Beautifully Broken Spirit

by Catherine Cowles

  “Come in.”

  I pushed open the door to find Walker at his desk, bent over paperwork. “Walk, we’ve got a problem.”

  The paperwork was immediately forgotten. “What’s going on?”

  I shut the door behind me. “Cody showed up at the Tea Kettle today.”

  Walker shot up from his chair. “What? Why didn’t Jensen call me?”

  I raised a hand. “Calm down. She didn’t call you because he just showed. I happened to be there, which is why I just dragged my ass over here to tell you in person.”

  Walker’s jaw worked. “What did that asshole want?”

  My hands fisted. “He said he came to make amends. He wants to see Noah.”

  “Like hell! He’s not getting within twenty feet of my nephew.”

  I sank into one of the chairs in front of Walker’s desk. “J pretty much said the same thing, but she’s freaked. We need to get her a lawyer, and we need to look into Cody.”

  Walker pulled his chair back and sat, waking up his computer. “You’re right. She should’ve had his rights terminated a long time ago.” He began typing on his keyboard.

  “We need to get the best lawyer we can on this now.”

  Walker nodded. “I know someone. I’ll call him after I finish this search.”

  My brow rose. “You abusing police resources, Deputy Chief Cole?”

  “Oh, fuck off. Like you wouldn’t do the same.”

  Walker was right. I’d do anything for Jensen. I didn’t care who stood in my way. I would keep her and Noah safe and happy.

  Walker began typing. “I never liked that asshole. From the first moment I met him, I knew he’d be trouble.”

  My hands tightened around the armrests of the chair. “What vibe did you get off him back in the day?” I needed to know if we were dealing with someone who was simply a prick, or if this was more than that. Darker.

  Walker paused in his typing and looked up to meet my eyes. “He was slimy. Everything about him was too smooth. Too perfect. And he had J so far under his spell, it was scary.”

  The chair creaked as my hands fisted even tighter. Walker went back to typing. My gut roiled. What if Cody could get Jensen under his spell again?

  “This is interesting.” Walker’s eyes scanned the computer screen.

  I leaned forward in my chair. “What?”

  Walker hit a couple of keys. “Cody Ailes has had a house foreclosed and two vehicles repossessed, all in the last three months.”

  My gut churned. “He know J comes from money?”

  Walker looked up from the computer. “You know how my parents are, they keep that pretty close to the vest and never spoiled us growing up. I don’t think he would’ve known in college.”

  My grip on the chair tightened. “But he could’ve found out since.”

  “Yes, he could.”

  18

  Jensen

  “Moooooooom, stop hugging me so much.” Noah squirmed free of my hold to bring his plate to the sink.

  I watched as he stepped up on the stool we’d painted together so that he could rinse off his plate before putting it in the dishwasher. The top of the step had the crest from Captain America’s shield. I’d wanted to curse when Noah had said that was how he wanted to decorate it. I had been thinking more along the lines of paint splatters and handprints.

  I’d spent an entire evening studying the dang design and tracing it onto the stool so that Noah and I could paint it the next day. I’d thought it would be something fun that would get him excited about chores, washing his dishes, helping me prep meals. I fought the tears that wanted to fill my eyes when I realized he wouldn’t need the step much longer. My boy was growing like a weed.

  I twisted a kitchen towel in my hands. Part of me wondered if I should say something to Noah about Cody being in town. To warn him. Images flashed in my mind of Cody approaching us on the street before I’d had a chance to tell Noah anything.

  No. I would sort this out first. Figure out what Cody was after before I told Noah anything. If Cody stayed around and really did want a relationship with Noah, maybe I would consider supervised visits. Guilt swamped me. Every time I thought I’d figured out what the right thing to do was, my mind flip-flopped. Cody may have been a first-class asshole to me, but what if he truly was here to make amends and build a relationship with his son?

  I had absolutely no perspective when it came to Cody Ailes. So, I planned to take the advice my dad had always given me: Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And preparing for the worst meant talking to the lawyer Walker had sent me the name of as soon as possible.

  The front door opened, and Walker appeared, followed closely by Tuck. I hated that all I wanted to do was run to Tuck and have him wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything would be okay. I detested that weakness I felt within me. I loathed that Cody’s return had me questioning every move I made, especially when it came to Tuck.

  “Uncle Walker! Tuck! I gotta show you what we learned in karate yesterday. It’s so cool!” Noah abandoned his dishes and went running for the guys.

  Walker hung up his coat on a hook with one hand and caught Noah in a hug with the other. “I’d love to see it. Why don’t you show me while Tuck talks to your mom about some stuff, and then you can show us both.”

  Noah’s little brows pulled together as if he were unsure, but then he nodded. “We can practice a demonstration for Mom and Tuck.”

  “Sounds like a plan, little man.”

  Tuck ruffled Noah’s hair as he ran past, and soon Tuck and I were alone. “Hey, Wilder.” He crossed to me, reaching up to give my neck a few gentle squeezes.

  I stepped back out of his grasp, picking up a towel from the counter, and drying a dish.

  Tuck edged closer. “What’s wrong?”

  I rubbed an invisible spot on the plate. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe my douchebag ex showing up out of the blue, and me being terrified that he’s going to try and take my kid away from me?”

  Tuck was silent for a moment as I put the dish in a cabinet. “J, it’s going to be okay. We’ll figure this out.” He reached out, trying to pull me to him, but I stepped out of his hold again. “What the hell, Wilder?”

  Tears burned the backs of my eyes. “I can’t.”

  That muscle in Tuck’s cheek ticked. “Want to tell me why not?”

  My eyes began to fill. “I don’t trust myself.”

  Tuck’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve only ever made horrible decisions when it comes to men. What if you’re just one more in a line of bad choices?”

  Tuck’s expression gentled. “I probably am.”

  “Are you serious?”

  He eased forward, slowly reaching out and giving me all the time in the world to stop him, but I didn’t. Tuck wrapped his arms around me. “We might end up regretting this. It might be the wrong choice, whatever that means. But if we stop taking risks, we stop living. I don’t want that for you. And I sure as hell don’t want that for myself.”

  My body seemed to deflate at his words. “I hate this. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

  Tuck brushed his lips against my hair. “It’s just going to take time. You’ll start to hear that voice inside again, but you’re the only one who can take the steps needed to act on whatever it’s telling you.”

  I started to nod, but a peal of laughter from the living room had us jumping apart. Walker and Noah were just fifteen feet away. Tuck and I had to be more careful.

  Tuck gave me a sheepish smile. “You got any coffee? We can sit while we talk.”

  I nodded and poured him a cup while I made a chamomile tea for myself. We sat, and Tuck stirred his coffee. I let out an exasperated sigh. “Just tell me already. You sitting there in silence is just making things worse.”

  Tuck stopped stirring. “There’s not a ton to tell just yet. What we do know is that Cody won’t be paying child support anytime soon. He
’s leveraged up to his eyeballs.”

  The hand on my teacup tightened. “I wouldn’t take his money even if he offered it.”

  Tuck took a sip of his coffee. “You should ask your lawyer what the best course of action is if he offers. I think the fact that he’s never paid a dime over the last nine years of Noah’s life will play in your favor if this ends up in court.”

  My hand began to shake, rattling the teacup on its saucer. I set it down on the table. “Maybe I’ll get lucky, and he’ll get bored and leave. Or meet some bimbo tourist and follow her out of town.”

  Tuck reached under the table and gave my thigh a squeeze. “I’ll hope for that, but in the meantime, I want you to be cautious.”

  I nodded. “I already planned to fill in Noah’s school tomorrow just in case. And I had Walker tell my parents and Grams.”

  A small grin tipped Tuck’s lips. “And how’d ol’ Irma take things?”

  I let out a snort of laughter. “She called me up and asked when we were going huntin’ for assholes. Said she’s got a spot on her wall picked for his head. And I got the impression she was talking about the head down south.”

  Tuck spewed coffee across the table. I handed him napkins and rose for paper towels. Tuck mopped up the mess. “Hell, remind me not to cross that woman.”

  I smiled at the thought of what might happen if my grandmother found Cody. It was a good thing she no longer had a driver’s license. The smile slipped from my face. “My stomach’s in knots over all this.”

  Tuck pulled me back down into the seat next to him. “That’s understandable. But you’re not alone.”

  I let my fingers twine with Tuck’s under the table. “I know I’m not.” I paused, just taking a moment to soak up the easy affection in his gaze. “I wish you could stay tonight,” I whispered.

  “I wish I could, too. Fuck, do I wish that.”

  I rubbed at my eyes as I lifted my cup off the counter and took another sip of my green tea. This shift felt like it would never end. My nightmares were back, and my sleep was paying the price. It wasn’t until the dreams returned that I realized they’d left in the first place. Since Tuck and I had gotten together, my night terrors had been nearly nonexistent. Until last night.

  The dream had started innocently enough. Noah and I playing tag in the field behind our guest house. As he ran, escaping my grasp, Cody showed up. He threw Noah over his shoulder and ran for his car. I chased after them, but the harder I pushed my muscles, the slower I went. And just as I reached the fence, Bryce appeared, long, gleaming knife in hand.

  I’d woken in a cold sweat. After taking a shower so long the hot water had run out, I didn’t chance sleep a second time.

  I jolted at the jingling of the bell over the door. It was a miracle I could even hear it over the sound of the old men bickering with each other over their bridge game. I forced a smile as I lifted my gaze to greet the customer. The grin fell from my lips, as did my desire to issue a greeting.

  Cody stood across from me with a bouquet of flowers and a gift bag in his hand. “Just hear me out before you kick me to the curb.”

  I ground my teeth together. “You have sixty seconds.”

  “I’m sorry about yesterday. I mean, I’m sorry for a lot more than that, but let’s start with yesterday.” He set the bag and the flowers down on the counter. “I don’t always handle it well when other people know what a mess I’ve made of my life, and I didn’t know that guy who was here, and things just spiraled.”

  I said nothing. I understood where Cody was coming from, but there was so much more water covering that bridge.

  “The flowers are an apology to you for yesterday. And the bag is stuff for Noah. You don’t even have to tell him it’s from me.”

  “I won’t.” The comment slipped from my lips before I could curtail my inner bitch. I took a deep breath. “I’m not saying that because I’m evil. I’m saying it because I have no idea how long you’re planning to stick around, and I won’t subject my son to having someone in his life who’s just going to abandon him all over again.”

  Cody’s jaw clenched. “I’m here for as long as it takes.”

  I threw my hands up. “And then what? You go back to wherever it is you live now?”

  “Well, I was thinking about maybe moving to Sutter Lake. See if I could find work here.”

  My brow arched. “Really?”

  “Really. I’m serious about being a part of Noah’s life.” His eyes locked with mine, a familiar look in them. “And yours.”

  My blood began to boil. “Oh, no, you don’t. The only way I factor into this equation is as Noah’s mother. Other than that. I don’t exist for you.”

  A muscle ticked in Cody’s jaw. The one that meant he was two seconds away from losing his shit. “Don’t you think Noah deserves a chance to have a two-parent home? Most single moms would kill for that opportunity.”

  “You need to leave. Listening to the bullshit falling out of your mouth is pissing me off.”

  “Everything okay over here, Jensen?” I hadn’t even noticed that the bridge game had stopped and that Arthur now stood, holding the cane he used for stability in snowy weather like he might use it as a weapon.

  “Everything’s fine, Arthur. This gentleman was just leaving.” I gave Cody a pointed look.

  His shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. But I’ll call you, and we can talk at a more appropriate time.”

  I shook my head as Cody left. The appropriate time would be a quarter till never.

  Arthur shuffled closer to the counter. “Who was that guy?”

  I rubbed my temples. “One of my many mistakes come back to haunt me.”

  19

  Tuck

  “Thanks for letting me know.” I tapped end on my phone’s screen and opened the door of my truck. A ranger had found another dead mustang. I gripped the phone tighter. Between some psycho hunting down these peaceful creatures for no good reason, and Jensen’s ex showing up out of the blue and putting her through the wringer, I was about to snap.

  I took a deep breath, letting the cold air ease my temper. I wasn’t going to let anything ruin this day. I was taking Noah and my girl sledding. But…Jensen wasn’t mine. Not really. I was only stealing her for this brief moment in time. But when Cody had shown up at the Kettle the other day, I’d wanted to claim her as mine. In every way possible.

  I shook those thoughts from my head as the front door opened, and Noah shot through it, going as fast as his little snow-suit-covered legs would allow.

  “Tuck! I’ve got the two-seater sled. Will you go on it with me?”

  I lifted him high in the air as he reached me. “You got it, little man.”

  Jensen shut the door, locking it behind her. “We’ll need to take my SUV. Do you want to drive? Or do you want me to?”

  I inclined my head towards my vehicle. “We can take my truck.”

  Jensen shook her head. “Noah still needs his booster seat—” Her words cut off as she took in the backseat of the cab of my truck. “You got a booster seat?” Was it just the glare of the sun, or were her eyes a little bit misty?

  I shrugged. “I’ve been meaning to get one so it’s easier for me and the little man to have our hang sessions.”

  “Yes!” Noah cheered, shooting his little fist into the air.

  I pulled open the back door, and Noah hopped up.

  Jensen crossed to me, getting close but not touching. “Thank you.”

  I fisted my hands, wanting so badly to reach out and brush the hair back from her face. “It’s no big thing. I really have been meaning to get one.” Jensen nodded. “So, where’s this infamous sled Noah’s talking about?”

  Jensen gestured to her SUV, and I jogged over to grab the inflatable sled. The thing was as tall as I was. Thankfully, I had the cover on my truck, and there was plenty of room in the bed.

  As we drove to the hill on the border between my family’s ranch and the Coles’, the same one Jensen, W
alker, and I had spent countless winter days on, Noah chattered nonstop. He told me about all the moves he was learning in karate, the practice book of guitar lessons Liam had given him before leaving on tour, hell, the kid even detailed what he’d eaten for breakfast.

  I looked over at Jensen, who was trying to stifle a laugh with a cough. I reached over and gave her thigh a squeeze. I wanted so badly to touch more of her. All of her. There was something about losing myself in Jensen that was unlike anything else I’d ever experienced.

  I pulled to a stop at the bottom of the most perfect sledding hill to ever exist. And two seconds after I’d shut off the vehicle, Noah was out of his booster seat and climbing out of the truck.

  I turned to Jensen. “Think he’s excited?”

  Jensen grinned. “He’s been talking about nothing else for days. He adores you.”

  Warmth flooded my chest, followed quickly by a trickle of dread. I didn’t want to lose this, what I had with Jensen and Noah, but this was all so very temporary. What happened when there was another man ready to take my place? My hands fisted as I tried to push the thoughts from my mind. “Can’t leave the little man waiting.” I slid out of the truck and circled around to pull out the sled.

  “Hurry up! Let’s go!” Noah tugged on my sleeve.

  “You get a head start. I’ll catch up.”

  That was all Noah needed to hear. He took off up the hill, going so fast he fell every few steps. Jensen’s laugh sounded beside me. “Do you remember what it felt like for life to be that simple?”

  I reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’ve built a wonderful life for him, Wilder. The thing he worries about most right now is how quickly he can get to the top of that hill.”

  Jensen stamped her foot down a little harder than necessary in the snow. “I’m glad someone thinks so.”

  I grabbed J’s arm to halt her progress. “What do you mean?”

  “Ugh, nothing. It’s just freaking Cody.” She threw her arms wide, dislodging my hold. “He had the nerve to show up at my shop yesterday and insinuated that I was a bad mother if I didn’t give him a shot. That Noah deserved to grow up in a home with both his parents. Well, that’s what I had in mind for Noah, too, but Cody wanted no part of that. Now, it’s too late.”