Bill of the Dead (Book 2): Everyday Horrors

by Gualtieri, Rick

  I pushed that thought, along with Harry Decker, out of my head, turning back to this Falcon person and the fact that his family apparently owned a real world version of Hogwarts. “Okay, so what else can you tell us about this guy and his falcon cave?”

  “Like I said, they’re well known in Magi circles, quite famous actually. Their archives supposedly contain copies of every major magical tome ever written, but it’s all kept under tight lock and key. I didn’t see much of it when I was over there. You needed to be at least grand mentor rank to get past security, or have written permission from one.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Tom said, snapping his fingers. “I remember you telling me. Didn’t you say you couldn’t even take a picture of the place?”

  Christy nodded, smiling as if the memory were an amusing one. “I almost forgot about that. The wards around the entrance were crazy. I just wanted a photo but ended up turning my camera to dust instead. Too bad for me it was actually...”

  “Harry’s Nikon,” Tom finished for her, causing them both to laugh.

  I couldn’t help the sharp stab of jealousy that knotted in my gut, even if I knew it was stupid. Christy and Tom had been engaged, back before he died and then became a woman. So of course it would make sense that she’d have told him stuff she hadn’t told me yet. Even so, it kinda twisted my panties into a bunch.

  “That’s all fine and dandy,” I said, interrupting their shared chuckle, “but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume enrollment dropped off a cliff about five years ago, along with applications for wizard library cards.”

  “Maybe,” Christy remarked.

  “What do you mean, maybe?”

  “It’s just hearsay, nothing more. After all, most of the communication in the Magi community broke down when the Source was extinguished. There were no more magic mirrors, no communing circles, nothing.”

  I was tempted to point out this wonderful invention called Google Hangouts, but figured that would just get me yelled at.

  “But I heard through the grapevine a while back that the academy had remained open despite everything. According to the rumor mill, it was something of an oasis in Europe, sheltering displaced Magi while at the same time continuing to further the study of magic, at least from a theoretical point of view.”

  “And that would do what exactly?” Tom asked. “Without magic, all you’re left with are a bunch of dorks waving twigs around. You can see the same shit at any Harry Potter convention.”

  Christy narrowed her eyes at him, which I didn’t pretend to not enjoy. “There’s more to it than that. There’s preservation of our craft, our way of life, making sure the old ways don’t die. Just because we don’t need horses to get across town these days doesn’t mean there’s no point in learning to ride one.”

  “While waving a stick around and shouting accio Uber!”

  Christy laid into him again, which should’ve been amusing, but something about this was gnawing away in the back of my mind – like a part of my subconscious that refused to let it go.

  I shook my head to clear it, just as I realized what it was that was bothering me. “What about preparing for the day when magic returned?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Exactly what I just said. What if they weren’t teaching magic just for shits and giggles? What if they were keeping their skills fresh for the day it all came back?”

  The look on Christy’s face told me she knew what I was getting at. Sadly, that still left one clueless warm body in the room.

  “Huh. Pretty good guess on their part,” Tom replied. “Those are some motherfuckers who should play the lottery.”

  “Unless it wasn’t a guess.”

  Christy tented her fingers beneath her chin. She didn’t seem happy by what I was implying, but I could tell she was thinking about it. “The Falcon family’s reputation in the Magi community has always been above reproach.”

  “I seem to recall the First Coven saying the same thing, over and over again, yet still being backstabbing assholes.”

  “Point taken.” She didn’t sound happy about it, though.

  “Listen. Nobody’s being judge and jury here. All I’m saying is it’s worth looking into. And it’s not like we have tons of other leads as to where Gan is or where she’s got Ed stashed.”

  “Don’t remind me,” she said, her eyes downcast.

  “Hey, it’s not your fault.”

  In the days following Ed’s disappearance, Christy had tried her best to scry his location. The problem was, we all knew it was likely a turd hunt. Gan was both smart and well versed in the types of sigils needed to keep prying mage eyes out of her business.

  Needless to say, we’d come up emptyhanded despite multiple attempts.

  “I know,” Christy said after a moment, even if her eyes didn’t seem to agree with her words.

  “But maybe this is our chance to change our luck,” I continued. “Think about it. If this Falcon fucker and his family – try saying that three times fast – were maybe in cahoots with Gan, or even knew someone who was...”

  “It’s just Matthias.”

  “Huh?”

  “It’s like I said. Communication broke down in the Magi community, but I still heard things. Matthias’s parents and siblings were supposedly among those who heeded the White Mother’s call to arms. They were down there when everything went to hell.”

  Oh. “I’m gonna assume this story doesn’t end with them learning the error of their ways.”

  Christy shook her head. “As far as I’m aware, they didn’t make it.”

  “But not this Matt guy?”

  “I don’t know. He either managed to make it out, or maybe he wasn’t there in the first place. All I can say for sure is he’s obviously still alive.”

  Tom leaned forward. “Unless he’s not. Maybe he’s actually dead but with someone else possessing his body.”

  Christy and I both stopped to stare at him.

  “What? It happened to me.”

  “Safe to say, we’re all hoping you’re a unique case.”

  He smiled. “I like to think I am.”

  I ignored him and faced Christy again. “So, what do you think? We find this Falcon guy and...”

  “Beat a confession out of him?” Tom offered.

  Though a part of me was almost hoping it came to that – something about this guy made the idea of punching him sound real tempting – I was forced to play the part of the adult ... for now anyway. “Ask him,” I corrected.

  “Yeah, I guess that could work, too.”

  Christy appeared to think it over for a few seconds until she finally nodded. “You’re right. We should ask. At the very least, we can make him aware that we’re active in the city. I’ll reach out and see if I can set up a...”

  “Um, guys? Anyone out there?” Sally interrupted, calling to us from the other apartment. “I don’t mean to alarm any of you, but there’s something weird going on.”

  I wasn’t sure what could freak out a woman who’d just spent the better part of a month sealed in magical granite, but I doubted it was anything good.

  THE NEW GREEN DEAL

  The three of us raced back to the other apartment to find the bathroom door ajar and a good amount of steam escaping – hopefully regular shower steam and not some freaky magical shit.

  Although, knowing my luck, I wasn’t about to place any bets.

  As we approached, Tom held an arm out in front of me. “Hold up.”

  “Something wrong?”

  Instead of answering, he flashed me a shit-eating grin and called out, “Are you dressed yet? Because if not, I’m happy to give you a hand, being that I’m a woman and all.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Just trying to protect her modesty from the small-dicked losers in the room.”

  Christy, fortunately, chose to ignore his dumbassery. “I brought some clothes for you.”

  A thankfully human looking hand reached out from the steam obscured doorway. “Awesome
. Pass them over.”

  Christy stepped past us and gave her the small bundle.

  “Thanks,” Sally replied from inside the bathroom. “Just give me a second... Really? Out of my entire closet, you chose this? Never mind. Whatever.”

  She definitely sounded like Sally, although the pitch of her voice was a bit off ... slightly higher than it should’ve been, although maybe that was just me remembering it through the haze of all the shit that had gone down over the last month.

  A few minutes passed, then Sally stepped out, causing us all to gasp. She was dressed in slacks and a simple pullover shirt, but it wasn’t her outfit which was causing us all to stand there slack-jawed.

  “Holy Lorna Dane, Batman,” Tom said.

  Sally was staring at her hands, a look of confusion etched upon her face.

  Oh my god, her face!

  “What the hell is going on?” she asked, glancing up at us and no doubt noticing we looked as kerfuffled as her. “Tell me. W-what do I look like?”

  “Huh?” I replied, tongue-tied. “You mean you didn’t check?”

  “That black shit got all over the mirror ... and pretty much everything else. And it wasn’t until I finished toweling off that I risked looking down at myself and saw this.” She indicated her arms and the flawless skin now covering them.

  “You look okay, I guess,” Tom said before turning Christy’s way. “She’s got nothing on you, babe.” Then, a moment later, he flashed me a quick thumbs up and mouthed, “Piece of ass.”

  God, what an idiot.

  He wasn’t wrong, though.

  “She’s been ... rejuvenated,” Christy said, her eyes wide.

  “Okay, out of the way. I need a mirror.” Sally stormed past us, pausing for only a moment to give Tom some confused side-eye.

  Needless to say, we followed her back into Christy’s apartment.

  It was utterly amazing. She looked the same, maybe better, than she had when I’d first met her. Though over fifty, Sally had been a vampire for roughly thirty years, meaning physically she’d had the appearance of a woman in her early twenties ... and what an appearance it had been.

  Hot as molten steel, she’d had an attitude to match back then. But, with the Source’s destruction, so too had ended her eternal youth. Her body had instantly aged to match her years, appearing as a middle-aged woman. She’d still been cougar material, don’t get me wrong, even if she’d traded in her slinky evening wear for more sensible attire in the years since.

  Now, though, it was as if the last five years had been erased – with two minor exceptions.

  “What the hell happened to my hair?!” Sally cried, once she reached the mirror in Christy’s bathroom. “And my eyes!”

  She stepped back out and faced us, finger pointed at her head. “This is not normal.”

  I couldn’t argue. Her hair, light blond with colored highlights when we’d first met, was actually more a dirty blond naturally – something she’d adopted as she’d settled into her mature life. Now, though, it was a rich green, the same shade you might see adorning the trees in a forest.

  Even so, it wasn’t anything to lose her shit over. Hell, you could walk into the beauty aisle of any Target and probably find the same shade of hair dye. We no longer lived in an age where people felt limited to blond, brunette, or redhead.

  That said, her eyes were a different story. Before, they’d been green, but now they were what one might call advanced green. It was as if her pupils and irises had either merged together or were now the exact same shade. That was a look one might need to go a bit further for. At the very least, we were in custom contact lens territory now.

  Combined, this new look gave her an exotic feel as she stared back at us, like she was a budget alien from the original Star Trek – albeit the hot kind that Kirk would end up banging by the end.

  “Quick,” Tom said, sticking a hand in front of her face. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

  Sally raised an eyebrow, along with a single digit. “More than I am.”

  He turned back toward the rest of us. “Her eyesight seems to be okay.”

  “Thanks,” I said, “that helps.”

  Not daunted in the least, he raised an eyebrow. “So, is she some sort of vampire again?”

  “Why would you think that?” In truth, though, his guess was probably as good as anything I had to offer up.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because she looks the way she used to.”

  That was ... actually not a bad point. Even so... “I ... don’t think it works like that.”

  “It doesn’t,” Sally stated, although she still reached up and touched her teeth, as if checking for fangs. “No. This feels ... different.”

  “How so?”

  “I don’t know. It just does.” She took a deep breath, no doubt trying to get herself under control. “Seriously, Bill, what the hell happened to me down there?”

  “Aside from you getting zapped? No fucking idea.”

  “Ooh, you said a bad word!” Tina came strolling out of her room, the grin on her face suggesting she was thoroughly enjoying driving me to the poor house. But then she stopped when she saw Sally. She furrowed her brows for a moment, but then recognition dawned on her face. “Aunt Sally?”

  For the first time since awakening, a smile appeared on Sally’s face, and for a moment it was as if the weirdness was forgotten. “Hey, Kiddo.”

  Tina opened her eyes wide and smiled. “Oh my goodness! You’re so pretty!”

  Leave it to a little kid to defuse a weird situation.

  “Why thank you.” Sally bent low and held her arms out. “Did you miss me? Because I really missed you.”

  “You bet!” Tina cried, running forward and throwing herself into the offered hug.

  Five years ago, we would’ve likely been far more cautious about something like this, innocent as it seemed, but all of us – even Christy – were still adjusting to the fact that the world we’d left behind was ours once again. It was a lesson we’d need to relearn and probably quickly. However, at that moment we were all a bit too overjoyed that Sally was okay to even realize that much.

  Problem was, after what she’d been through, okay most certainly did not equal normal.

  Sally had no sooner scooped Tina up in her arms when what could only be described as a shockwave of energy exploded from her body – sending the rest of us tumbling away like bowling pins.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  It’s kind of funny how the world seems to slow down when you’re getting the shit blasted out of you. Obviously, that’s more karmic hilarity than hah hah funny. Either way, it was like a solid wave of air slammed into me, blowing me off my feet. There was no flash of power, no fiery explosion, and definitely no warning. It was like I was standing there one moment, then being clotheslined by Andre the Giant’s ghost the next.

  My feet flew off the ground and I was given a split second to study the patterns on Christy’s ceiling. Hmm, there’s a small crack in the plaster. She really oughta have the super fix that.

  There came a momentary flash of white light from somewhere off in my periphery, then time resumed its normal course and I came crashing down on top of, and through, Christy’s coffee table to land in a bed of splintered wood and shattered glass. Ouch.

  It wasn’t a bad hit, but it was enough to knock the wind out of me.

  “That tickled!”

  Cat!

  Fortunately, my vampire stamina was up to the task. The ... whatever the fuck that was, hadn’t exactly been pleasant, but it was a far cry from being enough to finish me off.

  I sat up to see Sally and Tina at the epicenter of it all – a look of confused horror on Sally’s face, while my goddaughter continued to giggle as if someone had just told a fart joke.

  The inviso-blast, for lack of anything even remotely better to call it, had apparently arced out in a three-hundred and sixty degree circle from them, as evidenced by the shattered curio, broken bathroom door, and general disarray all ar
ound the apartment.

  “W ... what ... the?”

  Oh crap, Christy!

  I turned my head, thankful to see her landing spot had been a bit more cushioned – the couch as opposed to the table. Regardless, she’d been caught as unprepared as the rest of us, and she didn’t have undead healing at her disposal.

  There was a dazed look on her face and her nose was bleeding, but the fact that she was rising was a good sign.

  “Are you okay?”

  She nodded, her eyes beginning to clear.

  “Oh no, Mommy!”

  I turned toward my goddaughter, still in Sally’s arms. “It’s okay, Cat. It’s just a nosebleed. Why don’t you ... go into the bathroom and run a washcloth under some cold water for your mom?”

  I had no idea if that would actually do anything, but that had been my mother’s go-to medical advice when I’d been a kid.

  Sally put her down, so she could do as she was told, then stepped over to where we were still pulling ourselves up, shock evident on her face. “What the hell was that? Are you guys...?”

  “Yeah, don’t fucking ask if I’m alive or anything.”

  We all turned to find Tom extracting himself from the remains of the writing desk he’d slammed into. His hands were covered in scratches and a cut on his forehead was dripping blood.

  “Oh shit, are you okay?”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “Your concern is touching.”

  “But how? I saw your shield...”

  “Me, too,” Tom replied, limping over. “Didn’t do shit.”

  That was worrying. There wasn’t much that could penetrate faith magic. On the other hand, Tom’s mastery of his powers left a lot to be desired, so perhaps it was best not to jump to conclusions until we knew more.

  Before any of us could say anything to that point, Tina came back and handed her mother the washcloth.

  “Mind getting one of those for your old man?” Tom asked, wiping his forehead. It wasn’t a bad cut, thankfully, little more than a scratch.