Demons Shemons

by K. B. Draper

  Ashlyn rocked forward and slammed the chair back, nearly knocking it over before catching Wayne Jr. in his juniors. “You fucking pile of cow shit.”

  I was seriously hearting this woman.

  Wayne coughed, cupping his giblets as he took two cross-legged steps to stand next to her. “You bitch!” He raised his hand to slap her.

  I interrupted that with a blade through his palm. I was already moving before it struck, grabbing Ashlyn’s chair, and throwing us both behind a pallet of ice melt. “Hey.” I smiled at her, already making quick work of her bindings.

  “Hey, yourself.”

  Bullets started to hit the bags. The compacted salt stopped them effectively but not for much longer as the bags split open and the ice crystals spilled out on the floor. “You know, I was thinking,” I said as I cut the rope around her left leg. “What do you think about going on a date? Like a real one. Dinner? Movie or-”

  Ashlyn flinched as more bullets struck our temporary blockade. “You’re asking me out in the middle of a gun fight?”

  “Yeah.” I helped her sit up. “I mean, I want to get it out there while I have the chance. After we deal with this, we have to go stop a demon from handing over the apocalypse baby to a psychotic Jerry Falwell. That’s kind of redundant I guess, but anyway … I just want to get it on the calendar.”

  Ashlyn leaned in to kiss me, quick and hard. “I would love to go out with you, Miss Mattox.”

  “Nice!” I kissed her back. “Then let’s kick their asses and get on with the evening.” I lifted my pant leg, released the Glock I had strapped to my calf, and handed it over.

  She took it competently, checked the chamber, and clicked off the safety.

  I grinned. “I’m completely turned on right now.”

  She smiled. “Kick ass, sex, then a date?” she asked.

  “I think I love you,” I said before I could think about the words. My brain paused, but my heart decided to go with it.

  She smiled. “Yeah? Then we better get on with this so you can prove it.”

  I nodded, grabbing the chair. “Oh, and you should know, I brought backup.”

  “Who?”

  “Sheriff Linn. We’re besties now.”

  “You don’t have much longer until you’re sitting behind a pile of worthless salt,” James shouted. “Come out now and I promise that we’ll kill you quickly.”

  “Sheriff’s Department!” Loretta yelled.

  “Go time,” I stated, standing and flinging the chair at the gunman spinning in the sheriff’s direction. The chair didn’t hit its mark but caused the desired distraction so the gunman couldn’t lock his aim on the sheriff.

  Ashlyn moved quickly to the left, behind a shelving unit. I went right, using Wayne Jr.’s back as a stepping-stone as I passed. The miserable pussy was trying to belly crawl to safety behind a rack of door hardware.

  James raised his hands. “Sheriff, I’m sure we could conclude this business without any need for involvement from the local authorities.

  “Tell your sidekicks to put their hands up,” the sheriff yelled back.

  “Don’t say I didn’t offer,” James waved a careless hand and the bullets flew in the sheriff’s direction.

  I flung a knife at the guy to my right. It stuck in his spine between his shoulder blades.

  James whirled on me, his gun already firing in my direction.

  Ashlyn took out the first guy, tagging him twice in the leg and once in the stomach, when he turned the gun at her. Two more men closest to James dropped to a knee; one firing at me, the other focusing on Ashlyn.

  I brought out Bert and Ernie, my throwing stars, and flicked them at Ashlyn’s attacker. Bert struck the guy in the thigh, Ernie in his nethers; he was always the pervier of the two. The man collapsed. With all their attention now aimed at me, James and the last guy standing unleashed a rain of bullets. I dove forward, sliding a good four feet on my stomach. I scrambled to my feet behind the rack and made quick work of scaling the side of the shelving unit. No one ever looks up.

  James had slipped between two empty display racks, trying to get a better angle on me while blocking his movement from Ashlyn. I caught a brief glimpse of her making her way to the back of the room. I stretched my hearing out to the sheriff and heard heavy panting. Either she was hit or Lucy and Ethel were weighing heavy in all the excitement. I leapt from the top of one shelving unit to the other, knowing Ashlyn was relatively safe at the moment. I wanted to take out the minion closest to the sheriff, eliminating the possibility of him fleeing or, worse, firing off more shots at her. I ran my hand over sets of tires on the top shelf as I read 265/65R17. That should work. I grabbed one, held it out flat over the guy’s head, and dropped it. I was going for more of a Chaplin, Three Stooges kind of effect; the tire dropping perfectly over his head and arms, pinning them to his sides. I got more of Wile E. Coyote and an anvil. I heard something crack as the guy dropped. “Oh, ouchie.” I rolled my own neck. “I need to work on that little skit, apparently.”

  I spun, about to leapfrog it back to the far shelf but paused when I heard heavy breathing. I turned back to the dock door. The sheriff had blood coming from her left bicep, her arm lying limp at her side. Fortunately, though, Lucy was helping the Sheriff hold her shotgun to her right shoulder. She slid in cautiously, eyeing the tire and the man groaning in pain next to it. She shot a glance up.

  I blew her a kiss.

  She rolled her eyes.

  Wayne Jr. saw the sheriff’s entrance as well. “Sis! Help me!”

  The sheriff dove behind the stack of air compressors just as two bullets slammed behind her. “You fucking little piece of shit! You never could keep your fucking mouth shut!” Loretta yelled back. “Goddamn it!” Two more shots.

  Wayne Jr. was curled in a ball, an arm protectively over his head.

  James moved behind a stack of crated lawn mowers still in their protective wrapping. I checked for Ashlyn, my heart leaping when I didn’t immediately see her. Then she slid out from behind a tool chest, moving quickly to stop behind a large workbench. I willed her to look up. If she kept to her path, she’d move right into his line of sight. She peeked out, quickly checking out the area before she committed. “Look up. Look up,” I whispered.

  She took one tentative step then paused, glancing toward the ceiling, checking the tops of the shelves until she found me. I smiled. She smiled back. I pointed. She nodded and I watched her retreat just as I heard the distinctive click, snap, and explosion of a gun. Damn it.

  James stood smirking up at me as his gun slowly lowered and blood began to run from his lips.

  I looked back at the Sheriff standing in the middle of the bay. “Motherfucker that hurts my tit when I do that.” She transferred the shotgun to her weak hand so she could massage Lucy with her right.

  “Sis! Thank god, you’re here. Me and the guys were just hanging out. Then these guys came in and-”

  I stood, looking down at Wayne Jr., still belly to the floor. I sighed. “If only I had an anvil.” I whistled down at him, waved, and stepped off the top shelf a la Deadpool. I had the pleasure of seeing his eyes go wide before I landed, one foot on either side of his head. “Try again, Pinocchio.” I crouched to tweak his already injured nose.

  His eyes filled with tears. “Sis, are you going to let her assault me again.”

  “Yes,” the sheriff answered matter-of-factly.

  I looked up and gave Ashlyn a wink. “You good?”

  “Good.” She smiled at me before turning to the sheriff. “Loretta, you’re hit!”

  The sheriff waved Ashlyn off. “Just a graze. I’ve had worse hauling hay.”

  Ashlyn went to her anyway. “Let me look at it.”

  I straightened, booted Wayne Jr. in the stomach just for fun, and walked over to check on the sheriff as well.

  I shot my eyes up to where I had been perched. “Thanks for that.”

  “I have a feeling you would’ve been fine without me, but James has been plaguing
this town for years and it was time that someone …” she looked me in the eyes, “No, I did something about it.”

  Deputy cars and area Highway Patrol units arrived a few minutes later. They hauled off a whining Wayne Jr., his two butt buddies, and the other breathing members of the group.

  “We need to …” I gestured toward the door.

  “I’ll cover. Get going.” Loretta waved. “Text me with your location.”

  Ashlyn nodded. “Will do.”

  The sheriff looked at me. “Do what you need to do to stop him.”

  I nodded.

  I texted Danny the address of the Harveys’ house while Ashlyn and I stood in the darkness by the sheriff’s car. “You were pretty amazing back there,” I said, pulling her into my arms.

  “I could say the same for you,” she replied, smiling back at me.

  “They didn’t …” The words lodged in my throat as I ran a gentle thumb across the red mark on her cheekbone.

  “I’m good. Mad that they took me off guard, but good.”

  “I was worried.”

  “I’m sorry.” She lifted slightly onto her tiptoes to lay a reassuring kiss on my lips. “I never meant to-”

  “Not your fault. It’s something I’m going to have to get used to.”

  “Ditto.” She quirked an eyebrow.

  “There’s no way I can talk you out of tonight, right?”

  “Not a chance in hell,” she answered flatly.

  I sighed. “Getting used to …” I repeated.

  “Don’t worry. I have a date to get ready for so I’m not going to let anything happen to me.”

  Headlights turned in our direction. “And sex. Remember, you added the sex part.”

  Ashlyn pulled me tighter against her. “Sweetheart, there’s no possible way I could or would forget that.”

  My heart triple-timed in my chest as she added a kiss that had me desiring a cigarette. Danny, flashing Woody’s lights at us, was all that had me releasing Ashlyn. “Skip saving the world and go straight to the sex?” I asked.

  Ashlyn winked. “Save the world, then world-shattering sex?”

  A groan escaped my throat. I gave Ashlyn another kiss before pulling back. “Deal.”

  “Seriously, making out in the middle of the apocalypse?” Danny asked when I opened the passenger door, waving Ashlyn to hop in first.

  “A girl has priorities,” I stated, hopping in after Ashlyn and pulling her onto my lap for the short drive across town.

  Danny snorted. “Good to know. So, just out of curiosity, where does apocalypse rank in your priorities?”

  I thought about it. “Third.”

  “What’s two? And you better say me,” Danny said, putting Woody in Reverse.

  “Oh, right. Okay, fourth.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Danny turned around at the end of the street, catching the still flashing lights of the responding cop and EMS vehicles. “Looks like you had some fun without me.”

  “Why do you think I had anything to do with that?” I protested. Ashlyn snorted.

  Danny answered with a roll of his eyes. “Whatever. What did you find out?”

  “Midnight in the forest.”

  “Okay, so we’re going with the clichéd ritual in the woods thing. I’d expect a little more originality from the Queen of Hell, but whatevs.”

  “I just don’t know where in the woods.”

  “Where she killed Mrs. Cline?” Ashlyn offered.

  “Good possibility,” I pondered. “Grand up for the night?”

  “Yeah, he’s waiting to hear from us.”

  “Okay. Let’s swing by the motel. You can get your tin can and Grand and we’ll meet back up at the campsite. That seems like a good central location to start.”

  On the short drive to the motel, Ashlyn and I filled Danny in. I also might have groped Ashlyn’s ass down Main Street too, only to be surreptitiously tortured by her nonchalantly grinding it back into me, stopping abruptly when Danny glanced our way.

  “The sheriff, huh?” Danny asked as we turned on the street that housed the motel.

  “Yeah, punched his time card, no hesitation,” I stated.

  “And Wayne Jr.?”

  “She was the one that put the cuffs on him,” Ashlyn answered.

  “Nice.” Danny thought for a second. “And Daddy?”

  “I think we can count on her if we need her,” Ashlyn said. She looked at me over her shoulder for confirmation.

  “Agreed. We told her we’d keep her in the loop.”

  Danny pulled into the open parking space in front of Grand, who was already waiting outside his room. Danny nodded. “Cool.” He left Woody running as we all got out to speak to Grand and switch drivers.

  Grand went immediately to Ashlyn, placing his hand on her shoulder. “Danny advised me about your absence at the church, and I am glad to see that you are okay.” He caught sight of her reddening eye. “You are okay?”

  “Yes, Chief.” She put a self-conscious hand to her cheekbone. “Just a bit bruised, nothing more.”

  He looked at me.

  “It’s been handled.” I said, answering his unasked question. “Danny can fill you in.”

  Grand nodded. “To the forest then,” he stated as he swung his bag around to dig in it, coming out with a salve wrapped in a tobacco leaf. “For Ashlyn,” he stated then dug around again for Danny’s keys and holding them out.

  I waited until Danny was about to open his door before yelling, “Hey, Danielle.”

  Danny rolled his eyes over the roof of his car. “What?”

  “How many men drive a Prius to a demon fight?”

  “One! One very manly man that is extremely secure with his own manhood!”

  I laughed.

  Grand stifled a laugh.

  Ashlyn swatted me across the stomach.

  “Thank you,” Danny said to her.

  “We’ll be right behind you,” she returned. Once Danny and Grand were in their vehicle, she looked at me. “Do you always give him crap like that?”

  “Pretty much.” I grinned. “It’s how I show my affection.”

  She shook her head in amusement. “Okay, so what is that?” she asked, pointing to the leaf Grand handed me.

  I sighed heavily. “It’s an ancient serum. It will give you … Well, it’ll give you superhuman strength for twenty-four hours.”

  Ashlyn’s jaw dropped, eyes going full-on bug at the bag. “I don’t want … I don’t need …” She looked back up at me then hit me. Hard. “You’re a total ass!”

  I let out a laugh. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I danced out of reach of her swinging fists.

  “Sign of affection?” she added with another slap at my arm.

  “Yes,” I chuckled, as I caught her wrist and pulled her to me.

  She made a half-hearted attempt to get away. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “But am I cute?”

  “Eh.”

  I smiled. “I think you’re cute.” Then I let the playfulness park on the bench for a bit. “Actually, I think you are beautiful. Intelligent. Brave. And seriously amazing.” She dropped her chin, suddenly shy under my words. I put a fingertip under her jaw, encouraging her to look back up at me. “My life is difficult. And I know this is crazy timing and really, really, really too soon, but I can’t go into this thing tonight without telling you that I care for you. That I wanted you the second you walked into the sheriff’s department and into the interrogation room. It scares me to death to let you into my world. Into tonight. I understand why you need to see this through and I won’t deny you of that, but goddamn it you better not get hurt because I … I mean, if you’re willing, I’d really like to see if we could make a go of something. I don’t know what or how, but something after all of this is done.”

  I was surprised by my own honesty, but standing with Ashlyn in my arms, her body against mine, looking into her eyes, I had to be honest in that moment. I wanted her in my life. Some way, somehow, I wanted her there. Maybe I
could take small breaks from Hoyo Abi and come to her just as AJ. I was sighing before I even finished the thought. There was no AJ alone anymore. I was Hoyo Abi. I was a demon hunter. We were one and the same.

  Ashlyn seemed to sense my discomfort. “AJ?” She reached up, placing a hand on my cheek. “Look at me.”

  “I’m sorry. I know that’s a ridiculous thing to ask. This is no life-” I started to pull away.

  “Don’t you dare pull away from me.” She grabbed the front of my shirt and held me to her. “I want those things too. But if we’re going to give this, us, a go, I’m all in. You won’t, can’t, keep me from the other parts of you. I won’t be in a relationship with half a person. I want all or nothing. She weaved a hand through my hair to the back of my neck. “Because the all is really magnificent.” She gave me a kiss. “And sweet.” She gave me another kiss. “Kind.” Another kiss. “Obnoxious and-”

  “And we can stop there.” I picked her up and crushed my mouth against hers, kissing her long and hard with every emotion pulsing through my body.

  Ashlyn wrapped her legs around my waist, melting into me, taking in what I was so willing to offer and returning the same emotions to me but now completely whole.

  I finally pulled back, reluctantly. “I …”

  She gave me a smile. “Me too.” She winked and gave me another quick kiss. “Now, do you think you should put me down so we can go find a demon?”

  I sighed begrudgingly. “I suppose.”

  Back on the ground, Ashlyn picked up the medicine Grand had offered. “So this?”

  “Salve.” I rubbed at my cheek. “It’ll help with the redness and swelling.”

  “You’re a jerk.”

  “Yep. Sucks to be you as you’re stuck with me because there are no take-sies back-sies,” I replied.

  “Take-sies back-sies? Good lord, what have I gotten myself into?” Ashlyn muttered.

  Chapter 14

  It was just after 10:00 p.m. when we were all back at the campsite sitting around the rekindled fire. Danny was readying the weapons he thought we might need while I was sitting with Ashlyn and Grand cleaning my knives and throwing stars before placing them in their respective harnesses. I was lost in thought, thinking about the fight we’d just walked away from and the one ahead of us, when I felt Ashlyn’s eyes on me. I was suddenly self-conscious at how nonchalantly I had wiped human blood from my blades. I hadn’t actually taken any human lives tonight, but I had definitely given them a good fuck-over. “I didn’t…”