The a to Z of Girlfriends

by Natasha West

  Izzy laughed, relieved. ‘Yeah.’

  They stood and walked out. Izzy saw a taxi rank. ‘Well, early start in the morning’ she said, faking a yawn. This was clearly going nowhere.

  Zoe raised an eyebrow. ‘Don’t you wanna get a drink and crap all over the film with me?’

  Izzy thought on it. It was inviting. But trying to read signals was getting exhausting. She wanted to give it up, go home, possibly have a bath which she swore would not lead to any self-pleasure while she thought of Zoe. ‘I don’t know…’ Izzy said, throwing a glance to a waiting taxi.

  But Zoe gave her a little half smile and said, ‘Come on. It’s early’ and she started to back away like she already knew Izzy would do anything she wanted.

  She was right. Izzy followed.

  ***

  Izzy’s evening had taken an upturn. Because she’d given up on the romance thing, she was just trying to talk to the woman, stop seeing her as a sex object. It was almost working. If she could just not look at Zoe’s perfect face, she could just about pretend she was talking to a brick wall with a voice like butter.

  ‘But didn’t you know that guy was the killer?’ Zoe asked.

  ‘No’ Izzy admitted. ‘I thought he was the love interest.’

  ‘What film were you watching?’ Zoe asked with a shocked laugh.

  ‘I’m not good at reading clues’ Izzy told her. ‘When I watched Titanic, I didn’t even realise the ship was going to sink. I thought they’d figure out a way around the iceberg.’

  Zoe snorted. ‘Not great with clues. I’ll have to remember that.’ She looked at the time. ‘Oh my god, look at the time! We’ve got to be up at five.’

  ‘Yeah, it’s bed time’ Izzy said accidentally and blushed a bit.

  Zoe didn’t seem to notice. ‘Where are you? We could split a cab.’

  ‘I’m in Borringdale.’

  ‘Perfect, I’m in Chester Hill.’

  ***

  The taxi ride was short and quiet. Izzy was spending it in the way she thought best. Trying to stop this nonsense. She’d done so well with building a sex wall the last few years. It was deeply annoying that Zoe had cracked through. But Izzy was a pro. She could get ahold of herself and let this be what it should have been from day one. A good working relationship.

  The taxi pulled up and Zoe opened her purse.

  ‘Oh, it’s OK, I’ve got it’ Izzy told her.

  ‘No, no, please’ Zoe. ‘Let me pay him.’

  ‘I have to pay him on the other end anyway. You’ll be paying most of the way.’

  ‘I don’t mind’ Zoe said and paid the man. She opened the door and stepped out.

  Izzy scooched over to lean out. ‘See you in the morning.’

  Zoe nodded but she didn’t say anything.

  ‘OK, well, bye’ Izzy said.

  Zoe tutted and rolled her eyes. ‘You’re seriously not going to get out?’

  ‘What?’ Izzy asked, thinking she’d misheard.

  Zoe took a deep breath, leaned over and pulled lightly on Izzy’s collar, dragging Izzy forward to meet her for a kiss. Izzy’s eyes flapped closed at the first brush of Zoe’s lips. As Zoe kissed her, she thought to herself, ‘OK. This clue seems clear enough.’

  The cabbie coughed, and Zoe and Izzy broke it off. ‘So are you coming in?’ Zoe asked.

  Izzy nodded again and got out of the car. The taxi drove off.

  They barely made it inside before Zoe made move two. She pressed Izzy up against the door and kissed her neck, murmuring, ‘I’ve had to wait way too long for this.’ Izzy moaned as Zoe’s lips slid along her ear.

  And then she suddenly remembered why she’d thought this might be a bad idea. ‘Wait a sec, wait a sec’ she said, and Zoe stopped kissing her ear and leaned back to look at her. ‘What’s wrong? Do you want to slow it down?’

  Izzy didn’t want that at all. But her damn mind had started working its terrible machinations. ‘It’s not… It’s… I’m worried.’

  ‘What about?’ Zoe asked, stepping back a little.

  ‘We work together’ Izzy told her. ‘I mean, there’s a good reason this sort of thing is discouraged.’

  Zoe sighed, hurt. ‘I… I’m not just trying to shag you, Izzy. I mean, I am. But I thought…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’ve thought about why this shouldn’t happen’ Zoe admitted. ‘But I thought it was worth the risk. Because we have a spark, don’t we?’

  Izzy’s mouth turned up at one corner. ‘I think we do, yes.’

  ‘So, I mean, it might be a bit early for this conversation seeing as I haven’t even gotten your clothes off yet, but I thought we might be starting something.’

  ‘Did you?’ Izzy asked, not wanting to get her hopes up. But it was so hard. Zoe looking at her like this, so earnest, laying it on the line. Izzy fell a little bit in love at that moment.

  ‘If you don’t think this could go the distance, you can say so. It’s alright’ Zoe said, turning away.

  ‘I’m just thinking…’ Izzy started to say and then stopped to gather herself. She was about to mess this up. And why shouldn’t she have what she wanted for a change? Why shouldn’t she take a risk on someone like Zoe? The woman was a serious catch. What kind of idiot threw a woman like her back in the water? ‘Zoe, I do think it could go the distance. I just got scared. I do that.’

  Zoe licked her lips and looked Izzy in the eye. ‘Scared is alright. I can deal with scared.’ She leaned in and kissed Izzy deeply.

  Izzy didn’t speak after that. She made some noises, but they weren’t full words and thank god for that. It was time to disconnect her worries and fears and try again.

  Thirty-Four

  The next morning, Izzy sat in her booth watching Zoe read the news. Her lips were pressed tightly together to stop herself grinning as Zoe talked about a road traffic accident. It was unseemly to be happy while listening to such things.

  But Izzy was happy. Last night had been something she didn’t know she needed. What had happened with Mackenzie had scared her more deeply than she’d realised. The last few years of drought, Izzy had told herself she was just being sensible. But it was obvious now that it had been pure fear at the wheel of her heart.

  Last night Izzy had pushed that hand off the wheel. Her reward was deep pleasure. Zoe was a hellcat in the bedroom. Izzy just hoped that Zoe had been right, that the spark they had wasn’t merely sexual. That this thing, just this once, could go all the way.

  ‘Several people were rushed to hospital with serious injuries’ Zoe said and caught Izzy’s eye. She grinned involuntarily. She quickly looked away, putting her mouth back into the serious shape needed. ‘Police have closed off the lane, so please be aware when making your way down the A78 this morning’ Zoe read on, trying not to look at Izzy again. Luckily, she was wrapping up and as the jingle played, Zoe was able to stand up and come into the booth. ‘I hope no one heard me sound like I was loving the fact that a car smashed into a lorry’ she said to Izzy dryly.

  ‘You’re the consummate pro’ Izzy told her. ‘You kept your voice appropriately dour.’

  Zoe pretended to wipe sweat off her forehead and then glanced at the other studio, visible through the glass. ‘Are they looking?’ she asked.

  Izzy cast a discreet glance in the direction of the morning crew. They were laughing at their own hilariousness as ever. Jenna watched with dead eyes.

  ‘Nope. Why, you thinking about doing something we don’t want people to see?’

  ‘Precisely’ Zoe said, stealing a kiss. Izzy’s heart swelled at the brief contact. She would have thought she’d have been scared to do that at work. But the reward far outweighed the risk.

  ‘Hey, can I take you on a proper date?’ Zoe asked.

  ‘Last night wasn’t a proper date?’ Izzy replied, shocked. ‘Because it certainly felt like one. What with the naked bit.’

  ‘It was a trial date. I was trying to read the vibe’ Zoe explained.

  ‘I was doing that too’
Izzy confessed. It was nice to be honest.

  ‘Then you’re not very good at it. I’ve been dropping hints for weeks. And you still nearly left.’

  ‘But you went for it anyway?’ Izzy probed, amazed. Zoe was so different from her. She didn’t seem to know the meaning of fear. And Izzy knew that word way too well. Every permutation and definition known to man, Izzy was an expert.

  ‘Damn right I went for it’ Zoe said with a rueful smile ‘You were too cute, all flustered in that cab. I had to kiss you.’

  ‘I’m glad you did’ Izzy said, checking no one was watching them. This was the problem with working around all these glass walls. Hers and Zoe’s body language was screaming out WE HAD SEX!

  ‘So you’re going to let me take you out?’ Zoe asked.

  ‘I’d like that’ Izzy said moderately not wanting to sound too keen. But the second Zoe walked out of the booth, she was beaming like an idiot.

  She looked over to see Dave from morning giving her quite an intense look while his partner prattled on. She thought for a second he’d been watching her interaction with Zoe, that he was onto her. But then he gave her a cheesy wink. Izzy clocked on. He’d thought she was smiling at him. Izzy dropped her grin immediately. Dave’s smile faded, and he turned back to his mic.

  Once that awkwardness was dealt with, Izzy went back to enjoying the moment. There was something in the air. Izzy supposed it was a feeling of potential.

  Thirty-Five

  Izzy sat in her parents living room, drinking tea. She was on her official monthly visit. This one had a purpose. They were meeting Simon’s girlfriend, Andrea. The girl looked terrified. Simon looked pleased with himself.

  Izzy had wondered if she should have brought her own person today but in retrospect, separation of family and girlfriends was probably for the best. That’s right, Zoe and Izzy were happening. Today was their three-month anniversary. The spark was now a bonfire.

  Izzy was exhausted. But she wouldn’t have dreamed of complaining. She’d had never had so much sex in her life. She was high on a permanent diet of oxytocin. People commented on it. ‘God, you’re cheery’ Jeremy said when he saw her in the halls. ‘What’s your secret?’

  ‘Oh, just a good night’s sleep’ Izzy said vaguely. It was a hilarious lie. She got no sleep at all these days. It was wonderful.

  And they didn’t just go at it like alley cats. They talked too, in-between orgasms. They talked about their respective lives, hopes, dreams, nightmares, tastes, all the usual. So Izzy felt like the sex wasn’t casual, like with Sophie. After all, they had things in common, unlike her and Mackenzie. They worked in the same industry, for a start. Also, Izzy had casually dropped in something about kids once and Zoe had been wonderfully ‘Meh’ on the subject.

  Zoe had referred to her as her girlfriend too, while they were in the supermarket, three weeks ago. ‘My girlfriend needs non-bio fabric conditioner’ she’d asked the guy stacking shelves. ‘Have you got any?’ As they waited for the guy to check, Zoe suddenly spun to Izzy. ‘Sorry, do you mind me calling you that?’

  ‘Oh. Um…’ Izzy sputtered, taken by surprise. But looking at Zoe’s nervous face, she knew what she had to say. Izzy smiled, kissed Zoe on the cheek and said, ‘No. Course not.’

  Still, it was probably better not to have bought Zoe to this meet the parent’s thing. She would leave such gestures to Simon, who’d never looked so happy. Izzy was pleased for him, but she just hoped he hadn’t made a big mistake in bringing Andrea today. Because back in the day, her parents would have faked it for a guest. But lately, they’d been getting worse. More fights, more screaming, more anger, more bitterness. Every time Izzy spoke to either of them, they did nothing but complain about the other. They’d never been more wearing.

  But so far, Scott and Joanne were doing alright. Then again, they usually were for the first hour. But sooner or later, someone would slip up. A shot would be fired across the bow. And then? War.

  ‘So how long’s it been?’ Joanne asked the happy new couple.

  Simon looked to Andrea. ‘What? About six months?’ Andrea nodded and smiled.

  ‘Wow!’ Joanne said, slightly patronising. ‘So, getting quite serious then?’

  ‘Mum’ Simon admonished. ‘Take it easy.’

  ‘Sorry, just excited’ Joanne said, crossing her fingers. ‘I mean, this one’s not going to give me grandkids’ she said with a nod to Izzy. ‘Oh, I don’t mean because you’re a lesbian! Just because you don’t want them!’ she corrected nervously.

  Izzy bestowed her mother with a forgiving smile. ‘I know what you meant, Mum.’ She’d never been happier not to have Zoe here if this was the standard of conversation to be expected from the evening.

  Scott looked over at Izzy. ‘I didn’t know that.’

  That was correct. Her mother knew Izzy wasn’t going to have kids because she’d asked. Her dad would never ask such a question because he rarely asked personal things like that - either because he wasn’t interested, or didn’t know how, Izzy had never quite established. But now that thing was going to happen. The thing that happened when her father felt out of the loop.

  ‘Yeah, that’s right. Not for me’ Izzy said quickly, feeling a bit awkward. She was meeting Andrea for the first time and so far they’d tackled Izzy’s sexuality and lack of interest in children in a few seconds. It was a bit much. But Andrea was beside the point now. The issue at hand had become containment, clean up. ‘It came up recently, no big deal.’

  ‘Any reason?’ Scott asked evenly. Weirdly evenly.

  Izzy shrugged. ‘Just not my thing.’

  ‘She’s a career girl’ Joanne said to Andrea. Andrea nodded politely.

  ‘Is that the reason?’ Scott asked. ‘Because you can have both.’

  Izzy wanted to scream. It seemed her dad wasn’t going to go off but instead, he was being inappropriate in front of a stranger, which wasn’t a lot better. What was wrong with him? She’d just gotten used to how bloody obtuse he was and now, in his fifties, he was trying to reach out? It was nothing short of rude.

  Izzy shrugged and said, ‘Yeah, I guess.’ She turned to Andrea. ‘So, how did you guys meet?’

  But Scott interrupted. ‘Is this because of how me and your mum are?’

  The temperature in the room fell several degrees. Izzy heard her mother say, ‘Scott’ softly.

  ‘No, Joanne’ Scott said sadly. ‘She doesn’t want kids because she hasn’t had a good experience of how we’ve parented her. It’s obvious.’

  ‘Dad, that’s not true’ Izzy said quickly, confused by yet another strange turn in the conversation.

  But her dad didn’t listen to her. He was in his own head. ‘Well, I don’t know how to make that up to you. But we’re getting a divorce’ he told the room.

  A silence fell over the room as the Mortimer kids took in the news of the demise of their parents’ marriage. Despite its inevitably, it was still shocking. It was as though they’d watched someone suffering some awful terminal illness hang on for years, to the extent that it seemed they might just go on for ever, sick, suffering, but just about living. But here it was. The death.

  Eventually, Simon was the one to break the moment. He gave a cough and said, ‘Well, it’s been great to see you guys, but I reckon that’s about the limit. Thanks for saving this for today. Great timing, really. Just fantastic’ he said and stood up. Andrea stood, said, ‘Bye then’ to the room and scuttled nervously after him.

  Joanne turned on Scott the second she heard the front door shut. ‘Why did you do that? We agreed to wait.’

  ‘I know I shouldn’t have. But look. We’ve ruined our daughter!’

  The daughter in question raised an eyebrow at that. But rather than debate it, she decided to take a cue from her brother and leave on a sarcastic comment. ‘Right, I’m going to take my ruined self and get going, if you don’t mind?’

  ‘He doesn’t mean it like that’ Joanne said desperately.

  ‘Was I forgetting the nice way to c
all someone ruined?’ Izzy asked her mother and father. No one could answer.

  ‘Look, I’m sure you’ve got some questions’ Scott said and Joanne nodded. ‘Yes. You must.’

  But Izzy had no interest in letting them turn this into ‘A healthy conversation’. It was too late for that. ‘No, no questions. No comments. No interest at all. Enjoy your separate lives’ she said and slammed out.

  She walked down the street, headed for her car. She walked right past it. She was so angry, there was no way she could sit still right now. And she certainly couldn’t drive the car. She’d crash the thing, the state she was in.