, got a perp robbing the 7-11 the other day. You? Oh, not a lot here either. I chased down a two-headed dragon man-demon that had a taste for crispy fried feet with a side of slightly toasted brains. Beer clink.

  I’d had a lot of friends before my fun trip to Freakville. I’d always been the girl that substituted bravado for confidence, relied on my gift of common sense to get me out of jams, and exercised a whole lot of smart mouth to get me through everything else. A recipe that was the exact opposite of what the other half to this odd couple relied on. Danny was the studious geek that got by with brains and I’m pretty sure a fair amount of mathematical equations. He also has a remarkable ability to turn a deaf ear, a skill I’m rather sure he honed in high school. When I’d first met Danny, he was a twig of a guy with thick glasses, and his half-blind great-aunt was cutting his hair. When he’d enrolled in the same college as me, I finally resigned myself to the fact I was really stuck with him and his fate crawling around in my body for a while. It had taken two trips to the mall—one for clothes and one for an appointment to a glasses and contacts-in-an-hour place—followed by a walk-in appointment to a Snip N’ Clip, to de-geekify him. Add a year of us training and working out together and he had turned into a total man-hunk. He still had the really annoying power of tuning me out, but fortunately for me I still had the power to kick his ass.

  Danny dove under the water, grabbed me around the calves, and pulled me under. I tried to kick free, but he only tightened his grip. I tried to roll. He simply rolled with me. There was one surefire escape, so I used it. I grabbed his nipple and twisted. He released my legs immediately. We both surfaced, me with a smirk of satisfaction, him with both hands over his girlie nibs, and a that flipping hurt furrow to his brow.

  “Mess with the bull, you get the titty twister,” I said as I pushed water at him.

  He resurfaced. “I don’t think that’s exactly how that saying goes,” he countered, giving his nipples a final rub.

  “It should. It would make bull fights a lot more interesting and less … well, sucky for the bull.” I gave him a nod toward the other side of the lake. “Across and back?”

  “I’m not racing,” he proclaimed, and then took off like a bullet.

  He wasn’t this competitive when we first met, I thought, grinning. “I love being a bad influence.” I took off after him.

  I felt Ashlyn before I was able to bring my head up enough to catch a glimpse of her sitting on a rock at the edge of the lake watching Danny and me race back from the other side. I fought to keep my pace in the normal human range, my body wanting to race to the woman who had my thoughts and libido in hyperdrive. I slowed even more to allow Danny time to catch up a little. Though Danny knew that Norm gave me an unfair advantage, his man-ego still gave him a swift noodle kick each time I beat him. I felt bad for the guy. Not bad enough to let him win but enough to not completely destroy him in front of a beautiful woman.

  I stood when the water got shallow, deliberately not turning to face Ashlyn, instead watching Danny who was only a few strokes behind me.

  He came up breathing hard. “I almost had you,” he panted.

  “Umm, okay, Swim Shady,” I said, still a little breathless myself.

  He flicked a glance over my shoulder. “You have company.”

  “I know,” I answered, still not turning to face our guest. “I’m playing hard to get.”

  Danny snort laughed. “Since when?”

  “Since now,” I answered.

  “Okay, let me know how that works out for ya.”

  “I will.” I wrung water out of my hair, ran my fingers through it, and turned to face the Ranger.

  “Um, AJ?”

  I looked back over my shoulder. “Yeah?”

  “Would you mind, you know,” Danny put his hands in front of his man parts, “throwing me a towel?” He gave his nether regions a glance. “Please?”

  I couldn’t help but look downtown myself. Though I’d given up man parts a long time ago, I knew Danny had nothing to be ashamed of. “Seriously?”

  “The lake is kind of cold in the morning,” he said from the corner of his mouth.

  I couldn’t help but let out a little giggle. “Sure thing, super stud.” Then, just for fun, I reached back and twisted his nipple.

  Okay, so I might have James Bond girled it a little out of the lake, but it was worth the small gesture when I heard “holy mother of god” slip from Ashlyn’s lips as she watched me slo-mo it out of the water. I smirked at her quick intake of breath when she realized that my swimsuit of choice this a.m. was a pair of black underwear and a black bra. I made my way to her and had to admit I was getting rather addicted to the sound of Ashlyn’s heart speeding up at the sight of me. “Good morning, Ranger.”

  “Good morning, um …”

  “AJ?” I offered when Ashlyn took a minute to remember my name.

  Ashlyn diverted her eyes from my chest. “AJ. Right. Right! Sorry, I was just,” Ashlyn laughed awkwardly. “I sooo haven’t had enough caffeine this morning.”

  “We have coffee at the campfire,” I offered. “Follow me. I’ll grab a towel and get you a cup.”

  Ashlyn stood. “Perfect, thanks.”

  “So, what brings you back to our little neck of the woods? More questions?” I stopped. “There hasn’t been another incident, has there?”

  “No. Or at least not the type of incident you’re talking about. I just wanted to make sure you both are okay, and I didn’t get a chance to thank you two for yesterday. You saved us quite a bit of work.”

  I resumed my trek to the towels. “Well, as you can see, we’re fine.” I opened Woody’s rear door and dug for our towels.

  “I can see that,” Ashlyn muttered.

  I turned, caught Ashlyn’s eyes somewhere around the vicinity of my ass, and smiled. “I’m going to run a towel down to Danny,” I advised, handing her a coffee mug as I passed. “Coffee is over the fire. Make yourself at home and I’ll be right back. Mr. Teenie Weenie was shy about getting out of the lake in front of you,” I said, throwing a thumb over my shoulder.

  “I don’t … That wasn’t … I’m fine. I didn’t need a towel. I’m good, you know,” Danny stuttered behind her. “I’m all good. Perfectly good. Better than good. Great. No complaints. Like never, ever. More than satisfied.” He looked at me then back to Ashlyn, both of us extremely curious how he was going to close out this little conversation with his manhood intact. “I just didn’t want to show off.” His eyes widened, impressed with his own comeback.

  “Thank you. Seriously, thank you for all of that,” I replied.

  “Ugh, never mind.” He waved at Ashlyn. “Morning, Ranger.”

  “Good morning, Danny,” Ashlyn said, a slight chuckle in her voice.

  He pointed at Woody. “I’m just going to go change into my dignity now.”

  “Make sure to wear your matching pride pants,” I yelled to his back.

  “Always a good time. Always a good time,” Danny yelled back.

  “You two seem very close,” Ashlyn stated.

  I turned back to her, searching her eyes for the purpose of that statement. General observation or general curiosity? I was going with curiosity. Now was it for investigative or bedroom reasons? I didn’t know, but hopefully it was the latter. “We’ve been friends,” I paused for emphasis, “a long time.”

  “How’d you meet?” Ashlyn asked, trying to sound nonchalant but not quite pulling it off.

  “We met during a summer trip to his hometown, and we ended up going to college together,” I answered truthfully-ish. I smiled as Ashlyn fought to keep her eyes on mine versus roaming up and down my body. “If you have a few minutes, I’ll go put some clothes on and then we can continue this little background check?”

&
nbsp; “I’m not doing a back-”

  I cut off her words with a look. “It’s fine. I understand. I’d be doing the same thing if I was interested in someone …” I paused for fun, then added, “as a murder suspect.”

  “I don’t necessarily think-”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”

  I heard Ashlyn’s exasperated sigh as I made my way around Woody to grab my duffle bag of clothes. I would normally be a bit uncomfortable with a law enforcement officer asking so many questions, but I had questions that needed answers, too, and, well, she was sexy and … and double well, quite simply I wanted her. I changed into my black jeans and my SPD T-shirt that Danny had gotten me when I graduated from the academy. It was my favorite T-shirt and I figured a little subliminal message plastered across my chest wouldn’t hurt my cause any. I checked on Danny who was also clothed and pulling out his tablet. “She’s asking you and me some questions. I’m going with truth-lite.” Danny and I have had to explain ourselves numerous times over the years, “truth-lite” was our code for factual minus the demon hunting parts, so we would be singing the same song.

  He nodded. “Got ya. I’m going to do more digging into the Clines, see if I can turn up anything more there, being all I have is dead ends on the demon stuff.”

  “Still nothing from Grand?” I asked even though I knew I would have heard the phone ring.

  He looked at me. “No, still must be on the dreamwalk. It’s been two days and I’m starting to get nervous.”

  “I’m sure he’ll get back to us soon. In the meantime, I’m going to see what I can get out of Ashlyn.”

  “Are ya now?” Danny smirked.

  “Information. What information I can get out of her,” I clarified with a slug to his arm.

  He only laughed.

  “I’ll check back with you in a bit, but let me know if you find anything.”

  “Roger that,” he said, saluting.

  I chose to sit across from Ashlyn. She was uneasy this morning, and I didn’t want to do anything more to make her uncomfortable or make her distance herself from me. I wanted the exact opposite of uncomfortable and distant; I wanted naked and close. Very, very close.