Demons Shemons

by K. B. Draper

  We approached the area where it had all begun twelve years before. Well, maybe not began, began. I didn’t know where Michael and the Reyna had bumped uglies, so we’ll fast forward to this “began,” the spot where the Reverend-Mayor had … I was going to say lost, but I thought sacrificed was likely more fitting, his wife. Much as I was sure he’d also done to Vera, earlier this week. I now surmised that Vera had come across discrepancies in the books or maybe she’d overheard something about him fostering Baby Apocalypse and suggested it wasn’t the most genius plan so he’d brought her out to meet the Reyna. What I didn’t know was if the Reyna was playing the role of herself or an angel? That part of the plan had clicked after hearing Ashlyn’s description of her. “She was angelic.” I assumed the Reyna was putting on a God show for the Reverend-Mayor, glamming it up to play the Mother of the Next Savior role.

  “Is she going to be able to feel you before we can get there?”

  “It is possible. More possible that she would sense you first.” He was looking at my eyes as he replied. “I have never seen …” He was talking about Norm, I knew, who was front and center, ready for the upcoming fight. “You are magnificent.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Admire later. Fight now. If she’s already going to get a heads up we better go in hard and fast,” I said, taking off in a run after texting “Go.” I replaced my phone with a blade as we sprinted through the trees. Michael’s muscles weren’t just for looks, I noted, as he was able to match my preternatural speed step for step.

  As soon as we were close, I immediately understood why Michael’s brain and his boys had gone stupid for her. She was insanely beautiful. That was until she sensed us. She’d been standing next to the Reverend-Mayor while he continued to preach his nonsense, holding Baby Apocalypse nestled to her chest. She wore sad eyes, blinking away tears, and nodding randomly as if agreeing with his sermon. Her mask slipped, only for a second, but it was all it took for me to see the cold, soulless black eyes of her true form. Her mouth sneered as I broke through the last ring of trees and came skidding into the clearing, Michael at my side.

  “Knock, knock,” I said. “Can anyone join this party or are invitations reserved for the insanely stupid?”

  The Reyna, with her mask back in place, leaned toward the Reverend-Mayor and whispered in his ear. My heart was laying down a pretty good rat-a-tat-tat so the only word I heard was demon. I was confident it hadn’t been preceded by an “Oh yeah, by the way, I’m a” but more something in line with “She’s a …”

  “They’re demons!” the Reverend-Mayor yelled. Nailed it.

  Our entry had already caused a stir. Five men had been standing by bearing witness and bearing arms apparently, as five rifles swung in our direction. I would have thought tequila-spiked punch and diapers with tail holes in them would have been better demon baby shower offerings. But hey what says “Welcome to this earthly plane” better than five delusional white men in matching robes packing assault weapons?

  The Reverend-Mayor yelled out again. “In God’s name, strike them down.”

  Though I thought the five guys needed a good bitch slap for being complete nimrods, I wasn’t ready to go Die Hard on them. Yet. As they raised their weapons and started for us, I yelled, “Leapfrog!” I heard Woody’s tires come sliding into the party. “Backup will handle them!”

  Michael was over them without opening his wings fully. I leapt forward, grabbing an arm of one and tossing him into two of his neighbors who were somewhat awestruck by the dude who just flew over them.

  Danny was leading Ashlyn and Grand as they entered the clearing. “Take care of these idiots,” I yelled back at them as I ran through the momentary opening I’d created in the men.

  Michael’s wings were folded out directly behind him, keeping them in a ready position in case he needed to go NASA in 3, 2, 1 while not giving the Reyna an even larger target. I guess he learned his lesson the last time he got himself tacked to the side of her den.

  The Reyna sighed heavily. “I thought I had taken care of you already.” She leaned forward, calmly laying Baby Apocalypse in the makeshift altar crib that she and the Reverend-Mayor had been positioned behind. When she looked back up, though she was still wearing the mask of a picturesque woman, the scowl she was giving Michael was anything but attractive. Hate and loathing transformed her lips into the snarl of a predator and her eyes were cold and deadly.

  I moved to flank her on the left, hoping that if she was distracted by Michael I could slip over to her blindside. I took one step before her eyes lazily swung in my direction. “And I see you brought a friend.” She sniffed the air. “A pesky Hoyo Abi, no less.” She scoffed in disgust.

  “Give me my son,” Michael growled.

  “No,” the Reyna answered flatly, stepping between Michael and Baby Apocalypse who now cooed and cawed.

  “He is my son.” The Reverend-Mayor stepped forward as well. “He might not be of my blood but I’m God’s chosen one that is to raise him in his image to lead the righteous …”

  I hitched a thumb at the Reverend-Mayor. “Seriously, of all the righteous douchebags, you were going to hand the kid off to this whack-a-noodle?”

  “I needed a pawn.” The Reyna didn’t give the Reverend-Mayor the courtesy of a glance.

  Reverend-Mayor stalled in his holier than thou shit spiel. “What?”

  “Newsflash, dumbass, she’s the demon.” I pointed at the Reyna then to Michael, “he’s the angel,” then at him, “you’re the idiot,” then to myself, “and I’m the badass. Now if you don’t mind getting out of here so we can send this bitch back to where she came from, that would be great.” More tires on rock. “Damn it,” I muttered. The sheriff was here and the look in the Reverend-Mayor’s eyes told me he wasn’t believing what I was throwing down.

  He pointed at me. “You’re lying. You’re Satan’s vessel of evil, here to tempt the righteous.”

  My eyes were white and there was that one time in Nebraska that I had tempted a pretty redhead … Okay, probably not the time, but to his point he had the tempt part right at least.

  The Reyna lifted an arm, her fingers spread wide, her attention fixed on Michael. “You were a good enough lay, but I’m seriously over you now,” she announced before flicking her wrist at which point all hell broke loose around us. The five men that Danny, Ashlyn, and Grand had been effectively dealing with went to the far side of batshit crazy. Rage overcame them and they began to leap, swing their fists, snap their jaws, and bite. They had been resisting before but now they attacked like rabid wolves. I fought the urge to turn and assist them. I had to trust Danny, Grand, and Ashlyn to fight their own battle. Plus, I had bigger, badder beasts to slay. I pulled my two long swords. “Ready to tango, Mulder? Scully?”

  The Reyna flicked me a glance. “I can see you’re going to be annoying.”

  I stepped toward her. “I get that a lot.”

  Michael was moving as well, his sword in his hand. “Just give me my son and we don’t have to do this.”

  The Reyna smirked. “Just hand him over? Without bloodshed? Without a fight? That doesn’t sound like very much fun.” She raised another hand, this one aimed at me. And I suddenly realized I’d failed to ask one minor little question. Where do those super-sucky webs come from? My question was answered a split second later when two streams of webs shot from the center of her palms. Michael stepped left. I stepped right, using my twin blades to slice it as it passed. Each section, when severed, died in the air.

  “Sweet Holy Jesus!” I heard the sheriff proclaim from behind us as she arrived at our party. I’d like to believe her response was a result of her seeing my mad sword skills, but it was quite possibly the sight of a black-eyed woman shooting webs out of her upraised palms.

  More webs came at us. Michael dodged back right. I continued my current path, wanting to keep as much distance between her two targets as possible. The only good thing coming from the Reyna shooting webs at our heads was it had effectively shut the Reverend-Ma
yor the hell up. He stood, frozen, mouth agape at his angel who wasn’t looking very angelic at the moment. She’d let her glamour partially recede, talons replacing her fingernails, and black veins snaking up her arms, visible through her now nearly translucent skin. To top off the demon fashion show, razor-sharp jagged teeth replaced the perfect ones that had been there only moments ago.

  Michael and I both advanced. Michael, using his sword to slice at the webs like a skilled chef, me going more Deadpool double whirling blades route. Both effective. Mine, if I do say so myself, more badass looking. The webs stopped abruptly. The Reyna’s hands dropped to her sides, smiling derisively as if the fun was just about to begin.

  I heard the skittering before I saw the source.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I shot a glance at Michael, his eyes not wavering from the Reyna. “Spiders?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Crap on a fucking shit cracker!” I yelled behind me. “Incoming!!!”

  Spiders poured out of the forest into the clearing, burrowed up from the ground, and came sliding down from the trees, like creepy, eight-legged anti-search and rescue units. I swung at their webs only for them to fall to the ground to join the sea of invading black. I stomped, doing my best to keep them off my feet and keep my eyes on the Reyna. I could see the unwavering Michael out of the corner of my eye. Spiders were overtaking his boots and starting up his legs. I did a quick “icky, icky, get them off” dance for him.

  Grand yelled from behind us. “Illusions!”

  I looked down at my boot, stomped, and lifted. There were no smashed guts, only more spiders. So, acid-dropping-trippy but not deadly, good to know. I stopped fighting and fortified my senses against the sensation of hundreds, thousands of legs using my body as a beanpole.

  “Super fun trick,” I announced, taking another step forward.

  “It’s one of my favorites, next to-” Her jaw unhinged and her mouth opened impossibly wide as a spray of green venom shot at us. She did a sweeping spray, first toward me and then toward Michael.

  Michael took flight. I leapt for an overhead branch, catching it and swinging myself up into a tree. She followed my path. Venom hitting and immediately killing, then dissolving the leaves and branches in its wake. I moved quickly from branch to branch. My footholds were disappearing underneath my feet. I flinched at the shotgun blast, spinning my head quickly to see the Sheriff with the shotgun positioned against her shoulder and Lucy, the kick knocking her back a step. The Reyna spun in the direction of the sound, holding up a palm, a web releasing in an open fishnet pattern that closed around the shotgun pellets and dropped them at the Reyna’s feet. The Reyna smirked as she raised her other hand toward the sheriff.

  “Danny!” I yelled.

  Danny spun, but instead of running at the sheriff and simply knocking her out of the way, he took one leaping step forward and raised his blade, slicing through the web as he landed. I swore he almost Superman posed when it fell limply to the ground. Totally giving him shit for that later.

  I dropped from the tree, capitalizing on the moment that the Reyna’s attention was focused elsewhere. I sent two of my blades sailing at her chest. She caught them, one in each hand and immediately returned to sender. I dove forward into a roll as my blades buried themselves into the tree behind me.

  Michael swooped in from the sky, his sword swinging at the Reyna’s head. She merely sneered, shooting a palm out and sending another tightly woven web like a spear at his chest. He rolled a shoulder out of the way to avoid damage to his chest but his wing was a large target and the web sliced right through it. Crimson blood shot from the wound as he was knocked back.

  Michael was back on his feet in a flash and charged her again. I came at her from behind. Her head did a 180 to leer at me, not fucking creepy at all, before she spewed venom in my direction, effectively halting my advance. She spun back to Michael. He got the double shot of web palms with a side of skin-corroding venom. He was able to strike down the webs with a single swipe of his blade, but the venom hit him square in the breastplate. He didn’t even glance down, just continued his advance.

  I launched another knife, which found purchase this time, catching the Reyna in the back of her thigh. I was going to hip hip hooray but without flinching the Reyna merely pulled it out and threw it back at me. I rolled forward just as Michael brought down his blade. I knew her move before she made it. “Talons!”

  Michael heard my warning but reacted a second too late. The Reyna rushed him, her talons driving into his exposed thigh. Nice tactic. I wonder where she got the idea, freakin’ copy demon. Michael cried out in pain. I leapt from a crouch, both long swords back in my hands. I yelled as I ran, wanting her to know I was coming this time, in hopes that she would release Michael.

  Which she did, after picking him up like a forked potato and flinging him into a nearby tree. She blocked my first two strikes and then my third. I retreated only slightly to gain some distance and plan my next move, quickly taking in the area around me for a solid Plan B if this sword to the gut thing didn’t work out. I ignored the Reverend-Mayor who was attempting to slink his way toward the altar, I’m sure in an effort to take advantage of the situation and slip off with Baby Apocalypse. I’d have to hope that Danny, Ashlyn, the sheriff, or Grand would stop him. As far as I could tell, their fight was going a tad better than mine. At last count, I’d heard three sets of handcuffs lock into place with a whole lot of “sinner and going hell” threats and one “Oh my god, shut the hell up,” from Ashlyn.

  My next swing of the sword was intended to push her back. I wanted her retreating instead of attacking. She didn’t move. Instead, she hissed and shot another spray of venom at me. #Fail. I quickly found myself in retreat mode, leaping and swinging out of reach of the talons she was using as both weapons and shields.

  “It’s been awhile since I fought a Hoyo Abi. I forgot how much fun it is,” she commented and in appreciation of our playtime she spat venom at me. I half rolled, half blocked it with my blade. I knew the venom would make short order of my sword, so I flipped my grip on the handle and drove it into the ground, hoping the earth would save it. I pointed at it. “That was Scully. I love Scully.”

  The Reyna gave my buried sword a glance. I used the split second to see that Ashlyn and Danny were helping Michael up while Grand held the five men at bay. I didn’t see the sheriff. I wasn’t sure where she was and didn’t have time to figure it out as the Reyna’s eyes were back on me. Damn.

  She leapt at me this time. The scream that escaped her throat caused the wolves in the area to begin howling and my ears to bleed. My normal instincts were to wince and cover my ears; Norm’s was to drive forward. We dove forward. My sword was on her again before she landed, my single blade making a long, hallow gash across her stomach. It wouldn’t do jack to end this battle but hey, go me it was effective enough to cut off her annoying scream.

  The Reyna paused her assault to wipe curiously at the black blood. She held out her talon, letting a single drop of blood fall from it, and watching until it hit the ground. In that fraction of time, Danny moved left, Ashlyn swung wide right, and Michael was coming from directly behind her. Even though I was the one with the vantage point to see my backup, I knew she could see them as well. “Down!” I yelled, just as she threw out both of her hands and webs hit Danny and Ashlyn. They’d started to respond so the webs didn’t fully encapsulate them but it was enough to take them out of the fight, if only momentarily. I didn’t think we had too many moments left. She spun on Michael, turning both palms at him but his desperation-fueled rage drove him to attack. His sword flew with a new fury, slicing at his foe. Where I had unrivaled speed, Michael had unrivaled strength. He pounded the Reyna with strike after strike. She was able to block most of them but a few did find their mark. But like the knife in the thigh and the slice across her stomach, she showed no awareness of pain.

  “I will not let you,” he swung at her, “take my son.” He struck out at her again.r />
  At Michael’s words I saw the Reyna’s plan change. She’d been up for a mano-a-mano fight, just waiting for Michael to show a weakness that she could take advantage of, and he’d just served it up on a silver platter. She shot venom at him to give herself distance before leaping for Baby Apocalypse.

  I moved as well, only in a different direction. The Reverend-Mayor was at the edge of the clearing, stopped short by the sheriff and the gun she held at his face. He was currently chastising his daughter, calling her a sinner, an abomination, and ungrateful but the sheriff was calm, seemingly unaffected by his words. I had a feeling it wasn’t the first or the hundredth time she’d heard them.

  Before I could get there, the Reyna hit the Reverend-Mayor with a web. It spread across his back, wrapping itself around his shoulders, neck, and torso. She yanked and the Reverend-Mayor was jerked from his feet and sailing back to her. She caught Baby Apocalypse with another web, retracting it to bring him into her arms. I’m officially changing my vote on who would win in a fight between Superman and Spiderman.

  The Reyna spun just as Michael was about to bring his sword down. “Nah-un-ah. You wouldn’t want to accidentally strike our son now, would you?” Michael took a calculated step forward. “Hurt me and I drop him,” she warned.

  Michael froze. I moved back to party central. The Reyna took two sideways steps to keep both Michael and me in her line of sight. “I think I'm going to leave this little gathering now. I would like to say it has been fun but it has most definitely not been,” she stated.

  I risked a glance at Michael, hoping to send him a silent memo: “I’m sorry but I can’t let her leave.” But he already had his own “ain’t happening” convo going on with the Reyna.

  “I cannot let you leave with my child,” Michael informed her.

  “What he said, minus the ‘with my child’ part. ’Cause frankly, you’re kind of icky,” I added to the back and forth because I hadn’t said anything annoying in a while.