Let Me Love You: A Novel

by Praks, Wanitta

  She holds out her little hand and together we go back into the lounge. I slump on the couch and close my eyes. I can feel a little depression in the cushion next to me. I turn to Moon, open my eyes, and ask, “Have you taken your insulin shot yet?”

  “Not yet. Mommy said we won’t be eating for another half hour since you weren’t here yet.”

  “We should be eating soon,” I say tiredly, then lift her and carry her on my waist to her room. “Come on. I’ll help you today.”

  “Yes, please, Vivi. Thank you,” Moon says, giving me a peck on my cheek.

  In her bedroom, I take out her insulin injection kit and, lifting her shirt, I give her a shot in her abdomen.

  She closes her eyes and holds her fist tight.

  “Did it hurt?” I ask her once I’ve finished.

  “No,” she says with her eyes still closed.

  I have tears in my eyes. How brave my little niece is. I hug her and she hugs me back. Together we stay like this until Moon starts speaking again.

  “Don’t cry, Vivi.”

  Her statement surprises me. I’m not aware I’m crying.

  Moon wipes the tears from my eyes and says, “It hurts a little when you push the needle in, but not all that much. I’m used to it now. It’s all in the past, so stop crying. Talking about it will only make me think about the pain. And it hurts when I think about the pain.”

  I cry even harder, my shoulders trembling as I hug her small frame.

  Moon, my innocent little niece, is right. Everything is all in the past now. I should try to forget about everything that happened. To think about it would only cause me pain. And I want to protect her from this pain. I want to start a new life. I don’t want to be bound by my past anymore. I want to look toward the future and start on a fresh path. Moon will not be affected by the event that took place five years ago. I must think of her. I have to make sure of that.

  Moon lifts my spirits after that. Eating dinner that night, my mood improves, and I go to bed thinking about Zac until I fall asleep.

  I have a strange dream of Zac and me in the school park filled with yellow daisies. I’m lying on his lap with my eyes closed, listening to the soft gentle whispers of the wind, singing in tune with the golden bells of our school not too far in the distance. The bell dings and dings, like a melody of a wedding song. The cool spring breeze blows softly against my skin. A soft petal-like object gently brushes against my cheek.

  I open my eyes and see Zac holding a red rose, smiling radiantly at me. The afternoon light creates a majestic halo around his head. At that moment, he looks like an angel descended from heaven. He gazes down at me from above, his emerald-green eyes so soft and intense that it tugs at my heartstrings. He leans in towards me and kisses me gently on my lips, slowly at first, taking his time to meld the soft texture of our lips together before sealing them completely.

  Our lips are still sealed when the dream becomes fuzzy and I find myself on the balcony, kissing him. This is a forbidden kiss, I know, just like the story of Romeo and Juliet, because I can sense the pain and sorrow in that second kiss, a type of urgency and fiery passion, like that of dynamite firing off into the sky.

  * * *

  When the bell rings the next morning while I’m sitting in class, I realize I’m still thinking about that dream. Mandy has to shout in my ears to wake me up. I jolt awake and stare at her blankly.

  “Are you back yet?” Mandy yells at me again.

  “Mmmm? Yeah.” I nod, then stare blankly again.

  “It’s lunchtime. What are you doing still sitting here? Let’s go eat.” She drags me to the cafeteria where many students are lined up to buy lunch.

  “I packed my lunch. I’ll go wait at our usual seat,” I tell her and make my way to our table in the corner.

  “Sure.”

  A little while later, Mandy comes back with a package of rice rolls and an orange juice. “Want some?” she asks.

  “No thanks,” I respond.

  Mandy seems to take no offense by my refusal since she doesn’t press on the subject any further, but starts to munch on her rice roll instead. Usually, she would nag me until I gave in and had a taste of whatever it is she bought.

  Mandy seems to enjoy her lunch as she munches on and on, while I am in deep thought. I don’t get to touch any of my food in my lunchbox.

  I’m supposed to meet Zac tomorrow for another of our tutoring lessons. I want to see him again, but I don’t want to associate with anyone who’s related to that man. If Gigi and Clare find out, everything will turn to chaos. Clare’s vengeance would come back, and Gigi would fall back into despair. There’s only one thing I can do. I must stop tutoring Zac. With that thought in my mind, I turn to Mandy.

  “Mandy?”

  “Mmmm?” she answers with a mouth full of rice roll.

  “Can you do me a huge favor?”

  After swallowing the lump, she smiles and says, “Anything for you, Ivy.”

  Chapter 6

  ZAC

  My Right as a Student

  What is taking her so long? I glance at the clock once, then twice. My hand constantly touches the tea I brewed, just in case it gets cold. Well, it’s lukewarm now. I guess I have to make a new pot when she arrives.

  I read somewhere once that chamomile tea helps calm you down. I take a sip. It doesn’t calm me. Instead, it makes me more anxious.

  Maybe she’s had an accident?

  That thought scares me, and now I’m even more nervous. I’m deeply concerned, mainly for her safety and for the fact I might not see her again until my leg is healed enough to attend school.

  I fidget in my chair, a hundred scenarios running through my head, mainly of Ivy’s body lying in the gutter somewhere.

  Well, I can’t really think of any good scenario when she’s this late. Plus, I’ve been influenced by all those horror movies I’ve watched with Kai.

  Suddenly, the doorbell rings.

  Must be Ivy.

  I flounder out of the chair in my hurried state only to clumsily fall to the floor.

  Damn! I need my crutches.

  I get back up and hobble to the door. Once there, I double-check myself in the mirror.

  Damn, I look like a horrible drunk-ass kid.

  I comb my hair as neat as possible, tuck my shirt in to make myself look presentable, then check my breath. Two puffs, just to make sure I don’t smell of garlic.

  That’s my breakfast in the morning. I love garlic bread.

  Opening the door, I make sure I put on my beaming smile.

  “Ivy, welcome—”

  Who is this girl?

  Standing before me isn’t Ivy, but some other girl I don’t know.

  A scowl immediately appears on my face. She, on the other hand, has the face of a fan girl. I know because I’m always surrounded by female fans. Her eyes are large, sort of like a goldfish with those thick glasses she’s wearing. She’s huffing and puffing like she can’t breathe.

  Is she one of those sales people? I hate these advertising companies. How low can they get now? Even use school kids to sell their stuff?

  Sales girl with glasses is still huffing and puffing as I’m thinking this through. She takes out her inhaler and pulls in a few puffs.

  After regaining her breath, she squeals out, “Zac… Zac… Elliot? The lead singer of Apollo?”

  “Yeah,” I confirm.

  “You… you… don’t know me, even though we go to the same school, but I’m a huge fan of yours.”

  I only nod. So she’s not a sales girl. Then what’s she doing at my apartment?

  “And you are…?” I probe, trying to get this business out of the way. Maybe she’s a cookie seller.

  “My… my… name is Mandy. Ivy’s busy, so from now on, I’m your new algebra tutor.”

  “What?” I growl angrily.

  This is stupid. I want Ivy. I don’t want this goldfish with asthma.

  * * *

  I’m currently storming around, or hobbl
ing around in my case, like an idiot, looking for Ivy. Mandy said she’s here in the public library, so here I am. Thanks to Kai, I was dropped off here. And now, with my temper flaring like a bull, I swamp the whole place with my loud presence.

  “Ivy! Ivy!” I shout loudly the minute I step foot inside the building.

  As soon as my loud voice echoes against the stone wall, the patrons in the library drop what they’re doing and stare, gaping at me for a full minute.

  I know I may look like some lunatic on the loose, but I don’t care what people are thinking. My mission is to find Ivy. I’m up to my eyeballs in rage. This has to be sorted out or I will not go home.

  How can she treat me like this, sending in another girl to teach me like I have no say in the matter? What’s she doing that’s so important? Am I really that bad at algebra that she’s dropping me?

  Deep down, I know I’m behaving this way because I’m scared. I know I said before I want to pass algebra because I want to keep Elsa, but now the idea of not seeing Ivy’s face again scares me more.

  Finally, Ivy arrives out of nowhere to shut me up.

  “Zac!” She half leads, half drags me away from the center until we reach an isolated spot among the nonfiction books. “What are you doing here?” she whispers harshly.

  What’s wrong with her? Why is she using that tone of voice with me?

  I think I lose a good three inches from my height. I feel as small as a five-year-old.

  “Why didn’t you come as promised?” I mumble in reply. “You said you’d come today. I waited for you. I even brewed chamomile tea so we could relax and study together. I’ve even done the homework you gave me. So why didn’t you come?”

  “I sent Mandy,” she says quietly.

  “I’m not talking about Mandy.”

  “Mandy’s excellent. She has the highest grades in the class. She even surpassed me. You didn’t see her there?”

  “I’m not asking about Mandy. I’m asking why you didn’t go as promised.”

  She’s quiet for another second.

  What’s wrong? Speak to me?

  At this point, I’m not sure whether I should be feeling mad, scared, or frustrated. All I want is an explanation.

  “Ivy,” I prompt.

  She looks up at me then. “Mandy really excels in algebra. She’s even better than me as a teacher. She has more experience. She’ll be a good tutor for you.”

  I grit my teeth. What is she trying to do? Why is she constantly talking about Mandy? I just want to shake her.

  “For the final time, I’m not asking about Mandy. I’m not interested if she’s aced all her algebra tests or gets better grades than you or has more experience in tutoring than you. My question is why didn’t you come as promised?”

  “Why does it matter who comes? We both tutor algebra. You’ll get the same result.” She lashes out at me.

  “It matters because…”

  She stares at me, waiting for my reply. I stare at her, unsure. It’s like a staring competition. Neither of us can take our eyes off each other.

  Suddenly, I feel my heart beating faster. And it’s getting louder. There’s tension in the air. It’s so thick, like a heavy fog has landed around us, blocking us from everyone else.

  “Because…” I croak out again.

  My throat is going dry. Someone give me a drink of water, please.

  “Because…?” she asks.

  “Because…” Because of what, you dumbass? Seriously, I don’t know. I don’t have an answer. So I keep my mouth shut and just stare at her.

  I see her chestnut irises dilating when she looks at me. It’s such a beautiful color, and I admit I like it a lot.

  Somehow, though, I find myself feeling slightly embarrassed looking at those lovely eyes. I haven’t a clue why, though. But I know I can’t continue to gaze at those eyes longer, since my heart is threatening to burst out of my chest soon. So I shift my gaze to her hair.

  Her wavy brunette hair looks so soft and silky today. It isn’t in a ponytail like the last time I saw her. It hangs down over her shoulder in thick waves. And her fringe comes all the way down, partially covering one of her eyes.

  My fingers itch to run through those strands and clip them back behind her ear so I can see her eyes fully, but I restrain myself and fist them tight beside me.

  Seeing her little pink tongue darting out to lick her lips, my eyes catch the action and they flick to that spot. Those ruby-red lips of hers look so plump and full. I suddenly remember our kiss—sweet, with a hint of crispy light honey, like a nice summer wine. For that split second, I have the urge to grab her and kiss her again.

  Oh shit! I think I like her. I like Ivy. That’s why I’m acting like this.

  No, no. I shake my head, having an internal battle with myself. It’s just a crush, a small baby crush. I’ve never kissed any girl before, so it’s definitely because of that kiss. That’s why I’ve developed this baby crush on her.

  Ivy looks slightly worried. She nibbles her lower lip, then looks up at me. “I’m sorry, but I’ve realized I’m busy so I won’t be able to teach you from now on.” She nods, then turns and walks away, leaving me paralyzed by her explanation.

  Explanation? That wasn’t even an explanation. She’s just making an excuse. I bet she has some hidden agenda. I’m going to get to the bottom of this.

  “I’m not done talking, Ivy. Are you even listening to me?”

  If I didn’t have these stupid crutches, I would catch her in less than a second flat. But all I can do at this moment is watch as she walks away.

  “Come back here, Ivy,” I hiss. When she doesn’t respond, I yell, “I’m not going to move away from this spot until you come back and talk to me.”

  Okay, that last sentence worked. Ivy turns and stomps all the way back.

  I plaster a grin on my face.

  “Wipe that smile off your face, Zac,” she scolds.

  I wipe the grin off and keep a straight face.

  “I’ll tell you this. Wait for me if you want, but I will not let you interrupt my study session with my student. Don’t come and interfere. This is my private time. Do I make myself clear?”

  When I don’t respond, she storms away again.

  This girl sure has a temper.

  “Jesus!” I huff out in frustration and ruffle my hair.

  I hobble around the long aisle of the nonfiction books for a full three rounds, making loud random thumping noises with my crutches just to calm myself down. And when that doesn’t work, I let out a curse and sit down to wait in misery for Ivy to come back out.

  The other patrons who are busy reading all give me their evil stares again.

  So they want to tell me off? Well, too bad. I’ll get them first.

  “Get back to your reading or else…” That shuts them up and they timidly go back to their work.

  My eyes scan for Ivy again. I can see her with another guy, reading something.

  What are they doing?

  I stare at Ivy the whole time. Just because she said I can’t interrupt her, that doesn’t mean I can’t stare at her.

  I have an evil thought in my head. If I can’t cause a disruption, then I’ll stare at her until she’s uncomfortable and will come back here to talk to me.

  With that plan settled in my head, I sit myself down at the nearest available chair and start with my staring game.

  A few times, she catches my eyes and glances away.

  See, I bet she’s feeling guilty about the whole thing. That’s why she can’t make eye contact with me.

  I suppose I’m so absorbed with my staring game that when someone slaps me on my shoulder, I almost jump out of my chair in fright. Not to mention my heart almost leaps out of my throat.

  “Hey, bro, calm down. It’s only me.”

  “Jesus, Kai, don’t play that kind of game here,” I growl when I see him behind me.

  “But we always play this kind of game, bro. Me slapping you; you slapping me. It’s normal.”


  “Yeah,” I sigh absently and turn back to Ivy.

  Her head is down now. It’s like they’re busy writing down some stuff.

  Wait, she’s talking to him now. Wait, that guy looks familiar. He looks like the one who got the top grade in our algebra class last year.

  I look at him again. God, I can’t think of his name right now. I know for sure he was in my class last year.

  I’m not comfortable with how close Ivy is sitting next to that four-eyed geek. In fact, they’re talking to each other again.

  This is starting to piss me off big time. Do they have a secret that can only be shared between them?

  What about me?

  I grit my teeth. If looks could kill, then that guy would’ve been a shriveled corpse by now, what with the way I’m sending him my laser beam death glare.

  “So, um… what’s up? What has you staring so intensely over there?”

  “Nothing,” I reply sourly.

  Kai comes to sit next to me and turns to look from my vantage point. “So I didn’t know my best bud was into this kind of stuff.”

  I turn to him, a suspicious look on my face. What’s in that head of his?

  “What stuff?” I ask.

  “Voyeurism,” he says.

  “Voyeurism?” This has me confused. “Jesus, Kai. You dirty head.”

  I flick his head with my finger. He’s really a dirty-minded perv.

  Kai only laughs.

  “Okay, sorry, sorry. But seriously, bro, what has you so interested over there that you need to stare at those two stud—hey… Wait. Isn’t that the girl you kissed at the festival and Samuel from our class?”

  Samuel!

  Samuel, you four-eyed moron. Just wait until I see you alone. I’ll give you a taste of my fist.

  “Yeah. Her name’s Ivy,” I tell Kai. “She’s also my home tutor.”

  “You mean the one you’ve been telling me about. The one that’s teaching you algebra so you can ace Mrs. Dale’s algebra test this year?”

  “Yeah.”