Daddy Issues

by Seth King

  “What are you saying? Just say it.”

  “Fine. I think coming here together was a mistake.”

  “Great,” David says, getting up and wiping off his ass. “Cool. Wonderful. You fuck your dad, and suddenly I’m the one who’s in the wrong. Good luck sorting out these daddy issues of yours. Have fun becoming your own stepfather.”

  I pause and do some thinking. I guess he’s technically right – if Eliot ever potentially married his former stepparent, I guess he would also become his own stepparent, too, in a way. It brings a dark smile to my face.

  “Stop,” Eliot says. “I told you before, I never had daddy issues, and-”

  “Oh, you’ve got daddy issues, alright,” David says, facing Eliot one final time. “You’re insecure, you can’t bond with people, and you’re terrified of love. Except this time you’ve got literal daddy issues, as in, stepdaddy. I’m sleeping in the family room. Bye.”

  And before Eliot can say anything else, David is gone.

  Part IV

  Fire

  Eliot Prince

  David left at eight this morning. He didn’t even want to stay for breakfast. I don’t blame him, either. I walked him to his car, and then in the end, he wasn’t even the one who cried. I was, and I don’t know why.

  After everything he said, I still felt beyond awkward around him, but I was raised in the South – and you don’t let a guest leave alone down here. So I walked him to his Jeep Liberty and helped slide his giant duffel bag into the back.

  “So,” he said. “Last night was…”

  “Yeah,” I respond. “I know.”

  “I’m never going to see you again, am I?” he asked, sounding more defeated than sad.

  “Oh, God, don’t talk like that,” I said, trying to sound convincing, even though that’s exactly what I wanted. In my head, he now represented loss and sadness and cheating and depression, and I wanted it gone. The whole chapter. I just wanted to forget it and welcome whatever came next. Specifically, I wanted to welcome Robert.

  And as David got into the car and rounded the corner and disappeared, I felt the strangest thing:

  I felt relief.

  I am mildly horrified by Robert’s complete non-reaction to this development, though. I drop hints on Snapchat that I’m single now, and alone on vacation, and I see that he views my photos. He doesn’t respond. All day long, my unease grows. I’m single. David is gone. Why isn’t he making a move?

  That evening I’m dragged downstairs for “family movie night.” Our time together is dwindling, and Susan wants all the older kids to “bond” while the kids sleep. And wouldn’t you know what movie she picks? Brokeback Mountain. She said it reminded her of all the mountain air, and even though I’d never seen it and didn’t want to think about any of these issues, I knew better than to storm out.

  Brokeback Mountain is the story of two gay men in the 1960s who, instead of giving into what they felt, shared one life-changing summer together and then bit their tongues and went their separate ways. They were too afraid to come out of the closet and risk being rejected by the public, so they entered marriages with women and tried to forget the whole thing – and it ruined both of their lives forever. They were miserable, their marriages were desolate and cold, and that summer on the mountain pulled at their souls until they died. By the time the credits rolled I was devastated, absolutely broken. Instead of making the choice as young men to be brave enough to let themselves live happily and honestly, they chose the lie, and then spent decades drowning in regret.

  What if I see Robert in thirty years and see my whole life flash before my eyes? What if this strange thing we have – the thing where my heart pounds and my face goes numb and my chest feels lighter than air – what if I never find that again? David certainly never made me feel like that. I don’t understand what’s happening, but what if Robert could be my one-and-only? He isn’t that person yet. But what if he becomes that person?

  Right then and there, with Brokeback Mountain in my head, I make the choice. Or rather, those poor devastated men in the movie make my choice for me. Because no matter what happens, I won’t end up like them, repressed and depressed. I will chase this down to the end, regardless of what’s at the finish line. David is out of the way, and we have no reason to stop while we’re still figuring it out. However this ends, it’s going to end before we both leave this place.

  So I get up to confront him. I don’t care if I get rejected – at this point, he needs to deal with me, one way or another.

  Robert Glazer

  I take the prostate wand from my suitcase and lube it up.

  In times of distress or just horniness, my vibrator has always done me right. It doesn’t ask questions. It doesn’t wonder what I did last night. It just enters my hole and presses against my G spot until I orgasm, and I love it for that.

  All day long I’ve battled with how to handle this. How to handle Eliot. David is gone, but Mary Kate still hasn’t told Eliot the news. One second I want to go find him and throw him against the wall and kiss him. The next minute, I want to pack my bags and leave this place. I have no idea what to do anymore.

  So I hold the vibrator against my hole and push.

  God. My senses are so heightened from this extended period of…whatever is happening with Eliot, it sends shivers pulsing out from my hole to the rest of my body. I’m still so attracted to him. If only I could see Eliot naked, not glimpses here or there, but the full monty. I’d lay him out, kiss him from his toe to his ears, and then really show him what I can do. I’m so sick of the back-and-forth, the anguish, the drama. I want him.

  But I can’t have him, and I keep having to remind myself of that. People will find out eventually. David already did. Nothing happens in a vacuum. Before long, they will know.

  At breakfast I completely ignored him, and I could see that it hurt him. But we were wrong to do this, and now people know. David said it, himself. I don’t care if the age thing isn’t an issue, and if we are nearly perfect for each other in every way. There are still…levels to this thing. And I’m just not comfortable anymore. And the only thing that can help my mood now is a good, old-fashioned fucking from my trusted sex toy. When everything else fails you, this little plastic thing will always do the trick.

  I push deeper and moan. With my free hand I start jacking myself, and soon I’m imagining my hand is actually Eliot’s mouth. God, he is sexy. I get carried away and imagine that he’s here, playing with me. He is all I want, even if our relationship is a disaster at the moment. I can still dream, right?

  In my fantasy, I am looking at him. His bronzed shoulders, his strawberry hair, his thick eyebrows over those blue eyes…

  But then I blink, and realize it’s not a fantasy. It is Eliot, in real life, opening my door and standing in my doorway. He just barged into my room.

  I sit taller. I can’t lie – it’s good to see him. Very good. It’s jarring, too, though. Especially considering that I have a vibrator inside my ass.

  He stares down at what I am doing, and gives me a strange look.

  “You shouldn’t be here,” I blurt out, before I can really decide if I believe it or not. He steps into the room and closes the door. “We aren’t speaking…”

  “I know,” he says sternly. “But I’m here.”

  Eliot Prince

  I lock the door behind me and clear my throat.

  “I’m sorry I came like this. But I can’t stay away anymore.”

  He doesn’t move the toy. He’s laid out on the bed, and I’m so close to him, I can hear the vibration. I expected to find him reading a book or something – not fucking himself with a sex toy. My heart is in my throat, and my skin is tingling from head to toe. I have never felt like this in my life – any more turned on, and I would burst into flames.

  “I’m single,” I tell him. “David left.”

  “I know.”

  “How?”

  “Oh,” he says. “Um…the grapevine. And Snapchat.”


  “So…what are you going to do about it?”

  He swallows.

  “This is wrong in so many ways,” he finally says, the toy still in him. So I stand taller and prepare the rebuttals I’ve been coming up with in my head for the past hour. Whatever this is, I want to go down this road. Even if it only leads to sex, it’ll still be worth the trouble. He would still be worth the trouble.

  “But you haven’t been linked to me in ten years,” I respond.

  “I’m still your mom’s ex-husband,” he responds.

  “But she told me after I came out that I could love anyone in the world.”

  He takes a gulp. “Your family would be horrified.”

  “After my Aunt Tammy’s four divorces, they’ve seen worse,” I laugh. “Not to mention my mom and her cousin. They’ve lost all moral high ground here.”

  He tries to say something, then sighs and flashes a smile. “The…God, Eliot.”

  “What?”

  “I just like saying your name, Eliot,” he says, his expression darkening. “I missed you so much, Eliot.”

  “You did?”

  “Indeed, Eliot. I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist for long. Also, having you watch me hold a vibrator against my prostate is the single sexiest thing that has ever happened to me.”

  “It is?”

  “Yes, Eliot. And you know what? I am out of excuses, Eliot. You’re right. This thing is obviously a force of nature. No fighting it now.” He spreads his legs further apart and moans. “Come here and fuck me with this wand, Eliot.”

  Now I’m the nervous one. “Wand?”

  “That’s what it’s called. It’s a prostate wand. Come push it deeper. Eliot.”

  My whole body burning, I slink onto the bed. I stop between his legs and take in his hairy chest, his erect cock with precum leaking out, his clenched upper legs. Then I kiss the tip of his dick as I push the wand in a little deeper.

  “Oh,” he says, leaning throwing back his arms. “Ohhh.”

  His eyes roll into his head as I start to move the wand around, trying to hit different spots. As I do that, I dance my tongue around his tip, teasing and licking. I do this for a minute or two until he lets out a weird little sigh.

  “Eliot,” he says, peering down at me through hooded, hungry eyes.

  “Yes?”

  “I missed you. I missed you so much.”

  “Oh, babe…”

  Without warning I plunge his cock down my throat as I push the wand in about an inch, and the reaction is volcanic – he cries out and arches his whole back as I slurp on him. When he looks down at me again, his face is in beautiful anguish.

  “Why are you so perfect?” he asks, almost sadly. “Look at you.”

  “You’re the hot one. I’m just here to service you. Now get ready to come.”

  “What?”

  I take him down to the base as I press the wand upward, which I know from the fingering will hit his G spot. He groans, long and loud, as his body clenches. I start sucking harder, up and down, up and down, and I feel his muscles start to rumble. He reaches down and squeezes my head with two gigantic hands. I spit him out and pump him with my hand, and soon he’s jerking and twitching and pumping into my palms and all over his stomach.

  Jesus Christ – if my mother came in right now, she’d fall down and die. But I can’t think about that. This is our bond. This is our thing to explore, and protect.

  “God,” he says. “What was that? You just come in here, after all that drama, and boss me around and make me come?”

  “Couldn’t help myself,” I smile.

  “You think you’re so dominant, don’t you?”

  “Well…”

  “Lick me clean, then,” he says, looking down at his stomach. “Now.”

  “What?”

  “Lick me until I am clean.”

  I lean in and start to do it – I’ve never been ordered around like this before, and I kind of love it.

  I lick up every bit of what we’ve done, and he moans lightly as I do it.

  “Fuck, that is sexy. How do I taste?”

  “Like…vanilla, randomly.”

  “Well get ready,” he says, jumping up and heading into the bathroom with the toy still inside him.

  “Why?”

  “Because I brought a backup with me, just in case, and you’re about to get the ride of your life.”

  Okay, then…

  He exits a minute later with a new toy that looks almost the same. He pours some lube on the end and turns to me.

  “Why’d you stay away?” I ask before he can do anything.

  “What?”

  “Why didn’t you come for me?”

  His shoulders fall. “Because I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t stay away. But no more lying to myself. Now stand against the mirror, facing it. And take off your clothes.”

  I shiver, but I already suspect there is no bargaining with him when he’s in this mode. Heart in my throat, I slide out of my gym shorts and then throw off my shirt, too. He curses under his breath as I walk over to the mirror. Before I know it, he’s standing behind me, his eyes locked into mine. My whole body lurches. I want this so badly, and yet now that it’s here, I am coming apart at the seams.

  “Has anyone ever fucked you with a vibrator before?” he asks as he rubs some lube onto my hole.

  “Um…can’t say they have.”

  “Good,” he purrs. “Get ready.”

  “For what? We-”

  And that’s when he slides the tip into me, then pushes it upward a bit. My legs buckle a few inches as I cry out. I’ve never felt anything like this, and to have his eyes on me during the ecstasy – it’s more than I can handle.

  “How is that, baby?” he asks as I get used to the warm, ticklish feeling of the wand vibrating inside me.

  “Overwhelming.”

  “Good. Now let me work you.”

  With both of my hands on the mirror, I hold my breath as he slowly starts to move it in and out of me, teasing me by sinking a little deeper, then retreating again. It really is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before – like the first time he played with my G spot, but on an entirely different level. A volcanic one. And the fact that he’s looking at me in the mirror from over my shoulder…it’s too much.

  He pushes the wand deeper than ever, and I gasp and lean into the mirror. I’ve watched porn videos where women use vibrators on themselves, and this seems exactly like their reactions – I can’t tell a difference, at least outwardly. I cannot believe I’ve never done this to myself before…

  “Yes, baby,” he says, really penetrating me with it now, mimicking sex. If anyone saw us now…if my mom saw us now…

  But I shake it all from my head again. This is what I want. I chose this. And I am okay with it. I will just have to remember that I am my own person, capable of making my own decisions. I’m not a little kid in the closet anymore, petrified, letting the world live my life for me. I am myself now. They can deal with the rest. They’ll have to.

  I cry out as Robert presses the wand upward and really hits my spot now, touching something in me that sets off a chain reaction. My muscles go loose, my body lengthens, my abs start squeezing in on themselves, and just as I start to come, he reaches around and pinches one of my nipples. I orgasm, spurting all over the mirror as he watches and kisses my neck. Finally I fall forward, but he grabs me with his arm and pulls me back against him, both of us sweating and panting.

  “I…have…never…”

  “Yes?” he asks with a laugh, and I turn my head to him.

  “Lay with me. Just lay with me, baby…”

  And so we spend the rest of the evening together, cuddling and kissing and making up for the few days we just missed. I don’t feel mad at him, or distant. If anything, I feel more and more of that comfortable, golden, warm feeling every single time we touch. It is only growing…

  “Can I say something crazy?” I say soon. “I was thinking, and…you don’t fee
l older than me. You feel like someone I just met in a bar or something, an equal, but at the same time, you feel like someone I was destined to meet – like I was just waiting to come here, or something. Was that too much?”

  “No,” he smiles. “Not at all. I feel the exact same way. It’s hard to be around you and feel anything other than comfortable, actually. Some people are just good at being themselves. You’re one of them.”

  “Then why’d you stay away?” I ask again.

  “You know why. This is crazy, Eliot. But I finally trust it.” He takes a gulp. “Can I say something crazier than what you said?”

  “Sure.”

  He motions at the walls. “When we’re together, everything is perfect. It’s like I don’t care about anything outside of this room. It could all burn down and I’d be fine. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m with you, everything else just…”

  “Fades away?”

  “Exactly. Gone. I’m so sorry for dropping you for a minute.”

  “It’s okay. And I feel the same way,” I say. “It’s the weirdest thing.”

  “Good.”

  “What do you want out of a relationship?” I ask soon.

  “I mean, honestly, I’m in a different stage of life than you. I want…stability. Commitment.”

  “I’m the exact same, regardless of my age. That has nothing to do with your number of years. I’m a relationship person.”

  “True. Poor David.”

  I shake my head. “Oh, God. I wasn’t even thinking about him. Like we said, everything else just disappears…”

  He pulls me tighter. “Well at least the wicked witch is gone.”

  We both laugh.

  “Another confession,” I say soon. “After this, I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to hide. I can’t. I want to see what happens, and we can’t explore that if we’re…running around like this. I’m single. What we have together is just…too good. I can’t go back now.”

  He inhales, then laughs.

  “What’s funny?”