Beautifully Broken Spirit

by Catherine Cowles

  “What’d that rock ever do to you?”

  I looked up to see Jensen crossing the drive. Just the sight of her stole my breath. Her hair flew around her face, a bit wild, just like her. That dark shade of brown bringing out the golden hue of her skin. My chest seized. I wanted her more than my next breath.

  Jensen held out a hand and led me around the house. As soon as we were out of sight, her lips were on mine, hungry, seeking, almost desperate. My own returned the frantic need. Tongues dueled, teeth tugged at lips, my hands got lost in her hair then wandered lower, gripping her ass. I needed more. All of her. I wanted to imprint myself on every last cell of her body. I pulled back with a gasp. “Have to stop now, or I won’t.”

  Jensen took a few heaving breaths. “That was a hell of a hello, cowboy.”

  I grinned. “I like to keep you on your toes.”

  “Well, you’ve certainly done that.” She peeked around the side of the house. “We’d better get back inside, or someone might come looking.”

  I grabbed her hand, tugging her forward. “Let’s go.”

  Just as we headed up the stairs, the front door opened and Walker appeared, brows pulled together. I dropped Jensen’s hand like a hot poker. “Where have you two been?”

  Jensen cleared her throat. “I just wanted to get an update on the case before Tuck came inside.”

  Walker’s gaze flicked to me. “Anything?”

  I shook my head. “Not a damn thing. I swear this guy is a ghost.”

  Walker slapped me on the back as I passed. “No one’s a ghost. If anyone can find this guy, it’s you.”

  Guilt flooded me. Walker was the brother I’d never had. He trusted me. Believed in me. And here I was, basically lying to his face. Fuck. “Thanks, man.”

  “Dinner’s ready,” Sarah called from the kitchen. “Oh, good, you’re here, Tuck.” She studied the table. “I think I might have made too much.”

  I grinned and wrapped an arm around her. “I’m happy to help you out with that, Mama Sarah.”

  She squeezed my hand. “I’m sending you home with leftovers, too.”

  “Twist my arm.”

  Jensen pulled out a chair. “I’ll invite Kennedy to come next time.”

  Sarah smiled at her daughter while motioning for me to take the seat next to Jensen. “That would be wonderful. That girl is just the kindest, and I hate that she’s so young and all alone here.”

  I lowered myself into the chair. “How old is she?”

  Jensen rolled her eyes. “She’s twenty-two. The way Mom talks about her, you’d think she was fifteen.”

  Sarah took a seat across from us. “Oh, hush. Twenty-two is just a baby.”

  Jensen’s gaze went unfocused. “Something tells me she’s wiser than her years.”

  Maybe I needed to pay better attention when I went into the Kettle, figure out what this girl’s story was. The last thing I needed was Jensen getting caught up in another dangerous situation an employee dumped on her doorstep.

  Irma settled into the seat next to Sarah and grinned at me. “How ya doing, hot stuff?”

  Jensen, who had just taken a sip of water, started choking.

  I patted her on the back. “Are you okay?”

  Jensen wiped her mouth with her napkin. “I’m fine.” She glared at her grandmother. “Or I would be if someone would keep table conversation appropriate.”

  Irma took a sip of wine. “Oh, don’t be such a stick in the mud. I’m allowed to appreciate a fine piece of man meat.”

  I chuckled. “I feel so used.”

  Irma pointed at me with a butter knife. “Buck up, sonny, and take it as a compliment. I’ve got good taste.”

  Dinner passed in its usual fare. Multiple loud conversations going on at once. Lots of laughter. Delicious food. And Jensen at my side. I reached under the table and squeezed her hand. Her eyes met mine and held, so much passing between us. Some I wasn’t sure I was ready for.

  “Noah, it’s almost time to get ready for bed.” Andrew stood and gestured for his grandson to rise.

  “Aw, man,” Noah pouted. “Can’t Mom and Tuck take me?”

  My eyes widened. Noah usually asked for Walker on nights like this. “Of course, we can.” The table was more silent than usual as Jensen and I rose and left with Noah. I wondered if others were starting to put the pieces together.

  We headed across the gravel drive. I held one of Noah’s hands, and Jensen held the other. The boy swung between us every few steps, chattering away the whole time.

  Jensen unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Noah, run upstairs and put on PJs and brush your teeth. Then Tuck and I will come and read to you.”

  We stood in the entryway while Noah ran upstairs. Drawers opened and closed. Water began running. Jensen and I stayed in place. Taking in the sweet simplicity of the moment.

  “I’m ready,” Noah called.

  We headed upstairs. Noah wanted me to read him a book about Muhammad Ali, and Jensen to read him one about mountain lions. Then it was time for bed.

  I ruffled Noah’s hair. “Goodnight, little man.”

  Noah yawned. “Love you, Tuck.”

  A fist clamped around my heart. “Love you, too.” The words came out choked, but they were there. This precious boy loved me. And I wanted nothing more than to give that back to him. To be the man he could depend on. That fist in my chest tightened again as visions of all the ways my father had let me down filled my mind.

  I shook my head, trying to clear it as I forced myself to follow Jensen down the stairs. I could do this. I wasn’t my father.

  Jensen paused at the bottom of the stairs. “Thanks for being so good with him.”

  I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “He’s the best.”

  She shuffled a little closer to me. “I think so. I wish you could stay.”

  I swept my lips against Jensen’s. “I do, too.” I kissed each temple, then her forehead. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll call you when I get home.” I gave her a wicked grin. “Maybe we can have a little phone action.”

  Jensen fisted my shirt. “I guess I better go get that toy out of my nightstand.”

  My jaw fell open. “You don’t have…”

  She winked at me. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

  I cut the engine on my truck. Other than the front porch light, the entire house was dark. I realized in that moment that it looked fucking lonely. And that’s what my life had been. Sure, I’d had women warming my bed. I went to family dinners at the Coles’, I saw my mom, I shot the shit with my co-workers. But I’d kept everyone at arm’s length.

  Until Jensen had wormed her way into my life and into my fucking heart. I guess it was nothing new. She’d always been there. Knowing me more deeply than anyone else. Seeing things others glossed over. But since we’d started this thing between us, it was like she’d come in and turned on the lights. Suddenly, I could see everything more clearly.

  Tomorrow morning, I was going to go see Walker and tell him that I was in love with his sister. I’d take whatever hits he gave, but I wasn’t going anywhere.

  I slid out of my truck and headed up the stone path. My steps faltered, and my hand went to my Glock as I saw a figure hunched over on my front porch. The figure’s head came up, and he sneered.

  “There he is. The life-ruiner himself.”

  Fuck. “What are you doing here, Dad?”

  He pushed to his feet, wobbling just a bit. “Aren’t you going to invite your old man in? I got nowhere else to go. And whose fault is that?”

  I started past him and up the steps. “You’ve never had a problem finding a place to stay before now. I’m sure you’ll land on your feet.”

  Dad caught hold of my arm. “That ranch was supposed to be mine. You don’t even appreciate the gift that was dropped at your feet. Not that you’d be worthy of it anyway.”

  I tore my arm out of his grasp. “There’s only one person who’s responsible for your life turning into a shitshow. You, Dad.
You’re the one who had everything at your feet. A wife who loved you. A son who adored you. A ranch to guide and grow. But it was never enough. You were always looking for more. More land. More control. More booze. More women. Nothing was ever good enough.”

  My dad’s face twisted. “That’s rich coming from you. My son, who is just like me. Aren’t you always searching for more? Another adventure? A job with just a little more risk? More women? Hell, you’ve had half the females in the state. You’re just like your old man.”

  My gut twisted, but I stayed silent.

  Dad chuckled. “What? Cat got your tongue? I see you sniffing around that Cole girl. You are going to ruin her. She’ll be nothing but a pile of tears and ash when you’re done with her. And what’s worse. She’s got a kid.”

  My fists clenched and flexed as blood roared in my ears. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Don’t I?” He grinned at me, but the curve of his mouth had a feral quality to it. “I’m just going to kick back and watch. It’s about time this town saw you for who you really are. The high and mighty Tucker Harris is really just trash. Trash that’s gonna drag an innocent woman and her son down with him.”

  “Go sleep it off.” I turned to head inside, but my movements were jerky. My palms were slick, and my hands trembled as I tried to shove the key into the lock.

  My dad laughed. “Oh, boy, this is going to be so much fun to watch.”

  I glanced over my shoulder to see him walk down my front path and away from my house, a slight sway to his steps. I didn’t have it in me to even make sure he got to wherever he was going safely.

  I took a deep breath and slid my key into the lock and turned it. He was wrong. I loved Jensen. I could be faithful. I wouldn’t get bored and turn to the bottle or other women the way my father had. I wouldn’t ruin the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket. I slid it out. Jensen’s name flashed on the screen. I stared at the letters. Memories flashed through my mind. Her head thrown back in unrestrained laughter. The wonder on her face when she watched the mustangs. The way her skin seemed to hum beneath my touch. The kindness that lit her eyes when she helped Arthur with his cane. The pure love that poured out of her anytime she was around Noah.

  Wilder was the best woman I’d ever known. The best I would ever know. She and Noah deserved so much more than a gamble. My finger hovered over the phone’s screen.

  I hit accept. “Jensen.” My voice gave the slightest waver. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  40

  Jensen

  I shoved the drawer of the register closed a bit harder than necessary. Okay, fine. A lot harder.

  “Whoa, there. What’s going on with you?” Taylor asked.

  I glanced around the Kettle. Other than a couple in the far corner, it was just me, Taylor, and Kennedy. “Tuck ended things.”

  Taylor’s mouth fell open. “What?”

  “No explanation, no nothing. Would barely let me get a single word in before he hung up. And now, he’s not taking my calls.” I blew out a long breath. “I haven’t heard from him in three days.”

  Tuck and I had eased into a routine of sorts. I saw him most days, even if it was just him popping into the Kettle for a baked treat. And we definitely spoke every day. Usually, multiple times a day. Without me realizing it, he’d become my touchpoint, my cornerstone. And I hated him a little bit for that. For giving it to me and then taking it away. My shoulders slumped. “I thought we were moving in the right direction.”

  Taylor rounded the counter and wrapped an arm around me. “You were moving in the right direction. This might just be a hiccup.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not. He was supposed to call me the night of the family dinner after he got home. You know, for a fun phone call.”

  Taylor’s brows rose. “Ah, one of those.”

  I nodded. “Instead of a sexy call, I got a two-sentence brush-off. Now, he’s not returning my texts or calls. But I’ve seen his truck around town. I know he’s fine.”

  “Not fucking cool.” Kennedy leaned against the counter. “Sorry about the curse, but no other word would do.”

  Taylor raised her cup of tea in Kennedy’s direction. “Amen to that, sister.” She glanced at me. “Do you think he’s just not ready yet?”

  My blood began to heat. “The why doesn’t matter. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the disaster that’s been my love life, it’s that people’s actions show you way more about who they are than anything they will ever say.” Hot tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “He’s shown me very clearly that he doesn’t want me. I have to hear that.”

  Taylor set her tea down on the counter and pulled me into a full hug. “I’m so sorry, honey. You deserve way better than this.”

  Kennedy rubbed a hand up and down my back. “I could always accidentally trip and spill scalding hot tea on him the next time he comes in.”

  I let out a snorted laugh as I straightened. “I’m lucky to have you both.”

  Taylor squeezed my arms before she released me. “This means only one thing.”

  I ran a finger under my eyes, trying to clear any sign of tears. “What’s that?”

  “We need a girls’ night. Two, actually.”

  Kennedy straightened the stack of to-go menus on the counter. “Two?”

  Taylor nodded. “Yup. The first entails the three of us in our PJs, wine, chocolate, a chick flick that will make us sob, then a chick flick that will make us cackle. The second means us getting all dolled up, hitting up the saloon, having some cocktails, and getting our flirt on.”

  I grinned at Taylor. “You know Grandma Irma is going to want in on both of those.”

  Taylor clapped her hands together. “Oh, she’s a must. That woman can get down.”

  Laughter erupted out of me as I remembered Grandma and Taylor’s dance party in the kitchen a few weeks ago. My gaze caught on a figure across the street, and I stilled. My fists clenched.

  Nearly three decades of friendship. The hottest sex of my life. Sharing things I’d shared with no one else. I deserved more than a disappearing act. I was owed a grown-up conversation. One where I was able to get a word in edgewise. “Kennedy, I need you to watch the register for a minute.”

  Taylor followed my line of sight. “Uh, J, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  I was already headed for the door. “It’s probably a horrible idea.” But I wasn’t playing things safe any longer. I pushed open the door and moved down the walk. My strides grew quicker, my boots hitting the pavement harder with each step. With each contact, my anger grew. I was so sick of being tossed aside like yesterday’s trash.

  I gained on Tuck. Finally, I was within reach and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, eyes going wide at the sight of me. “Hey, Jensen.”

  My hands balled into fists. “Hey, Jensen? Really?” He said nothing. “That’s it? No, oh my gosh, you won’t believe it, I was kidnapped by aliens, and they just returned me to Earth, and the first thing I did was come find you.”

  Tuck stood stock-still, not saying a word.

  I fought the urge to curl in on myself. Never again would I give someone the power to make me feel less than. “Say something, you fucking coward.” The words came out on a whisper, but I saw each one hit like a physical blow.

  Tuck’s mask slipped into place, and he shrugged. “When we started this thing, it was supposed to be casual. That’s what I wanted. You pushed for more, but that’s just not who I am.”

  Those hot, traitorous tears tried to rise, a mix of anger and betrayal. “This was more, and you know it.”

  That muscle in Tuck’s cheek ticked. “This was friends scratching an itch. But it was a mistake.”

  I stared at Tuck, my gaze not breaking from his. “That’s the first time you’ve ever lied straight to my face.” He flinched. “But that doesn’t matter. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to never waste a second of my
time on someone who doesn’t value all the amazing things I would bring into their world.” Tuck said nothing. I nodded. “Right.”

  I turned on my heel and strode back to the Kettle. I forced my steps to be measured, unhurried. I didn’t allow my shoulders to shake, even though tears streamed down my face. I would give Tucker Harris no clue that he had just ripped my still-beating heart out of my chest. And while emergency surgery could be done to make repairs, I knew things would never be quite the same.

  I pushed open the door. Taylor and Kennedy both stood there, wide-eyed.

  “Oh, shit.” Taylor opened her arms, and I stepped into them. “He’s a total moron.”

  “I know.” My voice was muffled against her shoulder.

  Kennedy rubbed my back. “He’s the biggest moron who ever moroned.”

  I let out a small laugh.

  Taylor released her hold on me. “He’s going to realize that he made a big mistake.”

  I grabbed a napkin from one of the tables and wiped under my eyes. “I’m not so sure about that.” I stared out the window to the empty street. “And even if he does, I think it’s too late.”

  Taylor worried her bottom lip. “I fucked up. I almost ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. But Walker forgave me. And look at us now.” Her new engagement ring caught the light as she talked.

  I sighed. “You and Walker are different. You had just lost your mom. You were grieving and scared.”

  Taylor reached out and took my hand. “I was scared. So, I know what it looks like. And that man out there…” She gestured to where Tuck had stood on the sidewalk. “He’s terrified.”

  My insides seemed to twist themselves into complicated knots. I’d seen hints of fear as Tuck and I had gotten closer, but I had no clue what they were about. And I wasn’t sure that it really mattered at the end of the day. “If that’s the case, then he needs to grow a pair and tell me he’s scared. We could work through it together. But I can’t do this alone. And, more importantly, I won’t try. I’ve done it before, and I don’t like the woman it made me into.”