They skated with the crowd now, and it was as perfect as her unexpected solo. Because she was with Jake. She looked over at him. "Thank you. Not just for bringing me here, for giving me that little push."
"I'm glad you seized the opportunity, and everyone loved the show. You're still good, Hannah. You must have been spectacular when you were a kid. I know you must have told me how skilled you were, but you didn't show off those skills in high school."
"When we went to the rink back then, I was more interested in holding your hand than skating," she admitted. "And maybe it was still too close to the loss of my dad. He was the one who shared my love of skating, who got me on the rink, who drove me to practices. I lost a lot of interest in skating after he died. Tonight, I felt like he was with me. I haven't felt his presence in a very long time. It felt good." She paused, looking at his handsome face. "You feel good, too. So good, I think I want to stop skating now."
His eyes sparkled. "Are you sure? We haven't been here very long."
"I know, but I'm ready to go whenever you are."
"Whatever you want."
They stepped off the ice, put on their boots, and walked in silence back to Jake's apartment. As they went up the stairs, her nerves tightened, and by the time they got into the living room, she was a nervous ball of tension and anticipation.
"Should I take you home?" Jake asked.
The uncertainty in his eyes surprised her. Jake always seemed to know exactly what he was doing and where he wanted to go. While she was often unsure, especially when it came to him. But tonight felt different. She felt different. "Not yet," she said, licking her lips. "I have the ball, and…I want to kiss you good night."
Surprise and desire flared in his gaze. "Okay."
"Actually, that's not true," she said hastily. " I don't want to kiss you and say good night—I want to kiss you and stay a while."
He sucked in a breath. "I was not expecting you to say that."
She took off her coat and tossed it on a nearby chair. "I was not expecting myself to say that, either, but it's the truth. I want us to be honest with each other. It's the only possible way this could ever work."
"I agree," he said, taking off his jacket.
"I told you what I want. What do you want, Jake?"
"You," he said simply. His warm gaze swept across her face. "Not the way we were, Hannah. The way we are. I like this version of you. I like the confident, independent, strong-willed nurse who knows her mind and acts on what she wants and is also the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on."
Her heart sang at his words, at the need in his gaze. "I like this version of you, too, Jake. I like how you've made your passion your job, how you care about your employees, how you put yourself out there to people even when they don't deserve it. When we were younger, it always felt like you were trying to outrun a speeding train. You had so many thoughts, so many dreams, but you didn't know where to start. You figured all that out. You took your restlessness all over the world, and it changed you. Now, there's a humbleness to your cockiness that makes me want to throw myself at you."
"I have no idea what that means, but I'll take it," he said with a smile, opening his arms.
She moved forward, putting her arms around his neck, as he pulled her up against his chest.
"I'm nervous," she said.
"Me, too."
"No way. You're fearless."
"Not when it comes to you, Hannah."
His words touched her heart. "Can we really go back, Jake? Everyone says you can't. It's never the same."
"I don't care what everyone says. And I don't want it to be the same. Because we're not the same. We're better." He lowered his head and kissed her.
The touch of his mouth made her gut ache with longing and hunger. All of her remaining doubts fled from her mind. It might be a mistake, but she wasn't going to regret this choice. She wanted to be with Jake again. She wanted a second chance with him, too, even though she didn't want to admit it.
Their kisses went from tender and tentative to deep and compelling. Even though she was nervous as hell to be with him again, she was much more confident than she'd been the first time they'd gotten together. But every touch, every taste, brought back memories. She knew how she wanted him to touch her. And she knew how she wanted to touch him.
"Too many clothes," she murmured as they came up for air. Pulling back from his kiss, she pulled her sweater up over her head, shaking out her hair.
He smiled as his gaze moved to her breasts. She'd filled out since she was a teenager, and she was secretly a little thrilled to show him that.
"Sweet," he said with eager male appreciation, his hands moving to cup her breasts, the lace providing a delicious friction from the sensuous movement of his fingers.
Anticipation shot down her spine as she wanted his hands all over her. She grabbed his shirt and helped him off with it, running her hands across his solid male chest. He'd always had an incredibly hot body but now he was even more muscularly built, the result of all those adventurous sports.
"Wow," she said. "I feel a little intimidated."
"No way." He reached around her back and flicked the clasp of her bra open in one quick move. "You're beautiful, Hannah."
"That was faster than the last time," she said breathlessly as they shared a smile.
"I've gotten a little better in some areas," he said with a grin.
"I can't wait to see."
"I can't wait to show you." He pulled her bra off her shoulders as he pushed her up against the wall and ran his mouth down the side of her neck while his fingers played with her nipples.
Each stroke sent ripples of heat through her, and while Jake seemed content to draw this out, she felt an overwhelming impatience. She reached for his jeans, unbuckling the snap and then lowering the zipper.
He groaned and stepped back. "You gotta slow down."
"Who says?" she challenged.
"I want to make this good for you."
"Then don't make me wait. I want you now."
His eyes lit up. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bedroom.
As they headed toward the bed, they stripped off the rest of their clothes and tumbled onto the mattress together. She finally had him exactly where she wanted him. And he had her.
Despite his desire to go slow, the fire was burning too hot, and with only a quick break to grab a condom out of the bedside drawer, they were sliding into each other.
It felt familiar and different and wonderful all at the same time. There was a sense of belonging, of being in exactly the right place at the right moment. This was Jake. This was the boy of her dreams. This was the man she'd loved for as long as she could remember—the one who'd always made her feel whole in a world that was constantly shattering around her.
And Jake knew how to touch her, how to drive her crazy. She tried to reciprocate, but he made it clear this time was all about her. How could she argue with that? Her entire body was tingling. Her heart was pounding out of her chest, and every move took her pleasure to new heights until she couldn't take it anymore, until they found the perfect release in each other's arms.
Long minutes passed before she could take a full breath, before her brain could refocus. And that was just fine. Stretched out on Jake's ruggedly masculine body was not a bad place to be. In fact, she didn't think she wanted to move ever again. But as he shifted slightly, she raised her head. "Am I too heavy?"
"Not a chance." He gave her a satisfied smile as he wrapped his arms around her back. "I like this."
"Me, too." She paused. "So…"
"I'm not going to compare." He answered her unspoken question with a shake of his head. "I loved being with you the first time, and I loved this time, too.
"I feel the same way."
"No regrets?"
"No," she said, even though she knew there would be a lot of second thoughts coming, as well as questions. Where did they go next? Did this mean she trusted him? That she'd forgiv
en him?
As the questions raced through her head, she frowned.
"Don't do that," Jake said. "Don't start thinking."
"I don't know how to stop thinking. My brain always works overtime."
"I have an idea," he said, rolling her onto her back.
She looked at him in surprise. "Seriously? Already?"
"It's been a long time for us. And I want you again—before you start coming up with a lot of reasons why we shouldn't."
"There are a lot of reasons." But as she ran her hands down his back and felt him growing hard against her soft core, she didn't want to think about any of those reasons. "I don't think we should talk about them now."
"Thank God," he said with such an immense relief she grinned.
That was the other thing about Jake—he'd always had the ability to make her smile, to make her laugh, to make her feel like they were alone together in a perfect cocoon of love. When he was with her, the outside world completely faded away.
"On one condition," she said.
He gave her a wary look. "What's that?"
"This time we make it about you."
"Could you be any more perfect?"
She gave him a wicked look. "Let's find out."
He'd known sex would be good with Hannah, because it had been good before, but the word good didn't seem big enough to encompass what had just happened between them.
He rolled onto his side as he looked at Hannah. Her hair was a tangled mess from his impatient fingers and there was a rosy hue to her cheeks. She pulled a sheet up over her breasts, while he was happy to let the air cool him down.
She gave him a happy look, her eyes bright, her lips swollen from the pressure of his mouth. And God help him, he already wanted her again.
"No way," she said, clearly reading his mind. "I'm exhausted."
"I didn't say I wouldn't let you rest."
"I also have to go home, Jake."
"Your mom can't stay the night?"
"I don’t want to push it too much."
He was disappointed, but he understood. "I get it." He reached out and brushed a piece of hair off her forehead. "Beautiful Hannah. I never thought we'd get back here."
"Me, either. A part of me feels like we wasted so much time."
"I've thought that, too. But it wasn't wasted. We had to grow up. We had to become who we are now."
"If you'd asked me a week ago if we'd even talk again, much less have a night like this, I would have said you were crazy. I had my walls up."
"They were incredibly high. At times, they felt insurmountable," he said. "When you'd see me and run away, it hurt me, Hannah, every single time."
"Seeing you hurt me, too. When you came back, I wasn't ready to deal with you again. I had locked you away, and I didn't want to let you out. I was afraid to see you as you are, because I didn't want to want you again." She let out a sigh. "I was right to be afraid. It's been four days, and here we are."
"But it took more than four days to get back here," he said quietly.
"I know." Her expression shifted from pure bliss to one of uncertainty, and he hated to see the change. "I'm not sure where we go from here, Jake."
"Do we have to decide now?"
"Maybe not. But you know me, I like to plan things out. I like to have structure." She paused. "We're different that way. You're good at winging it, taking a leap into the unknown. I like to know exactly where I'm headed and how I'm going to get there."
"It's good that we're not the same. We complement each other."
"I suppose. You do push me in a way no one else ever has. What do I do for you?"
He thought for a moment. "You make me want to be the best version of myself."
She gave him a doubtful look. "I do? That has to be a recent thing, because it wasn't true before."
"Not that recent. The desire started about five minutes after I realized how badly I'd hurt you."
"I don't want to talk about that."
"Neither do I," he said quickly, sorry he'd brought it up.
"But you know what makes me crazy about that night, Jake?"
"I thought you didn't want to talk about it. Let's stay in this happy place that we're in. It's nice, don't you think?"
"It is nice," she said with a sigh. "But it was nice before, and then it ended, and I still don't know why. You had so many different excuses for doing what you did. I wish I could understand what really happened that day."
"Does it matter anymore?"
"I think it does, Jake. You want me to trust you again, and to do that, we need to have everything in the open. No secrets. No misunderstandings. No confusion. Complete and total honesty. That's how we move forward."
"I think it's how we move backward," he argued. "There's nothing I can say that will make you feel better about what happened. There's no way I can give you any kind of guarantee that you won't get hurt again. I can make the promise, but you have to find a way to have faith in me, in us."
She thought about that. "Maybe the promise would make more sense if I had context about what happened."
He sighed. "You are so stubborn."
"You're being just as stubborn," she retorted. "Why won't you tell me?"
He could lie and say he didn't know, but he'd done that before, and she hadn't believed him. He could make up a reason, but he'd done that before, too, and she hadn't believed him. She might believe the truth. It might change her feelings about his actions, but his hands were tied.
"I made a mistake, Hannah. I got drunk. I hooked up with Vicki. And I hurt you. Those are the facts, and I'm incredibly sorry about each and every one of them."
She stared back at him. "But there's something you're not telling me. I can hear it in your voice. I can see it in your eyes. It's between us. It's been between us for twelve years. And it's always going to be there until you share."
"Does it have to be between us? Can't we build from here? Can't we make new memories, Hannah? Do we have to keep rehashing things?"
"I don't know, Jake. It bothers me that I feel like you're hiding something from me. I have a problem with secrets. My mom's drinking was a huge secret for a long time. I had to lie about a lot of things so no one would take me and Tyler away from her. And when we did get taken away, I had to tell more lies to get her back. I don't want to live with secrets anymore. I don't want to be with someone who can't tell me everything. Maybe that's unfair, but it's the way I feel. I shouldn't have to settle for less than complete honesty."
He realized her need for the truth went way beyond him. "You're right. You shouldn't have to settle. And you shouldn't have to lie."
"Where does that leave us?" she asked.
He wished he could give her a different answer. "For now, I guess I should take you home."
Disappointment filled her eyes. "Really?"
"I can't tell you what you want to hear, at least not right now."
"Then when?" she asked in confusion. "What's holding you back?"
"Nothing I can talk about."
She out a weary sigh. "Okay. Then I guess you should take me home." She slid out of bed, taking the sheet with her.
As she moved into the living room to find her clothes, he rolled onto his back and cursed. But swearing wasn't enough. If he wanted anything to change, he had to do something, and it was long past time to do it.
He got out of bed, threw on some clothes and went into the living room where she'd finished getting dressed.
"I can call for a car," she told him in a tense voice.
"No. I'll take you home."
"It's going to be awkward."
"Probably. But no more awkward than it's been before," he returned.
He grabbed his keys and put on his jacket as they left his apartment. When they got downstairs and stepped outside, there was a light snow coming down.
Hannah shivered as they got into the truck, and he quickly turned on the heat. "It should warm up fast."
"From hot to freezing in ten seconds," sh
e muttered.
"In more ways than one," he said, thinking how fast things had changed between them.
A buzzing sound drew her gaze to her bag. "Oh, my God it's Adam," she said, shooting him a scared look. "He wouldn't call this late unless he had news."
"Can you put it on speaker?"
She did so, then said, "Hello? Adam? Have you found Kelly?"
"No, but we tracked the car she was driving to a gas station on the road leading into Black Falls. Your sister bought gas and snacks there. She was alone and appeared to be in good condition. The image we received from their security camera was blurry, but we were still able to make a positive identification."
"Black Falls is only fifteen miles from here," Hannah said with surprise in her voice. "I thought she'd be farther away by now."
"Well, that's where she was yesterday morning. Do you know of any place in that area where she'd be going?"
"We used to camp there with my dad, but that was in the summer, not in the winter. I have no idea where she'd go."
"If you think of anything let me know. I'll be in touch as soon as I have any additional updates."
"Thanks for working so hard on this, Adam."
"I'm determined to bring your sister home, Hannah."
Jake pulled into her driveway as she ended the call. "That's good news," he said.
"Is it?" she mused, dark shadows in her eyes. "I want this to be over, Jake. I want Kelly home. And I have no idea why she'd go to Black Falls or where she'd stay if she did. There's a big storm coming in tomorrow. If she's outside, if she's hurt in any way…"
"Adam said she appeared in good condition."
"On a security video. Who knows what kind of detail that picked up? And she's pregnant, Jake. If she's not eating or drinking enough…"
He could hear the frustration and fear in her voice, and despite the wall they'd just rebuilt between them, he couldn't just sit there and do nothing. He pulled her into his arms and held on tight.
"You have to keep the faith," he murmured, happy that she was actually letting him comfort her. "Focus on what you do know. She's alive. She bought gas and food. She didn't ask anyone for help."
Hannah pulled back and lifted her gaze to his. "She wouldn't ask for help if she's running from the cops."
Just One Kiss: A heartwarming Christmas romance (Whisper Lake Book 4) Page 19
