Daddy Issues

by Seth King

  I want to be relieved, but I can’t. I just don’t trust this anymore.

  That night we have a catered dinner in the rarely-used main dining room, which Grandma Sara always called “her saloon.” The chandelier is made of deer horns, and the vaulted ceiling is three stories high. I’m just sitting down next to David, and mercifully away from Robert, when my phone buzzes.

  It’s Robert. I can’t stop thinking about you. And today. And the waterfall. I like you very much, Eliot.

  My chest heaves, and my palms get all sweaty. I’m starting to feel like his swoony little bitch, so my response is a bit terse.

  Cool! Me, too. But this is inappropriate. We’re at dinner.

  Is it, though? he asks. We’re at dinner. It’s our prerogative.

  I groan. You know what I mean. What would my mom say?

  I look across the table, diagonal a few seats. He frowns at my message and just stares until my phone vibrates again.

  I have to think she’d me mature enough to understand. Maybe one day in a million years. But you’re irresistible, anyway.

  My dick gets a little hard. The truth is, every glimpse of his sex makes me want more of it.

  …And what’s so irresistible? I ask soon.

  Your body in that bathing suit, for one. And your skin against my tongue…

  I take a deep breath to calm myself. He was married to my mom once. That means something. I can’t do this so publicly. So I send him another rude text.

  I’m getting hard next to my ex-boyfriend, and three seats from my mom, who is your ex-wife. Let’s stop.

  He doesn’t respond. I look over, and he is glaring down at his phone. I feel a twinge of sympathy. Why am I being so rude, when I was so open today? Ugh, even I think I’m a douchebag sometimes. So I bury my worries in my wine glass.

  As the wine flows, my attitude slowly starts to change. Sara’s favorite saying – EAT, DRINK, AND BE MARY, referring to my mother, Mary Kate – hangs above us all on a plaque, and Sara of all people would probably cackle with delight over this whole thing. I know I’d have her blessing – and if not her blessing, she’d still find glee in the trouble this would cause for everyone. (She never found a bit of drama she didn’t relish.)

  So while we’re here, while we’re both boozed-up and horny, why not explore? It’s not like it has to last forever. We’re only here for a few days. Why not have some fun while we can?

  I take out my phone.

  Meet me in the bathroom, I say. I’ll go first. You wait three minutes, then come.

  Whoa, Nelly. Why the change?

  Because I can’t resist you anymore, and I want to do things we haven’t done yet. See you soon.

  Just one kiss, he says. Okay?

  Okay. It’s better than nothing.

  I disappear into the bathroom, making sure I left at a time when nobody was paying attention. My mom is drunk again, anyway, so I’m sure she doesn’t care.

  Robert opens the door, and suddenly I realize again I cannot flee from this. I run to him, and we have one of those Technicolor kisses, just like before. I start picking at his shirt buttons, and soon we’re half undressed. If I could, I would take his dick right here in this bathroom…

  I hold him against me, then look at us in the mirror. Honestly, we look good. I’ve watched porn with many couples who weren’t this attractive. I laugh and sigh at the same time.

  “What?” he asks.

  “This is just so…wrong.”

  “Tell me, Eliot, why is it wrong?”

  “Because…”

  “Because I was married to your mom for two seconds, a long time ago? You don’t know me from Adam anymore.”

  “Well…”

  “Give me another reason. I’ve been thinking about this, actually. We aren’t legally tied, either.”

  “It’s just weird sometimes, okay! It just is! I want it, but it’s weird. Why can’t you admit that?”

  “Because I want to make you feel like you never did before. And I know I can. That’s what is right about this.”

  “What do you know about feeling right? You sure are cocky.”

  “Hmm,” he breathes against my jaw. “If you let me, I’d introduce you to things you’ve never felt before.”

  Honestly I don’t really buy what he’s selling. He sounds like he’s saying what he thinks I want to hear, rather than what he actually wants to say.

  Or maybe he really is just that good at sex, and he’s honest?

  “But my mom…” I say one last time, and he laughs and interrupts.

  “Has done this before.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t you remember Mike?”

  “Who?”

  “Mike, your cousin?”

  Suddenly it’s like my world comes crashing down. He’s right – my mom has done something like this. After she split with Robert, there was a phase where she came very close to dating her quasi step-cousin. The guy’s mom had once been married to my mom’s uncle, and after they collided via mutual friends and started hanging out, it became a minor family scandal. But in the end, she just didn’t like him, and moved on.

  But Robert has an amazing point. I wouldn’t be the only one dipping into the extended Prince family pool for a date – even if this scenario is slightly different. Okay, a universe of difference…

  I lean in to kiss him, to redo that magical moment at the falls. Our lips touch. And then we both freeze. Someone’s jiggling at the door. We locked it, but I remember from my childhood that the lock never sticks.

  “I’ll get in the closet,” I say, terrified.

  “Closet?”

  “Yeah, this is the bathroom the caterers use, there’s a broom closet. It’s only big enough for one. You deal with whatever this is.”

  “Me? Why me?”

  “Because you’re the older one. Duh.”

  “I thought that didn’t matter!”

  “It does now.”

  He rolls his eyes and gets more presentable as I close the door and hide in the darkness. The door bangs open, and someone walks in. I can’t make out any words, just the tone of the voices, and that’s when I nearly shit myself.

  I was so petrified it would be David, he was the only option I was preparing myself for. But it’s not David.

  It’s my mother.

  Robert Glazer

  “Mary Kate,” I say, shocked that she’s followed us into the bathroom. Eliot is safely in the closet, and can’t hear a thing, but this is still going to be…awkward.

  “Robert,” she says, her eyes gleaming, as she saunters up to me. That’s when I groan – she’s wasted. But what does she want from me?

  “MK, what’s going on? Everything okay?”

  “I’m drunk and my marriage is over,” she says, and I double back.

  “What?”

  “My marriage is over,” she shrugs. “Rick wants to file in the summer. He was waiting for Eliot to totally leave the nest and be out on his own. Why do you think he’s not here?”

  “What?”

  I look her in the eye, but she’s pointed away a little.

  “MK, are you serious? Look at me.”

  But she won’t. And that’s when I realize she’s being totally serious. She’s getting divorced. But she doesn’t want to face it. And clearly she hasn’t yet.

  For a moment I feel real, true pity for her. A third divorce before fifty – this would be tough to swallow for anyone. But one of these factors is beyond debate. Eliot can’t find out through the grapevine. He needs to know. That would fuck with his brain even more than she already has.

  “Mary Kate,” I say seriously, and she whimpers. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. I’m not stupid. I know…look, I know how I am, Robert. I know it’s not easy to love me.”

  My heart shrinks a few sizes at her words. I can’t bear for anyone to talk about themselves like that.

  “Hey,” I say. “Don’t be like that, I know-”

  “I’m too much,”
she says plainly. “I know I am. It took me forty years, but I know myself. And it’s fine.”

  “You…you have to tell Eliot,” I say, trying to change the subject. “I found out about my sister’s divorce through Facebook, and it was humiliating to be the last one to know. You need to tell him…”

  “I can’t,” she says, her eyes glassy. “Rick is the only father he’s ever known. I can’t do that to him.”

  “Mary, it’s going to happen anyway. And he’ll survive. He’ll be okay. But you need to tell him.”

  She sort of falls into me, leaning on me and reaching both hands around my back. For a moment I just support her, and smile about the good times. She is the most open, the most loving woman I’ve ever met. She just raged with equal ferocity.

  “Why did I ever let you go?” she asks quietly, nearly making me fall back.

  “What?”

  “You’re so gorgeous…ugh, I should’ve just accepted it. Imagine you as a husband – well-dressed, polite, always the perfect date. And the dinners you’d cook! Maybe we never should’ve ended it. The truth is…”

  My eyes grow with my horror. She does this weird little moment where she points at me, but gets too close, and taps my nose.

  “The truth is, I’ll always hold a candle for you, Bobby Glazer.”

  All the air leaves the room. I hope against hope that Eliot can’t hear us, but there’s no way to be sure.

  “Mary Kate. Mary Kate…” I say, trailing off.

  “Yes?”

  “I…I have to be honest. It doesn’t work that way. You understand that, right? I was – I am gay. I had to go my own way. That’s just how it had to happen. I love you like a brother loves a sister.”

  Her eyes fill with tears.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, and she stands back and wobbles a little. Finally she wipes her face.

  “Yeah. You’re right. I’m fine. I’m talking crazy. I’m a stupid woman. The real truth is, I love Rick, and I’m devastated. Look at me, being so desperate…”

  She turns to me, a suddenly-wild look in her eye.

  “Robert. I want you to be happy, if I can’t. Don’t end up like me. Out of the two of us, one of us has to succeed. Promise me you’ll find someone and love them? For me?”

  Eliot’s eyes shine in my head. In that moment, I truly hate myself. And that’s when I realize what I need to do, as much as it breaks me.

  I need to leave him alone.

  “Sure,” I say.

  “Why do you seem so sad?” she asks soon, as my world falls flat around me. But the only response I can produce is a low grunt.

  Meeting Eliot felt like coming home again after getting lost for hours on a rainy day. Being physical with him felt like walking into that home and setting down my keys and taking off my soggy coat. But now I am about to have to wreck that home.

  This just all became too much, and I need to end it before it truly goes off the rails.

  Eliot Prince

  I crouch in the bathroom closet, thinking to myself she knows. I’m positive she knows. That’s why this is taking so long. She’s confronting him, she figured us out, and it’s all over…

  Finally Robert opens the door, that bathroom empty behind him. But he doesn’t kiss me or anything. He doesn’t even touch me, actually. He just turns away and lets me out.

  “Did you hear?” he asks.

  “No. Why?”

  He doesn’t respond.

  “What happened?” I ask, but he’s already leaving.

  “Look, I’ve gotta get some sleep,” he says casually.

  “You’re…you’re leaving? Why won’t you tell me what she said?”

  He stops, his back to me. “I’m going back to my room. And…I need a breather. I’m sorry.”

  “No. A breather? But-”

  He opens his mouth, then closes it. “Look,” he finally says. “We’ll talk. I promise. But…yeah. I need a minute.”

  By the time I try to get another word out, he’s already gone. But I can’t call after him. I can’t talk. In fact, I can’t even breathe.

  What in the world was that?

  Ten minutes later, I finally return to the table, still stunned into silence. David is still here, texting away, as always. Soon he glances over at me. “What’s the deal?”

  “Huh?”

  “What are you so…sad about?”

  I wrap my arms around my chest, trying to think of what my mom could’ve possibly said to make Robert run like this. “Interesting question.”

  “What?”

  “Just…stop being selfish. At the end of the day, I’m still at my grandma’s funeral. Be nice to me.”

  “And she wanted it to be a party, and it’s not, and you’re being weird.”

  “Whatever.”

  “It’s funny,” he says soon. “You avoid me for days, acting like I’m not even here, and yet I’m the one who’s being selfish.”

  I try not to glare at him. “You wanted to come here, David.”

  “I know I did,” he says. “Now, I wonder what I was thinking at all…”

  After that unsettling conversation, I fall asleep with David huddled up annoyingly close to me. In my arms is David.

  But inside my chest, deep where it really counts, there is only Robert.

  I go through the motions, but all the next day I feel restless and confused and…just unlike myself, in every way. Because Robert still won’t talk to me, no matter what I do, no matter how many times I accidentally run into him. And I still have no idea what my mom did.

  Ugh. We were just getting started. We were just getting over the hump. What happened? We can’t stop now. It doesn’t seem like my mom could actually know, as she was totally fine and normal all during breakfast. What’s the deal, then?

  Finally I break down and text him: Hello?

  He leaves me on “read,” and doesn’t respond.

  Stop being a coward, I say. Either tell me the deal, or…well, I don’t have another option. Talk to me.

  I can’t, he finally responds.

  Can’t? I ask. Or won’t?

  He starts typing, then stops. He never does finish.

  That’s when I snap. I didn’t get to know him just for him to ditch me like this. We were both willing participants in the beginning. I knew what I was doing, and I asked for it. So why ditch me now?

  I get more and more annoyed as I sit through a tennis game between David and my mother. They’re both awful, so there’s not much to watch, anyway, and I’m mostly left to my own thoughts. Ugh – to think I’m spending the week at my favorite place in the world, and I’m letting it all be ruined thanks to some man. Aren’t men just the worst?

  Actually, I know one who isn’t too bad, and he’s right in front of me. David. Sure, I wasn’t heartbroken or shattered when we broke up, but then again, the thing I always liked about David is that it was never complicated. He just adored me, and that was that. Or…he used to, I guess. I pushed him away with my moods and my distance, just as I do with everyone, and he let me do it.

  That’s maybe what draws me to Robert so much – whenever I’ve tried to shut down and shove him off, he comes back harder.

  Until this. Until now. Ugh.

  In fact, as I watch David I start to get a little horny. So he isn’t a Hemsworth brother – oh well. Our sex was always reliably good. It was never great, but who has great sex all the time, anyway? Married couples don’t. My mom has bitched about that in front of me more than once. Maybe I’m ignoring a good thing – maybe David was what I needed all along.

  Regardless of whether he fucked around on me…

  “Have you ever loved anyone?” I ask Gracie later that day, when we’re watching one of the little cousins swim in the lake.

  “Um. I’ve loved vodka. And Fig Newtons. I don’t know about a person, though.”

  “How do you know when you love someone?”

  She sighs. “My mom said you love someone when you feel like you’re not yourself without them.
And everyone I’ve dated, I’ve been fine without them. I preferred it, actually. Hence the vodka.”

  This strikes me on a deep, visceral level – because when I’m not with Robert, I don’t care about anything else. I feel restless and distracted and worried. What does that mean?

  That night I’m in bed trying to read a book when David walks out of the shower, dick flopping around and body glistening with water. I set down my Kindle as my cock springs to life.

  All day that strange, horny feeling inside me has been building. I need to feel a connection with someone, a connection I am allowed to have, even if the bond between David is slipping away by the day. I want someone to want to put their hands on me, and actually do it. Because I am lonely. I am desperate. Everywhere in this house feels claustrophobic. I need a release. I need…well, sex. The real kind. I need my mouth on someone. I need someone inside me. I’m so fucking sick of being rejected.

  In one swift movement, I get up, push David against the wall, drop to my knees, and greedily take his cock into my mouth.

  “Whoa there,” he says. “That was fast.”

  But I don’t stop. Mmmm, his cock isn’t bad at all. I keep forgetting how good our sex could be. I don’t feel explosive around him like I do around Robert, but I do feel…comfortable. Like I know I’m supposed to be here. Or was, at least.

  “You like that, baby?” I ask as I suck him.

  “You know I do.”

  “Good.”

  “Eliot,” he moans soon, “I thought you hated me.”

  “David. I never hated you. I was – never mind. Just let me suck on your dick.”

  I play with his tip and grasp his balls, imagining it’s Robert instead, and he’s groaning and warning me about how dangerous our liaison is. (God, my fantasies are getting weirdly elaborate.) I still can’t get him out of my head. So I spit on my thumb and circle David’s hole, imagining it’s Robert’s hole instead, hairy and wet for me…

  But this isn’t enough. I need to fuck someone senseless.

  “Get on the bed,” I order.

  I lay him out, licking him from his toe up to the inside of his thigh as he moans and pulls at my hair. Fuck, I’m really going to miss these hookups, but what can I do? He’s the one who cheated. Then I move to his balls and his dick again. He always had a good dick – medium-sized, but no weird angles or anything. Still, it’s not Robert’s dick, big and veiny and hairy. I’ve never encountered someone who didn’t shave at all, like Robert, and it’s exotic as hell to me. Shit, maybe he even has patches of grey down there, too, like on his head…and now I’ll never find out, because he hates me…